Sad

I'm very sad at how many of my reads have disappeared.  Closed up shop and moved on.  I'm barely better.  It seems most of us can only keep it up a few years (or a year) and then... suddenly... we're fucked out.  Yeah.  I said it.

I'm no better.  Somehow I went from hyper-sexual to asexual.  Mostly due to circumstance.  But not always.  Lots of laziness.

I am writing again.  Not here, much, I'm back on an old kick.  Probably the one that lead me here last time.  Eventually.  For a while I kept a very specific sort of journal.  Then I switched to a very general sort.  More day to day frustrations and such.  But I found it didn't cover the parts of my life I needed it to.  So I switched to this one, which was once again about a very specific part of my life.

It's always been very important to me that certain parts of my life remain unmixed.  For a very short while there my work, home, and sex lives all coincided together and it was rather nice.  I was still forced to hide certain parts of them from one another, but for the most part I was able to marry the three pretty successfully.  I'm now back in a place in my life where the three are forced to be very compartmentalized.  I can't say as I was happier one way or the other, really.  

However, one of the ways this compartmentalization becomes clear is in the way I separate out my journals.  I have this one for this and that one for that.  If I write about that in this, suddenly this is... not quite as sexy.  If I write about this in that, well, then that one's suddenly scandalous in a way it shouldn't be.

I very much envy one of my favorite writers, Lola, for her ability to really include all the part of her life (work, sex, friends, kids, marriage) without making any of it seem creepy, wrong, or out of place.  Now, granted, she did write her most erotic works elsewhere.  So maybe we're all doomed to that compartmentalization, at least to a point.

As for me, I just don't know.  I still have so much less to write here.  My fantasy life is still somewhat active.  However, the number of men I see to fantasize about is sorely lacking.  I joked teasingly about making out with one of the male bosses and made everyone want to vomit a little into their mouths.  Myself included.  I never, EVER, joke about one of the male bosses because I'm sure I COULD grow a crush on him, but it'd be so inappropriate and obvious it'd be a problem that I don't want to deal with.

I've got some attraction issues to deal with, too.  Namely, none of the men I see around here are Keith.  And none of them have the qualities I've learned to appreciate so much in our military men.  Years of staring at groomed, uniformed, hard-bodies has made it much more difficult for me to look at the locals with lust.  I figured I'd eventually get over this weird obsession I've got with military men, but it's yet to happen.  And it's damned frustrating.  It's not like I didn't sleep with civilians before!

Anyway, I have to be up in about 5 hours.  So I'll go to sleep and come back next time I'm inspired.  Maybe even tomorrow.