Crap day tomorrow.

And tomorrow's crap day starts way too early. I get to spend most of the day in a stupid-ass training session. I'm going to try very hard to think it's interesting but mostly I expect to feel annoyed.

Meanwhile, shortly after showing up for work one of the Jones came in. Jones is one of the guys I've mentioned previously who comes to do some contracting work at my business. To preface ALL of this, Jones came in the last time I worked and brought his brother to help out. Jones' brother is HOT. So, when Jones came in I told him, "He doesn't need to know this but your bother is really... he's really built." I giggled shyly.

Jones got that sly look he gets "I'll tell him you said something."

"No!" I yelped. "He does NOT need to know!"

Jones frowned, "why not?"

"Because he just doesn't!"

He smiled again, "it's funny because he said something about you, too." I got all shy and blushy. I never quite figured out what it was his brother said about me (or if he really did say anything about me at all). Besides the shy and blushy bit, I got incredibly (and unexpectedly) horny as hell. I mean, like, immediate and unignorable wetness. I wanted to cum right then. However, since that CLEARLY wasn't an option I kept it together.

When Jones left I definately got the feeling he was going to tell his brother. Which wouldn't neccessarily be a bad thing. Except it makes me nervous. I really do try to keep my sex away from my work....

I'm not an ass woman.

However, I sure have been noticing a lot of those, lately. On men. Deliciously firm, things leading up to narrow waists.. broad shoulders... did I mention my love of broad shoulders? I do. Love them. A lot.

There was a guy at the store. Husband was there and I wanted to point this super hot guy out to him. Except husband doesn't GET it. Whereas I can point a hot chick out to him (and most often hear "I know") pointing out hot guys doesn't interest him at all.

But I got all giggly none the less.

I want to fuck men. Lots of men. With broad shoulders. And hot mouths.

De lovely.

I think I have spring fever. And if I have it... well. Work might suck for a while.

Meanwhile, husband and I are snuggly and happy. Last night he even made out with me, though neither of us had sex in mind. That was awesome.

Not that I'm not still lusty. I'm just in a seriously good mood.

Titter.

I spent the day being generally irritable and entirely horny. Clearly, I need some.

As I was walking from one part of the building to another I gazed upon the beauty that was this super hot guy in a tucked in thing t-shirt and loose fitting pants. So yummy. I love the curve of a man's waist into the flare of lats and broad shoulders. Sexy. I had to hide a huuuuuuuge grin as I walked past because it made me feel so very good just to see and want a hot guy. Being off the pill is WONDERFUL.

While I was running around like a crazy woman at work, Evando saw me. I was having a rather rushed, unpleasant day today and while I was trying to run out of the house I couldn't find a rubber band for my hair so I left it down. I spent a lot of the day out in the rain, working so my face was flushed just a bit and my hair just damp enough to lay just right. Basically, I had to admit I was looking pretty decent all things considered. I passed by him and he said "those people over there need some help. And you look sexy!" I didn't have time to respond and in fact didn't see him again for the rest of the night. But I was pleased. Greatly. I wanted to go hunt him down in the hopes of being fawned over.

Meanwhile, this OTHER semi-hot guy from work showed up and brough his brother... who was WAY hot. Me: *drool* Except I didn't have time to check him out more than passingly, either. Which really really disappointed me. He was FINE.

Tomorrow... I'm off. However, I'll go to work at least briefly to pick something up and talk to my manager about the thing that kept me running around like a nutcase all evening. And supposedly Li will be there....

Solo

Last night I took some nyquil and crawled into bed. It was all I could do to actually get under the covers and arrange my pillows. I just wanted to crash. Husband came to tuck me in and I told him that I was supposed to start the pill Sunday (today) but that I didn't think I would, because I didn't see much point in it. The amount of sex he and I have is negligable and doesn't make it worth it... and I feel soooooooo much better being off the pill. "I might even go sleep around again!"

Now, at the time I was really really really tired so I was no in no condition to guage reaction but he seemed okay with it. I hope. I can check in on that later this afternoon before I make a final decision.

