Righteous!

Actually, it's indignation. I'm irritated that husband's friend would choose fidelity to a woman beneath my contempt rather than sex with yours truly. I was prefectly happy to lust after him from afar while he was married. I never once made a real play for him during that time and while I didn't LIKE that I wasn't going to get to sleep with him, I was okay with it. I'm not particularly okay with it anymore. I'm bitter. Which was exactly NOT the goal.

Basically, I was considering the super long talk he and I had and realised that his current girlfriend is a terribly manipulative woman who is cruely using him to her own ends. He doesn't understand why she doesn't leave her husband for him (especially since he left his wife for her). We'll pretend that what his girlfriend is doing to her husband isn't WORSE than what his wife did to him (it's okay, though, because, you know... it's HIM she's doing it with). He provides her with all the sex and romance she's lacking in her marriage and in return he gets excuses as to why she couldn't possibly leave her husband right now. Ugh.

I admit were I to sleep with him I'd have evil designs, too. He admitted to me what he said he couldn't say person which was if he and I had sex it would surely be an extremely emotional experience. I specifically told him while I was there that I didn't want to fall in love with him. Which is like... stupid... because I've tried to play that game before.

Maybe I'm already somewhat in love with him. Nothing will ever be able to come of it because I can already see the problems we'd have together and I just don't like the idea of going THERE. Which of course, is a pretty good reason for us NOT to have sex. Because I DON'T want to hurt him the way SHE is.

Fucking hell. I really don't like being an adult. And I really think he's dumb.

Why can't I find myself a nice poly boy? Which reminds me, the one guy I thought I could have a lovely, friendly, sexually pleasing poly relationship was apparently looking for an excuse to leave his wife and is now in an monogamous (or semi-monogamous) relationship which doesn't involve individual play.

I think I've vented. I think I'm done. Unless he finally writes back (it's been about two days) I'm guessing the excitement is over.

I told husband this. I bet we won't have sex again anytime soon. I can't remember the last time we did, actually....