For the record...

First off, there's really no chance of me falling in love (or even lust) with the guy I used to date (who's now seeing my sister). In fact, I have no idea why she even wants to be with him. But whatever, I'm trying to be positive about it. However, this morning when I spent some time with them I found myself calling him out for being passive aggressive toward her. While I'm not perfect, it was blatant and it was manipulative and I couldn't just let it go. I rather fear I'm going to have to watch my reactions around that because their relationship is not my deal and I don't want to step into the middle of it. On the other hand, watching someone treat my sister poorly is difficult, at best, to tolerate. So, yeah. There's that.

Meanwhile, since I masturbated this morning I'm getting all hot to get another guy into bed with me. Obviously not just any guy... but not a specific guy, either. Fantasies return to Keith and of course Sam. Damn. Sam's in Iraq right now. And all I can think is that he's probably pretty hard up for sex right now. Not that I want a man on those terms but in his case I also wouldn't refuse him. Like, EVER.

I watched some show where two near strangers were engaged in passionate foreplay and it made me horny. I was waiting in my car for my sister to get off work and I found myself eyeballing every guy who walked by. Unfortunately, being local college boys I found myself utterly turned off by them. Which was disappointing. My sister caught me looking at one guy who actually held no interest for me, I was just trying to decide if I'd do him. I'm sure she thought I was thinking about fucking him, which technically I was, I suppose. I almost felt the need to explain myself but decided it mattered not at all.

I'm troubled, though, because my tastes absolutely run toward the hot military-types and being 0n the left coast that's NOT what I'm finding myself seeing. Hopefully my tastes will, once again, change to reflect what is around me... but for now... I'm so turned off by the locals. *sigh*

Aaaah

They're trying to make me switch to the new blogger. I suppose I should. Just not today.

I came this morning. I was bitter and angry and husband went to take a shower before me, though I'd been planning on the first shower. So I lay back down and thought "hmm... why not?" and proceeded to masturbate to an above average orgasm. And a muuuuuuch better mood. Holy shit, I'm in a better mood, really. I'd totally kiss all you guys right now if I could I'm so in love with the world. Right now that is...

I was thinking maybe I should start working in a hardware store. My first lover was a construction worker. And I like the odds. Or maybe I'll get a real job.

I really wanted to start going to school next month but it turns out in this state, in order not to have to pay an extra $5000, I have to live here for a year in order to be a resident. Ridiculousness. I'm punished for being a former military wife. I'm a bitter, angry woman. I'll get over it, but my dissappointment is palpable. We just can't afford that.

Oh, and our household goods (bed, couch, EVERYTHING) might get here in time for Christmas. That's way too long....

Damn

No job. Makes it really, really hard to feel good about anything at all. It's upsetting. Depressing. Annoying as hell. I got really upset the other day. I'd planned to spend a nice evening drinking. But I still have responsibilities so I put my evening of drunkeness taking care of those. Last night, though....

I drank probably about a bottle of wine last night and proceeded to get really, really friendly with husband. By the end of it, I sucked his cock, eventually making him cum. Up my nose. He caught me off guard. It was funny. Needless to say he was in a very good mood. And I was drunk.

And then I got my period. Which explains the emotional mess I've been as well as my willingness to please. I, unfortunately, shot myself in the foot on that one, though, because as drunk as I was I played with my clit and told husband "wow, I can barely feel it. That sucks..." So still... no orgasm.

And no job. But I said that.

I miss all my boys from my last job. And silent Keith.

Hottie

I went downtown today. Whilst wandering around looking for a particular job interview (for a job I *really* fucking want) I ended up in the wrong building. I met up with a guy in the parking garage elevator who was very gentlemanly. We both went to the next set of elevators and I ended up realizing I was utterly lost. I sighed and when he asked what floor I said something like "I guess I'm going with you guys." I got off at the first floor the elevator stopped on and went back down. But boy was that guy hot. And gentlemanly. It doesn't take much for me these days. A nice suit, a nice attitude... I'll fuck you....

I haven't cum since before we left the other coast.

Imagine.

Look who's still alive!

It took forever, but I finally got my internet back. We don't have jobs, the husband or myself. I'm tossing out applications and resumes like they're candy in the hopes that something sweet will come back to me. I haven't been searching for sex, alas. Who has time? Who can make the effort? Not I, alas. At least not right now. Hopefully no more than a few months....

But I should be around more to write.

I think I once mentioned my sister has been friends with my exboyfriend for years (after all she knew him before I did). In fact they've dated off and on that entire time. He's living (read sleeping) with her these days. I've seen in him EVERY SINGLE DAY since we got here. That's really, really weird. Alls I can say is she's insane for being with him and the very same things that made me drop him like a bad habit continue to annoy me about him. But my husband seems to think he's mostly okay. Except the same things that irritate me about my exboyfriend are the same things that irritate my husband about the guy. Which is kind of funny.

Oh, and no, this isn't "the ex" that broke my heart. I don't think anyone's heart got broken in the ending of THAT relationship.