Rope.

Obviously I've been thinking a lot about rope. Just thinking, really.

Yesterday a guy came into my work and asked if we sold rope. I stared at him, momentarily surprised and speechless. Let's go back a bit and say this is a fine young K9 unit police officer. If there's a faster way to my heart I don't know it. And he's super duper cute. And sexy. And he flirts!

So when he asked me if we sold rope all I could think about was kink. And him. And me.

Eventually I was able to open my mouth and answer him... but only just.

That'd be my story from yesterday.

Sporadic

Please forgive the increasingly sporadic quality of my post as I've become mysteriously ill since just before Christmas. It's all the hallmarks of being pregnant... without actually BEING pregnant according to the tests. The doctor gave me a blood pregnancy test yesterday but the likelihood is very small. It would almost be a blessing if I WAS because at least my mysterious illness would be explained.

On the other hand being pregnant would be a REAL problem and would therefore be it's own catastrophy.

So basically I'm somewhat miserable. And I've been given one of those medications where my choice is feel sick... or I can take the medication and pass out. I hate being in a situation where those are my two choices. It's like how allergy medications used to work (you know.. like benedryl)... sneeze a lot... or take the pill and pass out.

Anyway. I do have a short story to relate later... but it's not all that interesting so don't get excited.

Rope

Last night I was wrapping a package for my sister. As I worked to tie the twine I was (artistically) using as ribbon around her package I told my husband "you know, if I were into bondage and knew things about tying rope I'd totally wrap my gifts and then bind them up using those skills." Which is probably totally tacky and show-off-y in the sm world but I think that sort of thing LOOKS cool so... fuck it.

This got me to thinking so I went online and looked up a basic japanese body harnass-y thing and trussed up the next package just like that.

I gazed longingly at husband "can I try it on you?!?"

"NO," he said, with finality.

I frowned and went back to wrapping presents. My obediant and submissive dog walked up. It was his doom.

I went about fashioning him the same harnass out of yarn. He wasn't terribly happy to have the yarn winding about his body... but it wasn't hurting him either. Finished I admired my handywork as the dog stared at me looking none too pleased. He looked a rather lot like a sled dog in a pulling harnass. Finally, I removed it.

Don't get me wrong, I don't sexualize my dog. I just wanted to see what it would look like.

I turned back to husband. "That's cool. Now can I do you?"

"NO!"

I gazed at him, hurt. "Why not?" It's not like it's a restrictive thing. No movement is impeded. It's not like I was tying him up. Fuck, he ought to be INTO the idea of being tied up and helpless since he never really wants to do the work of having sex anyway. Not that I do, either, sometimes.

His mouth was a thin line as he went back to playing his game.

I continued to stare at him. "Are you trying to keep me from growing?" I asked.

He glanced at me, "FINE, after you shave my head tomorrow you can tie me up, maybe."

Ah, guilt. It's always fun to have such a willing subject.

Anyway, it's not even a sexual thing. I just want to try a new skill (simplistic though it may be) and see what it looks like on.. and in person.

Spencer's

Wandering around the mall I convinced husband we needed to at least visit the Spencer's. As we wandered through the all too small store, I stopped to gaze longingly at the fun little sex section. I fingered all the flavored lubes and massage oils and inevitably found myself drawn to the $14.99 purple rubber flogger that was hanging on the end cap. I immediately turned to husband and whipped his arm with it.

Nothing.

I tried again. Nothing.

I tried again.

"That kind of stings."

"Okay, do me."

He whipped my arm.

Nothing.

"Harder!"

Nothing.

"Harder!"

Nothing.

"HARDER! Are you afraid you're going to HURT me?!?"

A minor sting.

"I think I want that."

"You can get it."

"You probably won't use it on me."

"Maybe."

We walked out of the store to the car.

"You can get it next time if you really want it."

"I think I do. You know... if only to hang on the wall. But are you afraid you're going to bruise me or something?"

"Who could tell? You're one big bruise ANYWAY."

"True."

Another Q&A

AKA No Original Thoughts


Q. I understand your desire for him NOT to be with someone else if he is not sleeping with you...that would make no sense at all. Have you two tried a threesome? Is that something that would interest either one of you?

