Part Trois

While we ate, I decided to do a little drinking. Frank knew I wanted to have sex with him with a little something in me. But, obviously he doesn't hang around drunk people that often or something because while I was fully drunk he watched TV... talked to friends on the phone... and played with his computer. I stayed pretty freakin' drunk for a while but finally gave up. He sat and showed me pictures of his family and house and girlfriend which was interesting at first... and then became somewhat boring... and then became irritating when I told him I was tired and done looking at pictures and he kept saying "but you just have to see...." I finally drew the line and crawled into bed.

He joined me and I got up to do something or other. I was still just barely drunk enough to feel fairly free. I crawled over his body and started teasing him for a while. I sucked his cock into my mouth and kept it there for a good long time, meeting his eyes as I teased and tasted it. He got incredibly hard and it was very gratifying. He began talking about having a threesome while someone else fucked me from behind. Then said something about having three men to take care of ALL my holes. I drew back and told him my ass was only for him then went back to playing.

Finally, he slid inside me. The sex was pretty fucking awesome but mostly I was in no position to masturbate. I told him to fuck me from behind and it wasn't long before he had me in one of the most interesting and pleasurable positions he's taught me (which no one else has actually tried to duplicate) involving me being on my stomach with his legs around the outside of mine, cock deep inside me. Feels great. He fucked me that way for a while before he began fingering my ass. I let it go on, not really loving it but not hating it. There was some pain but not too much. "My thumb's all the way inside" he said. I shrugged it off, " I don't believe you." "Why not?" he asked. "Because... I can just tell" I told him. However, looking back... it probably WAS inside me.

And then he tried putting his cock in. The first real pain occured in that moment and I said "no... it hurts." He didn't move "I just timed it wrong" he said, pushing inside me again. I whined "no" but I could still feel him inside me, trying to go deeper. And then I started crying. I REALLY didn't want this. After a moment he noticed, "are you CRYING?" he asked. I nodded and he pulled out. "we'll stop," he said (or something like it) and went to the bathroom to clean up. When he finally returned he said "it wasn't messy...." But meanwhile I was bawling.

I cannot express how utterly devistated I was by the fact that I said no... TWICE and he ignored me. I lay there thinking that I was a stupid stupid fool and that he could very well have proceeded to rape my ass because I wasn't forceful enough. Of course, I'd said no... but had I actually moved to get away, I could have. Instead I lay there and gave up. I was also thinking "if I'd EXPECTED it I could have handled it, if only I'd known he was going to hurt me...." It hurt. A lot. And yet, I remember my first lover hurting me a lot with anal... and somehow I managed to bite my tongue hard enough to let him get his pleasure on my body. Which then led me to thinking how very victim-like of me to be thinking the way I was. Which just led to more crying.

Obviously sex was out of the question.

I lay there, Frank trying hard to comfort me... asking me to talk to him. But I couldn't because I knew I'd say some very hateful things which weren't entirely true. Or maybe were... but I hadn't decided yet. In that moment. I got up, deciding it was time for me to go home. Fuck spending the night I wanted my dogs and my husband. Instead, I put away a few things and sat back down to cry.

Eventually, I went back to bed and he asked me if I was okay. "I will be," was all I could answer. It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but I couldn't give him a better answer. He fell asleep for a while then, and I whispered all the hateful, angry things that I wanted to say to him while he was concious but couldn't bring myself to. Satisfied with that, I woke him up and explained how upset I was and basically why. I didn't point out that I'd said no TWICE and been ignored which REALLY upset me. I merely told him that I hadn't expected HIM to hurt me. And he had. I figured that pretty much covered the entire thing.

Eventually, I lay back down with him. Still angry and cautious but in need of comforting, even if it was from the man I least wanted to be with in that moment. I told him he owed me an orgasm and we had sex. The sex lasted an hour and I tried hard to cum the entire time. I was angry and frustrated knowing that most of the reason I wasn't cumming was because I was with HIM. The entire time he was in me, he talked. I tuned him out, giving my own running commentary just out of his hearing range. I finally got up to pee and when I returned knew it was time to get off. He was done being punished for the moment and I was done punishing myself by not cumming. I knelt on the bed, him standing behind me on the floor and that is how I came. And came really hard. He came (or faked it) and we went to sleep.

In the morning, he was in a rush. We showered quickly together and then grabbed breakfast and left by the time I'd normally be getting up for work.

I haven't heard from him since (he's been at home this entire time which makes him pretty incommunicative). I can't help but suspect he's been reading the blog, though, wondering what I'd write about the experience. Which makes talking about the entire thing somewhat awkward. I feel nothing assured... but I sincerely doubt I'll ever see him again. I don't BLAME him for what he did (or didn't stop doing) but at the same time, I finally told my husband (in tears) what happened in order to get a second opinion and I suspect if I now told him "I'm off to fuck Frank!" he'd probably call me a mental health professional.

I remain heart broken over the fact that he hurt me, compounded by the fact that my ass bled for two days (not spontaneously... but when used appropriately). This did not amuse me. Or make me less resentful.

I wanted to retreat into my shell. But then there's this guy....