A reserved nod...

I must give a reserved nod (which is to say a questioning acceptance) to the new Coca Cola Zero which tastes more like regular coke than diet. It's... different. I'm not convinced I'm going to like it forever... take for instance C2 which I adored when it first came out... until I could start TASTING the "other" flavor which was just nasty. This one has a faint flavor of diet... with an odd sweetness, too. So for now I accept it. But I'm perfectly willing to reverse that decision.

On to the good stuff. I flirted with Jones a little bit today. Not nearly as much as I'd have liked. The draw back being that I was reminded, again, that he thinks he's god's gift to women... which I do believe HE believes... and well... no one needs to be THAT cocky.

Husband's friend (I've forgotten his nickname again) and I have been trading e-mails. I suppose if anything interesting were to happen it would be tonight but since nothing interesting is going to happen between him and I tonight... well... c'est la vie, mon ami. Husband comes home in the wee hours of Sunday and I work late on Saturday so... yeah... this is my last party day. I'm making the best of it by drinking my Coca Cola Zero. Yippee! I ought to be having wild sex.

But if I'm honest... I haven't really, truly wanted to sleep around since the exceptionally unfortunate incident with Frank in the beginning of the year. I guess it just makes me more leary of new people. Even though Frank was not new people to me. That actually makes it worse. Dammit.

I fully admit...

I fully admit that I'm horny.

However.

A man describing himself as six feet of grade A meat STILL doesn't turn me on.

Thinking about School

This coming new year will mark the 10 year anniversary of my graduation. My husband didn't get to go to his reunion. I'm not sure I'll get to go to mine. I'm not sure I want to. But I'm tempted.

So I pulled out the old 1996 year book and looked up a few people. And I'm not 100% sure but I'm fairly sure I found a more current picture of my only real crush from that time (besides of course one of my teachers). And I'm like... weirded out. Because. You know. Just because. I mean, I saw the picture and thought "oh... my... god... that's HIM." Same career field I knew he was going into... but a different country, now, apparently... and he went from blonde to... dark haired. Which is kind of weird. But he still looks just like him. I pulled out the photo and I'm pretty sure....

Also, this really hot guy I went to school with whom I was SURE was joining the military went away to study the BIBLE in college and then became a fire fighter with a hot wife. And I'm like "woah" on that one, too. Not that I liked him. But it's just so weird.

This is why I think I'm NOT going back to the reunion. Because all this just boggles my mind.

Not that there's one planned yet. One thing my class never had was a sense of community.

Also, one of my "friends" from high school who was really a friend of a friend more than anything has photos from her wedding online. She just got married this year and she looks EXACTLY THE SAME. Of course, so do I....

Searches

I usually find it interesting to see what kind of search terms other sites get. Here are some of mine...


"my bladder is full" masturbate (Google)

"satisfaction from masturbation" (Google)

"watch husband" wife (Google)

"A taste of the good wife" (Google)

"best position for cumming" (Netscape)

"eric price" "charlie stone" (Google)

"finally had sex again" (Google)

"increasing nipple size" male (Google)

"the tip of my clit" (Google)

guys "increasing nipple size" (Google)

A Dream

Last night I had a dream that I had the choice of a bevy of male beauties on which to satisfy myself. Men of all different varieties were available (as in physique and looks... however looking back it's interesting that all of them were white). I'd been looking but decided not to actually DO anything about it. Another woman came along, a friend, and asked that I set her up for a super wild night of sex with one of them. She wanted something involving aphrodisiac and a lot of fucking.

The idea appealed and as I was researching this for her, I found myself liking the idea of getting me a little something, too. I ended up finding a lengthy recipe that would turn the women involved into voracious sexual animals. Inhibitions would be gone, orgasms would be multiple, and the men would leave worn out. Perfect. But knowing how tireless I often am when it comes to sex with a new partner, I figured I'd take the prescribed potions too... but in a smaller amount than recommended. Just enough to get me started.

I readied the ingredients and went off to pick the men. I found myself quickly joined by a muscular man. I couldn't see him, only feel the firmness that was his entire body pressed against my back. He could be ugly as hell or gorgeous, I wasn't sure. But his forwardness and the exciting feel of his hot partially naked (clad only in jeans) body excited me.

I kept him there, against me, and told him my plans. The idea of four of us getting together (really two couples... but the sex drugs might nix that separation)... but I didn't want to know what he looked like. I would meet with him at the doorway to the chosen location blindfolded and spend the entire night that way never knowing what he looked like.

