Missing Him...

Pennsylvania, here we are. Yippee. I swear we drove as slowly as possible today, thanks to some unexplained traffic around fRedneck....

The last couple of days around the house were eventful, to be sure. No time to type and we kept having to make a choice between internet and TV because of the terrible quality of our cable signal and the fact that we'd already shipped the thingie that increases the signal strength. Needless to say... no time for blogging. Just as I suspected. Happily, Days Inn has dog friendly rooms and free high speed internet, so I'm okay again. At least for tonight.

So on to other things...

For some reason the other night husband was complaining that he was horny as hell and in no position to get off. No porn. Nothing. And I literally had a headache. So I helped him out by massaging the grapes. As SNL says. After he came, we both went to sleep. The next night I flipped on some HBO Real Sex On Demand show and watched for a while. Mostly, I find HBO's sex shows anything but erotic. However, in this case I was watching Lou Paget showing women various ways to give hand jobs and took it upon myself to fondle husband in similar ways. It wasn't too long until Husband came.

I went to sleep a while afterward and ended up having a really emotional and sexual dream about Keith. I'm depressed that I didn't get to see him again before I left. I didn't proactively seek him again... which make it my own damned fault. But god damn. The dream was HOT. And I woke up longing for him, again. As I leave Maryland I find myself thinking a lot about the people I'll never see again and hoping he's not one of them....

Preperation for the move.

Today's my last day at work around here. I'm a little heartbroken. Yesterday, my boss told me one of my coworkers is out sick for a couple of days and she was going to have to change the schedule. I'm not allowed to close alone on my last day and there simply weren't enough people to give me a chaperone which leaves me opening. Opening the store I don't fucking WANT to be at. I stared at my boss as she informed me this and I swear to god I started welling up. I'm not particularly ashamed of the fact that I cried a little right then, because I really do have an emotional investment in that store and it's a hard, hard thing for me to leave it. But it's not like I have a choice. Anyway, the very idea of leaving and not even getting to say goodbye hurt me. She told me that I could work half a day at the one store and then spend the end of my day at the other and I freakin' cried anyway. Gah. What'm I going to be like today?!?

This weekend is going to be a busy weekend from hell. Tonight through Monday morning we'll be cleaning and organizing stuff to be packed out at which point, Monday and Tuesday we'll actually be doing the official packing and moving part. Saturday night we have our final, unofficial going away at the local bar, too. Wednesday and Thursday will be spent running around the house cleaning and trying to get our asses ready for the drive cross country. We're down to our last 7 days and I'm sooooooo not ready.

What does this mean to you? Well, in your daily life, nothing, I think. But chances are I MAY post again this weekend and then after that... well... it could be weeks. No telling. I do have my laptop which will be going on the trip with us so if anything good happens I'll surely make sure to share the story. However, I'm not really sure that's a danger, for a while....

Lately

I've become frustrated with my fellow bloggers and their lack of posts. I mean, hello? I'm looking for something to read here! And then I realized that it's been something like a week since I made my last post. Oh. Umm. But that's different....

Needless to say I need to update my sidebar.

This week is my last week of work and then next week we gather ourselves up and head out. My god, my god.... Things still aren't done and there's really no doubt we're going to be rushing around like crazy people next week. It's okay. I'm somewhat mentally prepared.

Today is, however, husband's last day dressing up to play military man for work. I giggled at that and said "yeah, except when we decide to play soldier and peasant." "Peasant?" he repeated sounding amused and confused. "Yeah," I said. That was the end of that conversation. Anyway, he called me to let me know he was mostly out of the military as of like... right now. A month from now he'll be a full blown civilian (and veteran, of course).

I have no new prospects for sex. I haven't heard a peep out of any ANY of the guys I was either sleeping with recently or had the potential to sleep with. I guess it makes leaving much easier in that way.

I may see Martin for the last time on Saturday. In a group setting. Probably not with his girlfriend. That's going to be hard. Because as much as I was irritated with him and somewhat disappointed at times, he matters to me and he's been a very pleasant thought since our time together. I've been happy to know that at least he's nearby, if unavailable. Now that ends and I'm saddened.

Keith had hoped to be here by the time I left. But even with having pushed back my departure almost a full two weeks, I haven't heard from him. Now, I haven't written to him, either. And I should. Just so I can know wha happened to that particular fantasy....

So yeah, things are crazy and disorganized. And won't be getting any better any time soon. But we'll be okay. I hope!

That's Fate For You

Curt came in today. I watched him walk in and set down his stuff, whatever it was, out in the lobby. I was standing in front of the door, sort of. Lacking the protection of the counter I had a moment of panic. I'm not used to being out in the open that way. Kind of amusing. He walked up to me and I gazed at him, "hi stranger," I said. He smiled as he approached. He said something, but it was lost in my nervousness as he got closer. And patted my ass as he passed. I sputtered, laughing, "I can't... I don't... you're SO LUCKY," making no sense at all. He laughed as he continued toward the back of the store. He wasn't the only one in the store at the time. I could tell he was trying to wait until he was... but there were just too many customers coming and going. I treated him normally, irritated at his lack of contact. Thinking how fucking brilliant it is that he appears again the first day of my period.

Men.

Oh, and we still don't know where we're going to live. I do so love suspense....

