Hearing from Martin

I heard from Martin for the second (third?) time this week. He's apparently in a town much closer to me than usual. He's been telling me how horny he is. I've been telling him how very much I understand his problems. There's something about being in a hotel room in a strange town that gets me hot and wet and wanting. And generally leaves me frustrated night after night. That's what Martin's dealing with.

Conversation inevitable turned toward sex. The things we did. The things we didn't do. Things ending. All that. I guess I never did ask some of the questions I wanted to, things that confused me way back when, things I wonder about now.... But we chatted and I learned a little more than I knew even a year ago. I feel better for it.

We talked about seeing each other again. I turned him down last time, utterly disgusted with him for being so willing to cheat on the love of his life. This time, though, I give. I understand, though he didn't say it. If he ever visits this area... well... we'll undoubtedly see one another naked again.

I went back and read a bunch of what I'd written about him. About the various years of wanting him. Of the sex we had. The way I felt. And a few things came to mind... I write kindly about my lovers here. The way I tend to remember the nights, focusing on the good. I found myself caught up in the last night we were together. After I'd been with Keith.

And you know, I'm grateful to Keith. I'm grateful that he taught me something new about sex, and fucking, and letting go a little more. Keith has made me a better lover and Martin benefited from it. In fact, its the pleasurable lesson of expressing oneself and enjoying another's pleasure that Keith taught me and that Martin remembers most vividly, as it turns out.

And now, the Nyquil has me in its grip.....