Being with DB is very much an unreal dream. Our coming together is something altogether overwhelming to me at times. He has flaws. I'm sure soon I'll figure it the fatal one that will ruin the fairy tale fantasy that is in my head.
I don't want to marry him or move in with him. I just want him to be my main guy for sex. And I don't want any beautiful, willing submissive women stepping into my place. Though I know, at some point, I will be usurped. I'm okay with that. Except when I'm not.
DB and I have a nice chemistry that really works. I maintain that my desire for him is at least twice his desire for me... But I've never dared say it. I can only imagine his irritation at my uniquely inflated ego.
Almost every time I see him, I bring a new toy. Tonight I brought an older toy we've never used and a newer flogger. We used both.
While DB flogged me, I cried. Not in sadness, for sure. Just a reaction to the pain and uncertainty. I think he's noticed how much I like to be aware of what he's doing, but he delights in surprising me. Switching floggers or changing to a paddle, without warning. Tonight he warned me not to peek. That delightful fear and anticipation was enough to make me cry.
Afterward, he let me come over and over again as he always does. The beauty of the feelings, the never ending orgasms, feeling him close, it was all enough to bring tears back to my eyes as I came for him.
I crave him. I want him.
And I know it's new relationship energy and sub frenzy and every other thing that comes with a new lover and intense experiences... But I love him, too.
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Monday, September 18, 2017
There are times when I've been away from a lover for a week or more and been hungry for them. I fantasize about the sexual explosion that I know we've earned from the long absence. And then we get back together and I think "that's it? That's what I get?"
I've had a lot of disappointing encounters, even with men I have strong appreciation for. One thing I can say for DB is that there was none of that "that's it?"
DB went out of town for just over a week and came back. I ached to feel his body against mine, his cock inside me. I looked forward to the feel of his tongue against my own and the way his fingers would tug and pull on my nipples, sending thrilling shocks of delight through my body.
Somehow, I was sure that when we got back together it would be nothing short of explosive. And I was right, this time.
The one thing DB and I have is chemistry. My lust for him is matched only by his lust for me. My desire to feel the kiss of leather on my skin equaled by his desire to make me moan and gasp from the flogger he wields.
I think I've bought all the floggers he's used on me. The suede one I ordered that took several weeks to arrive appears to be our favorite. Purple suede falls with a kind round tip. He can make it hurt, but only with a lot of effort and desire on his part. Mostly it's a sexy, teasing kind of massage.
He likes to make me hurt. But only so far as I enjoy it. It's one of the things I love about him. I never get the feeling he enjoys hurting me out of anger or hatred towards women in general or me, specifically. He likes to hurt me as much as I want the sensation. And then he likes to make me come over and over.
So when he came back into town and we got back together I threw myself into his arms. And there was no looking back.
I've had a lot of disappointing encounters, even with men I have strong appreciation for. One thing I can say for DB is that there was none of that "that's it?"
DB went out of town for just over a week and came back. I ached to feel his body against mine, his cock inside me. I looked forward to the feel of his tongue against my own and the way his fingers would tug and pull on my nipples, sending thrilling shocks of delight through my body.
Somehow, I was sure that when we got back together it would be nothing short of explosive. And I was right, this time.
The one thing DB and I have is chemistry. My lust for him is matched only by his lust for me. My desire to feel the kiss of leather on my skin equaled by his desire to make me moan and gasp from the flogger he wields.
I think I've bought all the floggers he's used on me. The suede one I ordered that took several weeks to arrive appears to be our favorite. Purple suede falls with a kind round tip. He can make it hurt, but only with a lot of effort and desire on his part. Mostly it's a sexy, teasing kind of massage.
He likes to make me hurt. But only so far as I enjoy it. It's one of the things I love about him. I never get the feeling he enjoys hurting me out of anger or hatred towards women in general or me, specifically. He likes to hurt me as much as I want the sensation. And then he likes to make me come over and over.
