Did it.

So as I mentioned in my last post, I spent the entire day completely hyper and just having a damned good time. I flirted with EVERYONE, really. It was great, and great fun. My mood was amazing. It was a lovely, good thing. Many of those around me were bitter, angry folks. And I just didn't understand. Apparently I sucked up all the happy and they were left with the dregs of emotions. Or something.

Trian came in angry. My coworkers were bitter about one thing or another. Everyone was tired. And just generally grumpy. But I just didn't give a fuck. Well, okay, I did give a fuck but I felt the need to be the happy bunny, delivery little eggs of cheer to everyone I met. Who knows if it worked. Worked for me.

There's a guy who comes into the store a couple of times a week I've been flirting with for a while. He's cute and he's funny. What else matters, really? I once mentioned to him that I was a happy drunk and he told me he's a touchy feely drunk. I stared at him speechless and he smiled and said something like "got you thinking, didn't it?" Which he did.So today he walked up while I was trying to help a girl who had a uniform question. I tried calling my husband and one of his friends to find out the answer to her question but couldn't find out. Finally I turned to the guy and said "I think you're a man whore... do women wear the same thing as the guys?" "Yes," he said, "but what does that have to do with me being a man whore?" "I figure you've probably helped a few girls take them off," I said. He laughed and didn't reply. I apologized to the girl that she had to witness that display and she smiled "it's okay" and left.

Afterward the guy came up and said "why'd you have to cock block me like that?" I laughed and asked what he meant. "You called me a man whore and her expression just changed." I smiled, "shoot, you weren't going to come onto her anyway." "you're right," he said. Then I asked "why not? She was cute." He shrugged, "not really." I shook my head at him, "I just think you and I have different taste in women." "She wasn't that cute," he told me. "Different taste." I thought about it for a second and added "looks like we won't be having a hot threesome, then." "Plus, your husband probably wouldn't like that much." I smiled, "he'd probably be mad that I had a threesome... without him."

Curt came in, too. I saw him and immediately said "you didn't come back!" referencing the fact that he didn't come back into the store yesterday. I'd been all prepared to give him my phone number and everything. He smiled at me and said something like "but I'm here now." "Now's too late," I told him, "I was going to give you my phone number yesterday. Not now, though." He looked vaguely surprised, "really?" he asked. I nodded. "But not now?" I shook my head.

"Why were you going to give me your phone number," he asked, pointedly. I stared at him with a grin, not quite sure how to say what I've been thinking. "Did you want to invite me over?" he asked. Shook my head, "you can't come to MY house. My husband wouldn't like that." He smiled again, "did you want to get a hotel room," he asked me. I smiled "well, would we need to?" He nodded. I sighed, frowing. The implication was clear. Fuck.

I argued with him for a while about whether or not I should give him my number. I hemmed and hawed and stared into his lovely blue eyes. (fucking blue eyed men) And he said "I guess it all depends on how much you want me." I stared at him, unable to quite believe he was that forward and confident. I suppose I'd given him every reason to be at this point, but I've been turning him down for MONTHS. I gave him my number on a pack of matches I'd been fiddling with. What amused me most about it was the fact that yesterday I'd put my number on a pack of matches to pass to him and had forgetten them at home today, as he watched me fiddling with the matches he told me I should put my phone number on there for him. Like he knew.

After he disappeared the matches he looked at me for a long moment. "So, do you want to get a hotel room?" "I have to think about it," I told him, unable to bring myself to just say "yes." He continued to look at me, "the attraction between us is pretty clear." I smiled at that ironically, thinking of the blog entries I've re-read in the last few weeks detailing my lack of attraction to him. "Well," he said, "I'm good," then he laughed, "I shouldn't say I'm good." I smiled at that and said "wouldn't you HAVE to say that?" then added, "But really, I'm a difficult woman." "What do you mean?" He asked. I frowned, glancing around aware that there were other people in the store. "I'm at work! ... um... I'm just difficult," hoping maybe he'd understand that I'm not an easy girl to get off.

Whatever the case, he left not too long after that. And I was left standing there, bemused and hopeful, with wet panties wondering about the state of his arousal. The thing that I adore most is that he's someone I find I can actually carry on a conversation with... and I WANT to look him in the eyes the whole time. Which I did. I look at him and I wonder if I'm feeling the same sort of connection I felt with Keith. He seems to share some of that same shameless directness that Keith had and that I continue to try to find in myself. His directness brings out a similar quality in me which is part of what I enjoyed so much with Keith. And something I really fucking need to learn to do on my own.

Anyway, I suspect I will probably be spending at least an hour or two naked with this man rather soon. I'm also aware that there are those who're going to be pretty disappointed that I'm even considering helping a man cheat on his wife. I'm not really sure if there is a way to defend myself about this one. I've known far too many people who've been hurt by a cheater to walk into it pretending I'm guiltless... and yet I find myself drawn toward it anyway.

Well, we'll see. I'm selfish and imperfect and I want this man. But it's really hard to look into Trian's eyes and think hey, let me be a part of causing someone else that same pain I see reflected there. So who knows. As I told Curt, "I've done it before." I'm just not sure it means I should do it again, and yet....