Mason came in today. When I saw him I smiled and said "hi" just like I do to everyone who comes into the store. "Hey, Odalisquek" he said in reply. I've never said his name, yet. He says mine every time. When he finally came through the line he said "I haven't gotten to talk to you in a while." I said something about how I hadn't been around to talk to, but mostly I just wanted to smack him for being a damned fool. The conversation was quite short and I treated him very distantly. That's what he gets for being a damned fool, I say. Which isn't to say I don't like him. I just don't like him acting like I was trying to get into his pants. If he wanted in mine, fine... but I wasn't persuing him, dammit.
One of my other customers that I like came in, too. "You don't like me, do you?" he asked. I laughed at that, because if he wanted he could get into my pants, too. Once, anyway. It'd probably be a bad, bad idea... but it'd have the potential to be a lot of fun that one time.
Basically, today was a lot of... me staring at guys craving them but knowing I have not a chance in the world with any of them. Lovely.
Actually, the staring part was a lot of fun.
I'm kind of depressed lately. Partially because of my lack of a sex life. Much of it is the fact that I'm increasingly picky. Which is to say "what? You're not Keith? Why bother?" And yes, it really IS that bad. Not that he'd approve of me being THAT selective. But whatever.
In fact the other day husband tried to kiss me, deeply. And I did everything I could to escape the situation without openly saying "no." I'm somewhat mystified that he even bothered to try. However, as I've said before... my sexual interest in him is pretty much dead. He might be able to get me back in the mood... but I doubt he'll put forth the effort and I'm completely disinterested in encouraging him.
I find myself thinking of Martin a bit more than I should, too. I'm not exactly sure why. I found him very frustrating at times, but he and I shared something and it's kind of weird to know that's just... over. On the drop of a hat. I was willing to let it go (and am happy that he's got his girlfriend with him) but it's just... weird to have him so completely cut out of my life when he was such an intimate part of it. I miss him and knowing he's got his girlfriend with him so he and I can't really be close doesn't really make me miss him less. Fortunately, it does make it easier... knowing he's happy. Not a LOT easier... but some.
Undoubtedly if Keith were in a similar situation I'd be a bitter, angry woman. Which is probably not a good thing since he's bound to find someone sooner or later and it surely won't be me. On the other hand, maybe it'd be a good thing. Whorish though he may be enjoying being, knowing he was hooked up and happy would certainly be good for him as well as helping "solve" all the confusing feelings I have for him, now.
But... well... whatever. Once again it's the midnight hour and I know better than to stay up "thinking" at this hour.....
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