Ah, yes....

Finally, the sexual maturity post.

When I was a young pre-teen I discovered the pleasures of masturbation. Like many girls it was a miss and miss affair. I never came. However, I really enjoyed sticking various objects inside myself. I found a few stellar objects and used them to fuck myself regularly.

Despite all the sex-ed I'd gone through I still wasn't terribly familar with the clitoris OR it's function (and looking back I'm thinking they really didn't spend any time mentioning the FUNCTION in school). Therefore, I was more than a little irritated when I found this particular part of my body which was so super sensitive I couldn't touch it. At least, not without extreme discomfort and inexplicable twitching of my legs. I was fascinated by the twitching. I tormented my body trying to figure out this little spot which caused such an extreme reaction.

One day, I was masturbating with my thumb, my hand in a position where it was accidentally rubbing against the area where this oversensitive little nub was. I rocked against my thumb watching some porn on TV through the squiggles. And I nearly had an orgasm. I became aware of the sensation of the near orgasm and my complete surprised confused me. However, this soon led to my first orgasm and a better understanding of what the clitoris was. As I continued to torment my clit trying to figure out it's sensitivity I gradually became less sensitive on the sides (never the head) and it became a very important part of my masturbation.

A few years later, I was still tormented by the sensitivity of my clit. I was listening to Love Line and a caller asked the two hosts about the sensitivity of her clit. I think I was 16 or 17 at the time, whereas she was about 13 or so. Dr. Drew told her that the sensitivity wasn't particularly abnormal but that her hormones had not yet caught up with her body and that she should recognise that her body hadn't yet matured and she should wait for sexual activity until such a time.

Had I followed Drew's advice I wouldn't have had sex until I was 26 or 27!

Anyway, more recently I've discovered that the waning sensitivity I was noticing in the last year has finally come to fruition and my entire clitoris appears to be game for attention. I'm terribly excited by this prospect and have wanted to test it out to see if someone else has any chance of getting me to orgasm themselves... but husband's not been cooperative lately.

However, it appears that my body is finally becoming sexually mature, or something. Because the sensitivity is gone and this is cause for much celebration.

About Sexual Maturity and Sensitivity

Last night I meant to write an entry about something Dr. Drew once told someone on Love Line about sexual maturity and sensitivity. However, having watched an episode of Strictly Sex (which he hosts) I found myself completely distracted by my attraction to him. So much so that I titled the entry appropriately and then went on to forget what I was writing about.

Therefore, forthcoming will be an entry more appropriate to the title sexual maturity and sensitivity as it is a timely subject which I feel I should write about.

Sexual Maturity and Sensitivity

I have this crazy crush on Dr. Drew. Looking at him I am suddenly transported back to my teenage years when I had crushes on my teachers and whatever other hot, intelligent, masculine man happened to be around. Which is to say not very many. Between the rarity of these spectacular men and the intensity of teenage hormones when I wanted these men it was with incredible passion. This is how I feel about Dr. Drew. I want him with incredible passion.

Of course, this is tempered by the knowledge that he's unattainable... and the fact that I can never REALLY have him makes him sexier, too. Because he's married and he'd never cheat on his wife. That honor and honesty is sexy as hell, too.

Which isn't to say I'd respect him less if he were in another honest but OPEN situation... however, I respect and admire him for being a faithful, sexual being.

And oh my god is he so fucking sexy.

I want to LEARN that sex appeal. I want it. BAAAAAAD. Some one, teach me to be that sexy! Please!

Let's just say.

Let's just say I work in a convenience store. It's the most accurate portrayal you're going to get from me for the time being. Maybe ever. I didn't USED to. But for now, let's just say I do. Much of the customer base is hot young military boys, gate guards, that sort of thing. Thus, I am surrounded very often by hot young military guys.

The other day, I was helping a customer when another walked up to the counter, waiting in line to be served next. As the man I was helping was gathering up his merchandise, the porn ninja struck. The counter was empty. I glanced away. When I glanced back a Playboy was unfolding itself on the counter. He'd somehow managed to flip it up onto the counter like some kind of throwing stare, without actually PUTTING it on the counter. It was amazing, quick, mysterious. He was the porn ninja.

I rang him up and sent him on his way. I was in a bad mood, nothing to do with him. Hours later, I thought about it... and came up with the name Porn Ninja. And then laughed myself silly over it. I laughed so hard I cried.

I don't care that he bought porn. I encourage that sort of behavior, don't you know? But his ninja-like ways really got to me. He will always be the porn ninja to me.

A day later another man came into buy some "dirty, disgusting, gross" Skoal. Maybe it was Copenhagen. Whichever it was, I stared at him blankly as he described the tobacco product in the most unflattering terms he could think of without crossing over into the impolite trying to figure out what exactly he wanted. Finally, telling me the name of the product I gave it to him and rang it up. Afterward, he said "ah, you should have said 'no'! But we all do things we don't want to do, you know." I stared at him still utterly confused by his behavior before telling him, "I really don't care what you buy... I'm not here to judge, you know?" He laughed at that half heartedly leaving, before turning quickly toward the magazine section "then I should go buy some porn!" I tried to smile, still at a loss as to how to react, "...okay." I said, shaking my head slightly trying to convey that I really didn't care one way or the other. And then he left, having not really meant it about the porn.

I went home after that and had to ask husband "do I SEEM so straight laced? Do I seem SO completely pure and like... matronly that I would CARE if someone bought porn? Do they not realize what a porn hound I am? I mean, not compared to you but... is that what I give off?!?"

So now I'm thinking I totally give off the WRONG vibe. Maybe I need to start wearing black lipstick and playboy bunny shirts. Because, god damn it. I can out sex most of those boys... and would love to prove it....

Bleh

I have a headache. I think I'm getting sick.

However, I do have a few stories to tell. Namely about the porn ninja and the sad attempt at flirting I did with the man....

But for now.. I have a headache.

Drooling.

Yesterday a man came into my work. He was maybe 20 or 25, tanned skin (not too tan), sandy blonde hair cut short, t-shirt, pants, and of course... he was built. I looked him over passingly, appreciative but not stunned. Later, he picked up the things he came in with and carried them out of the building. I gazed at him as he left, taking in the view but my eyes were immediately caught on the firm, tan, skin of his arm, stretched beautifully over muscle.

I think I must have made a noise, a catch of breath, something. I became momentarily aware of the obviousness my reaction and thought "wow, I gotta be careful of that." And then spent a moment of mental bliss as my hormones made my body warm and tingly.

I love that it's little, unexpected things that turn me on.

Final Semenex Post

I mentioned on another blog that I felt like I needed to re-write my final semenex post. The most recent reason being that I am currently ranked on Google about #16 out of about three thousand sites that mention the product and am receiving an increasingly large amount of traffic looking for information. Unfortunately, google is directing them to a page which merely mentions my interest in the product. By making this post I will be able to go back and edit that post to direct them to this one. Get it? Good.

So, my final opinion on the product is that it doesn't work. At least, not for Husband. And certainly not for ME (which is really the idea, isn't it?). In order to better appreciate the entire subject, let me expand upon the experiment.

Namely, husband began taking the suppliment on Tuesday night. I was with him while we made sure to measure out the exact amount specified, he mixed it with a spoon, leaving a lumpy mess and gagged it down. He *really* did NOT like the taste. I let him finish it off and then added some water to get the dregs to assuage my curiosity and found it to be okay. I certainly didn't find it gag-worthy, nor was it something to go on and on about. It smells really good, though.

The next night, I decided to take things into my own hands to see if I could at least improve the texture of the mix. I put it in a small plastic ware container with some water and shook it vigorously for a minute before offering it to husband. The texture was vastly improved, but of course it was the same ingredients so husband bitched some more but sucked it down, knowing what was coming.

At this point getting husband hard was easier than ever as he constantly had sex on his mind. This is a positive part of the experiment, something I greatly appreciated and was consistantly amused by. This alone was almost worth the cost of the product, really.

The third night, I once again mixed up husband's potion and he took it. "If this works, I'll learn to love the taste" he told me.

The fourth night was the same proceedure. However, I discovered the 5 serving containter only actually contained 4 servings. I don't hold this against the company. However, it makes their guarantee a little more suspect (gotta read the fine print). However, should someone doubt my measuring ability and exclaim that I must have give husband too much with each serving... well, that certainly wouldn't make it LESS effective, now would it? Also, I never had any intention of taking advantage of the guarantee and therefore wasn't concerned about making sure to save any particular amount of the product. Anyone doubting my results, however,who might feel the need to try it themselves planning to take advantage of the guarantee ought to be aware of my experience with the servings.

The fifth day (roughly 14 hours after his final dose) I took husband up to the bedroom and completed the experiment with a taste test. My hopes were high. However, they were quickly dashed as my mouth was filled with his familar bitter flavor. There was no hint of any "sweetness." However, I fully admit I did NOT roll his cum around in my mouth to get the full effect. I don't believe that should have been neccessary, though.

The experiment was great fun, but I left the situation with... well... a bitter taste in my mouth.

The site does claim that semenex may not actually work for everyone... so maybe we were unlucky.

Further information: husband is not on any drugs, alcohol, or nicotine, nor is he taking any suppliments or medications. He is not on a special diet and does not eat any pungent or strange foods. He was not sick. Semenex was consumed in intervals of slightly less than 24 hours. He masturbated regularly during the experiment, except the day of the taste test. And lastly, I'm familiar with the flavor of cum, specifically husbands, and find his to be no more or less bitter than that of any of my previous lovers (barring one particular guy who claimed not to know what caused his own spunk to be sweet).