I left him, then, still feeling the hot imprint of his body on my back and found another man for my friend. I informed him of her wishes and went off to get ready, dosing both the other woman and myself with the potions so they would have time to take effect. I went to my room and searched for condoms coming up with only one. Knowing the woman would take care of her own condom needs I tried to figure out how I was going to spend an entire night having sex... with only one condom... which for all I knew was the wrong size.

That's about the time I woke up. Because I almost NEVER have sex in dreams. No satiation for me.

Were the dream to continue, though...

I would go to the chosen location. Alone. The other couple could be inside... or not yet arrived. Whatever the case, I blindfold myself and await the man I have so blindly chosen. I lean against the wall... I can hear footsteps. My breathing increases... but they pass. Another set of footsteps follows closely. These stop near me. I turn my head in the direction where they last were. I feel breath against my face. "Follow me" he says, his voice husky and quiet. His fingers find my face, cupping my cheek before it slides down my neck, down my shoulder and arm, leaving a trail of warm shivers. Finally, he lifts my hand and places it on his forearm and escorts me inside. His forearm, too, is hot. I can feel the unlikely softness of his skin and the faint smell of his cologne. So male.

He opens the door to the atrium I have chosen. Indoor, and temperature controlled it seems perfect for the sport of animalistic fucking. I inhale the warm, humid, fertile scent and it sends my mind racing forward... him inside me.... oh....

He leads me inside, deeper into the large room. He stops and I stop, too. He leans down toward me his lips against my ear, his words barely more than a breath. "It looks like they beat us here... I can see them... do you want to know what they're doing?" I bite my lip and nod slowly, feeling somewhat ashamed for wanting to know... but also feeling the drugs beginning to work. "He's got his head buried between her legs now... she's laying back, legs wide open, her fingers buried in his hair pulling his face into her... she's cumming...."

I moan a little. "Please...."

He laughs softly, "maybe they'd like to watch us, too" and leads me on. I still can't hear them but we don't go too far before he stops again. I have no idea if we're still in view of the other couple or completely hidden. My mind is a jumble of what ifs as he stops again and steps away from me. I can hear him breathing and moving but I cannot tell what he's doing. Finally he touches me again. Without warning he draws my shirt up over my head leaving me in my bra and pants. He steps against me, his naked chest warm against me and then his lips are on my own.

A moment of hesistation and then I force the kiss deeper, drawing his tongue into my mouth, pushing mine into his. I'm ready to be done with the foreplay, ready to have him inside me RIGHT THIS INSTANT. I let my fingers find their way downward, over the hair on his chest following the trail down to his pants. Jeans. Oh, yes. I graze my finger over the zipper, feeling for the bulge. Hard, already, I trace the outline, tracing the curve of the head. It feels amazing, hard, otherwordly, and far too inaccessible.

His mouth stays on mine, his fingers removing my bra as I work on his pants needing him inside me.


...oops... I ran out of steam..... Maybe more later. Maybe.

Hair Thing

First off, husband is gone for the week. Second... I'm totally jealous.

Out of boredom I went to canyoutell.com . It's a sauve versus the expensive brand "test" of three different types. Can you tell the difference between who used Suave and who used the more expensive brand? I could. All three times. The odd part... it comes back with "see? You really can't tell the difference." I guess they couldn't have really admitted anything else....

I have this hair obsession. Even though mine's rather pathetic. I think it has something to do with the amount of time I spend "reading" Glamour and Marie Claire. I've learned to be able to tell....

Anyway.

This is what happens when I'm all alone.

That and a lot of cleaning.

Vacation.

Husband is going on a week long vacation shortly. Starting Sunday. I'd have liked to go but my work isn't nearly as liberal with leave as his is. Of course he's already pointed out that he'll "likely be bored by the middle of the week" which is probably true... but at least he doesn't have to go to work. There's a purpose to his trip beyond "vacation" and in fact it'll likely feel not very much like a vacation at all. As far as I'm concerned he needs to make it very clear to those he's there to see that he's there for THEM and to help THEM and not to sit on his ass. Likely, he'll sit on his ass.

But anyway.

I get to have a WHOLE WEEK to myself. How excited am I? I mean, other than how much having sole care of the damned dogs is going to suck (in... out... pet... in...out...in...out-in...). It'll be nice to be alone. It's times like these when I wish I still had a lover because then I know EXACTLY what I'd be doing over those 7 days. I've, in the past, set up one night stands for these weeks but I'm not sure I'm up for that. Lately I remain emotionally fragile. It so sucks.

