Porn in the mail!

I'm gonna work on updating my blog template a little. Maybe. I started. I clicked a couple of buttons. Saved the old template. Yeah, exciting, I know. It's dramatic and different. The drawback being, mostly, that I've currently lost my blogroll. Which pretty much sucks since that's the main way I access everyone else's blogs. Not that I can't put it back. I just don't want to go through the effort right now.

Moving on, I bought Matt and Khym: Better Than Ever, like, last year. First off, I wonder what it must be like to be the couple who was filmed, is there an impatience to see the finished product and find out the outcome? Or do they have regrets? I mean, they're human right? I always wonder about the aftermath, good bad, or indifferent. Anyway, there's a tangent for you. Regardless, I've been staring at Khym's nose ring, but I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it, yet. For three major reasons, first is that my sexual pleasure has so little to do with my husband these days that the idea of watching porn and or masturbating in front of him makes me uncomfortable (and we're together ALL THE TIME, these days).

Second, I'm a little concerned over my emotional state in regards to the movie. The other movie from Comstock that I own, Marie and Jack: A Hardcore Love Story was really trying for me, emotionally. The lovers' affection and passion for one another was evident and beautiful and it left me feeling bereft in my own life. Watching them together reminded me very much of what it felt like to me to be with Keith last year. And while I can't say he and I even had the potential to continue on that sort of path, I was left aching for his touch and the affection he showed me while we were together. I really only watched the movie twice, once with commentary and once without. I had a wonderful orgasm but walked away not really sure what to make of the experience. I might watch the movie NOW and wonder why the hell I had such an emotional reaction, but I've been unwilling to chance it. When it comes to Matt and Khym I'm really concerned I'm going to be left in the same state, aroused and elated by the movie... and at the same time feeling empty in my own life.

The third reason, and really the most pressing of them is that I can't find my computer's speakers since the move. While I'm sure the movie has the potential of being pleasurable without the commentary... really, it's an integral part of the movie. Sound is very arousing to me. In phone sex, I've found myself most excited by the catches of breath and moans a man makes as he nears orgasm far more than by the words. Missing that in a movie makes even the sexiest scene seem sterile. On the other hand, so does the painfully fake moaning, grunting orgasms of the silicone-sex flicks. Without the speakers... well... it's definitely not the same. Especially when it comes to these particular movies.

I could use the DVD player on the tv, but that very much goes back to the first situation. I can reasonably sit in the corner with my computer and masturbate without feeling uncomfortable about the situation, but the apartment is so small that it's very difficult to watch TV without my husband knowing exactly what it is I'm watching. It shouldn't be a big deal, and in a way it's not... but it kind of is. Knowing he's aware and choosing to remain uninvolved makes it very hard to relax and enjoy a movie.

I'm reminded of an entry Tony Comstock made on his blog (which referenced my blog) regarding ipods and the future of porn on them. For the last month or so of my last job I avidly listened to Violet Blue's Open Source Sex podcast while I worked alone. It made closing up the store a much more pleasant, interesting affair. I also used it at home, on occasion, to masturbate. It was VERY effective. Since the computer is my main source of porn (and thus masturbatory fulfillment) it's helpful to have the ipod so I can take my porn elsewhere, namely the bedroom. I've yet to masturbate to a movie on the ipod. I've watched and enjoyed some of the podcasts offered by Comstock, but never actually came to them. It might be interesting to try to rip the movie to my ipod (if that's possible) just to try it out.

If I can find some damned headphones.