End notes (aka covering my ass): I do not accept reviews of products from magazines, or people I don't know anything about. Please take any comments extolling the virtues of the product and their surprise at my disappointment with the same grain of salt I do, as they have never left a reputable way of contacting them or direction to an established non-commercial site. I do not claim that the product does not work at all, only that my experience with it showed that it didn't work for us, and I wouldn't recommend it. Please make your own decisions.

Hot and bothered.

The picture in my last post is driving me to distraction. Let me 'splain.

I've got this thing. It's a bit of a... oh... one could call it a fetish but I think it's more just an insistant preference. I have this THING for men's shoulders. I guess like some men are breast men, some leg... some... well... whatever... and some women are butt women and some women are... umm... what else are women known for looking at? Well, I'm into shoulders. Broad, masculine shoulders.

While in junior high I developed this prefence. Or at least, that's when I became aware of it. I think I was in seventh grade. There was a boy who was in ninth grade who rode the same school bus as I did, waited at the same bus stop. As with all good school children, the seven or so of us who waited there would all get in a nice straight line and wait for the bus to arrive. Being the punctual (and afraid of missing the bus) kind of girl I am, I was often the first person in line and thus was able to concentrate all my efforts on watching for the school bus... but not just ANY school bus... the right one. God forbid the person in the front get everyone's hopes up by picking up their bag for the wrong bus. But that's another story.

One day, I was later than usual. The majority of the line was already formed. I ended up standing behind the ninth grader. The ninth grader who looked like a high schooler... with his already masculinizing features, increased height, and distractingly perfect shoulders. I spend the better part of the next ten or so minutes eyeing the curve of his shoulders, the shape of his shoulder blades... and getting very, very turned on.

Of course, after that I occasionally made the effort to be a little bit later to the bus, but generally my fear over missing the bus far outweighed my desire to get a little titlation. It never really happened again that way, anyway. He never wore a shirt as thin, never managed to be so close to me... but it's stayed with me all these years.

Thinking about that boy, again, I was reminded of my first (and subsequent) viewings of Dirty Dancing. I never really had a crush on Patrick Swayze but that scene... as they're dancing... seducing one another... she takes off his shirt and moves around behind him, tracing his shoulders as she moved around him. Maybe she bit him, tasting the muscular flesh. Maybe it's my fantasy that she did.

Whatever the case, both stay in my memory as deliciously erotic experiences.

Despite what I've heard over and over again... men's bodies are worthy of the same lavish attention as women's. They're beautiful, sexy, and sensual... especially their shoulders.

Eyes to the floor.

It occured to me today that I spend most of my day looking at stuff. And paperwork. Not so much people. I deal with a fairly large number of people over a day and it occured to me, that despite the politeness of these particular people and my overall comfort with them, I still don't look people in the eye.

A young marine came in and asked me a question. I stared blankly at what he was holding and requested assistance from my manager who was better able to answer his question. The fact that I had to get assistance sort of forced me to look directly at him... and he was all things beautiful. Beautiful men please me. Also, he was ill which lent a slightly flushed quality to his face and extra brightness to his eyes. And I wanted to take him home to mother him... and then be thanked in that special naked way only beautiful naked marines know how. I assume. Because I've never actually slept with a marine of any sort, beautiful, naked, or otherwise.

Later on it occured to me that I was doing it again. In the middle of assisting a young seaman it occured to me that I hadn't looked at him yet. I forced myself to look up at him the next time I spoke and discovered he was looking at me. His gaze flicked quickly away and I thought "huh... was he actually... looking at me... for... a reason?!?" So then I was slightly pleased with myself. Because I'm easily pleased some days.

Grr.

I spent the earliest part of my morning wandering around trying to figure out how to get from the closed part of the military installation to the even MORE closed part of the military installation where the "rest" of my new job is. You see, unlike in the REAL world when I go to work, now, I have to go through not ONE but TWO military check points.

Except prior to today I've never had to go through the second one. The fun part is, it's really freaking hard to get in there. First I had to submit all of my information to someone who submitted it to someone else who then told me I could go into the area... for now. But I had to go through the visitor's center. But I get to guess which of the TWO I'm supposed to go to... and then guess what to do when I get there. That was fun.

I ended up hitting the wrong gate (NOT a visitor's center at all) and had to turn around... and then they took my driver's license to... well... I never did ask what they did with it. But the guy who took it for a bit drove up in a way cool black humvee with flashing lights. I want one. All that for going to the wrong gate. Nevermind that I knew WELL in advance it was the wrong gate... but there's no turn around so even though you see your doom coming... there's no hope for it.

I was directed to the CORRECT visitor's center, then. Everyone was in a line waiting to go through, so when everyone stopped, I stopped. The people in front of and behind me opened their cars... so I opened mine. I watched the dog sniff my car and move on. Everyone showed their IDs, so I quickly grabbed mine and showed it, too. Then everyone pulled out... so I pulled out too... oops. Wrong way. Wrong way again. And again. And then as I FINALLY figured out where I was going, I was told "oh, but you have to go INSIDE the building, now, too!" Oh. Thanks for ANYONE telling me.

After about a half hour there, I was directed to get my finger prints taken. No crimes for me anymore, I'd be caught. Dammit. "Thanks, and have a nice day" I was told. I stared blankly... "but... what do I do now?" "You can go." "but... I didn't get a badge..." "you don't need one." "But..." "Have a nice day." Right.....

So off to work I went. And now, I'm home. And I get to go through it all again tomorrow. Hopefully this time it'll be much smoother... unless I decide to hide some tasty doggy treats in my car. Just to make it more interesting....

Oh, and the guy who drove the black humvee? Way too cute. Way. In fact, there was no shortage of cuties today....

Pretending.

Pretending I didn't just make that previous post questioning my decision to make any part of myself public... I wanted to test out how this turns out online. The answer being... verrrrrrrrry small.

Inevitably.

I tend to do stupid things. Among them, I tend to manage to link my anonymous blogs and diaries to some sort of "real" part of my life. Something which could give me away. What would happen if I was given away? Near as I can tell, nothing.

I'm considering giving myself up. Oh, not completely. But I am thinking about admitting what it is I do for a living. It would make it a lot easier to talk about my job.

Like the super hot, built, asian guy who came into my work today. Chewing tobacco. Umm.

The other example of my poor choice to link this blog to any other part of my real life is the guy who came into my work today. I walked past him. I walked past him again. The second time, he called to me. I turned around. "Do you live on base?" he asked me. I nodded, expecting to hear that he is my neighbor. I was about to be pleased that I had a polite neighbor. However, he followed this up with "are you on 'sitenamehere'.com?" My shock was momentary before I smiled, somewhat embarassed at having been caught, "wow... uh... yeah." He smiled, "I thought so. I waited for a long time for you to get a picture up." Or something like that. It didn't immediately give me the creeps. Thinking about it now, though, it kind of does. Because I put up a picture something like 6 months ago....

I essentially left the scene of the crime as quickly and shyly as I could. Chances are if I hadn't responded to him online I wasn't interested... or if I had... it was probably did not go very well since I've only come across two worthwhile potential men on this site.

The end of this story would be that it would be entirely possible he could be reading this right now. And wouldn't THAT be extra embarassing, eh?

The Island-- not a real spoiler alert... but a spoiler alert, anyway.

I must say, I really like the new blogger images thing. Yes it's taken me a couple of weeks to try it, but now I'm in love. I've got to recommend it. Adding a picture to each entry is soooooooooooo Ken and Ariel. Which is to say something I've appreciated in others for a while. That doesn't mean I'm going to do it with each entry... but well... I'll probably be doing it a lot more. So get used to it.

In one of the scenes of The Island they explain that the characters don't know anything about sex. Cut to a scene later on when the two leads lock lips. Their first kiss. Ever. After a moment they part and Lincoln tells Jordan he especially likes "the tongue thing" (to paraphrase). And then they go back to their passionate embrace.

Husband and I looked at each other and he finally said "I didn't like the tongue thing when I first did it." I smiled "I was about to say the same thing." "Yeah. It grows on you, though" "Absolutely. I only kept trying because other people seemed to like it, and then it was fun."

I turned to husband's friend and repeated the gist of the conversation "the tongue thing isn't really great the first time." He stared at me, clearly flabbergasted that I'd say such a thing. "The FIRST time," I said, meaningfully, "EVER." He thought for a second "yeah, you're right. It gets better." I smiled, "I know."

After the movie was over and the friend had gone his way, I told husband about the unintentional/intentional breast contact. "He's such a pimp!" husband said, jealous. I laughed. "I don't know how he does it, he just walks up to that line with girls and manages not to quite cross it!" I laughed again, "yeah, he does a pretty good job of that."

Return of the Mack

Went and saw the Island today. Decent movie. Full of issues, but overall I liked it. But then I wasn't expecting too much. Ewan McGregor is fucking hot when he grins. Which probably means it's something he's learned makes him irresistable and thus he's learned to used it to make himself utterly irresistable. And it works for me.

Anyway. We went with husband's friend. I made it a point to be the first one to take my seat, husband followed, and then his friend sat next to him. Just before the movie husband tripped off to the bathroom. As soon as he stood up and started to walk away husband's friend moved over next to me. Of course, husband saw this, but went to the bathroom without saying anything.

I hooked my hand under his friend's arm and asked him "so, what's up?!" Then giggled and took my arm back. We really didn't have much to say to one another, though the conversation flowed naturally. Husband's friend found reason to hook his hand under my arm the same way I'd done to him which brought his fingers in contact with my breast. He left his hand there for a moment before removing it again.

