Unreciprocated.

One of the things that starting to irritate me about sleeping with Martin is that much as the sex used to be great and was everything I wanted... he's stopped giving me head. At all. He's not making motions toward it, he's barely even touching me. He's fallen prey to the mistaken belief that since he can't make me cum... he might as well not even try. Which is not just great.

I feel like I should have a conversation with him about it. But what the fuck conversation do I need to have with my lover on the side which says "hey, you're not really trying anymore and it's pissing me off." He's supposed to be my LOVER. Not my HUSBAND. And it makes me mad.

Last time husband and I engaged in any sort of sexual play he actually did an amazingly better job than Martin has done lately. And it irritates me. Because Martin's like... JOB... is to please me. Husband's job is to ignore MY needs in favor of his. So, yeah. The reversal doesn't amuse me. Especially since Martin has been available while husband remains sexually reticent as ever.

So, yeah. Here I am. Irritated with Martin. Irritated with husband. And absolutely irritated with the various men who contact me via the sex site I've joined. I'm not sure why I think that the men I'm likely to meet on a sex site are supposed to be actually... you know... good in bed and sexy... but god damn it. Keith was both of those things. I want another Keith. Only this one much more local.

I haven't heard from Keith this week at all. I ought to get over him. The distance and being ignored certainly helps with that. He's clearly no prince to ignore me the way he's doing. And yet... well... he wasn't the first thing I thought of this morning. Or even throughout the day. This is an improvement.

Also... Im still sick. And bitter. And I work tomorrow. I won't get to see Nils because he should be off work. No Cade, either. Which leaves me with Wade, maybe. And getting to tell him I had a dream about him. Maybe. Maybe I'll tell him....