I hate that feeling when I've cum... and I know I'm not done... but I also know that no matter how many times I cum it'll never be ENOUGH. Sure, my body will tire out... but I'll be lacking that "ultimate" orgasm that I want so bad. That mind shattering thing that will make my body limp and sated.
Although after two... well, I feel better. Like maybe I'll survive. I'm not sated. I want more. But I'm happy.
I've already forgotten the last time husband and I had sex. I'm sure it's almost two months ago, now. Maybe more. Maybe I'm overstating the case. Feels like it's been that long. He was caressing me idly this evening. I put his fingers between my pussy lips, aching for another's touch. He absently wiggled his finger. I wanted to feel it sliding over my clit... but it was dry and best left in place. I moved my hips against his motion. He sighed heavily. "I'm tired." I laughed, "that's okay, just keep doing that while you sleep." He stilled, "you can move your hips while I sleep." And that was that. I actually tried but without the pressure... what was the point? So I kissed him goodnight and left.
And I waited several hours before I finally couldn't handle it anymore. I thought of Li the entire time. "If I gave it to you... you'd remember" running through my head over and over. I wonder if he has any idea how much an effect those words have had on my body. I fucked myself silly with my dildo, imagining it was him. I came... but wanted more. I wanted to feel him inside me... his mouth... his fingers... anything.... But of course that's not what was available. So I came. And came again... bouncing up and down on top of my dildo, feeling it pressing deep inside....
The other morning I masturbated, thinking about Li. Aching for him after being turned away by husband. I cried. I feel like crying tonight. I need someone. Not just anyone. But someone to take care of this ache my husband denies. The one that Li brings to live with the mere thought of him... of his words.
He never showed on Monday. He was sick. He wasn't scheduled to come to our store. Maybe I was the one who gave it to him. *laugh* He'll be there today. Later. But I won't. I'm tempted to go. Just to see him. On the off chance I can hurry things along... even just a touch. I find it hard to imagine I won't get to feel him inside me. But with his "new relationship" and hopes for something more permanent with her... well... I might have to wait. Maybe he'll leave her. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll "forget" her for a few hours.
I'm tempted to go into work. Find an excuse. Just to see him. I don't think it would give him the wrong idea, unless it made him think I'm a stalker. But I want him and I want there to be no question in his mind that he can have me. But I shy away from actually saying it.
It would serve me right if we never got together for the soul reason that I'm acting like such a loser.
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