At the time I thought "his fingers are against my breast!" It was something between scandalized and amused. A few moments later, he found another excuse to do the same thing. The second time I had to laugh at myself as I once again didn't mention the contact but thought "okay, now he's doing it on purpose. Just to feel me up." But of course, I didn't mind.

Husband came back and ended up sitting on the other side of me. Which is exactly what happens everytime the three of us go to a movie. We three talked through the movie (no one near us and myself as the go between) which brought both him and I very close together, whispering as quietly as possible between us. I think once we very nearly kissed completely accidentally. Luckily he was wearing a baseball cap low over his brow which prevented the contact. Luckily. Right?

I'll have to write about the "kissing scene" in the movie, later. Short conversation. Very amusing. And about masturbation last night, too.

But for tonight... I shall leave it at that nothing further happened between friend and I. I don't figure it will, but I bet we'll keep flirting a lot. I love flirting.

Wee.

I flirted quite a bit with Jones today. I figure it just might be the last time, ever, that I get to flirt with him so I might as well get something out of it. Although I didn't really flirt sooo much more than I usually do... it was enough for me. I enjoyed it. And then he stole my drill. Took forever to figure out who stole it, but at least I know where it is. And he will give it back or I'll murder him. I swear it. We know where he lives.

Meanwhile, I also made the mistake of flirting with that particular guy at work which I'm attracted to but shouldn't be. I was only teasing and I forgot momentarily that he wasn't "one of the girls" which lead me to say something I'd usually tease one of the girls with in a lesbian sort of way which everyone knows not to take seriously. Oops. Of course I laughed it off because it was something to BE laughed off but I think I made him uncomfortable. Way to go there, me.

Also, and I'm not sure about it, I think they're secretly planning something behind my back for my leaving work to go elsewhere after tomorrow. I'm not sure about it, but I suspect. And I'm absolutely opposed to it. Dammit. But it's cool. I never really had a going away party before. It'll serve them right if I come right back....

Just ten pounds...

It's amazing the difference ten pounds makes. Over the last two years I've managed to gain about 10 pounds, give or take (probably give). It was never okay with me but now I'm absolutely disgusted by myself. Ten pounds. Just ten. And I don't feel anyone could possibly feel sexually toward me. God knows, I don't.

Ten pounds. Just ten.

Self image is such an important part of sexuality. And mine has gone to shit. Now, those who know me would look me over and say "Ten pounds? Are you kidding?" But ten pounds. That's the difference.

It's very frustrating.

Speaking of tattoos...

Unfurling is talking about getting a tattoo. I've been mulling over the idea for a while. I'm still nowhere near convinced about it... but I'm steadily leaning toward it.

However.

If I get a tattoo it's going to have to be something I really CAN live with having for the rest of my life. And in a place I can stand to have it for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I was considering at length what I'd get. If I were to get a tattoo I'd really want to start with an image I could get excited about. Nothing too detailed because I'm NOT a pain whore... but something I'd like.

I keep thinking of a much-too-detailed poster my sister had on her wall for years. I don't know the artist and can't find it online under the searches I've used (although I swear I found it once last year). Specifically it was a piece depicting a woman who had been welding some kind of man-robot and was caught off guard by the man-robot in question grabbing her in a particularly adult embrace. Even to this day I wonder what the artist was thinking as the story behind the picture as there are several obvious choices. And it's pretty fucking sexy.

The other obsession I have is with incubuses. And I'm not sure that'll ever go away.

But, bleh. Anyway. It's idle thought. Nothing serious. Not trying to steal Unfurling's thunder. Between the two tattoo shows on TV lately and Unfurling... I just got to thinking is all.

See, it's this thing.

I know I said I'd write about Semenex so I'm going to do so but then I'm going to write about other stuff.

My personal opinion on Semenex is that it doesn't work. I was hopeful, I tried... but husband's semen was still bitter as ever and had absolutely no discernible sweetness to speak of. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. So, y'all can make your own decisions but I'm going to have to go with the famous line from a twilight zone episode and say "no change! NO CHANGE!"

Moving on. I'm getting ready to start my new job next week. And I realized last night that there's yet another guy at work that I'm terribly sad to leave behind. See, the thing is, I have this THING for Asian guys. Well, half Asian guys, really. It's like a fetish except not really to that point. More of a... let's say... preference. Not that I have ever in my life slept with or even dated an Asian guy. But I'm sure eventually I will and I shall be hard pressed to not be thrilled. Unless he turns out to be a dick.

Back to the story. So this particular guy is half Asian. He's tall, but with some of the traditional Asian features. Bedroom eyes, too. Sort of Asian... sort of... not. And of course he's got that military quality about him, based on the fact that he intends to be an officer and is going to college for that purpose.

The other delightful quality he has is this kind of shy, quietness, which I appreciate. And he seems to think I'm funny (which is always nice). He's one of those guys who tends to hang out with the girls, but not in a creepy or effeminate way. I just get the feeling he likes women and has the sense to appreciate their company more than that of other males (or at least that of other males at work because the males who work with me act retarded).

So, anyway. I genuinely like the guy and think he'd be way fun to hang out with outside of work. Except I never really hang out with anyone out side of work and I'm his supervisor. And also, I'm attracted to him. So I guess basically I have a bit of a crush on him. And I'm terribly sad to leave that behind.

Luckily, like I mentioned... I'll be dealing with a wide variety of hot, young, military boys. While I'm not into boys... I think I can get over it to appreciate a few of them....

Don't you just hate it...

when someone starts a story and then just doesn't finish it? Don't you hate it when they put it off for days?

Yeah. Me, too.

Experiment:

finished.

Outcome... well... I'll share that later. Needless to say I do have an answer which shall be fully explored at a later time than now. I just wanted a bit of anticipation for you. Call it foreplay.

Dreamy

I had several dreams last night. In particular was one which starred Hal Ketchum, who happens to be one of my favorite singers of all time. I adore his voice, and at least most of his folksy style of music. I don't think he's for everyone, but he's definately for ME.

I saw him walking past in Seattle and begged him to let me get a picture of us together. Except the camera refused to work and the person I asked to take the photo was having extra trouble making it do so. Finally Hal was ready to give up but I convinced him to stay a few moments longer. It was during this time he started asking me about the local hotels (of which I knew nothing) and about somewhere that could keep his cat (which I desperately wanted to do) while he was in town. Eventually, the dream ended, but with a pleasant feeling.

Out of curiousity, I visited his site and discovered that he's selling a guitar and instructional video on QVC. I want it. I want it REALLY BAD. Do I need it? No, of course not. Would I use it? Some. I started to learn to play as a teenager. I do have a hard time sticking with things. But I WANT IT!

I also had a dream about being stabbed by someone. I can't remember exactly what the deal was with it, but I was definately stabbed several times. And it hurt. I'm pretty sure that had something to do with little pointy doggy toes and muscle soreness, but I'm not sure.

And of course, I woke up horny. Which is a good thing because I'm going to need to be horny for later. At least a little. Nothing less fun than giving a clinical blow job....

Side Effect

I've discovered a delightful side effect of semenex. Namely, husband gets hard at the drop of a hat. Or a hint that perhaps I'm interested in testing it. In fact, that will happen TOMORROW but it's been exceptionally easy to get him excited by merely mentioning the product or the testing of it.

Of course, it's entirely selfish hardness on his part. But I expect that from him.

But tomorrow... I shall know the truth about Semenex. God damn I hope it works.

Also, my birthday is over in 20 minutes.

And I'm not telling what I do for a living. I try to be deliberately misleading.

Happy Birthday to...

I worked. I worked very hard. But, of course, I still can't sleep. I took some nyquil. That'll surely knock my ass out.

I watched Made. I like Made. Yes, I am 27 years old and I like Made on MTV. What of it, beeotch? Namely, I was digging the dorky boy who became hot guy. Well, something like that. Because I totally think that's bitchin'. Which isn't to say I want to fuck a 16/17 year old. But rather that I appreciate and approve of the change.

However, seeing the blonde, white girl saying "sure, we can get jiggy with that" sincerely causes me pain. I'm just saying.

Anyway. I should have a first hand review of the semenex sometime very shortly. Here's to science....

Hot boys.

I'm actually pretty excited about the hot boys that I'll be working around. Unfortunately, I fear far too many of them will be exactly that... boys. But it's okay. I'll get over it. Besides hot boys, btw, I will also be dealing with HOT FOREIGN boys because this particular job occasionally involves foreigners in their funny foreign uniforms. And many of them will be single.

Yeah, okay, maybe I'm expecting too much. But... oh... it's been a long time.

I must be drunk

For my title I typed my pass word. I corrected that, of course. That might have been awkward.

I bought the old Harry Potter books. For years I've been told to read them. I finally gave in. FINE. I'll read the mother fuckers. But they better be good. I declined to by the third. Yet.

Husband will be taking his second dose of "the stuff" as I'm now going to call it, just to confuse issues. I think I might prepare it for him to see if his results (flavor and consistancy wise) can be improved upon based on his failing or if it's just always like that. I'll get back to you.

I was told I should put in for a position at a store which I visit quite frequently. Not as a lark, but seriously, because I sort of know the girl who works there and she was like "oh, you could make ($2.00 more an hour) and you'd actually LIKE your job!"

Which brings me to my next point which is that I've been exceptionally worried the last week because come the 30th (or there about) I shall be working at a different location. I'll keep the same job title and take on completely different work. I'm nervous as shit. However, I will be around a fucking huge number of hot, young military boys fresh from basic.

What I know so far.

That stuff I've been talking about? That Semenex stuff? Yeah. I bought some. I just... need to know!