Plus, the timing being what it is... I ought to be right in the middle of my period while he's gone. Yippppeeee!

Oh, A/Cs fixed. THANK GOD. Turns out the heat and PMS contributed to my piss poor attitude of late. I hope it's better today!

Coincidence?

Tuesday morning one of the work crew from the maintanence crews stopped my husband and I. "Hey, did you call in that your air conditioning is broken?" I thought for a half second and replied, chirpily "nope. It's not us!" then added "ours is working great!"

As I got into the car to drive away I watched them head to the same lettered (similarly numbered) house across the street and thought no more of it.

Wednesday morning I woke up hot and bitchy as hell. I walked downstairs to where my husband was playing on his computer and checked the temperature. Over 80. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I asked him and flipped the a/c lower. Except it was already running. Warm.

SON OF A BITCH. Our A/C went out. Now, riddle me this... what the fuck are the chances our A/C would go out within 24 hours of someone asking me if it was working? Consider that it has been running perfectly for 2 years. What. The. Fuck. Knowing that in the past it's been a problem with the pipes freezing up we left it off yesterday and suffered through the heat of the day as the thermostat inside passed 90.

It is now 5am. It is still 85 degrees in the house. There is no fucking frozen pipe anymore. I thawed rock hard meat on the counter in a matter of a couple of hours. There is no question NOTHING in this house is frozen anymore except that which is locked securely away in the freezer.

So we went to bed. I took a cold shower and we turned a fan on the bed. I crawled into the already too hot bed and we tried to sleep. "You didn't even TRY to kiss me" I told him, after a while. It's our night time ritual to always share a kiss and then go to sleep. So he coaxed me over and we made out like teenagers. "I DON'T want to have sex" I warned him as soon as we started, "it is WAY too hot." Which is about the time he started really wanting to play kissy face.

Fucking irritates the shit out of me that he won't fuck me but if there's no pressure he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

Of course, EVERYTHING fucking irritates me right now because it's hot and I become the fucking incredible hulk when I'm this hot and I can feel the sweat like little bugs crawling across my flesh. Not to mention the restive night I've spent tossing and turning and smacking the dog for licking wet spots in the bed randomly.

Here's to the maintanence crew being punctual tomorrow....

This shhh's bananas! b-a-n-a-n-a-s!

Yeah, okay. So I don't care for the song but somehow it sticks in my head.

Anyway, Jones came into work today and I flirted with him just a touch. He flirted with me a bit ("need a seat?" gesturing to his lap... to which I responded "no... I'm afraid it might be uncomfortable... you know... pokey.") and I was like "you know I'd love to flirt with you but I get all weirded out when the kid is around" the kid being his nephew who really doesn't need to see his dirty uncle teasing the youngsters (that'd be me). He seemed to "get it" and let it be. But later I made some mildly dirty comment in front of one of the younger guys I work with (namely Jones bent down next to me to pick something up and I told him maybe he ought to stay down there for a bit) and he returned in kind ("is there something you'd like me to do while I'm down here?") at which point I acted dumb. He glanced at the guy and smiled at me knowingly and left it at that.

And then I worked until 2am.

The end.

Weee!

Jones went somewhere on vacation. He came back today and threw myself into his arms shrieking his name. Hmm. Maybe I missed him just a little. I managed to hit him in the collar bone with my chin having misjudged his height. I failed to apologize. I probably hurt myself worse than I hurt him. He didn't say anything.

Anyway. I stood near him and his hands found my side. It took me a moment before I realised he was pulling me against him. I stepped back, leaning just a little as I conversed with someone else. He's SUCH a flirt, but it's cool. I grinned.

My sense of smell is extra sensitive this time of the month. I think it's related to me being fertile as I'm about half way through my cycle. I notice smells a lot more and am more strongly affected by the scent of men around me... and Jones smelled nice. Not great enough that I wanted to hump his leg or anything but he was certainly a welcome island of yummy in an oasis of bad breath and BO today.

And then my manager found a mouse in her refrigerator and being the mouse-buddy I am, I got to clean out the fridge. Turns out the mouse had given birth and the babies didn't do so well in the cold. So, the romance was gone....

I crave

I ran into Evando the other day. I haven't mentioned him in a while because he left my place of work and is now working for a contractor in the building. I hardly ever see him since his work doesn't bring him into my area. However, I occasionally go into his.

