Why am I awake?

I have a bunch of stress going on having to do with a funeral (for someone I could pretty much not care less about) and the family's inability to make a concrete decision about anything. I waited for two days before finding out for sure what was going on at which point I told my place of work when I'd need to be off... and then the family changed the fucking date. So on my day off I get to go in to work and return the keys I accidentally took home with me and then see what's going on with the schedule. I'm fucking irritated.

AND I found my first grey hair in 10 years. I plucked it out, staring at it disbelievingly. What the fuck?


There are at least three men I look at lustfully while I'm at work. One I see hardly ever at all and I don't know why the fuck I find myself wanting to get into his pants. It's very obviously more about the way he acts than anything else. I found myself considering the way his hair would stick to the nape of his neck as he fucked me. I'm not the world's biggest fan of sweat... but the visualization was strong. Another reminds me very much of the guy who used to stand in front of me at the bus stop when I was in high school. A guy who sexy broad shoulders. The one that made me obsessed with sexy broad shoulders. This guy has them, too. And he's funny. And a good teacher, one of the few (only?) people I've ever worked with who not only knows his stuff but is very good at teaching it to others without coming across as a know-it-all. I find myself wondering what else he's knowledgeable about... and wanting very much to find out. The third I mentioned recently. The new boy who may or may not be as sexy as I think he is. I didn't see him today.

A guy came in who looked very much like Nils. Similar uniform and everything. I had to do a double-take. But it wasn't him at all. It never will be.

And I got to flirt with another customer. I'm trying to remember how. I asked him for his number (as is my job). He declined, with some comment about me calling him. I reminded him it wasn't for personal use then added that perhaps it could be afterall. "My wife wouldn't like that much," he said with a grin. I whispered back "she wouldn't have to know." "I've heard that before," he told me. Which sent me into a fit of giggles. I bet he has. I never did get his number.