Thus far, husband's review is less than favorable. "It smells okay," I told him. "Yeah, but it's not my favorite stuff." I tried it. I can't disagree. I don't hate it but... I only had a sip. It's a strange pumpkin-pie-lemon thing. I like the aftertaste. Husband... not so much. At all.

But, it takes about two to three days to be "effective." So. We'll see.

He said he could grow to love the taste if it works.

We'll see, we'll see.

Sexual Disfunction

I've been playing a hell of a lot of Burnout 3 on the Xbox. It's somewhat addictive. Until I want to break something, that is. Anyway. I'm not sure if this new found addiction is related to the sudden worsening of a long-term condition I've discovered or what but... I have pain in one of my finger joints.

Now, having pain in this joint isn't the end of the world. Turns out I use the middle finger of my left hand to do a lot more lifting and grabbing than I was aware of. Turns out, though, that this is the exact finger which plays a very important role in my orgasms. If I lost this finger it would be a tragedy. As it stands, it hurts a little to masturbate. Not that it stops me. But it hurts.

And I got to thinking about how much it must suck to have arthritis. Especially if you're a horny girl like me.

Thank god for vibrators....

A million ways I am wrong.

Let's start with the premise that I'm not disgusting. I know my own scent, my own taste, all of that and quite enjoy it. I'm careful to clean before sex (and generally am very picky about showering first) so as to be comfortable with what my body feels, smells, and tastes like during sex.

So. As I was watching some porn it occured to me out of the blue (and unrelated to anything) something that really irritates me. I absolutely loathe a man who loses his hard on when giving oral sex. Yes, I can see a bit of limpening thanks to lack of direct stimulation but a man who loses his hard on completely (or all but completely) irritates me. Here I am ready to be fucked and... oh... great... let's get you BACK in the mood. Hold... on... okay, you know what? I don't think I want to do this anymore.

Okay, maybe it's not that extreme. But I am demanding.

The thing is, when *I* go down I get wet. I get excited. I look forward to what's coming and can almost not wait for it.

I guess I just expect men to be like me.

I'm sure it's wrong of me. In a million ways.

But god damn it irritates me.

Taste

Speaking not at all about Semenex, for whatever reason I was unable to find a single other blogger on google who'd written about their experience with it. I think that's really, really odd. I'm curious as to whether this is because anything and everything ever written about it is spam or if there's something more nefarious even than that going on. I won't speculate further but I wonder.

Anyway, the reason I bring it up is that apparently more than anything else I've ever written in this blog I've gotten a lot of response for writing about semenex. Which is to say either the semenex people are looking for ANY mention of their product... repeatedly... or there are a lot of people who're looking for information on the product.

With no REAL reviews that I'd trust, I find the whole thing just weird.

So tired.

My boss is away from work which means I'm covering a lot of the stuff she would normally do. And between doing her job and mine I'm pretty worn out. But I like it. Damn. I think I want to move up again. Unfortuantely, senior managers in this place are like freakin' cement...

Meanwhile, I finally replaced my rear bumper from the accident I got into back in May. Yes that's almost two months of driving with a mangled rear bumper. I like to think it made people wary of me and allowed for somewhat crazier driving. I did have the pleasure of NOT being able to get my license plate back on for a good 10 minutes. "FUUUUUUUUCK" was about the only thing I could think of to say since it's rather not a good idea to drive without a rear license plate.

However, it's done. I did it in the near dark, of course. Because that's how I am. Tomorrow I'll have to tweak it... but not if it's as smotheringly hot tomorrow as it was today.

Sexually speaking, I was reading a book with a paticularly sexy scene in it, late at night. Husband was asleep in bed next to me so I decided I might as well masturbate. Halfway through (I was taking my very sweet time) my dog appeared from under the covers with my husband (he ONLY sleeps under the covers) and shook himself jingling his collar enough to wake husband. I stopped, trying to look innocent as husband rolled over and fell back asleep.

The next day I related the tale to husband, and he told me sarcastically "yeah, because you wouldn't want me catching you doing that. Because it's a SIN."

This from the man whom I surprised by coming home early one day and catching him masturbating... but in order to cover what he'd been doing he threw a t-shirt on, leaving his business hanging out underneath. No, I couldn't POSSIBLY guess what he'd been doing. But then maybe he thought I was one of the maintenence crew members breaking into the wrong house....

Dreams

I watched Blow Out last night. I don't know why I watch that show. It's dumb as fuck. However, I watched it. And then had a dream about Jonathan and a salon. Nothing sexy. I woke up from it to let the dog out (he's sick) and discovered I was really happy such a lame-ass dream was interupted.

I watched Cat House, the series, last night. I've been watching all the episodes On Demand and happened across one of them on HBO last night. I adore that show. I'm fascinated by it. I find it incredibly entertaining, and it makes me think a lot. So of course I dreamed about it. I had a very strange dream, though, which involved Anderson Cooper (I have such a crush) playing my former health teacher, a trip to Safeway, and a trip to the roller rink. It was all very odd. I'd only slept with two clients in two weeks but it was just enough to keep me from starving. I wasn't really serious about the business, yet. And then I ran across Anderson Cooper and boy oh boy did I want to fuck him. But then I kind of do, anyway.

Of course, I woke up from that one to let the dog out, too. But that was also okay because by the time I woke up Anderson Cooper was gone from the dream.

Saaaaaaaaaad.

I'm terribly sad that Rod of Rod Talks has decided to stop talking. I'm leaving a link to his page for now... give it a few weeks and it'll be gone. He's at least done us the service of letting us know he's leaving instead of just disappearing... but he certainly appears to be done.

Now all that's left is speculation. And a big hole where I used to read every day.

I'm sorely disappointed.

Pierced

Pierced
Originally uploaded by Odalisquek.

Figured I'd throw out another picture of my piercing just to make life interesting. Maybe I'll have to do one with the weird (and eventually uncomfortable) jewelry I bought, too....

Idle Play

Last night, I put husband to bed. I can't remember how I started teasing him... sucking his finger.. something. But we ended up with my hand around his cock. I love to hear him exhale those shaky, uneven breaths of delight. He rarely moans... just gentle sighs. I love his sighs.

I live for those sounds. I love watching him flex his hips up toward my hand as the sensations get more intense. I like to watch his face scrunch up.

Last night, I played with him until I decided it was time for me to go to the bathroom. No orgasm by my hand. I could have gone all the way. But he's so selfish. I like to tease him.

He finally got the hint when I came back to kiss him goodnight. He did the same back to me until he was too tired to continue.

I slipped away so he could sleep and a few hours later had one of the best orgasms ever.

Deeeaaaad

My phone died. So I ordered a new phone. Yes, I could have gone to the mall tomorrow and got one that way... but it's SOOOO much funner to shop online. Even if I DO have to wait for the payoff.

So. Once I get my new cell phone... who wants to call me?

Bad Dreams

I have this obsession with zombies. After watching 28 days later and Dawn of the Dead I've discovered what I fear most... zombies. The other day the power went out and I kept staring out into the street expecting to discover that my home was over run with zombies and that's why it took so long to get the power back on... it was NEVER coming back on thanks to zombies. I was SO CONVINCED it was zombies that I couldn't get myself back to sleep. It was at the highest point of my inner hysteria that the power came back on.

Then last night, I had a dream about zombies. Midway into it I ended up having to kill three of them that I'd let into my house before they changed into zombies. I ACCIDENTALLY fed some to the dog and ate some myself. Yes, in my dream I was unable to resist (or remember) that I was holding a chunk of zombie flesh and just had to have some. Raw. At which point I was freaked out that while zombies don't bother with dogs, it never said whether eating their flesh could infect humans and/or dogs.

By the end of the dream we'd made it to an alien controlled safe place and everything was going to be okay. Maybe.

But seriously, my zombie thing is like WAY out of control.

A matter of taste...

I, for one, NEVER thought Tom Cruise was hot.

I was really disappointed about Mel Gibson, though.

Mark Two

I continued to see Mark for a few months. As I got to know him better he expressed an interest in some mild bondage sm stuff. Since I (like many) have a certain amount of curiosity about the matter he seemed a reasonable person to test it out with. We never got very far, though.

I was his willing subject. Anything he wanted from me, I was happy to give him. It pleased me to be naked next to his complete state of dress. He told me what he wanted me to wear... and asked for permission to film me sucking his cock which I agreed to.

He lay me out on the bed before him, spread wide and touched me all over. "My wife would never let me do this" he said, as his eyes and fingers traced ever fold of my pussy. It was freeing and gratifying to be studied and touched by someone that way. He made me feel sexy and special.

One day he came to spend time with me despite the debilitating quality of some medication he was taking for pain. We spent an hour in bed, touching and talking, and just being together before he got up to leave. He went to the bathroom to take care of some business and as he finished, I dried him off and managed to suck him to orgasm despite his insistence that it was not possible.

We only had intercourse one time. I knew better than to ask it of him, as he thought himself the one in control of the relationship and it worked well not to tell him otherwise. I craved the feeling of his hugeness inside me but despite having already been with a number of guys I was actually afraid that it might hurt. Finally, he came to me one day and told me that today would be the day.

There was much foreplay and some nervousness from my side. But finally he was inside me and it was incredible. We moved around through a few positions and he forced me to stay completely still. I craved feeling him all the way inside me, to feel the hard punishing thrusts of him... but he held back stroking slowly and gently admonishing me when I moved.

He finally came, without me. It was terribly disappointing to have missed the chance of cumming with him inside me but so wonderful to at least feel that closeness.

I fantasized about him for years after that, about his size, his desire to control me.... and I still wonder what more would have happened if husband hadn't come back two months early and complicated things.

