Life is making me crazy. I cry all the time right now. I keep telling myself to focus on the positive and the future and stop dwelling on the present and on the crap going on... but it's awfully hard. Being out of work SUCKS. I lay down at night in this sick, numb state and everytime I try to relax enough to sleep I start crying. It's not good. It'll get better. It will....
I miss Martin. Now more than ever I wish I could sit down and talk to him and have him help me not be so scared. I look up to him in some ways. I could call but it's just not the same.
I miss Keith, too. Although I admit to myself my relationship with him has always been kind of weird. I mean, it was passionate and it had some real potential... but at the same time we delighted in admitting to one another that it'd never work out in the real world. But the sex... and the potential of the sex....
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