So when he came back into town and we got back together I threw myself into his arms. And there was no looking back.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
J is finally coming into his own.
Jared was the second person I had sex with other than my husband, in the last ten or so years. Once Dan let me down I still wanted Jared but I wasn't sure what he'd give me.
I started seeing B and ultimately confessed my disappointment in the way things with Jared we're going. I told B of the things I'd foolishly done. B told me I needed to go back to Jared with my tail between my legs and make sure he knew that I knew it's made a terrible mistake in what I had done.
My sad, heartfelt apology for my foolishness seemed to work, because he agreed to see me again. Since then, Jared has been a wonderful, steady, calming influence in my life. I'm grateful everytime I have the pleasure of his company. And I know I'm surely too effusive about it for his comfort. But he is a good man and I want him to know I recognize it.
Now, eight months later despite long pauses in our relationship, we are finally coming into our own. We're getting a feel one another as more than just passing lovers. He's begun to express his dirtier fantasies. Things I'm eager to show him and do to him.
Last night I finally handed him the magic wand and told him to help me come. I'm still very pleasantly surprised by how happy I am. Knowing that he now has the ability to give me the endless orgasms I have come to expect... I've gone from being a little sweet on him to being in love.
It might not really be the case but there's something about the way he kisses my forehead and squeezes me hard while seeming to be afraid to break me that absolutely melts my heart.
I started seeing B and ultimately confessed my disappointment in the way things with Jared we're going. I told B of the things I'd foolishly done. B told me I needed to go back to Jared with my tail between my legs and make sure he knew that I knew it's made a terrible mistake in what I had done.
My sad, heartfelt apology for my foolishness seemed to work, because he agreed to see me again. Since then, Jared has been a wonderful, steady, calming influence in my life. I'm grateful everytime I have the pleasure of his company. And I know I'm surely too effusive about it for his comfort. But he is a good man and I want him to know I recognize it.
Now, eight months later despite long pauses in our relationship, we are finally coming into our own. We're getting a feel one another as more than just passing lovers. He's begun to express his dirtier fantasies. Things I'm eager to show him and do to him.
Last night I finally handed him the magic wand and told him to help me come. I'm still very pleasantly surprised by how happy I am. Knowing that he now has the ability to give me the endless orgasms I have come to expect... I've gone from being a little sweet on him to being in love.
It might not really be the case but there's something about the way he kisses my forehead and squeezes me hard while seeming to be afraid to break me that absolutely melts my heart.
For instance...
I went to DB's place on Friday. I bought a new leather flogger with me. I had opened the box and felt it, sniffed the rich leather scent. But hadn't really played with it. I felt bad for even opening it. It was my gift to DB. But I really couldn't help myself.
My work week was already stressful. And there is something about going to see DB where I get extremely anxious in every sense of the word. I need him, to feel him, and to come with him. But I'm afraid of what will happen, too. Not that he wants to injure me. But being with him is intense in a way I've never felt before. And it's daunting.
When I got to his apartment I sat in the car a few extra moments, telling myself I was doing anything but procrastinating. But that's exactly what I was doing. Fear, excitement. It's a lot.
So I went up the three flights of stairs and knocked on his door. He opened it and let me in as he always does, moving away to give me my space as I set my stuff down and say hi. This time he kissed me hello.
I went and sat down in the couch, sitting on the edge, back straight, slightly away from him as he sat down next to me. Usually I head to the bedroom and strip down before laying on the bed, naked while I wait for him.
I saw that the door to his deck was open and commented on it. He told me it was for the cat's benefit.. We ended up having a brief, weird argument about the cat and the deck and being on the third floor. And then he actually started mansplaining to me. I didn't realise it at the time. But telling my husband about the argument suddenly made me realize that is made it clear to DB that I was very familiar with what I was saying and he still managed to explain it all to me....
Despite that, I gave him the box and he opened it, taking out the flogger. I think I kissed him a moment and he asked if I'd like to go try it out. I laughed and said yes.
