I think.

My husband and I still have fun. I kissed him tenderly today and he responded. I didn't get the feeling that he was holding back his irritation, like I normally do. It was kind of nice... and it didn't go any further.

Keith has been messaging me off and on for the last few days. It's very odd to hear from him so much. The more he messages me the more I realize how really far apart we are, alas. I miss him and want him in my life... but at the same time I see that there are some things that, even now, irritate me about him. Not really a good beginning for any sort of relationship, I tend to believe.

He asked me several times to marry him. And I pointedly ignored it. He was drunk at the time. Sober (I think) he later sent me a message saying "you'll never marry me" or something of that ilk. Unfortunately for him when people try to tell me what I will or won't do... I tend to agree with them regardless of my feelings on the matter before hand. Whatever disappoints them most. I've considered the idea of remarrying (should I leave my husband) and more specifically the idea of being married to Keith... but in a way (at least for the time being) his proclamation became law. It's a sensitive thing to me, as anyone can imagine... and I'm easily irritated about the entire situation. So whatever. Call it done and over with.

Which isn't to say I don't still long for his touch. We had amazing chemistry. But I swear to god I'm not dealing with a bunch of damned drama in my life just for amazing sex.

I think.

On an unrelated and far more amusing note, last week I showed my husband several papercuts I'd managed to pick up over a couple of days. Husband shook his head at me and told me "I haven't had a paper cut in... I can't even remember how long." I laughed at him after he said it, "you know, sometime in the next two weeks you're going to get one. Just because you said that." He rolled his eyes and said "they're not contagious." I smiled knowingly and told him "Two weeks." I thought about it a bit more and started threatening him by waving the edges of paper at him. "It doesn't count if you GIVE me one." I laughed and continued to chase him around the house for a bit. And then I forgot about it.

Cut to us walking through the grocery store. He wanted to check the magazines for something specific. So I followed him down that aisle and slowly walked along, finally turning and heading to the next aisle. A few moments later he caught up and I told him "you don't have to rush, I can look around." "I didn't find it," he said. And we continued on. We bought some meat, walked up and down a few more aisles fulfilling our grocery list when he said quietly, "I think... I need to... tell you something." I stopped and looked at him, surprised at his very serious tone. "When I was in the magazine aisle I... got a paper cut. I thought you'd want to know." I stared at him for a long second as the wheels in my head turned and I began laughing. "I TOLD you! I TOLD YOU! And didn't even have to DO it!"

I should have bet him something.