Desire

Despite how Li is so very capable of annoying me at times, there's one thing I can definately say for him. He never, ever makes me feel ashamed or bad about my desire for him. Granted, we don't have length conversations about it or anything. However, it's utterly delightful that he KNOWS I want him and he doesn't WORRY about it.

Anyway, it's nice because he lets me feel comfortable with my desire for him.

On the other hand, the more I think about it the more I think that future child of his has completely fucked me out of getting laid by him. I think it's seriously time for me to lay my desire for him aside and find someone else to lust after. There are a few things I envision and among them is the suspicion that while he claims his baby-mama (my word not his) isn't the woman he thinks he'll marry, he'll be in the room for the birth and suddenly fall deeply in love with her for having his kid. Or something equally stupid which will later lead to their bitter divorce.

Well, okay, I AM a little bitter. But what can I say? I see what HAD to have been a sure thing just dying a slow and painful death and I just hate that. *sigh*

But none the less, at least he doesn't make me feel weird about him knowing I want him. And that's super cool. So I'll take it just as it is.

On a side note, I swear he touches me a hell of a lot more than is absolutely neccessary. Like a lot more. And I really really really like it. And I can't help but think that he ought to keep his hands to himself more if he doesn't want to lead me on. I mean, it's not like he's grabbing bits and pieces or anything. But he takes my hand and touches my arm when contact isn't strictly neccessary.

He was having trouble with a particular item and I was helping him. We were super close together for a few moments which I was enjoying. I did it utterly on purpose. And I'm having a hard time remembering if he stepped away from me because someone else came into the room or if he did it on his own. I mean, in a way that kind of matters.

I wish he'd just tell ME if he desires me. But I also know he pretty much wants me to ask. Except that he's the one who told me months ago that he'd let me know if he's ever single... so.....

Bleh. I gotta get over it.