Mark One

There was this guy. He was maybe the third guy I slept with in the year 2001. My husband was gone to Korea which left me alone in the house. We'd already decided to try our hands at open marriage and I felt pretty successful... yet completely not. Both of the men I slept with turned out to be less than pleasing for various reasons. I was trying very hard to "whore it up" looking for SOMEONE with whom I might click.

I even invited one guy to the house and then sent him away unfucked because he just wasn't good enough in person. He was the guy who finally moved to kiss me, stuck his tongue in my mouth and just... left it there. Umm. I attempted to make something of it, moving my tongue around his, sucking at his tongue... anything... but he stayed completely still. Finally, I broke it off, completely disgusted. He looked at me quizzically and asked "don't you like to kiss?" Uh... YEAH... with someone who knows more than "stick tongue in mouth," idiot. I shrugged, though, and said "guess not." It wasn't long after that that I sent him home.

A week or two later I met Mark online. He and I clicked mentally but he had no picture of himself. It made me hesitant but I sent him mine and he was interested in me. He turned out to be married, which brought me only the briefest of hesitation. She was out of town. I invited him over as it was his last chance while she was gone. He agreed, but later called me to beg off with some excuse which I forget. I was irritated as I'd been expecting him (and there are few things worse than being stood up for sex) but accepted his decision. A couple of weeks of continued flirting and interest, I invited him over again. His wife was home, but I still didn't care. This time he showed up.

When he arrived he turned out to be an attractive guy maybe 7 or 8 years my senior. Average height, pale hair. What I remember most was how very slight he was. My tastes had never run toward men of his build but I was open to new experiences. Overall, he looked a lot like SNL cast member Seth Meyers.

We stayed downstairs for almost an hour chit-chatting before he finally decided he'd had enough of the talk and kissed me. His kiss was more teasing and gentle, fluttering over my lips, gentle kisses which were hot... and utterly unsatisfying. I like more contact. But I had no room to complain as they served to leave me wanting more of him. I moaned into his mouth inadvertently and he drew back to tell me he liked that reaction. It wasn't long before we were in bed.

We played a bit that afternoon. After I got him naked I was utterly shocked, surprised, and delighted at how very generous genetics had been to him. Having already slept with 5 or 6 men, he was by far the most endowed. Truly, his size was incongruous to his build. I remember sometime after I'd brought him to orgasm, gazing at his cock and saying something like "my god... does it ever get soft? It's huuuge" to which he responded "it IS soft." I argued with him but he remained adamant and later escapades proved him right.

You decide.

Husband's favorite band of all time is Queen. His favorite artists are Neil Diamond, Elton John, and Gloria Estefan. He also heartily enjoys ABBA.

You be the judge. I'm just saying.

Alcohol

What is it about the first shot (or two) which seems to go directly to my genitals?

Because, seriously. I'm feeling it. RIGHT THERE. And it's way too yummy a sensation to come from some drink.

A few minutes.

I looked at the clock and thought "well, gosh... I have a few minutes" and decided to cum. It's very annoying that those type of orgasms are not nearly as good as those which are preceeded by the thought "fuck, I gotta cum." Not that they aren't good. They're just not AS good.

Semenex.

I'm seriously considering buying some for Husband. Mostly out of curiosity. And of course because Husband tells me (everytime I mention anything about it) that he will happily eat anything I tell him to (within reason) to increase his chances of getting a blow job. I figure this would be an option.

However, other than their website (which I admit has a lot of references to media reviews) I'm having trouble finding "real life" reviews of the product. Anyone know anything?

(Update: please see my own review of the product here.)

Fore!

I used Husband's hand to play with my nipple. I rubbed his fingers over it, letting his fingers trail an outline of my breast before returning them to my nipple, again... drawing increasingly erratic breathing from me.

"It's like you're masturbating with my hand," he said, "like it's... someone else's." I knew what he meant. That was the whole POINT.

But he was tired. And I remain at a loss as to an acceptable alternative birth control. So we stopped.

Maybe tomorrow....

Look....

One of the sexiest most deliciously sensual feelings I've enjoyed with a lover is the initial feeling of having them spread my pussy lips to ease entrance inside. It makes me squirm with excitement as I gaze at them, their eyes glued below. I adore the feeling of the cool air on my hot, wet insides and the knowledge that they are gazing upon and lusting after my most intimate parts.

Tonight, husband spread me open just a bit to slip the head of his cock inside. It was delicious.

Breasts!

I like mine today. I like the way they fill out my shirt. And I love my piercings.

Breasts. They totally rock.

Dreaming Again

Last night I had a dream that I was at this strange place which was a mix of where I work, some entertainment/hollywood style business, and my home. There were two showers, one of which was upstairs but really small and another which was in the back of one of the tractor-trailers which was semi-public but huge. I was going for my shower in the trailer when I met up with one of the hollywood types.

A rather attractive black man approached me. I knew him to be married but there was certainly some attraction between us. I made it my mission to try to attract him into the shower with me because that sounded fucking hot. We got to kissing, necking, and heavy petting. However, before things could progress a woman came in and was watching us and started talking to the man. We tried to look innocent but it was clear she knew what was going on and was trying to prevent it.

Eventually, I left them to take the shower. By then more people had come out and there were several people watching me. Not wanting to be a complete dork, I let them do so and gradually they all left leaving me to bathe in peace.

The end.

The make out session was great. However, it's very clear to me that I have a fetish for men being behind me. I like the feeling of being kissed, touched, rubbed, and certainly fucked from behind. I like leaning back against a man's body... I like watching his hands moving over my flesh the way my own would.... When I fantasize about sex these days... it always involves someone behind me. I'm not sure what that's about. I have theories. It's hard to do anything but concentrate on pleasure when one's lover is behind them. Afterall, I don't have arms behind me..... Not to mention the faceless quality.....

Whatever the case... I clearly need to find me a man-whore.

A reserved nod...

I must give a reserved nod (which is to say a questioning acceptance) to the new Coca Cola Zero which tastes more like regular coke than diet. It's... different. I'm not convinced I'm going to like it forever... take for instance C2 which I adored when it first came out... until I could start TASTING the "other" flavor which was just nasty. This one has a faint flavor of diet... with an odd sweetness, too. So for now I accept it. But I'm perfectly willing to reverse that decision.

On to the good stuff. I flirted with Jones a little bit today. Not nearly as much as I'd have liked. The draw back being that I was reminded, again, that he thinks he's god's gift to women... which I do believe HE believes... and well... no one needs to be THAT cocky.

Husband's friend (I've forgotten his nickname again) and I have been trading e-mails. I suppose if anything interesting were to happen it would be tonight but since nothing interesting is going to happen between him and I tonight... well... c'est la vie, mon ami. Husband comes home in the wee hours of Sunday and I work late on Saturday so... yeah... this is my last party day. I'm making the best of it by drinking my Coca Cola Zero. Yippee! I ought to be having wild sex.

But if I'm honest... I haven't really, truly wanted to sleep around since the exceptionally unfortunate incident with Frank in the beginning of the year. I guess it just makes me more leary of new people. Even though Frank was not new people to me. That actually makes it worse. Dammit.

I fully admit...

I fully admit that I'm horny.

However.

A man describing himself as six feet of grade A meat STILL doesn't turn me on.

Thinking about School

This coming new year will mark the 10 year anniversary of my graduation. My husband didn't get to go to his reunion. I'm not sure I'll get to go to mine. I'm not sure I want to. But I'm tempted.

So I pulled out the old 1996 year book and looked up a few people. And I'm not 100% sure but I'm fairly sure I found a more current picture of my only real crush from that time (besides of course one of my teachers). And I'm like... weirded out. Because. You know. Just because. I mean, I saw the picture and thought "oh... my... god... that's HIM." Same career field I knew he was going into... but a different country, now, apparently... and he went from blonde to... dark haired. Which is kind of weird. But he still looks just like him. I pulled out the photo and I'm pretty sure....

Also, this really hot guy I went to school with whom I was SURE was joining the military went away to study the BIBLE in college and then became a fire fighter with a hot wife. And I'm like "woah" on that one, too. Not that I liked him. But it's just so weird.

This is why I think I'm NOT going back to the reunion. Because all this just boggles my mind.

Not that there's one planned yet. One thing my class never had was a sense of community.

Also, one of my "friends" from high school who was really a friend of a friend more than anything has photos from her wedding online. She just got married this year and she looks EXACTLY THE SAME. Of course, so do I....

Searches

I usually find it interesting to see what kind of search terms other sites get. Here are some of mine...


"my bladder is full" masturbate (Google)

"satisfaction from masturbation" (Google)

"watch husband" wife (Google)

"A taste of the good wife" (Google)

"best position for cumming" (Netscape)

"eric price" "charlie stone" (Google)

"finally had sex again" (Google)

"increasing nipple size" male (Google)

"the tip of my clit" (Google)

guys "increasing nipple size" (Google)

A Dream

Last night I had a dream that I had the choice of a bevy of male beauties on which to satisfy myself. Men of all different varieties were available (as in physique and looks... however looking back it's interesting that all of them were white). I'd been looking but decided not to actually DO anything about it. Another woman came along, a friend, and asked that I set her up for a super wild night of sex with one of them. She wanted something involving aphrodisiac and a lot of fucking.

The idea appealed and as I was researching this for her, I found myself liking the idea of getting me a little something, too. I ended up finding a lengthy recipe that would turn the women involved into voracious sexual animals. Inhibitions would be gone, orgasms would be multiple, and the men would leave worn out. Perfect. But knowing how tireless I often am when it comes to sex with a new partner, I figured I'd take the prescribed potions too... but in a smaller amount than recommended. Just enough to get me started.

