Is that a joke?

The other day was my birthday.

A woman came into work and offered me a kiss. I declined, embarrassed and forgot about the whole thing. A while later one of my male coworkers came up to me and said "I hear you got offered a kiss." "How the hell did you hear about that??!" I asked. He never responded, but I'm pretty sure I know who it was via process of elimination. Later in the day with a bunch of my other coworkers running around he said "Happy birthday, would you like a kiss?" I think I managed to look really embarrassed and when I tried to respond found my voice gone. I left the area quickly.

The problem is that I work with only a few males. And none of them is particularly hot. He, however, is easily the hottest of them. In fact, some women might even say he IS hot. But I try really hard not to think of him that way. So when he asked if I wanted a kiss, part of me wanted to say "yes!" The other day I caught myself fantasizing about him. I quickly stopped and now he's flirting with me? I soooo don't need a crush on this man.

However, as a testament to how really horny I am, I found myself gazing longingly at the guy behind the counter at whole foods. It's not that he was so hot but that mattered not at all. He kind of reminded me of someone in a very vague way. And I wanted to nail him.

Meanwhile, to put things in their worst possible light... I picked out my birthday present months ago. I told husband I would be buying it and that it might as well be my birthday present. We were at a book store several days before my birthday and I suggested he go and pick me out a card before we left. He declined, saying he'd do it later. Here comes my birthday and I wake husband up early for a reason unrelated to anything else and then 20 minutes later finally remind him to say happy birthday to me. That evening, husband and I go and get my present, picking it up and paying for it myself. I call my sister and make plans for the three of us to go out to dinner. When the bill comes, I pay. We went to whole foods and picked out some sweets to eat as my "birthday cake." We reach the counter and I pay. I drive us all home, dropping off my sister. Once inside the house, we eat our sweets, watch some tv and go to bed. Husband kisses me perfunctorily as usual and that's that. At which point I pretty much repeated what I've typed here back to him. I didn't even get a mother fucking card from him. Not a post it. Nothing.

This reminds me very much of the divorce chronicles I've read from others. "Celebrations" of holidays still occur but they become very impersonal. Suddenly the cards and presents are thoughtless or nonexistent. I totally understand that I paid for everything using our joint account so it matters not at all that I pulled out my card, but it's really the thought. Or in this case, the thoughtlessness. I mean, really, should I take this as anything OTHER than a message?