I love my husband dearly. Let there be no question. He's a wonderful part of my life and while I will never claim I couldn't live without him my life would definately be less wonderful were he not around. We're nowhere near divorce. It shouldn't be said that my comment about going to Canada was anything real. Sometimes I do fantasize about being alone. But the grass is always greener. There are so many things that I'd miss.
Last night I tried to talk to Husband a bit bout our sex life. It's a talk we've had lots of times and I always know the outcome so why it surprises and upsets me everytime I can't say. Last night he was more bitter than normal. Probably because we've been fighting so much in the last week. I told him how much it upsets me when we go so long without having sex and how I feel like I really do need to start sleeping around if only to take the pressure off him. His response was that it's been less than 24 hours and how dare I bitch.
Now, I might agree with that but it'd been a month or so previously. And that's our MO. We go months. And months. And months, sometimes. And I don't like it one bit. So I worry that we're going back to that. But he wouldn't hear it. I'm not allowed to bitch if it's only been 24 hours. I'm also not allowed to bitch if it's been a month, though, because why would he want to have sex with me if I'm bitching?
I'm at a bit of a loss. Although, I realised this morning that I am being somewhat unfair. Yes, I worry we'll go back to being sexless but I also realise that we've had a lot more sex this year than we did almost even when we were first married. Well. Almost. And lately we've had a lot of really fun sex, too.
And really... I recognise that I'm partly to blame for not doing some of the fun things we were doing when I first started to sleep around. We had quite a lot of sex, then. And I admit some of that was because of my extremely aggressive, willing attitude.
Unfortunately, some of the stoppage was because when my extremely aggressive, willing attitude was being aimed solely on Husband he began to feel free to say "no."
Well. We won't talk about it tonight. But maybe we'll play.
2 comments:
Do you think he masturbates, or that hes just not interested in sex at all? Hmm... Strange.
Being turned down for sex, from your husband especially, feels like a slap in the face. It always does for me. I suddenly start thinking that I'm unattractive, or that he doesn't love me. Its a shitty feeling.
I hope you guys can iron this out!!
xoxo
There's no question he masturbates on a daily basis, usually.
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