I readied the ingredients and went off to pick the men. I found myself quickly joined by a muscular man. I couldn't see him, only feel the firmness that was his entire body pressed against my back. He could be ugly as hell or gorgeous, I wasn't sure. But his forwardness and the exciting feel of his hot partially naked (clad only in jeans) body excited me.

I kept him there, against me, and told him my plans. The idea of four of us getting together (really two couples... but the sex drugs might nix that separation)... but I didn't want to know what he looked like. I would meet with him at the doorway to the chosen location blindfolded and spend the entire night that way never knowing what he looked like.

I left him, then, still feeling the hot imprint of his body on my back and found another man for my friend. I informed him of her wishes and went off to get ready, dosing both the other woman and myself with the potions so they would have time to take effect. I went to my room and searched for condoms coming up with only one. Knowing the woman would take care of her own condom needs I tried to figure out how I was going to spend an entire night having sex... with only one condom... which for all I knew was the wrong size.

That's about the time I woke up. Because I almost NEVER have sex in dreams. No satiation for me.

Were the dream to continue, though...

I would go to the chosen location. Alone. The other couple could be inside... or not yet arrived. Whatever the case, I blindfold myself and await the man I have so blindly chosen. I lean against the wall... I can hear footsteps. My breathing increases... but they pass. Another set of footsteps follows closely. These stop near me. I turn my head in the direction where they last were. I feel breath against my face. "Follow me" he says, his voice husky and quiet. His fingers find my face, cupping my cheek before it slides down my neck, down my shoulder and arm, leaving a trail of warm shivers. Finally, he lifts my hand and places it on his forearm and escorts me inside. His forearm, too, is hot. I can feel the unlikely softness of his skin and the faint smell of his cologne. So male.

He opens the door to the atrium I have chosen. Indoor, and temperature controlled it seems perfect for the sport of animalistic fucking. I inhale the warm, humid, fertile scent and it sends my mind racing forward... him inside me.... oh....

He leads me inside, deeper into the large room. He stops and I stop, too. He leans down toward me his lips against my ear, his words barely more than a breath. "It looks like they beat us here... I can see them... do you want to know what they're doing?" I bite my lip and nod slowly, feeling somewhat ashamed for wanting to know... but also feeling the drugs beginning to work. "He's got his head buried between her legs now... she's laying back, legs wide open, her fingers buried in his hair pulling his face into her... she's cumming...."

I moan a little. "Please...."

He laughs softly, "maybe they'd like to watch us, too" and leads me on. I still can't hear them but we don't go too far before he stops again. I have no idea if we're still in view of the other couple or completely hidden. My mind is a jumble of what ifs as he stops again and steps away from me. I can hear him breathing and moving but I cannot tell what he's doing. Finally he touches me again. Without warning he draws my shirt up over my head leaving me in my bra and pants. He steps against me, his naked chest warm against me and then his lips are on my own.

A moment of hesistation and then I force the kiss deeper, drawing his tongue into my mouth, pushing mine into his. I'm ready to be done with the foreplay, ready to have him inside me RIGHT THIS INSTANT. I let my fingers find their way downward, over the hair on his chest following the trail down to his pants. Jeans. Oh, yes. I graze my finger over the zipper, feeling for the bulge. Hard, already, I trace the outline, tracing the curve of the head. It feels amazing, hard, otherwordly, and far too inaccessible.

His mouth stays on mine, his fingers removing my bra as I work on his pants needing him inside me.


...oops... I ran out of steam..... Maybe more later. Maybe.

Hair Thing

First off, husband is gone for the week. Second... I'm totally jealous.

Out of boredom I went to canyoutell.com . It's a sauve versus the expensive brand "test" of three different types. Can you tell the difference between who used Suave and who used the more expensive brand? I could. All three times. The odd part... it comes back with "see? You really can't tell the difference." I guess they couldn't have really admitted anything else....

I have this hair obsession. Even though mine's rather pathetic. I think it has something to do with the amount of time I spend "reading" Glamour and Marie Claire. I've learned to be able to tell....

Anyway.

This is what happens when I'm all alone.

That and a lot of cleaning.

Vacation.

Husband is going on a week long vacation shortly. Starting Sunday. I'd have liked to go but my work isn't nearly as liberal with leave as his is. Of course he's already pointed out that he'll "likely be bored by the middle of the week" which is probably true... but at least he doesn't have to go to work. There's a purpose to his trip beyond "vacation" and in fact it'll likely feel not very much like a vacation at all. As far as I'm concerned he needs to make it very clear to those he's there to see that he's there for THEM and to help THEM and not to sit on his ass. Likely, he'll sit on his ass.

But anyway.

I get to have a WHOLE WEEK to myself. How excited am I? I mean, other than how much having sole care of the damned dogs is going to suck (in... out... pet... in...out...in...out-in...). It'll be nice to be alone. It's times like these when I wish I still had a lover because then I know EXACTLY what I'd be doing over those 7 days. I've, in the past, set up one night stands for these weeks but I'm not sure I'm up for that. Lately I remain emotionally fragile. It so sucks.

Plus, the timing being what it is... I ought to be right in the middle of my period while he's gone. Yippppeeee!

Oh, A/Cs fixed. THANK GOD. Turns out the heat and PMS contributed to my piss poor attitude of late. I hope it's better today!

Coincidence?

Tuesday morning one of the work crew from the maintanence crews stopped my husband and I. "Hey, did you call in that your air conditioning is broken?" I thought for a half second and replied, chirpily "nope. It's not us!" then added "ours is working great!"

As I got into the car to drive away I watched them head to the same lettered (similarly numbered) house across the street and thought no more of it.

Wednesday morning I woke up hot and bitchy as hell. I walked downstairs to where my husband was playing on his computer and checked the temperature. Over 80. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I asked him and flipped the a/c lower. Except it was already running. Warm.

SON OF A BITCH. Our A/C went out. Now, riddle me this... what the fuck are the chances our A/C would go out within 24 hours of someone asking me if it was working? Consider that it has been running perfectly for 2 years. What. The. Fuck. Knowing that in the past it's been a problem with the pipes freezing up we left it off yesterday and suffered through the heat of the day as the thermostat inside passed 90.

It is now 5am. It is still 85 degrees in the house. There is no fucking frozen pipe anymore. I thawed rock hard meat on the counter in a matter of a couple of hours. There is no question NOTHING in this house is frozen anymore except that which is locked securely away in the freezer.

So we went to bed. I took a cold shower and we turned a fan on the bed. I crawled into the already too hot bed and we tried to sleep. "You didn't even TRY to kiss me" I told him, after a while. It's our night time ritual to always share a kiss and then go to sleep. So he coaxed me over and we made out like teenagers. "I DON'T want to have sex" I warned him as soon as we started, "it is WAY too hot." Which is about the time he started really wanting to play kissy face.

Fucking irritates the shit out of me that he won't fuck me but if there's no pressure he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

Of course, EVERYTHING fucking irritates me right now because it's hot and I become the fucking incredible hulk when I'm this hot and I can feel the sweat like little bugs crawling across my flesh. Not to mention the restive night I've spent tossing and turning and smacking the dog for licking wet spots in the bed randomly.

Here's to the maintanence crew being punctual tomorrow....

This shhh's bananas! b-a-n-a-n-a-s!

Yeah, okay. So I don't care for the song but somehow it sticks in my head.

Anyway, Jones came into work today and I flirted with him just a touch. He flirted with me a bit ("need a seat?" gesturing to his lap... to which I responded "no... I'm afraid it might be uncomfortable... you know... pokey.") and I was like "you know I'd love to flirt with you but I get all weirded out when the kid is around" the kid being his nephew who really doesn't need to see his dirty uncle teasing the youngsters (that'd be me). He seemed to "get it" and let it be. But later I made some mildly dirty comment in front of one of the younger guys I work with (namely Jones bent down next to me to pick something up and I told him maybe he ought to stay down there for a bit) and he returned in kind ("is there something you'd like me to do while I'm down here?") at which point I acted dumb. He glanced at the guy and smiled at me knowingly and left it at that.

And then I worked until 2am.

The end.

Weee!

Jones went somewhere on vacation. He came back today and threw myself into his arms shrieking his name. Hmm. Maybe I missed him just a little. I managed to hit him in the collar bone with my chin having misjudged his height. I failed to apologize. I probably hurt myself worse than I hurt him. He didn't say anything.

Anyway. I stood near him and his hands found my side. It took me a moment before I realised he was pulling me against him. I stepped back, leaning just a little as I conversed with someone else. He's SUCH a flirt, but it's cool. I grinned.

My sense of smell is extra sensitive this time of the month. I think it's related to me being fertile as I'm about half way through my cycle. I notice smells a lot more and am more strongly affected by the scent of men around me... and Jones smelled nice. Not great enough that I wanted to hump his leg or anything but he was certainly a welcome island of yummy in an oasis of bad breath and BO today.

And then my manager found a mouse in her refrigerator and being the mouse-buddy I am, I got to clean out the fridge. Turns out the mouse had given birth and the babies didn't do so well in the cold. So, the romance was gone....

I crave

I ran into Evando the other day. I haven't mentioned him in a while because he left my place of work and is now working for a contractor in the building. I hardly ever see him since his work doesn't bring him into my area. However, I occasionally go into his.

So, I ran into him as I was making my way to one of the offices and he held his arms out to me as I walked nearby. I went to him and hugged him gratefully. While the contact was brief, I was glad to touch him. And be touched. And know that since we were no longer in the same company I was free to do so without hesitation. On the other hand, he does have a pregnant girlfriend. So. Whatever. It was only a hug.

