Late Night Chatting

Ah, after months of waiting I FINALLY found someone I was genuinely excited to want to meet and have sex with and all those wonderful things that I enjoy. And I spent the better part of the evening being shy and self conscious. LOSER!

Needless to say I did NOT get to meet said person and at this rate probably never will. And I'm resentful. Because even if he and I met and decided there really wasn't anything there for us... or that it was great but just not going to happen again (my two worst case scenarios) I'd be OUT again. You know, playing, having fun, being social. All those things that I miss. All those things I've been oddly reluctant to do. Maybe the pickings have been slim the last few months. Or maybe I'm just ready again. (Certainly couldn't have anything to do with the fact that I'm off the pill and have been for a few weeks and therefore my libido has returned, could it? Naw.)

So, anyway. I knew in the morning, after I woke up I would be bitter about missing my chance. This is entirely true.

Now here's the problem. Meeting the majority (okay all) of my lovers online and using this particular name (Odalisque) as my main chat/blog name it doesn't take a rocket scientist to find this blog. I'm relatively sure that this particular guy has or will (possibly) come across this blog. How the hell am I supposed to write about the stunning details without him reading them, because really. He doesn't need to know the down and dirty details from my POV does he?!?

Anyway. It was a fun evening of intense mental stimulation and I had a good time.

Meanwhile I also spent the first part of the evening talking to another young man I've been chatting with for months off and on. Lately I've become, let's say, more interested. I admit to being somewhat excited about meeting him but not in the same way that I'm talking about the other guy. This one looks like a particular boyish faced celebrity. Which is to say quite handsome... and a body to die for. I mean, the boy is just FINE. And he expresses SOME interest in me. But he's really reticent. And when I asked him if he'd ever meet me he first said "yes." But when I re-asked the question later I got "I've never met anyone offline. It's not safe." Oh, fuck that.

So I'm totally into him. And I get this feeling he's not totally into me. And I think he's trying to spare my feelings. I've done that sort of thing and you know... from this side it's pretty fucking sucky. I gotta stop that.