Meanwhile, he left the room and I lay there for about a minute before I decided I was too desperately horny and HAD to cum. Which I did rather quickly, a single (very tired) hand being my sole source of stimulation. With nothing inside, my body doesn't really cum as completely as it is capable so while the orgasm isn't as intense, it lasts longer. So, as I drifted off to sleep my body continued to tingle deep inside.

One of my dogs crawled under the covers with me and snuggled up close. A lovely way to fall asleep.

Fun.

Last night I was bored and aching to do something fun. ANYTHING. But nothing really came up. So I got the bright idea to call husband's friend and see what he was up to and if the three of us could hang out.

We ended up going over to his place and hanging out for the better part of the night. We watched part of an older gangsta movie and then moved on to him playing what it probably my favorite game right now, Katamari Damacy. We'd brought it for him to play. However, it's really hard to sit and watch someone else play when all you want to do is take over and do it your damned self! However, we hung. We chatted. We entertained ourself. Once husband and I were good and tired we started getting ready to go and his friend flipped the game off.

The TV happened to be on HBO and at a glance I said "ah, Taxi Cab confessions." "You're good!" the friend said. I smiled "yeah, I've watched a few episodes. But it's never really that interesting." The friend disagreed, "some of them are really good." At which point this woman spreads her legs and starts playing with herself. And then her boyfriend starts. Her breasts are showing and he's got his hand going between her legs, all the while the guy looks completely normal while she writhes and moans. Suddenly, she moves around on the seat and he starts going down on her. I have a moment of... god knows what. What started as a normal evening has just degenerated.

I'm sitting on the couch. Husband and his friend are standing a bit off to my right... and friend's STBX comes walking in and see's what's on tv "I was wondering what you were watching!" I have nothing to say.

We all stay in our places, transfixed. And then cabbie starts turning around to watch... even as he drives. Talk begins again, laughing at the cab driver for being such a voyeur (like we're not).

Next up is a transexual. No nudity. Just much amusement between us all. Eventually the show ends and we leave.

Except I forgot my wallet. I turn around, as husband waits, and knock. His friend lets me in, "don't try to steal my wallet again!" I tell him (referencing absolutely no incidents of previous wallet stealing). I step inside and he closes the door. We walk to the couch. "I don't have it in my back pockets! You can feel!" he says, leaning over to look for my wallet. I momentarily consider it, but stop myself. He lifts the couch cushion and finds it. "I was trying to leave incriminating evidence," I tell him. "Go ahead!" he says. I laugh. I have to put my shoes back on. I'm intimately aware of the fact that he's standing so close behind me, and I have to bend over to put on my shoes....

Nothing happens. I leave, just as I enterered. Talking to husband's friend, a few sexual innuendos from him. "It only took about 35 seconds. Next time it'll last longer. Got to build up the momentum" he says. Husband's lost. "What?"

We go home.

I go to bed horny. I wake up horny.

I like being off the pill.

Friend will be over later this week. What to do? What to do.....

Bleh

I saw Li today, again. It was a pleasant surprise. Until we virtually ignored one another. Too many people around. I tried not to ignore him but ended up doing so, and he tends to be rather easily offended sometimes. So much for that.

Meanwhile I was walking to get my lunch when I found myself gazing at man after man thinking "man!" Yeah. That's me. I was hoping one of them would be atleast attractive... but none of them were. That sucked, too.

I sent a message to husband's friend (did I ever come up with a name for him?) flirting right back after he flirted with me. It makes me nervous that he'll take it too seriously. But I kinda want him to. Except I don't.

Yep. I'm decisive.

Let it be said.

Husband and I are doing pretty darned well together. Besides having had sex recently (which puts me in a lovely mood) which was quite pleasant for both of us, we did have that talk last month... and a shorter more pleasant version this month. I'm not miserable anymore. Not by a long shot.

Don't get me wrong, I could still use a heck of a lot more affection. Yesterday, as I was explaining that I'm really NOT planning on leaving him anytime soon because I'm okay, I put my arms around him... and he put his arms around me... and we hugged and we kissed... and I realised that we haven't really kissed lovingly in a really really long time. There's the morning kisses (off to work) and the bedtime kisses (goodnight) but nothing really in between.

I could still use the in between. But I'm not dying without it. I'm not crying over it. Besides, he's not THAT great of a kisser anyway! Heh heh.

