Closer

It's amazing the change I feel, having a third body in the house. I love my sister, don't get me wrong. But having her around has cemented in me the idea that my husband is really pretty fucking awesome. Except here and there. After a long drive to and from the coast earlier this week, I found myself wanting nothing more than to laze in bed and GET THE FUCK AWAY from that woman. But I missed Husband. So I called him to come lay with me for a while. Feeling him nearby I finally said, "you know, one of the cool things about being with you is that it's better than being alone. I feel recharged when we're together, more than when I'm all alone." He was quiet a moment and said "thank you" or something like that. And after a moment said "I like being with you, too. Although I really do like being alone."

Ah, love.

I felt like I ought to be hurt by that. But in truth, there are times I ache for him to go away too. Like when I wake up wanting to make slow sweet love... or just be fucked... and knowing that he simply can't provide that.

I found myself irrestistably drawn to him this week. I don't care for facial hair but he's grown out a short beard during this last week and I find it annoying to kiss... and yet incredibly sexy... because it's HIM... just... different. I pressed myself against him, letting my fingers trace down his body, kissing him with my mouth barely open, inviting him into something deeper... sexier..... And was denied.

I hunger for a man who finds me so irresistable. Not all the time, but at least sometimes. Someone who recognises the need in me and can fulfill it. At least temporarily.

I adore my husband. But I need sex, too.

I just wish I could be pleased with the IDEA of someone else (other than, say, the impossible Li).