A. We've never tried a threesome and near as I can tell husband is totally down with the idea of sleeping with another woman and myself... which really doesn't hold much interest for me. I mean, I could probably be there for him and pleasure him as always with her doing the same... but the idea of being with another woman makes me want to sigh heavily and find somewhere else to be more often than not. And, as I covered husband probably wouldn't be able to function with another man around. I just asked him in all seriousness (with the caveat what I wasn't really suggesting it... just trying to answer a question more fully) if he thought he could handle a MFM threesome to which he replied "yeah, probably." I quizzed him further and got, "well, probably not." And went further to ask "what about with your friend?" (the one I've mentioned here lately) and got "probably... but then I wouldn't really be paying much attention to him." So, goes to show it'd have to be someone he's *really* comfortable with.

Q. "unconcerned shrug" and "mostly disinterested" aren't very exciting corner stones to build any kind of sex life! Doesn't sound like a typical mid-twentysomething male. He better get his dick checked or something

A. He's 30, about to be 31. Of course, this is not an excuse as the vast majority of my lovers are closer to mid-30's and they manage just fine. However, there really isn't anything wrong with his functioning (off hand I can't think of a time he was unable to get it up spontaneously or when I wasn't able to take matters into my own hands with success). He masturbates at least once a day most days. I don't begrudge him that and don't think it really correlates to our lack of sex. It's all mental, baby.

Q. Rod makes me wonder, and please forgive my asking, but is there4 any chance your husband is gay and just not at terms with it?I've also read about a growing "asexuality" classification of people lately, which for me is really disturbing.I wish I knew the answer...then we'd both be getting more from our respective spouses alongside the extras.

A. I've been bugging my husband for years about being gay. Except that he's not. I'm a porn hound and own more than a couple of gay porn movies. Husband knows I absolutely adore hot gay action. He knows I'd think it was really hot if he WERE bisexual or even outright gay even if I never ever got to watch and only got to hear the stories. However, he's never ever in the entire time we've been together expressed any sort of a real interest in another man (except some huge strong man on TV... but the dude was amazing and I'm not really sure he meant it). His porn collection on his computer is exclusively straight (I've checked in my search for something new to masturbate to). I just admitted to him that I used his computer once for that purpose and he said "oh." So I told him "I didn't find anything weird. Should I have?!?" He responded "Umm. No." I stared at him a long moment and he asked, "were you hoping I'd say 'yes!' and 'here it is!' because I don't." The only thing I find that I find worrysome is his penchant for those barely legal girls. Which lead to a running joke when I was in my early twenties that it was time for him to trade me in for a younger model. Anyway, he told me spontaneously that he has never used MY computer for the purpose of checking my hard drive for porn because "I don't think I'd like yours."

An Answer

I was asked if my marriage is open for both of us or if I'm just a selfish slut. Okay, that's not really what I was asked. But it's a more amusing way of putting it.

Truth be told my marriage IS completely open. When my husband is quizzed as to why he lets me sleep around his answer is usually an unconcerned shrug and the answer "you'd let me." Which is definately true.

Husband HAS slept with another girl. Once. It wasn't that great for either of them based on the description. However, whenever I suggest he find himself another woman to sleep with he is mostly disinterested.

I know. I don't get it either.

Since we started this whole "open marriage" I have put a stipulation on him sleeping with other people. Namely, he's forbidden to get with someone else if he's not getting with me, too. I cannot express how hurt and angry I would be were he to start sleeping with someone else while letting our sex life continue to languish as it has. I've explained to him exactly my reasoning and he appeared to understand and accept it.

Merry Christmas

It was a nice Christmas. Had husband's friend over and I flirted with him a little. I did make it a point to go and take a two hour nap, though, so they'd at least have SOME time together without having me breathing down their necks.

So we made a late breakfast and I made an early dinner and we were WELL fed. It was good.

After husband's friend left I crawled on top of husband and kissed him. I probably could have gone further at that moment but was terribly concerned he'd think it had something to do with his friend. Which it would've. But I'd hate for him to think I'm THAT attracted to his friend. It might be awkward.

However, I soon came to regret it as several hours later I asked husband for sex (for Christmas) and got something of a less than luke warm response. *sigh*

The ex sent me an IM wishing me a Merry Christmas. I definately have my sights set back on him. Unless he decides he really likes his girlfriend again which would be very annoying. But not surprising.

