The other day I stuck a condom on husband's penis and climbed on for a few minutes until he said I was pressing on his bladder and he really had to pee. I let him go and that was the end of that, although once he came back he wanted to keep going. I was no longer terribly interested as I hadn't been all that interested in the first place and was entirely offended by his leaving. Afterall, it may be the first time in a year he's had his cock in me. Perhaps longer than a year. However, out of a sense of charity and adoring to please cock, I did help him get off anyway.
Since before then, my libido has been back rather strongly. Unfortuantely, the type and number of men I come into contact with has dropped dramatically. Familiarity is an important part of my sense of attraction and there just aren't enough men around to keep me interested.
Meanwhile, I do work with a guy around my age. I spend a lot of time close to him, in a lot of physical proximity and occasionally touching. At times, he touches me when he doesn't technically have to. I adore it and do nothing to discourage the behavior. When he first started working with me, I kept finding myself looking at his cock through his pants. It's rather... prominent. Hard to ignore, really. I still find my attention caught by it now and again, but less often. I've learned some self control. All of this is, of course, leading up to the fact that he's totally gay. So there's nothing there at all in reality. But I can't help but be a attracted to him at times. And to think about his cock a lot.
Which really just goes to show the lacking quality of men around me. Unattractive or gay. Those are my choices. It's no wonder my coworker (who is cute, by the way) is single. Options around here appear to be way too few or too far between. Regardless of what the local kinkster bloggers seem to think.
The adult website (you know the one) is pathetically devoid of worthwhile men. Craigslist always strikes me as very, very seedy. I can't explain but it just gives me the willies. On the other hand, there are probably the same men on both sites. So whatever.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
3 comments:
I happened to run across your blog while searching for a book titled Magia Sexualis. (hum?) As I read this entry I couldn’t help thinking of my own sexually journey. I really need to read the rest of your entries in order to see the whole picture, but I could empathize with some of your feelings. I was at a point where I really didn’t care if I had sex or not, actually it was better and less hassle to just do it myself. I’m married to a woman who hates foreplay, which to me is the best part of sex. For a long time I thought it was me, that I just wasn’t any good. I have since found a sex partner who loves sex and loves it with me. I quite sure you will too, just give it some time and don’t stop looking. Your life will be better for it.
Aw. Thanks for stopping and commenting. And for the well wishes. They're appreciated.
Woohoo, I know the one I don't feel out of the loop.
N & I recently put up a profile there.
(-anon because I don't want this linked to my normal profile.)
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