Lessee...

I spent the better part of Tuesday with Li. I actually managed to be constructive most of the time, which is good. And it was really nice. We had a REAL conversation and talked about something that was rather serious and philisophical and all that.

And then somehow we got on the subject of some famous musicians rumored orgies. Which apparently happen nightly, Li told me with disgust. I smiled at that and finally asked him, "are you saying if you could do that you WOULDN'T?" "No," he said. I grinned and said slowly, "yeah... me... neither." He smiled and shook his head, "you would, wouldn't you?" I tilted my head thoughtfully, "yeah... I mean, I'd at least try it."

He laughed at me and said "I think sex should be between two people who care about each other." I tried not to gag. Then he added quickly, "I mean, I believe in casual sex and all that but I think it should be between people who have a connection. Like, you can really feel them." Ah, a man after my own heart. "You know, someone where you can look into their eyes," which caused me to glance at him then quickly look away, "and really know that they're THERE. I've been with some women where it's like they're dead inside and I don't like that."

I hate to admit it, but I feel him there. I like my men to have something inside them that interests me. It's why I really haven't slept with anyone lately. Lack of availability of those I'm most interested in and lack of interest in those who're most available.

Later that evening after Li had gone home another man who comes to my job to do work occasionally came in. This is yet another fine man who holds pretty much no interest for me. While I find him physically attractive, I find him mentally not at all correct for me. He tries too hard with the flirting. He knows he's hot (and probably used to be even hotter) and tries to charm his way through the place. I don't DISLIKE him, don't get me wrong. He looked at me and said "you look... like you're glowing. Like, nice."

I shrugged it off, "I'm sick, I'm probably a little feverish." Then I thought for a second longer, "plus, I just spent like two hours around Li." "What?" He asked. I repeated myself. "What?" he said again. I repeated myself. He was quiet for a second and asked, "who's Li?" I shook my head, "You talked to him earlier and you don't even know his name?!?" It clicked for him then and he asked, "Oh! You like him? Does he know?" I answered affirmatively to the question. "Have you kissed him?!?" I shook my head, "naw, it's not like that." "I could have gotten you two hooked up!" "It's really not like that," I asserted. "Why?" he asked. I bit my lip. If there is one thing Li is... it's private. "I don't think he'd like me to talk about it. But we have an understanding. And, he has a girlfriend." "So?" he said. "It matters." "To who?" "To him." He shook his head, in disbelief.

It reminded me of something one of my chat buddies said not too long ago. "There's nothing uglier than a man playing hard to get." Heh. Yeah.

Except I actually want Li on HIS terms or not at all. Because it matters to me, too.

Luckily, I don't keep all my eggs in one basket....