Q&A

Q. I'm wondering where this change of heart came in about Li all of a sudden?

A. The change has been very gradual. And will probably flip back and forth for a while. It may never settle which should be SO boring to read that you'll just gag and leave. Of late, Li has demonstrated an attitude of superiority and (as I mentioned earlier) the inability to do wrong. That is NOT sexy. At ALL.

I called him on the fact that I was tired of hearing it and the next time I told him "hey, this is broken" he should just fucking fix it instead of telling me how someone must have broken it because he never ever would have put it out like that and blah blah blah because I really don't fucking CARE what he would or wouldn't have done so long as the fucker gets fixed. Which is absolutely bullshit. I've CAUGHT him putting shit out and he still denies it and latches onto the lies my manager tells everyone rather than admitting that maybe he made a mistake.

The other day when I realized it was late and that I had failed to double check that his company was sending him, I called him to ask but ended up leaving a message. I get a long winded message about how he doesn't get in the middle of the scheduling stuff and he's been told he's going elsewhere and if I have a scheduling problem or question I should call the company and here's the number and there's nothing he can do about it. Blah blah blah. The question was "will you be in tomorrow" the answer was "no" but I get this long winded "you're stupid for even asking me" speech. Well, thanks a fucking lot. So I left him a message back basically saying "dude, I asked a question. I did what I was supposed to do up until forgetting to confirm TODAY because god knows I'm not perfect. I only asked so we could stop telling customers that you'd be there when apparently you WON'T. That's ALL."

Meanwhile, the other day he made two other comments about me not knowing him at all and how he didn't feel like talking to ME about something. Well, fuck you, too dude. I've been trying and he says shit like that.

Granted, none of these things matter so much when one is in bed. However, I tend to find one's personality shows through when it comes to sex and it's not looking good for him. Shoot, if I don't even LIKE him how am I supposed to want to suck his dick?

Of course, he COULD just be this way about WORK. But I'm not so sure.

Oh, yeah. And telling me that he NEVER cries at work because if he cried some guy might hug him and then people would think he was a "faggot" didn't really endear him to me, either. It's not unheard of for me to sleep with people and disagree with their completely stupid views on gay folks but it feels a lot like sleeping with a Klan member. And, I don't feel the urge to give Klan members sex. And yeah, he COULD have meant the term "faggot" as an endearment... however, I'm having a hard time convincing myself.

Nooooo.

I had to call Li tonight for a work related thing. And I told him to call MY boss back instead of me. If he calls here I will SO totally NOT be looking forward to talking to him. At ALL. Wow. Well, I'd be okay with talking to him if he wouldn't get all serious and give me a talking to about the message I was passing on to him. *sigh*

Anyway. I'm cleaning the house so I don't have time to write anything terribly worthwhile.

Whiney.

Li annoyed me again today and I didn't even SEE him. Such a love/hate thing which is gradually becoming increasingly hate. So much for that, eh? And yet...

I'm going to get my tongue done. At this point I'm going through the same thing I went through when I got my nipples done. Trying to figure out whether I can handle the pain. I mean, theoretically of COURSE I can. I mean, god knows. I got my NIPPLES done for Christ sake. But the tongue thing... is there anything worse than dental pain? I mean, I know it's not really DENTAL pain... but... eek. So I'm being all wussy and skeevy and basically waiting until I'm really really ready. I'm sure I'll bring it up as a possibility a few more times before I'm absolutely sold on getting it done and then DOING it. The later is the hard part.

There was something else I felt like mentioning. Put a lot of thought into it. Apparently I put too much thought into it and don't have any thought left at all.

That sucks.

I'm thinking if the ex is still interested in sex next time I run into him I'll be running over there like a dog in heat. I need SOMETHING to distract me from my frustration with Li and put me back into some kind of a good mood. They say you can never go back but I'm willing to make the effort. Husband says I should try to get the ex out of my system. I'm not sure that's the way to do it but... hey... I'll make the effort.

Tongue

Let my blog be ALL about Li, okay? Because I'm like... obsessed.

Actually, we were talking about piercings. I was relating the story of my jewelry being changed by the piercer. I can't remember if I wrote this ever-so-brief story. I might write about it later if I didn't. Anyway.