Revisited.

I took the Dante's inferno test months ago. I was originally slated for level 4. Now... this. Apparently I'm less treacherous than I used to be. Go figure.


The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Extreme
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

The Long Talk

Actually, it wasn't the long talk. We had that last month. I brought up the D word that day. And added "I sit here some days and try to figure out how the fuck I'm going to make it on my own with the dogs... and know that financially I just can't and I need to figure something out."

It got his attention for a while. He swears he's trying to be less complacent. And it's true. I'm much less miserable.

So we watched Oprah (well, okay, I did) and I made fun of the couples on the show. Well, one in particular, and we talked about our own relationship. Much as he hates having those kinds of talks, it helps me a lot. Just to know where we stand and what's going on. I never liked feeling SO completely disconnected from him as I have in the last year. I finally told him, "you know, I DON'T like feeling like there are things I'm NOT allowed to talk about with you. I hate that." Maybe he gets it. Maybe not.

However, it was a good talk. And I don't think he was upset by it. Which is very good.

No sex.

Since this has become my sole blog (and I haven't been keeping a paper journal) this has become my only outlet for my writing. Mostly it's okay that it's about sex. Today, not so much. I need to whine.

Years ago I had a pet rat. She was exceptionally important to me as a pet, so much so that I snuck her on a plane to travel cross country with her. About a year and a half later she died and it was heartbreaking for me. Of course I was prepared for her death but it was still very difficult to see her go and it still has the ability to upset me.

Fast forward to two months ago. Wandering through a pet store I came across a rat in need of adoption. Someone gave her up to the store so they'd find her a home. I decided to be that home and named her Min. However, with two dogs it's been difficult to give her the time and attention she needs. And rats, being very social creatures, really need a lot of attention.

Fast forward again to last night. I'd already decided to get Min a companion. I bought a larger cage (over $100 worth of cage, I might add) and then had to rush from one pet store to another before they closed trying to find another female rat. Success occurred 8 minutes before that particular store closed.

I took a huge chance and put together the new cage and moved both rats in without introduction. There were a few small tiffs but nothing serious. I watched them well into the night and discovered while they tollerated one another they wouldn't sleep together. I put the white box the second rat had been in into the cage. And as Min climbed over it, discovered blood. I checked her out thoroughly but could find no source. I put her back... and more blood. Watery. I continued to watch and came to discover it's coming from either her vagina or her bladder. Whatever the case may be, that's not normal healthy rat behavior. She's either got an infection or a tumor. And either has the possibility of being fatal.

How pissed off am I going to be if Min dies right after I got her a companion? The two are sleeping together now, having made friends while I was asleep.

I won't be heartbroken if she dies. Just disappointed.

*giggle*

Today pretty much sucked.

I started taking my pill and then said "fuck it" and decided to skip it until my next period. Which just arrived today. About a week and a half after my last one. Because that's what happens when you stop taking the pill. Fuck. So I guess I'll be going back on it on Sun...umm... today? Naw, I'll wait until next week.

Meanwhile, I had to run through the other building and saw Evando (the guy I was flirting with the other day). I watched him until he looked up from what he was doing and immediately had to look away. There's defiantely some kind of chemistry there because I had a huge grin as soon as he glanced at me. It's the only reason I looked away. So he wouldn't see just how he effected me.

No, I still won't sleep with him. . but some reactions are just uncontrolable.

Zzzz.

I'm really tired. I get tomorrow off and I'm WAY looking forward to that. I need it. Badly.

For whatever reason my schedule got flipped around all weird so I didn't get the sort of sleep I'm used to the last couple of days.

I'm not very interesting right now. I may become more interesting tomorrow. One can always hope.

Unfortuantely, I was teased with Li twice last week and he didn't show up the day I was supposed to see him. I wasn't amused. I never bothered to call to ask why. Too busy. So blah.

Ha ha!

There's this guy at work that I like to flirt with. Just a little. We have this shy little back and forth going where he gets too flirty and I'll back off or I'll get too flirty and he'll back off. It's really all innocent but we have fun.