So, I ran into him as I was making my way to one of the offices and he held his arms out to me as I walked nearby. I went to him and hugged him gratefully. While the contact was brief, I was glad to touch him. And be touched. And know that since we were no longer in the same company I was free to do so without hesitation. On the other hand, he does have a pregnant girlfriend. So. Whatever. It was only a hug.

He mentioned that he's still planning on getting his tongue pierced again. Whereas I'm in the midst of a really unpleasant time in my life (continuing to be upset over the fender bender I got into, as well as my displeasure over my job) and am considering getting it done just to help me snap out of my spiral of upset. Perhaps not the best reasons to get a piercing... but whatever. It appears to be a common one.

On an unrelated note I've been informed that Li will no longer be coming to my business. I'm so disappointed. I suspect it was his decision based on his overall attitude and desire to be coddled. I was always happy to coddle him, but since I was hardly ever there on the days he came in he wasn't getting the personal attention he desired. So another contractor has been sent and that's that. *sigh* That's okay, mooning over Li wasn't getting me anywhere anyway.

Book Tag

Got tagged. Sucking it up.

1) Total number of books I’ve owned.

Uh. If anyone can answer that question I'd be terribly impressed. I'll say in the thousands. Maybe. I read a lot but most of my youth was spent in the library.

2) The last book I bought.

Probably Prince of Darkness. It was recommended but for a trashy romance it's trying way too hard to be intellectual.

3) The Last Book I read.

Charming the Prince. Really, I don't read that many trashy romances. It's just that I read them in spurts....

4) 5 books that mean something to me.

The Deed of Paksenarrion by Elizabeth Moon-- I think it was the first book my husband recommended to me and one of my best loved. Magic's Promise by Mercedes Lackey-- I loved it the first time I read it and it helped me out of what could have been a really dark depression the second. The Butter Battle Book by Dr. Suess-- a book my dad read to me when I was little... it's one of my few good memories of that age. Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind-- recommended by my best friend at that time, it's got the BEST rule (people are stupid). The Joy of Cooking by those people-- a present from my mother-in-law which has served me well and taught me to cook better than I thought I could... besides Hannibal Lecter owned a copy (another series I enjoyed).

5) Tag 5 people and request they fill this out on their journals: Umm. I don't care for the pressure. I invite ANY five people to note me and share theirs with me either via note or via blog.

Crazy Lady

I've become a masturbation machine. Well, maybe not. But I'm going up to once and twice a day, again. Which is far more than not at all, say, for the time my sister was here and just before.

I do so adore orgasms.

I keep thinking about really freaky, hot, violent sex. Nothing scary. Just really rough, wild stuff.

You know, the stuff I'm not getting.

Closer

It's amazing the change I feel, having a third body in the house. I love my sister, don't get me wrong. But having her around has cemented in me the idea that my husband is really pretty fucking awesome. Except here and there. After a long drive to and from the coast earlier this week, I found myself wanting nothing more than to laze in bed and GET THE FUCK AWAY from that woman. But I missed Husband. So I called him to come lay with me for a while. Feeling him nearby I finally said, "you know, one of the cool things about being with you is that it's better than being alone. I feel recharged when we're together, more than when I'm all alone." He was quiet a moment and said "thank you" or something like that. And after a moment said "I like being with you, too. Although I really do like being alone."

Ah, love.

I felt like I ought to be hurt by that. But in truth, there are times I ache for him to go away too. Like when I wake up wanting to make slow sweet love... or just be fucked... and knowing that he simply can't provide that.

I found myself irrestistably drawn to him this week. I don't care for facial hair but he's grown out a short beard during this last week and I find it annoying to kiss... and yet incredibly sexy... because it's HIM... just... different. I pressed myself against him, letting my fingers trace down his body, kissing him with my mouth barely open, inviting him into something deeper... sexier..... And was denied.

I hunger for a man who finds me so irresistable. Not all the time, but at least sometimes. Someone who recognises the need in me and can fulfill it. At least temporarily.

I adore my husband. But I need sex, too.

I just wish I could be pleased with the IDEA of someone else (other than, say, the impossible Li).

Dream

I had a dream the other night that I found someone's collection of porn. I think I was in their house and I came across a pile of magazines, books, and DVDs. As I was flipping through the pages I found myself incredibly excited. I had to masturbate.