I was telling Li that I was definately getting my tongue done soon. Of course this is VERY MUCH an invitation for him to put his dick in my mouth. I mean, DUH. From what I can tell it's an experience he's never had (either putting his dick in my mouth or putting his dick in the mouth of a pierced tongued girl) and I'm more than happy to provide those experiences to him. Simultaneously if neccessary.

Anyway he mentioned that he once knew a girl who'd had her tongue pierced further back than normal. Because it was more useful.

Now, I could have stood before him considering the implications of this and trying desperately to think of how having the piercing further back would be more sexually stimulating to a guy. I mean, I momentarily questioned this and then decided rather than standing there looking like an idiot or physically pantomiming in an effort to make sure this would make sense I nodded and said something like "ah, must have been off center, then." And left it at that.

However, I felt the need to consider this. Pantomiming in private being less than thrilling. And not very revealing. I told husband "go wash your penis. I want to try something." Knowing I only want him to wash when I'm about to go down he rushed off to do that. Of course, he refused me sex yesterday AND today already... but a BJ? Oh, yeah. He's there.

So I practiced it on him and realised that when I get my tongue pierced he's NOT going to like it very much. The places that the piercing will hit will be places he doesn't particularly LIKE being hit. And getting it done further back (were that an option) would only exacerbate the problem.

Not to mention my often spectacular gag reflex.

So, they shall have to pierce me as they see fit. And I'll just have to deal with the consequences later.

Talked to my boss today. Apparently she's unhappily married. But getting out of it in a civilized manner. Basically she seemed fairly resolute but not rushing. A mutual decision. Apparently he's cheated on her a number of times.

I stared at her. "But... you encourage me to cheat with Li!" She smiled a little, "yeah, but I don't think he'd really do it."

Damn. She might not be wrong.

But maybe....

I wonder what the ex is up to. I'm thinking I want some of that again. NSA.

My day.

I spent the day flirting with Li. Instead of looking forward to his being there with much anticipation I rather didn't give a shit. He pissed me off a lot. So, I went to work and while I made sure everything was set up for him, I made it a point to avoid him as much as possible.

He apparently doesn't care to be ignored.

So, after ignoring him for a while I flirted a little. And he flirted back. And we ended up flirting a hell of a lot. And I was tempted to ask him to fuck the hell out of me. But instead bit my tongue because he supposed to let me know when he's single again. And hasn't yet. But it sure is fun to flirt.

I suppose I could STILL ask him to fuck me. Flirtingly.

Anyway. It seems to work best when I don't get all excited about him coming. Because when he ignores ME... I get really upset. And it just goes downhill.

And I bitched him out for his last message which ended up "make sure there's space for me and pull the product" and I was like "fucker!" And deleted the message.

Anyway. We're on good terms. I just gotta calm my ass down.

Meanwhile, the ex is inviting me for sex again. *sigh* So tempting.

Distracted

I drove past the complex of a potential lover. Someone I haven't talked to in weeks but whom still entices me. As I sat at the light waiting for the light to change, husband sitting quietly next to me I found myself lost in the fantasy of snuggling up to the other guy, our lips finding one another's.....

I noticed the cars around me moving. I missed the light change. Only by a second or two.

Is it bad when one's sexual fantasies distract from driving?

And I still haven't had sex with husband since the last time I wrote about it. And the last time I wrote about it was... ummm.

Yeah, I don't remember either.

Tears on my pillow...

I had a friend die yesterday. It's been a long time coming, although it was still somewhat unexpected the down turn she took. Thus my recent depression.

Anyway. what is it about death that just makes sex seem so much more enticing?

Probably just need to be held. Really, really close. You know... on the inside.

Quick Entry

I spent the better part of tonight with Husband and his friend Jay. I kind of dig Jay and he occasionally digs me, too. We're not likely to sleep together. Well, yeah... just not likely.

Except I find myself wanting to try to seduce him. And being really unsure HOW. Because he MIGHT go along with it. Or he might not. And if he didn't... that could be awkward since he's Husband's closest friend right now. Best not to really even consider it, seeing as he IS Husband's closest friend.

Anyway, the point was, as I was laying there on the couch with my head on husband's lap I was thinking how much of a turn on it would be to suck Husband's cock while Jay watched... then came over to take care of me. Or get sucked. Or whatever. I just see the possibility of a really hot threesome there. Except Husband is not the kind of guy to be into that sort of thing.