Today I was working in a particular area and ended up with a stray weight lifting strap in my hand. I considered it momentarily and called him over. "Put your hand in here," I said. He frowned, "why?" "Put your hand in here!" "What're you going to do?" "PUT YOUR HAND IN HERE!" I repeated. Finally he held out his hand and I very matter of factly strapped it to his wrist. Just because.

And then I realised that the strap on the end has velcro. At which point I promptly strapped his hand to a nearby metal pole. It was amusing.

He laughed and told me that HE was not into being tied up. Although he *really* seemed to enjoy it. Even the girl who was watching commented on it. He then went on to make a comment about making the strap longer to make it more useful. I was okay with the length.

I freed him (since he had something in his other hand) and he told me "gee, maybe I should go buy that for when I go to see my girlfriend." He's always talking about his girlfriend at times like these. You know, reminders. However, he was flirting with ME. Making references to tying ME up. For a moment. And then, of course... the girlfriend.

It amuses me. I won't fuck him. Even if he begged. But it's fun to flirt. Just a little.

Men.

The first time you fuck them is the LAST time you get a body massage*.

* said in humor, not bitterness. Really.

Fantasy

Every so often I sit down and think about something and think "I ought to come up with a fantasy about that."

I don't really fantasize all that often. Maybe for a second in the heat of the moment. Or for a bit afterward. Or when I'm REALLY horny and frustrated. Or the day after a particularly good shagging (always wanted to use that word). Okay, so I fantasize a little. But not like... to GET horny. Or to get off. It just doesn't work that way with me.

So I was considering Mr. Peterson (yeah, the killer... AGAIN) and thinking how different his life could have been. And how hot he is.

And I continue to find the whole thing exceptionally disturbing. Thank god it's only thoughts. It has nothing to do with the homocidal/infanticidal thing, either. I swear. I just find him deliciously hot and think he ought to have been a movie actor. And then I stop myself. Because I just don't want to think about him that way because he's a killer. You know?

On another note, I think I might really like that movie Win A Date with Tad Hamilton. I've only watched the begining so far but it's kind of sappy sweet but in a way I appreciate. And I have a thing for Topher Grace, who I'm amazed to discover is ACTUALLY MY AGE! And there's a soft spot in my heart for Josh Duhamel who was on All My Children during the time when I had nothing to do all day at work and got only one channel's worth of reception. Oh, and he looks pretty hot in this movie, too. And he's older than me. Which shocks the hell out of me, too.

Anyway. One gets a clue about one of my tastes in men. Clean cut. Cute boy next door. Yummy.

But that's not all....

Snip.

I watched the tail end of a documentary last night about castration. The movie, called American Eunuchs was really pretty interesting. There were some really odd people in the show, of course, who did some really odd things to themselves and others. I ended up staying up to watch a repeat of it so I could catch the beginning.

Among the "characters" was a young couple where the guy had himself completely de-sexed. He found intimacy with his wife unpleasant and made the decision to undergo the procedure. Then start dressing in drag. It was all very odd. Given a final chance to masturbate before going under the knife he quickly and decisively declined with an "absolutely not!" His wife was on camera, trying to be supportive but obviously very uncomfortable with the idea of sex or of sexual organs herself.

It got me to thinking about what would happen if husband were to ever consider such a thing (which believe me is the LAST thing on his mind, he appreciates what his testicles do for him). What would it be like to be married to someone like that? And I realise I'd leave his ass in a heartbeat. Much as I'd wish him luck (although strongly believing he'd be doomed to misery) I don't think I'd be able to hang out for that kind of body mod.

It was just an interesting show about a small (but apparently increasing) part of society.

On a COMPLETELY unrelated note I really have to say that Scott Peterson (yeah, the killer) is like... way hot. Hot people shouldn't do bad things. Especially things that bad. Because it makes me really uncomfortable to find really bad people to be really hot.

Oh, la la.

I'm still sick. But not even as sick as I was this morning. I shall still be working hard to get a lot of rest tomorrow on my 2nd day off since I won't get another until at least next Monday.

I called Li today to ask him where the heck he was and if he'd be in this week. Turns out he'll be in tomorrow. Yeah, my day off. Lovely. I specifically asked my manager "can't Li come in another day of the week than Monday" (which is now, apparently, eternally my day off) but when asked, yesterday (my first day off) if he should come in today (my day on in the middle of my days off) she said "no." Grr. Is she trying to keep me from him!?!