Picking Up

Sam came into the store yesterday. He stands out more than ever to me because he's wearing a desert uniform. Not very many people around here are (although more than used to) so if I even catch a glimpse of his uniform I'm reasonably sure it's him. And fuck does that color scheme suit him. So he ducked in and my back was to him, but I turned around just in time to catch a glimpse of his uniform. After a second he stepped back from behind the object that was blocking the view and smiled and said "hi," I smiled back and asked "did you think I didn't see you come in? I knew it was you." I suppose I could have just said "I want to fuck your brains out" and meant the same thing... but you know how I am.

I ended up having a dream about him last night, although it wasn't nearly as interesting as I could hope. In the dream after he came and left someone mentioned that he'd broken up with his girlfriend which suddenly made his playfulness toward me make more sense. That was all, unfortunately.

There's also this really hot officer that comes into the store on a regular basis. I'd say at least as regularly as Sam used to. My super religious coworker actually started flirting with him first. I'd never dared because he's an officer AND he's hot. One or the other I can deal with but BOTH? Hardly. But she started flirting with him first and since then I've felt pretty free to talk to him. It's funny, though, because when he's around she gets super giggly. Even when he's not funny. I, at least, manage to avoid THAT because it's just annoying to me when others do it. At least, I TRY to avoid that.

Anyway, the other day he came in while my back was turned toward the door and slammed his hand down on the counter and kept walking. I'm SO used to that kind of interaction with people that I didn't even turn around. However, this means he notices me. And wants me to notice him. Such potential, there. And no time to really explore it. Not that I probably would, anyway. He's an officer. A higher ranking officer, at that. And he's hot.

I also turned my AFF profile back on and set it to the geographical region I'm heading to. I figure it generally takes me a while to warm up to most of the guys who frequent AFF (most of them aren't worth the effort it takes to read their one sentence emails) so I might as well start now. Because... who knows?

Resigned

I'm pretty sure I won't get laid again before we head out for our cross country trip. I've been cold and vaguely craving red meat. A glance at the calendar tells me that time of the month is on its way and I don't have too long to wait. The fact that I couldn't sleep tonight for want of an orgasm suggests I'm probably going to see it tomorrow.

We did a bit more apartment hunting today. Unfortunately, the places that looked most promising are closed on... yeah... Sunday AND Monday. What the fuck are the chances of that? Still, I'm feeling vaguely overwhelmed and like nothing has gotten done this weekend. Great.

There are worse places to be, however.

I'm not nearly as miserable as I sound. I'm SURE it's going to only get more stressful for a while. Another month or so. But after that... things should settle down and life will become "normal" in it's new way.

If I start thinking about it all too much I start freaking out. A step at a time, I say.

A night of unbridled passion (as they say) would really help with the stress level though, let me tell ya....

Morose.

The long silence comes from me retreating into myself a bit. Trying not to think. When I think about the upcoming move I literally feel my throat start to swell and tighten. I considered it for a while and discovered it's actually completely stress related. In fact, thinking about it... and thinking about what's caused it is causing my throat to tighten up again. Oh joy. Thus the reason I've been avoiding writing. About ANYTHING.

I haven't heard from Curt. I won't venture any further guesses as to what that's about. Time's too short to worry.

I'm still talking to Trian. I'm going to be sorry to end that friendship... but that's what distance does.

I don't know what's going on with Keith. He's supposed to be coming to live around here... but as the time grows closer he's grown more distant. How appropriate.

I'm really done with Whit, too. I have no interest in going to see him again. He thought he was sick with a rather unfortunate, chronic illness that was sapping his libido and energy. Turns out he's fine. Makes a girl feel good. Not. It just isn't worth it to me.

I found the best shirt ever on t-shirt hell. Well, it might not be the best ever, but it plays to my weaknesses.... Also, I really hope they don't change the link to something weird. That'd be unfortunate.

Anyway, my sex life is barren. The rest of my life is pretty much filled with stress. Great.

Future Things and an Orgasm

I ended up talking to Trian for a while today. He came in and stood around talking to me for a good 15 minutes or so. I very much enjoy talking to him. It was funny, though, because he's mentioned before that he might have to rent out the basement of his house in order to pay his mortgage in the future. It got me to thinking, once. Since then I've had the odd feeling that he was thinking I'd make a good room mate, though he's never said anything.

Today while he was talking to me he looked very thoughtful and asked me what I thought I might do if I do happen to go back home and decide that I really DON'T want to be with my husband anymore, if I'd given much thought to what I would do then. I admitted I'd given it SOME thought. He smiled and said "maybe you'd want to rent my basement...." I suppose I should make it a point to thank him for the offer, but I already told him that once I left the area I was very unlikely to return. "I have nothing really holding me here," I told him. Which is true.

Although I came home and considered Keith coming here and... well... dammit. Nothing holding me here, I said. Dammit! I refuse to think about it any further....

Not too much else going on. Plenty of stress revolving around the move. Not a lot of time spent doing much other than day dreaming about the men I can't have. Including, but not limited to Curt. In fact, who the fuck knows what's going on with that man. No call. Nothing. Maybe it was about the chase. Whatever the case, absence fails to make my heart grow fonder so much as it irritates me and makes me look elsewhere. Or in this case start looking forward to getting back home and to a new crop of men there....

Lastly, I downloaded a few more of Violet Blue's older podcasts. I listened to them on my ipod while I was getting the store ready to be opened. One of them was a semi-dirty story. Which left me wet and wanting. Just in time to open the store. It made me smile a little, secretly. After I got home I found another of the stories and went upstairs to masturbate. I remain utterly shocked and amazed at how fucking amazing my orgasms are from listening to the stories. I cried out loud, in near shock, biting down on my pillow as the orgasm crashed over me. It was that good. Seriously. Stunning.