He mentioned that he's still planning on getting his tongue pierced again. Whereas I'm in the midst of a really unpleasant time in my life (continuing to be upset over the fender bender I got into, as well as my displeasure over my job) and am considering getting it done just to help me snap out of my spiral of upset. Perhaps not the best reasons to get a piercing... but whatever. It appears to be a common one.

On an unrelated note I've been informed that Li will no longer be coming to my business. I'm so disappointed. I suspect it was his decision based on his overall attitude and desire to be coddled. I was always happy to coddle him, but since I was hardly ever there on the days he came in he wasn't getting the personal attention he desired. So another contractor has been sent and that's that. *sigh* That's okay, mooning over Li wasn't getting me anywhere anyway.

Book Tag

Got tagged. Sucking it up.

1) Total number of books I’ve owned.

Uh. If anyone can answer that question I'd be terribly impressed. I'll say in the thousands. Maybe. I read a lot but most of my youth was spent in the library.

2) The last book I bought.

Probably Prince of Darkness. It was recommended but for a trashy romance it's trying way too hard to be intellectual.

3) The Last Book I read.

Charming the Prince. Really, I don't read that many trashy romances. It's just that I read them in spurts....

4) 5 books that mean something to me.

The Deed of Paksenarrion by Elizabeth Moon-- I think it was the first book my husband recommended to me and one of my best loved. Magic's Promise by Mercedes Lackey-- I loved it the first time I read it and it helped me out of what could have been a really dark depression the second. The Butter Battle Book by Dr. Suess-- a book my dad read to me when I was little... it's one of my few good memories of that age. Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind-- recommended by my best friend at that time, it's got the BEST rule (people are stupid). The Joy of Cooking by those people-- a present from my mother-in-law which has served me well and taught me to cook better than I thought I could... besides Hannibal Lecter owned a copy (another series I enjoyed).

5) Tag 5 people and request they fill this out on their journals: Umm. I don't care for the pressure. I invite ANY five people to note me and share theirs with me either via note or via blog.

Crazy Lady

I've become a masturbation machine. Well, maybe not. But I'm going up to once and twice a day, again. Which is far more than not at all, say, for the time my sister was here and just before.

I do so adore orgasms.

I keep thinking about really freaky, hot, violent sex. Nothing scary. Just really rough, wild stuff.

You know, the stuff I'm not getting.

Closer

It's amazing the change I feel, having a third body in the house. I love my sister, don't get me wrong. But having her around has cemented in me the idea that my husband is really pretty fucking awesome. Except here and there. After a long drive to and from the coast earlier this week, I found myself wanting nothing more than to laze in bed and GET THE FUCK AWAY from that woman. But I missed Husband. So I called him to come lay with me for a while. Feeling him nearby I finally said, "you know, one of the cool things about being with you is that it's better than being alone. I feel recharged when we're together, more than when I'm all alone." He was quiet a moment and said "thank you" or something like that. And after a moment said "I like being with you, too. Although I really do like being alone."

Ah, love.

I felt like I ought to be hurt by that. But in truth, there are times I ache for him to go away too. Like when I wake up wanting to make slow sweet love... or just be fucked... and knowing that he simply can't provide that.

I found myself irrestistably drawn to him this week. I don't care for facial hair but he's grown out a short beard during this last week and I find it annoying to kiss... and yet incredibly sexy... because it's HIM... just... different. I pressed myself against him, letting my fingers trace down his body, kissing him with my mouth barely open, inviting him into something deeper... sexier..... And was denied.

I hunger for a man who finds me so irresistable. Not all the time, but at least sometimes. Someone who recognises the need in me and can fulfill it. At least temporarily.

I adore my husband. But I need sex, too.

I just wish I could be pleased with the IDEA of someone else (other than, say, the impossible Li).

Dream

I had a dream the other night that I found someone's collection of porn. I think I was in their house and I came across a pile of magazines, books, and DVDs. As I was flipping through the pages I found myself incredibly excited. I had to masturbate.

And when I woke up I was thinking about the fact that discovering someone else's stash of porn is far superior to rediscovering my own. There's something inexplicably erotic about touching magazines and books that another person has used for their own sexual pleasure... and using them for my own, too.

Wouldn't you know.

My sister's here. We were talking as I brushed my teeth.

I hit my lingual frenum with my toothbrush. You know. That web of skin that connects the waggy part of the tongue to the bottom of the mouth. I tore it. Just a bit. Just maybe a quarter of an inch (or possibly even less). I think a quarter of an inch or possibly even less is plenty.

Needless to say I won't be doing anything even remotely interesting with my mouth until this heals. Not that I really thought I would, but I figured I'd at least manage a kiss or two with hubby. Now that's pretty much out.

Great beginning to the week, I think....

You know.

It's like I'm not even TRYING anymore.

I'm frustrated with a lot of things. Not you, I promise.

Not sure what to do.

However, I have family coming in next week. That ought to be nice.

Obviously, no sex THAT week....

Flirt.

I flirted with Jones pretty hard this afternoon. But only after teasing him and telling him I was more into his brother.

Then I invited him into the ladies bathroom but he didn't hardly follow me at all. Didn't take me seriously. Gee, wonder why not?

I mighta been a little freaked out by that. But maybe not. It might have helped with the stress of the evening. Or not.

For the record.

It's not that I don't (or haven't) had primarily sexual relationships. Take for instance DJ. Granted I only had sex with him once (so far) but I don't think you could classify us as friends (although I don't doubt we could be... although he's way cooler than me). Or EB who's also way cooler than me (with a way cooler job, I might add). I adore them both and yet... while I COULD probably be great friends with them I opt to keep it on a sexual level (although fuck, since I haven't done either lately I'm not sure I should use them as examples). However, it was definately their personalities that drew me to them in the first place. Yes, I wanted to fuck them and they wanted to fuck me... but I at least knew they were the kind of people I could have FUN with. If I can't have fun and communicate with you comfortably out of bed... I certainly don't see a future for us IN bed.

Thus, the guy who wrote me the snotty e-mail affirmed for me that he didn't have the same take on what sex should be about. I've tried the solely animalistic side of sex... and yes it has a place... but not a very big one in my life. I tend to continue to seek something just a little more connected than just that.

Li said he couldn't have sex with someone he didn't have a connection with and I rolled my eyes and thought "oh, I could!" but of course... that's not the way I live my life. I'm most attracted to men I do feel some sort of friendliness toward. Something MORE than just physical chemistry.

I don't begrudge anyone else their nearly anonymous casual sex (and there are indeed times I have my own desires for the same) but mostly when I fantasize about sleeping with people it's not "just for sex."

I was fantasizing about being in bed with Li this morning. Given his desire for connection I could imagine hours of foreplay... during play... post play. I could envision laying on the bed, spooning, him inside me while his tongue traced lines along my ear and my neck, fingers teasing up and down my body. Slow, languid motion building my desire to long forgotten heights... feeling his hands clutch me close... breathing in my ear... "you feel so good" whispered sweetly... my hands reaching back to pull him closer, in tighter, the other hand guiding his fingers... down... showing him exactly the touch I need... feeling his own need growing...

It's enough to make me quiver just to think about it.

Yes, sometimes I desire sex with a near stranger in a dark corner... but not with just anyone. Only with someone who's caught my attention by more than just looks... by more than their physical desire for me. Something where my mind is captivated....

I'll have sex with someone again. I'm sure. But it won't be with someone who just wants to fuck. It'll be with a sensualist who actually understands that sex between us isn't JUST fucking. It's so much more fun than that....

I mean... you know... unless I just want to fuck. Heh heh.

*SIGH*

I'm one of those people who likes to think. I think a lot about things. I practically live inside my head.

I got an e-mail from some guy. I'd mentioned something about his online name, trying to be funny. And he sent me back an e-mail saying about how he "just wanted to fuck" me and I could lose the attitude.

When I get these sorts of responses I can't help but shake my head. It's one of my "weeding" processes. And one of the reasons I don't go out and get laid all the time. I'm picky. What kind of attitude is that toward someone you want to sleep with? If you're so clueless as to know when I'm teasing how clueless will you be when it comes to knowing whether I'm anywhere near cumming? You know?

I just become irritated with the attitude that is displayed by men toward women they "want to fuck." Apparently I'm not allowed to have a brain, a sense of humor... anything. I'm supposed to be there for fucking and then move along. Which is SO not what I'm about.

*sigh*

Odd Thing.

Li was there today. Lately he's been absolutely giddy. It's very odd. Anyway, he was vaguely flirtatious today and it pleased me. Of course. Because. Well. You know.

So, he grabbed my arm today and lay it on a box nearby. Then he grabbed his big industrial style box cutter, which I recognised as his box cutter as he brought it around... and proceeded to swing it rather slowly toward my arm. I watched in fascination as I thought "wow, this may really hurt." I twitched vaguely as the blade made contact with my flesh. Except... it didn't hurt. He slid the blade down the length of my arm toward my wrist as I considered the complete lack of pain.

Oh, the blade wasn't out.

I stared at my arm completely bewildered.

And then realised he was just playing with me. Threatening to cut me. And I'd aquiesced without question. Even as I'd recognised that "yes, that blade is going to cut into the first inch of so of my skin and muscle... that's going to be a problem" I left my arm where it was, at his mercy.

Guess I trust him.

I related the story to my husband to which he replied "you really have no survival instinct do you? I'd have introduced my fist to his face."

I did however, later and on an unrelated note, end up punching him twice in the stomach and following it with an elbow and the comment "I hope at LEAST one of those hurt." I don't even remember what it was he did, but the reaction was well deserved. And what I realised after the first punch was "oh my god, that's firm." The second was to confirm that in fact he had some killer abs. The elbow was just an excuse to touch him a third and final time.