So I'm irritated with her.

But he didn't know any of this, including when he'd be in. I found this all out later. When he did find out when he'd be in he called me back to let me know. Then asked "will you be there?" I told him "no" but felt a secret thrill that he cared enough to ask.

Of course, he followed it up with another question which was entirely work-related and would account for him asking me if I'd be there.

I liked hearing his voice. It made me think of what he'd sound like using that barely above a whisper-post-sex voice....

Blech.

I continue to feel ill. Ill enough to not want to go to work but not ill enough that I'm incapable of work. I don't intend to do much in the way of heavy lifting or running around, though, I'll tell you that for sure!

Not like Sunday when I ended up going home with an incredible fever.

I figure today will be another of those days when all I want to do is go lay the hell down by the end of the day. I'll be really surprised if I don't end up with another fever tonight.

I'm eating less than a 1/4 of what I usually eat which is great for weightloss but I worry that it's going to make my body too weak to fight whatever type of infection this is. I tried eating some cookies last night (mmm... oreos... I LOVE oreos) and managed to get through two before I was done eating. Two.

I'm not even sick to my stomach.

I'm sure I'm going to die.

Okay, maybe not. But I sort of wish I would.

Needless to say Semper Sexualis is now available in a sex-free variety....

If there's anything worse...

I'm sick. AGAIN. I mean, seriously. May be the same stuff. Apparently I over did it yesterday with the not getting enough sleep and too much exercise because I'm dragging ass... with a headache. AGAIN.

Am I being punished for sex?

If there is anything better...

I masturbated a bit ago. And came, of course.

It was rather an unplanned thing. Brought on by god only knows what. Just a sudden, intense, desire to touch myself. The orgasm... surprisingly strong. One of those kinds where the entire world disappears for a good 10 seconds. There is only mind numbing pleasure.

And afterward anything but numbness. The entire inside of my pussy remembers the sensation distinctly. And it trembles with remembered pleasure.

I could spend the day this way....

Well. That took care of that.

This morning I woke up so I could go to work. I ran in and took my morning shower and then went back to wake husband up since it was already almost 11 am and he rarely sleeps that late. I crawled back into bed with him and we talked for a while. Finally I crawled on top of him the playful way I do sometimes and humped on him for a while.

Eventually, I climbed off and suddenly thought "well, it's early morning... " and reached under the blankets and sure enough, he was hard. YES!

So, I slipped off my pants and tried to slide him inside me... but I was way too dry. It wasn't comfortable for either of us. "Are you going to sand my dick off?" he asked me, wincing. So, I gave up. I played with his cock a bit longer before finally deciding to go downstairs. "We can still have sex!" he said. I shrugged. It's not like I was really into it and at this point it was getting toward time for me to leave for work. Generally once I go downstairs I try not to go back upstairs. "Naw," I said. But he was insistant, "please come back. With lube." I shrugged again, "maybe I'll just go masturbate downstairs." "Will that make you wet?" "Yeah." "Then come back upstairs when you're done and we can have sex!" "No. And you better not masturbate."

I went downstairs and let the dogs out... and back in. Grabbed the lube, and went back upstairs for my sex. I mean, much as I wasn't that into it I was bound and determined to have my first sex in something like the last month (or more) and my first sex with him since November 29th. It wasn't long before we were in my favorite position (doggy) and I was cumming. He was tired from thrusting (wha?!?) and lay back on the bed while I recovered from my orgasm. Finally, I moved over and began to play with him a bit, finally urging him to masturbate while I helped.

One orgasm each, and I was off to work at a reasonable hour. It was a very very nice morning.

Morning Woody

How come guys get to have morning woodies and women get... nothing? No pithy name. Nothing. Fuckers.

This morning I woke up horny. I knew I needed to get some laundry done before I went to work. The timing might be kind of tough. But I stayed in bed the extra 15 minutes and masturbated. It wasn't a great orgasm, but it felt so good laying, rubbing my clit... using only my own wetness, my own hands... and of course a book of penthouse letters. Gotta have my porn.

I got out of bed refreshed and ready to start the day.

Nothin'.

I got nothing. Nothing to say. Nothing to do.

