In a rush

Life is still busy. I'm still tired all the time. But for the most part it's in a good way. And I think habit and a bit more exercise should cure me of the constant tiredness. Mentally, at least I feel pretty fucking awesome. I like my job and I really do get plenty of time off... I'm just still busy on those days, right now.

The sex life is still pretty dead. I was thinking last night that I'm increasingly willing to fuck husband (although he's, once again, stopped asking me) but I'm so totally turned off to approaching him and being denied anymore. I mean, seriously, for a while there I got to the point where I was asking him for sex even when I really didn't want it just to see if he'd say yes. He never did. And then my libido died. And he asked me. And I wasn't just not interested... I absolutely abhorred the idea. However, I still went down and basically helped him reach orgasm without having to fake any particular sexual pleasure on my part.

So now I'm horny again. And husband's stopped asking. And I don't want to ask. And it's really a bit of a problem. I fear we've forgotten how to relate to one another in that way. I'm pretty sure other couples manage to find some way to make their libidos work together. Why can't WE? *sigh*

The night before last I had a sex dream about husband. I can't remember the last one I had like that. I woke up incredibly horny and imagining being fucked. Of course, in my mind it was Keith doing the fucking... my mind drifting joyously back to those two exciting nights far too long ago. He remains the gold standard of sex for me. Eventually I did get out of bed (no orgasm) but last night I was aching.

I went and found my fun balls (since I'm not particularly happy with my current dildo/vibe collection) and fought to slide them inside me. Am I so tight? Are they so big? It was kind of ridiculous and there was much pinching of skin between nails, poking, prodding, and use of lube before I finally made them both disappear in side me. I then spent the next 30 or 35 minutes idly looking at porn and masturbating. Finally, I let myself cum. It was a really pleasant, relaxing orgasm which made the entire annoying situation much more palatable. Afterward, I pulled the balls out of my pussy and they were covered in girl juice. It was really weird to see them that way. It really looked suspiciously like some guy had cum on the balls. It was really, really weird. And really, kind of sexy. I was extremely wet, obviously.

Today will be another very busy day. Probably not much time for orgasm, alas.

I know I've failed to respond to notes, lately. I'll try to make it up tonight... but if I fail, forgive me. Every letter I've typed today has made me later and later for my commitments....