Yeah, it's really third grade, but fuck it, you know? It was a fun day.

I hate this season.

Whatever it is... (okay, the allergies)... I loathe it. I loathe waking up to a perpetually runny nose and I loathe spending the day sneezing. Claritin is a god send. But even that's not perfect.

I had the opportunity for sex a couple of days ago with DJ. However, life got in the way, what with the death of Min, followed shortly by the death of Deni. The later being a huge, inexplicable surprise. I'm down to one Meg-rat and I'm watching the hell out of her. The strange thing is that Min was sick for a good month. The vet said "cancer" probably of the bladder. Deni showed no signs of ANYTHING until after Min died... at which point she got lethargic and died within about 24 hours of Min. So there's Meg left. Alone.

Which isn't to say I didn't masturbate both days. I just couldn't NOT. I HAD to.

I'm tired of death.

More sex, please.

*SNAP*

Sometimes it's something that causes other depression that can snap a person out of the one they're in. Which is to say I'm still mildly depressed. After all, a beloved pet just died. However, I have a delightful feeling of satisfaction completely unrelated.

Just out of the blue I decided I wanted to fuck husband. I was vaguely horny and ready to act on it. I moved over to where he was on the couch and began to play with him. I was disappointed when his body didn't respond immediately but continued to touch him despite my misgivings based on the fact that he wasn't protesting. It wasn't long before I was rewarded with him becoming increasingly firm.

I continued to stroke and tease him through his clothes for a good half hour, teasingly letting my mouth slide over his skin. I knew he hadn't showered from the day's exertions so I declined to put my mouth on his cock, expecting that he'd at least wash later so I could take him into my mouth.

He watched me, more than the show, as I teased and wrapped my mouth around his clothed cock. It was hard to resist taking him into my mouth right there, but I know myself better than that and the evening would have been ruined by a bad smell or taste. So I forced myself to continue to tease him. Finally, he turned off the tv and we went upstairs. He asked me "do you want to ride me like a pony?" I shook my head. "Do you want me to ride YOU like a pony?" A rare offer from him. But I also declined that.

Upstairs he went to the bathroom and then joined me in bed. We snuggled and I played with his cock some more. "Did you wash?" I asked. "No... that'd take a shower, really. I didn't shower after my workout and I can't subject you to that." I ran my finger over his face, down his shoulder to his arm, drawing his hand up to my mouth. "That's a shame," I told him, drawing his index finger into my mouth and closing my eyes for a moment savoring the familiar, addicting sensation of sucking on him," you could have had a free blow job."

He was quiet a second before saying, "I could go take a quick shower!" I laughed at him, "no, no... it's too late now." "You are such a tease." I laughed at him again. "It's your own fault. You should have thought ahead. About head. Ha. Thought... a... head...." Yeah, okay. I riffed on that dead horse for a moment.

Finally, I began stroking him more earnestly. I was ready to help him cum. Except my arm started getting tired. I finally took up position over his body, mounting him so his crotch was close to my own, and readily accessible. At which point I proceeded to jerk him to orgasm.

He came over my hand and on himself and after I cleaned him off with the readily available towel, I snuggled next to his weakened, drained form until kissing him goodnight and heading downstairs.

Much as I resent his selfishness at times, sometimes it's just so fucking life affirming and sexy to be the bringer of such delight.

Okay.

I appreciate the complete lack of sympathy there. Fuck all y'all that read and couldn't say "wow, that sucks" or anything else. And for those who read after this particular message... well, you're off the hook.

Moving on.

Rod... I don't know wtf is wrong with your blog and my internet explorer but they've never gotten along. For instance your most recent post has at least three comments. I can only read the first two and maybe part of the third... and certainly can't make my own comment because the page cuts off no matter how many times I reload or change the shape and size of my window. I blame your blog because it's the ONLY one that does it. What's it's problem? Anyway. I don't know if I'm the only one having the problem but I thought I'd let you know it was one in case you didn't know. I'd have e-mailed you privately but I didn't see an e-mail address... and I couldn't scroll down to a comment button. So.

I'm generally low-grade depressed. But, it'll get better.

Death

Yeah, Min died. And as if by fate it was maybe ten minutes after I headed out to the vet with her. We got stopped by one of those construction flaggers and I looked over and saw that she was doing the death breathing that I've seen in other dying animals. I knew then that it was too late. I ended up turning around and going back home, she died as I held her in one hand, driving the car with the other.

And all I could think was "please, god, don't let them inspect the car this time. I REALLY don't want to have to explain the dead rat...." Of course, they didn't inspect. But it would have been pretty fucking hysterical if they had.

I took her out and kinda-buried her in the woods. It's not important to me that her body remain undisturbed. She can be someone's easy dinner. It was more about me letting her go than anything.

It hurts to cry, now. Real, physical pain in my tear ducts when I start. I'll be okay in a bit.

But it sure sucks.

Back to regularly scheduled writings later. Or another day.

Min Rat is dying.

She's on her last day, I think. I thought she'd die over night.

I want to take her to be euthanized. Save her a few hours of suffering.

But everytime I think about it I begin crying. Uncontrollably. When I stop considering having her killed and just deal with the idea of her dying on her own... it's okay again. It's a low grade pain.

I think it means I'm selfish.

Today started out bad, though. I woke up crying. A bad dream. Work related.

Seems fitting that this should happen today.

Chickie.

There's this chickie at work. I said something about Li. She agreed that he had sex appeal. Sexy, sexy, sexy. But the dude needs to shut his mouth.

Yes. Thank you!

So we considered this and the fact that he's very closed minded. And I said something about the fact that he's probably not very good in bed. She sighed heavily and said "no, he's probably very good, unfortunately. One of those guys you want to call over but 'oh, you're going to open your mouth?... I gotta go.'"

Yah.

I mean, I CAN carry on a conversation with him. A very good conversation with him. Except that we're very opposite in our views of the world. He thinks in terms of black and white (and he'll say as much himself) whereas I see the world in shades of grey.

Anyway. He'll be there tomorrow.

Too bad he'll open his mouth....

Not Sexual Meme

Just one question I felt like answering:

Name a song you hate that is performed by a band you like. Name a song you like by a band you hate.

How Do You Like Me Now by Toby Keith
Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park


But, which is which?

In love: a crush.

I hate to talk too much about my job. I don't want you to know what kind of work I do. I think the mystery is more interesting than the knowing. Which makes my story kind of hard to tell. But I'll try.

A man came in to pick up some things which belonged to him. He was probably about forty, with greying hair, dressed in a nice silvery grey suit. He drove up in a large black pick up truck. "How incongruous," I thought. But that inconsistancy had me interested, curious as to what he did in his spare time. What kind of very different person he was at home versus away from work.

The items he was there to pick up were large. And quite dirty. It had been raining and his items, while awaiting his attention had gotten wet. Seeing as I was not dressed quite as nicely as he was, and of course I work for the company which held the items, I set about getting his items into his truck. At which point he began helping. I stopped momentarily "um... are you sure you want to do that?" He said "it's fine" and went back to helping me. Interestingly, while I didn't study him it appears that I had managed to get dirty while he stayed clean. Must be magic.

The fact that he helped me, when there was no pressure for him to do so also pleased and interested me. Was it because I was a woman doing a "man's job" or because I'm merely a person laboring before him and while he was able bodied and therefore couldn't resisit helping? Or had he expected to do it himself? My crush grew exponentially.

Finally finished, I went to let him out of the gated area, walking quickly away. I considered the man mentally and decided I had a huge crush on the guy after only a few minutes. As he pulled his truck past me at the gate he gave me a couple of dollars for my work. Which was entirely unneccessary and unexpected. "You got away too quick!" he said. I smiled and accepted the money, though it wasn't like me to do so.

So as soon as he pulled away I thought I ought to have said something like "the suit, the truck... and you helping me... man... I just got a big ol' crush on you!" Or maybe that would have been really really weird.

In reply: (a cheap way to write a post without coming up with content)

Evan asks:

So, I'm left wondering what your first choice in the physical department is and why he doesn't fit?

My very very FIRST choice in the physical department tends to be toward big, strong men. Like, world's strongest man competitors. And some wrestlers. Like The Rock, Duane Johnson, around the Scorpion King time. That to me is the height of sex appeal.

Needless to say Jones is not built like that.

My second choice in the physical department... well... it might be that really skinny, "geeky" guys. Or the guys who are "big boned". Like, heavy but not uncomfortably so. Experience has told me that the later tend to not be... umm... hung very well. And to a point that's fairly important to me, so the attraction has dimmed somewhat but I still find myself responding to that body type.

As you might, guess, Jones is not built like those, either.

Which isn't to say I'm NOT attracted to his physique. I just don't find it irresistable. At least, not clothed. Naked... well... most men are hard to resist naked.

Evan also says:

Even if you don't, by flirting with him and then being aloof, you're making him think you're wanting him to chase you.

That is SO totally not the thing I was trying to do. In truth, I've been working with the idea of "he can go this far and then I have to stop it." I'm not sure how being aloof would make someone think they should chase you since it just makes me stop flirting altogether... but what can I say? My experience tends to be somewhat limited and certainly one sided.

On the other hand, I do tend to lead him on at times. Like when I asked him the other day "what is it you WANT, Jones?" knowing full well that opened him up to a world of possibilities before I added "and you better give a nice answer." I give him those openings, and go along with it up to the point that my head starts spinning and I become flustered. And then it has to stop because I can't THINK anymore.

One thing I am not: smooth with the men.