Joke

I ended up mopping for a while today. And as I mopped I thought "aye... I'm swabbin' the decks!" And then I thought of a joke someone told me a few years ago. "Why are pirate jokes so funny?" "They just AAAAAAARRRRRR!" And I started laughing hysterically as I mopped. So I went on to tell the jokes throughout the day.

When Nils came in I was thrilled. Except... sometime in the last couple of weeks when I've only seen him in his ski mask he grew a mustache. Which shocked me. And turned me off. Until I started considering it. The guy's sexy as hell. And if he wants to grow facial hair... well... all I could think was how DIFFERENT it would feel against my thighs.... So then, while I think he's way hotter without it, I couldn't help but enjoy the idea of him WITH it....

Of course, I'm still sick. I still look vaguely crappy. My voice is husky to the point of being masculine. I just don't look or feel the way I WANT to when he's around. But I ended up helping him anyway. Trying to find excuses to be near him. And maybe there was a little of that from him, too....

I ended up ringing him up as my coworker went out to another part of the store to do something. Well out of hearing range. I told him my joke. "...are you serious?" He asked blankly as I asked the set up question. I smiled "Of course I'm serious. No, it's a joke." "Ah... why?" "Because they just AAAAAAAAAAARRRRR" I told him and cracked myself up, yet again.

He smiled politely and I gazed longingly at him as he said "okay... I've got one. But... well... you know some people you can ask if they get offended and they'll say they won't and then they DO... but I figure you and I have talked... and you SEEM like someone who won't get offended so if I DO offend you let me know and I'll NEVER talk to you again...." I nearly burst out "I want to fuck your brains out. Now who's offended?" But kept my mouth politely shut, merely nodding my agreement.

He went on to ruin a perfectly funny joke. So here it is, better:
man walks in with a sheep under his arm, looks at his wife and says "this is the pig I've been having sex with".
His wife says, " That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
The man says, "I was talking to the sheep, not you."

I laughed and thought it was cute... but I was looking for a play on the word "ewe" for some reason. *sigh* I over think things. Anyway, he then went on to add "if we were say... in a bar... and not here... at your work... and I wasn't at work... and wasn't a police officer... and you weren't a lady... I would have maybe used different wording...." I gazed at him blankly and he explained where he'd changed the line from "fucking" to "having sex with" and I laughed at him. "Because I take that stuff SO seriously," I told him.

But I was thinking about meeting him in a bar somewhere. Somewhere no one knows either of us... and what it would be like to sit next to him on a stool, leaning close to talk. As he was talking I never once stopped gazing into his beautiful eyes... and imagining....

For some reason, and I think it was BEFORE this part of the conversation, we were talking about drinking and he told me "I NEVER drink water... stuff's bad for you. You never know what's in it" as he bought his sugar-free energy drink. I smiled at that as he added "just lots of hard liquor and beer. Liquor and beer."

Which then brought me to wondering not just what it would be like to go out with him... but also to get him drunk. What kind of stories would he tell? What kind of banter would we have? And how would he fuck?

I'm still obsessed with him. I still adore his self control. I find him incredibly sexy. But now I think maybe he's a boyscout. A really fucking sexy boyscout. I'd like him to practice his knots on me....