I've had a headache for most of the day and ended up having to write up TWO accident reports at work for the two people who worked with me today. Two out of three. I was lucky to survive. One was stupid, one was neccessary. The stupid one wanted his written up because he was jealous of the neccessary one.

I fucking hate the stupid one. I wanted to smack him. Then he ran around telling the manager who was there that he'd wanted to write an accident report sooner but I told him "no." Which was an OUTRIGHT LIE. I couldn't believe it. Luckily, she knew better.

It was about this time I ended up with the tremendous headache. There was a reasonably cute guy around at this time and I would loved to have flirted with him at least a little but I felt awful.

I have, however, been flirting with husband's friend via e-mail. Just a little.

To pill or not to pill.

It's Thursday. I have until close of business (bed time) Sunday to decide if I'm going to go back on the pill this month.

I miss my sex life. And I'm just not horny when I'm on it. And it's not like it's doing me any good since husband ain't taking advantage of it. And it doesn't look like he's going to anytime soon.

So I'm torturing myself with these hormones why, exactly?

btw

I'd like to thank the smartass who found my site looking for a taste of the good wife on yahoo.

And the nicer people who were actually looking for ME who found me on both google and yahoo.

Nice to know someone still cares. Although I continue to question why anyone's looking me up on the search engines by name....

Mmm. Beer.

Husband and I took his friend out for dinner. My idea, thank you very much. I swear I gotta come up with everything!

So we all hung together and chatted. Mostly it was husband's friend chatting. He sure can chat. I threw a few things in, but never too much.

By the end of the night he said something about having gone eight months without having sex. I offered to help him with that. No, actually, I didn't because husband was there. But I should have.

We people watched as the worst waiter EVER served us (or rather failed to... repeatedly). I ended up seeing one of the hottest guys ever which both of the guys I was with had to admit was pretty damned fine. Later husband mentioned something about me leaving a wet spot in the chair over this guy and I had to admit it was MORE than true.

So by the time I got home I was super duper horny. And husband was super duper tired. I crawled over him, "you know when I drink I get horny. And when I have my period I get horny. And when I'm off the pill I get horny. I am SO HORNY right now." But of course, he was tired so I let him be. And I still haven't even masturbated.

That's just so wrong.

I'm seriously considering buying the Canon digital Rebel camera for a pretty penny. If I do that... maybe I'll have to post some interesting pictures. Eh, who am I kidding?

Semper Sexualis

Your clearinghouse for information on lost bloggers....

Yeah, I know what happened to Average Joe. Having not gained permission to broadcast his where abouts directly, I'll keep vaguely mum. However, it's safe to say all links to that blog are now permanently broken.

However, if you were a regular reader (or he was a regular reader of yours) you'll find him sooner than you think.

I still want a better answer for Kathy's disappearance. She can't write notes/e-mails now, either? C'mon now.

But more importantly, what kind of answers can I give those who end up on my page while searching google for "kathy's affair", "a taste of the good wife", and "Mistress Matisse"? Oops. Is my bitterness poking through? Really, it's only a matter of time before I start getting hits on Joe's name.... *sigh* I'm important, too!

As long as I'm putting out calls for information, what the hell happened to Peter of Peter's POV?!? It's heading well into two months of non-activity without explaination....

Score! Sorta.

I did go and buy the chamoise cube I mentioned earlier. The exact one shown, actually. Although in store they have a few other covers on it. This one matches the decor in the living room so. There you go.

I'm not so sure much is going to come of it, but I told husband to position himself on it and tried the fit and it's really perfect. In fact, if it had the extra four inches the Liberator cube boasts, it would be too tall for both myself and the furniture. I was on top... and there was no familiar cramping at the hip or anything. I'm so digging the idea of this.

I lay across husband and moved over him, and kissed him a few times. "This is GREAT," I told him. "I could fuck the hell out of you like this!" After a few moments I got up. "Let me know when we can use this," I said.

And that will be that. I'm sure.

okay....

now wtf happened to "incredibly bad decisions" by average joe? I can't think that anyone who's blog disappeared that way has come back so I'm guessing he's gone. I'll give it a day or so. Unless someone 'fesses up and tells me what happened THIS time....

