Woke

I woke up horny and wanting Martin. Of course I did. Because what else could I do? My next thought was of Nils. Of the way he looked at me the other day as I chewed my piercing nervously.

Nils wears sunglasses all the time and I've teased him about it before. There's something endlessly sexy about looking at him in his mirrored sunglasses, not really knowing if he's looking back... or where. It gives him an amazing upper hand there and it turns me on. But it's not something I can say (those sunglasses are fucking HOT) much as I'd love to. At least, not right now.

It made seeing him, having him look at me without the glasses so much more intense. He's a handsome, extremely masculine man and having him turn his dark eyes on me made me quiver a little. This is the kind of man who knows what he wants and how to get it.

My last thought was of MP. I'm not sure if MP has any idea how increasingly irritated with him I am. He's one of those men who asks about my "adventures" with other men. I told him a bit about my time with Martin at which point he becomes cocky. "Well, you haven't been with ME yet. Just give me ONE time." I laugh at him for thinking he's going to be the man who makes me cum. He won't be the first to claim the honor... and fail. I've pointed this out to him (more kindly) and he remains cocky. "Confident" he calls it. "Stupid," I think. It's not a lack of technique on ALL of the men's parts. It's inside me.

I consider Cade and what he might be. A real person. Your average joe. Probably hung like a horse but unsure of his technique. Rightfully so. Eager and loving, he would try to learn. But I've been a bad teacher up to this point.

And we return to Martin. I'm happy to tell him what I want... to a point. I told him I want his fingers inside me... hit my gspot... right there.... It's not quite right but how can I keep correcting him? How can I tell him "you KNOW how I like to be fucked now... use your HAND that way" without wanting to add "idiot." Of course, he's not. I know fingers can rock my world in a way most dicks don't. Sleeping with DJ last year confirmed that. Can I teach Martin to do that? Should I? Do I want to build my perfect lover only to lose him? Or should I just think of it as good practice for the next guy?