The thing I didn't like...

One of the thing that I fear most from men the men I sleep with, and I'm quite confident is one of the things that keeps me from having orgasms with ease is something that happened with Keith, too. The pressure. One of the times he came before me (there were two) he lay back on the bed and began berating himself to me. "Ah, yes, that's me... I cum too quick and I don't satisfy you so you have to take care of yourself. I'm a real stud, really..." etc. The thing is, none of those things were true, except the last... except not in the sarcastic way he meant.

The thing I find most frustrating is that my fear or bruising a man's ego makes it really hard to cum at all. It's performance anxiety. With husband I've always been fairly comfortable that whether I cum or not he's going to be happy (maybe comfortable isn't the word) and if I'm insistent he'll make sure we do whatever it takes to get me off, too. Because of this comfort orgasms with him have been consistent and wonderful. With Keith, while I was more than willing to do whatever it took to get off... there was a certain pressure there to make sure I did, especially because NOT cumming at all would surely have been the nail in the coffin of his masculine pride.

The problem is that I read a lot and it's clear to me that there are many women who have this "problem" and getting off via masturbation (especially with a partner's assistance) isn't particularly uncommon. However, it seems the men I sleep with either sleep with incredibly orgasmic women, women who fake it... or... or... I don't know. Whatever the case may be their discomfort with the fact that they CAN'T get me off just makes me more tense about the whole thing. The men who accept and even encourage it ("it's hot to watch you masturbate") are the men I find most satisfying.

On the other hand men who have that masculine pride are far more likely to enjoy watching and trying to figure out exactly what it is I do when I masturbate so they can attempt to replicate it. However, they're also more likely to become frustrated when I have to tell them they're doing it wrong (and irritating my overly sensitive clit).

Yes, I'm frustrated. I love sex. And I do wish I were more "common" in my responses. But I cum. And shouldn't that be enough?