Nostalgic

I was reading some old blog entries.. and you know... it makes me misty. I miss those days. I miss the sexy, young men whom I used to engage in various forms of intercourse with. I miss that wildly social, wildly sexual life I lead for a while there. I like* being a slut. I like wandering into work knowing that I got thoroughly fucked by some guy last night, someone who isn't my husband. Someone no one would approve of me fucking.

There is an extreme shortage of males at my work. Of the two I see often, one of them is attractive enough for me to consider in a sexual sort of way... the other is currently hovering at just over twice my age. The thing is, the more attractive of the two has a whole family and huge social network that just overwhelms me. I have, somehow, managed not to more than very briefly entertain erotic thoughts about him. Somehow it simmers there quietly in the back of my mind, but goes no further. He's sort of a "last man on earth" kinda guy. I mean, I would and I'd probably enjoy it... but only if he were the last man on earth.

The older gentleman... I actually DO find oddly attractive. And it kind of freaks me out. I swear he even flirted with me the other day and I found myself amused by the whole thing. Every so often he says or does something and I can see him as a much younger man... and I kind of want him. I think he and I could have gotten along very, very well back in the day. Unfortunately, there are some things about him that absolutely blow my attraction to him away. Nine days out of ten when I work I find myself feeling a strong righteous rage toward him. And not even that sexy kind of potentially explosively passionate rage. Just cold rage.

Looking back at a few years ago, though. God I had fun. I was such an optimist for a while. It was beautiful. Everything was. I love that.

*I also really, really like italics today.