And when I woke up I was thinking about the fact that discovering someone else's stash of porn is far superior to rediscovering my own. There's something inexplicably erotic about touching magazines and books that another person has used for their own sexual pleasure... and using them for my own, too.

Wouldn't you know.

My sister's here. We were talking as I brushed my teeth.

I hit my lingual frenum with my toothbrush. You know. That web of skin that connects the waggy part of the tongue to the bottom of the mouth. I tore it. Just a bit. Just maybe a quarter of an inch (or possibly even less). I think a quarter of an inch or possibly even less is plenty.

Needless to say I won't be doing anything even remotely interesting with my mouth until this heals. Not that I really thought I would, but I figured I'd at least manage a kiss or two with hubby. Now that's pretty much out.

Great beginning to the week, I think....

You know.

It's like I'm not even TRYING anymore.

I'm frustrated with a lot of things. Not you, I promise.

Not sure what to do.

However, I have family coming in next week. That ought to be nice.

Obviously, no sex THAT week....

Flirt.

I flirted with Jones pretty hard this afternoon. But only after teasing him and telling him I was more into his brother.

Then I invited him into the ladies bathroom but he didn't hardly follow me at all. Didn't take me seriously. Gee, wonder why not?

I mighta been a little freaked out by that. But maybe not. It might have helped with the stress of the evening. Or not.

For the record.

It's not that I don't (or haven't) had primarily sexual relationships. Take for instance DJ. Granted I only had sex with him once (so far) but I don't think you could classify us as friends (although I don't doubt we could be... although he's way cooler than me). Or EB who's also way cooler than me (with a way cooler job, I might add). I adore them both and yet... while I COULD probably be great friends with them I opt to keep it on a sexual level (although fuck, since I haven't done either lately I'm not sure I should use them as examples). However, it was definately their personalities that drew me to them in the first place. Yes, I wanted to fuck them and they wanted to fuck me... but I at least knew they were the kind of people I could have FUN with. If I can't have fun and communicate with you comfortably out of bed... I certainly don't see a future for us IN bed.

Thus, the guy who wrote me the snotty e-mail affirmed for me that he didn't have the same take on what sex should be about. I've tried the solely animalistic side of sex... and yes it has a place... but not a very big one in my life. I tend to continue to seek something just a little more connected than just that.

Li said he couldn't have sex with someone he didn't have a connection with and I rolled my eyes and thought "oh, I could!" but of course... that's not the way I live my life. I'm most attracted to men I do feel some sort of friendliness toward. Something MORE than just physical chemistry.

I don't begrudge anyone else their nearly anonymous casual sex (and there are indeed times I have my own desires for the same) but mostly when I fantasize about sleeping with people it's not "just for sex."

I was fantasizing about being in bed with Li this morning. Given his desire for connection I could imagine hours of foreplay... during play... post play. I could envision laying on the bed, spooning, him inside me while his tongue traced lines along my ear and my neck, fingers teasing up and down my body. Slow, languid motion building my desire to long forgotten heights... feeling his hands clutch me close... breathing in my ear... "you feel so good" whispered sweetly... my hands reaching back to pull him closer, in tighter, the other hand guiding his fingers... down... showing him exactly the touch I need... feeling his own need growing...

It's enough to make me quiver just to think about it.

Yes, sometimes I desire sex with a near stranger in a dark corner... but not with just anyone. Only with someone who's caught my attention by more than just looks... by more than their physical desire for me. Something where my mind is captivated....

I'll have sex with someone again. I'm sure. But it won't be with someone who just wants to fuck. It'll be with a sensualist who actually understands that sex between us isn't JUST fucking. It's so much more fun than that....

I mean... you know... unless I just want to fuck. Heh heh.

*SIGH*

I'm one of those people who likes to think. I think a lot about things. I practically live inside my head.

I got an e-mail from some guy. I'd mentioned something about his online name, trying to be funny. And he sent me back an e-mail saying about how he "just wanted to fuck" me and I could lose the attitude.

When I get these sorts of responses I can't help but shake my head. It's one of my "weeding" processes. And one of the reasons I don't go out and get laid all the time. I'm picky. What kind of attitude is that toward someone you want to sleep with? If you're so clueless as to know when I'm teasing how clueless will you be when it comes to knowing whether I'm anywhere near cumming? You know?

I just become irritated with the attitude that is displayed by men toward women they "want to fuck." Apparently I'm not allowed to have a brain, a sense of humor... anything. I'm supposed to be there for fucking and then move along. Which is SO not what I'm about.

*sigh*