The point is more that I've found someone I'd be really comfortable having that sort of experience with and that's pretty cool. Not to say I will... but it's good to know that there, in fact, ARE people like that in the world. And at some point I might come across the right circumstances with two of the right guys and that'd be super hot.

Off to bed.

How to build a better day.

I decided I needed a pick me up for the evening. I talked at husband for a while. That helped.

Then I went to the not-so-local piercing palace and bought some new nipple jewelry. The entirely too hot piercer didn't even OFFER to see my breasts... he DEMANDED. It was GREAT. I mean, you know, basically he acted like it was expected that he would change my jewelry for me. Yeehaw.

So, I bared the girls for him and he helped figure out exactly which barbells I'd need and popped them in for me. It involved a touch of pinching pain. Lesson here... it's much less painful if I do it myself. But far less fun.

I questioned him a bit on tongue piercing, as I'm getting ready for that next. Basically, wanting to know about the healing period and how long until I could change the jewelry.

Having paid the guy to play with my nipples (actually, I only paid for the jewelry not the fondling), I headed home.

Once home I took the dogs out for a walk to loosen the old nerves and now I feel much much better.

Lastly will be some kind of late evening meal in front of the last two episodes of Sex and the City that are On Demand.

Oh, and I told husband he was absolutely going to have to give it up... and soon... because girlfriend (me) is getting irritated about her lack of attention. He told me maybe he'd give it to me tomorrow before we visit his friend (who's seen my nipple jewelry and whom I wouldn't mind fucking) in an effort to keep me from being QUITE so slutty. But of course, he doesn't really care HOW slutty I am. And having sex before going over there is only likely to make me want to have MORE sex. But I didn't mention that part.

Gotta let the guy have his dreams.

NOT sexy

Today was NOT a sexy day for me. I cried in front of Li AGAIN. Why oh why must I be such a big cry baby? We ended up having a bit of a fight when I just got tired of hearing him make these excuses that he always makes (work related). Irritating as shit.

Anyway, I said something not very nice and had to go back and apologize and by the end of the day everything was okay but he was all worried about me. *sigh*

On the positive side I'll have an excuse to give him a call either tonight or tomorrow. You know, to let him know that I'm okay.

However, I'm getting a really irritated feeling that nothing's going to come of all this. Or that by the time something has the potential of coming of it I'll be bored and not turned on by him at all.

Fuck.

I'm so frustrated.

Da Butt

I've been watching the first season of Sex in the City. Either the show is much more riveting when watching from the beginning or the first season is much better than the rest of the shows. Whatever the case, I've been watching a lot of it.

Last night as I was getting ready to write my entry and checking my notes I saw that I had a couple new comments. on my anal entry. I checked it and giggled. I turned to my husband and explained that he should NOT get excited but that I had written an entry on anal sex and how I was considering doing it again. He raised his hand and waved at me, grin on his face.

I laughed my ass off as I explained to him that a particular guy whom I'd had sex with had written exactly what he was doing. But that, basically, NEITHER of them were in the running because... well... I said LESS well endowed. Which is to say NOT as large as either of THEM.

I can only think of a couple of guys I've slept with who fall into that catagory and should either of them read this or the other entry either before or after I offered them da butt they might be really offended.

Meanwhile, I told husband "But I don't WANT to be the up the butt girl!" Which is a total Sex in the City reference.

Except maybe I do just once this year....

Mmm. Yum.

Today was a day that was.

I was really grumpy.

I saw Ving. I was kind of bitchy. I felt bad for being bitchy with him. It wasn't his fault. I should have apologized but never got the chance.

However, EARLIER in the evening I was talking to Ving. Flirting with him. Someone was standing in my way, talking to him. I interupted. I stepped in front of him and put my arm around him. He responded in kind, his hand finding the small of my back. He rubbed there lightly. I shivered with desire. I felt my body responding. I wanted his hand to move, to explore. I wanted it to stay exactly where it was, rubbing. I wanted to feel him pressed against me. I didn't want to move an inch. Well. Yes, I did.

Instead I broke contact before my face gave away what exactly he was doing to me.

I was tempted to tell him to never ever ever tease me like that again.

Except I really really like it.