Things

For the record, lest y'all failed to understand... I'm not trying to die or anything. Anyway, I wrote what I wrote to vent and because I feel like I've run out of coping mechanisms. Of course I haven't. I'm okay today. Unfortunately, much of what makes me feel "okay" is just plain refusing to think about what happened and all the things I did wrong. The list feels endless. So instead I'm focusing on the here and now as much as possible. Obviously, I can't live my life like this because one must plan for the future and all... but for right now... it's all I can handle. I'll be okay. Just need some time.

Trian came in yesterday. I told him about my accident and the mental anguish I'm feeling from that. And he told me he's pretty sure he's getting divorced. He was thinking it was possible, before. However, he was trying very hard to get his marriage back together in a way that would work for both himself and his wife. Alas, there apparently just wasn't enough common ground for them to work on and he's pretty sure it's over. And I feel terrible for him. I like Trian. A lot. Although I admit I've only seen a few facets of his personality, I've found them all quite likable. I think of him as a gentle, kind man who just doesn't put enough priority on himself.

And so I find myself a little angry and offended on his behalf that his current wife can treat him with the lack of respect and honor he deserves. While I agree with Dr. Phil that we teach others how to treat us... I also think each person needs to be responsible for their own actions and take some control over how they treat others. And so I feel the urge to smack the woman for trying to ruin a good man.

Also, I went to see the doctor yesterday for a follow up to make sure I'm okay to go back to work. I liked that doctor a lot. She was really friendly and approachable. While she seemed irritated that I was in an accident that was my fault (and you know, I kind of needed that motherly disgust she gave me) she did a very good job for me. I left there very happy and feeling like I'd found a doctor I could love. Of course, she's not my assigned doctor, but I sure liked talking to her.

I also figure it's about time I make anotherGYN appointment. Except... you know... maybe this time they can NOT scrape my cervix off....