Look.

I sat there staring out at the parking lot. I could see Hawk out there, talking to his girlfriend as she got ready to leave for home. He talks a lot, that Hawk. I adore listening to him, because he's a funny guy full of funny stories. Between sets on the various machines I found myself gazing at him, having nothing else of interest to gaze at outside and being unwilling to stare at my fellow gym patrons. Hawk was far enough away that I couldn't really make out much more than the fact that it was him. Not so much what else was going on.

Eventually, I was finishing my workout when he came in and took over the machine I wanted to use. I sighed heavily and sat down nearby and waited impatiently for him to finish, while he showed off for me. Pulling his shorts leg up just a bit, provocatively, until I had to clap my hands over my face and ask him what the hell is WRONG with him?

At long last he finished with the machine (no doubt I could have worked in with him but I didn't feel like being watched). So I stood up and went to take it over, adjusting it to fit me. After having done so, I was face to face with him. His eyes traveled down my body and I was suddenly painfully self concious, I'm sure I moved somehow to show my discomfort. I think I asked him "what?!?" to which he responded "can't I look at you?" "No!" I said, emphatically. He shook his head and said something about how this isn't the 1800's and he's allowed to look at a white woman or some such thing. I had to laugh at that. "Man, I almost forgot you were black," I said, snottily, "thank god you were there to remind me!"

We talked more, after that before he went off to do his cardio. I finished up and took myself home to run/walk the dogs.

I feel awful about myself. I got rid of AFF, though my profile is still "there" it's unavailable. I'm vaguely tempted to put it back but... it seems so pointless.