I preceded him into the bedroom and stripped, throwing myself down on the bed in the direct breeze from the air conditioner. He fiddled around a bit before I finally feel the gentle slap of the leather on my skin.
That particular flogger, as it turns out, is almost all thud and no sting. It felt like a massage rather than a flogging. DB tried to hit me harder but it was really more of the same. He ultimately ended up switching between that and another flogger with much more sting.
I never thought I'd say it but I really like that sting. Even when it becomes just a bit too much. I like it. I want it.
The session entered as our sessions always do, the magic wand on my clit as he uses the glass dildo on my gspot forcing me to orgasm after wonderful orgasm. I think I could come as long as he had the stamina to let me, although I've been on the edge of "too much" that way, too.
It's a good problem to have.
My work week was already stressful. And there is something about going to see DB where I get extremely anxious in every sense of the word. I need him, to feel him, and to come with him. But I'm afraid of what will happen, too. Not that he wants to injure me. But being with him is intense in a way I've never felt before. And it's daunting.
When I got to his apartment I sat in the car a few extra moments, telling myself I was doing anything but procrastinating. But that's exactly what I was doing. Fear, excitement. It's a lot.
So I went up the three flights of stairs and knocked on his door. He opened it and let me in as he always does, moving away to give me my space as I set my stuff down and say hi. This time he kissed me hello.
I went and sat down in the couch, sitting on the edge, back straight, slightly away from him as he sat down next to me. Usually I head to the bedroom and strip down before laying on the bed, naked while I wait for him.
I saw that the door to his deck was open and commented on it. He told me it was for the cat's benefit.. We ended up having a brief, weird argument about the cat and the deck and being on the third floor. And then he actually started mansplaining to me. I didn't realise it at the time. But telling my husband about the argument suddenly made me realize that is made it clear to DB that I was very familiar with what I was saying and he still managed to explain it all to me....
Despite that, I gave him the box and he opened it, taking out the flogger. I think I kissed him a moment and he asked if I'd like to go try it out. I laughed and said yes.
I preceded him into the bedroom and stripped, throwing myself down on the bed in the direct breeze from the air conditioner. He fiddled around a bit before I finally feel the gentle slap of the leather on my skin.
That particular flogger, as it turns out, is almost all thud and no sting. It felt like a massage rather than a flogging. DB tried to hit me harder but it was really more of the same. He ultimately ended up switching between that and another flogger with much more sting.
I never thought I'd say it but I really like that sting. Even when it becomes just a bit too much. I like it. I want it.
The session entered as our sessions always do, the magic wand on my clit as he uses the glass dildo on my gspot forcing me to orgasm after wonderful orgasm. I think I could come as long as he had the stamina to let me, although I've been on the edge of "too much" that way, too.
It's a good problem to have.
Sunday, September 03, 2017
Coming
I tend to think of men as "cumming" and women as coming. I'm not sure why. Being a teenager and watching the internet become more like it is today I feel like maybe that's when the word diverged to two spellings. Reading online.
I'm sure that's also a very teenagerish thing to say. My generation came up with these spellings. No, I know we didn't.
Regardless, I've found myself a lover who makes me come. And not by accident he does this. No, it's all skill. And I come long, hard, and often. It's amazing. I crave to be his devoted servant.
What I've discovered is that the more he makes me come, the less coming alone satisfies me. It's frustrating and awesome.
On the other hand, I just masturbated to orgasm and it made my toes tingle. So maybe there's something to this....
I'm sure that's also a very teenagerish thing to say. My generation came up with these spellings. No, I know we didn't.
Regardless, I've found myself a lover who makes me come. And not by accident he does this. No, it's all skill. And I come long, hard, and often. It's amazing. I crave to be his devoted servant.
What I've discovered is that the more he makes me come, the less coming alone satisfies me. It's frustrating and awesome.
On the other hand, I just masturbated to orgasm and it made my toes tingle. So maybe there's something to this....
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