Giving up?

I've been really busy the last few months meeting and fucking all sorts of men. In a lot of ways the experience has changed me for the better. It's been really interesting to watch my attitude, my wants, my desires change.

Several months ago when I slept with Josh (A) I feel like I ultimately was a better person for it. I can't think of the last time I felt like that. I always learn something. I always really get something out of it... as with all mistakes and all learning experiences.

At least with Josh (A) I leaned someone else could make me come. That it was worth it to be patient with my body and just let it happen. He really taught me something important.

With the lesson from Josh (A) I moved on to Josh (B) who then gave me my first orgasm using just his hands and mouth. Truly someone else could get me there. And do it with sheer patience and willpower.

And between them I discovered multiple orgasms and the difference between a self  administered orgasm and those from a lover.

Two men in the dozens I've had sex with over the years.

That's not okay.

I was talking to B the other night and we were discussing the number of people we'd had sex with. I still don't know his number. I don't actually care. I don't even know my own number. But he asked me at one point, in reference to the number "does oral sex count as sex?"

And that just set me off. Because honestly, I don't care if it does or doesn't. But it suddenly struck me that the question wasn't really "does oral sex count" but "do blow jobs count?"

In both his case and mine the question of "do blow jobs count" makes the number different. "Does pussy eating count?" Makes zero difference.

That's not okay.

So tonight I knew I wanted to get laid. I picked a guy who turned out to be very, very local, because of where he was staying. "I enjoy giving oral...i truly live to give women orgasms...its a rush for me," he said.

I got to his hotel and he informed me he'd left his door open. I got there, and walked in laughing "how do you know I'm not a murderer?!"

I got comfortable on the bed and he gave me a glass of wine. I settled in and we chatted. Maybe I made the mistake by admitting what a slut I've been. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference.

Whatever the case he eventually made his move and we were both naked. His fingers found my clit and he teased it a bit. His cock was hard and close by so I grasped it, jerking it slowly.

Being me, I couldn't help myself. "Don't let me take this too far," I warned him just before I took him into my mouth.

He stopped me pretty quickly, hopped out of the bed and rolled on a condom. It was clear that even that simulation was a bit much for him. I moved into my knees inviting him to fuck me doggy style.

He moved behind me and slid inside. His cock nicely filling me. I knew he'd have a hard time. What I didn't expect was for him to come within about five strokes.

He did warn me. He also told me "I'll have to owe you a second round."

Once he came he cleaned himself up and sat back down in the desk chair. Surprising me a bit. I maybe he would come back to bed. But no.

We talked another minute or two and he began to work on his laptop. I lazed on the bed, drink and falling asleep, expecting the second round... eventually.

"Are you okay?" He asked me.

"What? Yes," I said.

"It's just you're the one that has to drive."

I thought about that a bit, drunkenly, thinking it was an odd thing to say. Was he telling me to leave?

"I'm a bit drunk right now," I told him. "The world is spinning a bit. I'll sober up."

He was not committal and turned on the TV, returning to work.

I lay on the bed a while before I started getting cold so I moved under the covers for warmth. "Oh, are you staying?" He asked.

"As long as it takes to get sober," I said.

So he was kicking me out.

He went back to working and I lay around a bit longer before finally starting to get dressed, slowly.  Pissed. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't quite know what to say or do.

I grabbed my phone and went to my dating profiles and began deleting things from them, my friends, my information, turning off my profiles.

I was finally dressed but still in bed when he got up to use the bathroom. I lay there a long moment before I realized that was the answer. I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my keys and booked it out of the room.

He texted me after I got home "Hey...sorry you left...i was nodding while working."

"Go to sleep," I responded.

Is he really that oblivious?

That is not okay.