Suggestion

For those who are cheap but want to try something new...

would this not be an excellent (if noticably shorter) substitute for this? I only bring this up because I'm cheap and am probably limited to fantasizing about it rather than actually USING it.

Same polyurethane core, though.

I sat on it at the store. I considered buying it. I think I just may.....

Anon, nurse!

...I got better.

Regular posting shall return anon.

For the record

I'm exceptionally ill. And way tired of it.

Thank you.

Lessee...

I spent the better part of Tuesday with Li. I actually managed to be constructive most of the time, which is good. And it was really nice. We had a REAL conversation and talked about something that was rather serious and philisophical and all that.

And then somehow we got on the subject of some famous musicians rumored orgies. Which apparently happen nightly, Li told me with disgust. I smiled at that and finally asked him, "are you saying if you could do that you WOULDN'T?" "No," he said. I grinned and said slowly, "yeah... me... neither." He smiled and shook his head, "you would, wouldn't you?" I tilted my head thoughtfully, "yeah... I mean, I'd at least try it."

He laughed at me and said "I think sex should be between two people who care about each other." I tried not to gag. Then he added quickly, "I mean, I believe in casual sex and all that but I think it should be between people who have a connection. Like, you can really feel them." Ah, a man after my own heart. "You know, someone where you can look into their eyes," which caused me to glance at him then quickly look away, "and really know that they're THERE. I've been with some women where it's like they're dead inside and I don't like that."

I hate to admit it, but I feel him there. I like my men to have something inside them that interests me. It's why I really haven't slept with anyone lately. Lack of availability of those I'm most interested in and lack of interest in those who're most available.

Later that evening after Li had gone home another man who comes to my job to do work occasionally came in. This is yet another fine man who holds pretty much no interest for me. While I find him physically attractive, I find him mentally not at all correct for me. He tries too hard with the flirting. He knows he's hot (and probably used to be even hotter) and tries to charm his way through the place. I don't DISLIKE him, don't get me wrong. He looked at me and said "you look... like you're glowing. Like, nice."

I shrugged it off, "I'm sick, I'm probably a little feverish." Then I thought for a second longer, "plus, I just spent like two hours around Li." "What?" He asked. I repeated myself. "What?" he said again. I repeated myself. He was quiet for a second and asked, "who's Li?" I shook my head, "You talked to him earlier and you don't even know his name?!?" It clicked for him then and he asked, "Oh! You like him? Does he know?" I answered affirmatively to the question. "Have you kissed him?!?" I shook my head, "naw, it's not like that." "I could have gotten you two hooked up!" "It's really not like that," I asserted. "Why?" he asked. I bit my lip. If there is one thing Li is... it's private. "I don't think he'd like me to talk about it. But we have an understanding. And, he has a girlfriend." "So?" he said. "It matters." "To who?" "To him." He shook his head, in disbelief.

It reminded me of something one of my chat buddies said not too long ago. "There's nothing uglier than a man playing hard to get." Heh. Yeah.

Except I actually want Li on HIS terms or not at all. Because it matters to me, too.

Luckily, I don't keep all my eggs in one basket....

Oh... damn.

I was reading the new blog I added to the list "Wants and Needs" when it struck me. I believe I've done this to my husband, even though it's very much NOT what I wanted to do at all. There have been times where I thought he was awful in bed (and really, it's not a lie) and found the sex to be beyond lack luster. However, I've worked on teaching him a few tricks. And learning a few of my own. And trying them on him.

The sex has only improved. I cum everytime now.

Except there have been a few times when he hasn't. Maybe he's as heartbroke as I used to be when I never came. Maybe it's my fault for complaining at all about the sex we had... when we had it. Maybe I'm the reason he doesn't want to go have sex with someone else.

Maybe I should just go ahead and shoot myself in the OTHER foot while I'm at it....

Thinking.

It's fairly clear to me that I'm slowly becoming a bit of a kinkster. Rope is becoming more and more of a fascination.

Also, when I think of the guy I want to sleep with (who's nickname remains questionable) I think of doing dirty dirty things with him and having him cum all over me. I like the idea. A lot. And I swear I never used to.

I do not, however, have any interest in swallowing. Sorry. I mean, except his cock.