The strangest things...

I sometimes wonder if people I know (and have fucked) have accidentally run across my blog and then wondered quietly to themselves "is this chick that girl I was fucking? Am I Weird Eric or EB or Keith?" Of course both EB and Keith are aware of the blog. On different levels. Weird Eric... well... I hope he doesn't know.

The point is this...

Martin up and messaged me out of the blue yesterday. I haven't really given him all THAT much thought outside of the post I made in which I mentioned how long it's been. And then within a short span he suddenly contacts me again.

But here's the part that I find soooo very odd. I'm reasonably sure he was seriously inviting me for sex. Or else he wanted to see if he still had that power over me. Hard to say. Whatever the case may be, his girlfriend (whom he has made out to be his one true love, etc etc) is out of town and wouldn't I like to come over? I batted the question away several times, because I really didn't want to ask the question which I knew would be my downfall... "why?" Why me? Why now? Why do this to her? Why why why? So instead I finally told him that I do still want him but I'm simply not going to have sex with him again.

See, the thing is I won't be the cause of someone else's break up. I won't put myself in that position. I won't be the one to jump in there and make it okay for him to hurt her like that when he, himself, was the catalyst in the ending of her last relationship. She cheated on and then left her husband for him. I won't let him do that same sort of thing to HER. Not that he'd leave her for ME so much as use the affair as an excuse to leave her, period. Or whatever. Maybe he wouldn't leave her at all. And that's almost worse.

Plus, much as I dislike people who cheat on their spouses (though I GET it, I don't LIKE it) I really, REALLY take issue with people who cheat on their girl or boyfriends. Somehow that's actually WORSE to me. And I'm not really sure if I can explain WHY.

So anyway. Martin, if you're reading this and wondering if I'm talking about you, let this be confirmation. And deal. Because I'll write the thoughts in my head as truth, whether I've missed the mark completely or not. It is my thoughts and I won't be ashamed of them.

The point is, I needed to write it.