Honestly I try not not share EVERY little detail.

But tonight husband finally agreed to have sex with me after my assurances that I've been taking the pill like a good little trooper and am in no real danger of conception. This done, we set to work for a much needed quickie. "I'm not up to any atheletics" he told me, "after all I was planning to go to sleep." No problems there. I was definately feeling the need to get off. My human toy, he would be.

Within a minute or two I was THERE. On the verge or orgasm.. one... more... thurst... and he pulls out, stopping dead. My entire body froze for a moment... "wha-" and then... I burt into gales of laughter. "You did NOT just do that," I said, laughing my ass off. If only I could have seen his face in that moment because he was quiet for a moment before telling me, "what?!? I didn't know! There were no signs! I had a cramp!" I continued to laugh uproariously. Minutes tick by as I try to get myself under control. He's wilting.

Finally, I get myself back together, get back in position he slides inside and I start laughing my ass off AGAIN. I calm down. We try again. Laughter. I'm laughing so hard I'm coughing. Coughing so hard I'm gagging. Gagging so hard I'm almost... oops... running to the bathroom.

"Are you throwing up?" ....yeah....

I brush my teeth. I get control. I go back. He's soft. I work to get him hard again. He's semi. "I don't think I can get it harder than this," I tell him. "It's okay, once it's in it'll get harder." Thank god.

We position ourselves. In he goes. And laughter, AGAIN. He slips out. "I'm glad it's so entertaining. At least laughter is healing." I stop myself, he slides in. It's ALL I can do to concentrate on what he's doing... and not to laugh. I must stop associating the feeling of him sliding inside me with laughter. I'm in control. I feel myself getting close, "I'm going to cum soon!" I warn him, this time. 10.. 15 strokes later I cum. He wants to stop moving but I urge him on as the orgasm keeps rolling through me. YES. I'm done.

He stops moving, adjusting his leg. "I've never felt more like a gigalo. 'must stay in... my leg, my fucking leg hurts... gotta keep going... this is a tough one... shoulda been a doctor....' " I laugh again, freely. Satisfied. Then he tells me he's going to hit the shower. I go to turn on the A/C.

I return as he steps out of the shower, I help him masturbate to orgasm. And then he goes to sleep.

I'm outrageously happy. Sometimes the best sex is the most embarassing so long as it's between two people who've learned they have nothing to be embarassed about with the other.

I'm dumb.

Because it occurs to me that the e-mail address I gave the guy I was flirting with yesterday links rather directly with this blog. I mean, not directly directly but it wouldn't take a genious to figure it out. I'm clearly stupid. If he reads this and think I'm all serious about him I'm going to be so embarassed.

I write very dirty things and tend to take myself very seriously at times. I don't really take my flirtation with him seriously. Just somewhat more seriously now than I did before.

Now with Li... yeah, I take that really fucking seriously. But that's different. That's not just me flirting. I can't even explain that one adequately.

I'm still a slut, though.

Such a slut.

Apparently I have some sort of a problem involving an intense need for male attention. At least, I think it must certainly come off as a problem. It might BE a problem. I'll have to let you know later.

Regardless, there's this guy at work I flirt with whenever I have the chance. He's an employee who works in another area of the store. I can't remember if I already gave him a nickname and I'm awfully too lazy to go read my archives to see what I called him. He's this guy that I've lusted after BIG time for a long time, but recognise that he's not interested in me and therefore it's cool to flirt with him knowing that I won't ever get him. No pressure. So I can say whatever.

Yesterday he spent the day working around me and we spent the day flirting. It was funny because it gradually got more and more serious until, once again, I whipped out my boob for him. It was a conversation we had, you see. And he asked to see. Anyway, I'm all nervous now because I try really hard not to mix work with pleasure... but clearly I have no self control. I tried to make sure to do it away from the cameras and now I'm thinking maybe one of the cameras actually DID see it. Unlikely, but possible. So I'm vaguely freaked out. Furthermore, He's not the sort of guy to say anything about it but I definately gave him something he could get me fired over. Well, actually, I've been doing that for a while. So nevermind. The camera thing still worries me, though.

Anyway, he was smiling at me later on. Flirting more. It was nice. I gave him my e-mail address. Nothing yet. Probably won't get anything out of that.

He mentioned his modeling days. He once modeled underwear. I laughed and made a comment about watching something on TV where they had to adjust the sock for the photo. I thought for a second and said, "Nevermind, I don't want to know! Don't tell me!" "No problems there." He told me. "Don't need a sock." He smiled. I blushed. Hugely. And laughed my ass off.

I remain reasonably sure I'm not going to get any of that. He shouldn't have given me hope. Because I want some of that. I want a lot of that, actually.

Oh.

It occurs to me that I have absolutely nothing set up for... well... anything. With anyone. For a while there I had something to look forward to. Now... nothing. What a disappointment.

The excitement I feel toward Li's mutual interest is only going to take me so far. I mean, really. I have nothing set up with him EITHER.

*sigh*

Google Search

I'm not quite sure how "Paul Hamm preliminaries balls" as a search got to my blog. I'm not really sure why someone would be looking for Paul Hamm and balls... that's just odd. However, I decided to do the search myself, out of curiousity. The little "description" part of google said "better than sex, but how excited was I when Paul Hamm went from ... degenerated into him masturbating while I watched and played with his balls. ... No preliminaries. ... " Which sounds a heck of a lot more interesting than what I actually wrote seeing as those quotes from my blog were different entries. But it sure was funny to see. I was, in fact, NOT writing about Paul Hamm and sex or Paul Hamm and his balls. I promise. The Paul Hamm entry had NOTHING to do with sex at all. Just happiness that he kicked some ass at the Olympics. That is all.

And now google will say "oh, she's got LOTS about Paul Hamm... send more people" and I"m going to feel violated.

Thanks Giving

First off I'd like to wish everyone a happy one. A little late. It wasn't even a busy day. I have no excuse. But there it is.

All day I spent doing nothing. I woke up horny, but husband wasn't really available. I spent several hours online reading through blogs seeing if there was anything new and interesting I felt like linking to (indubitably) or any of the blogs I've been reading for the last week which have held my interest enough to add them to the list on the right (probably).

I ended up chatting with a guy I've chatted with before. He's handsome, masculine, sexy. All those things a girl can only dream about. Something's not right there, though. He's unsure of himself. Or of me. Or of something. It worries me. Makes me wonder what I could get myself into with him. The sex has the potential of being awesome.

Part way through the day I was incredibly horny. Husband was vaguely receptive but not particularly interested. The guy in chat was interested but not particularly available. And what I was craving was the kind of sex I had with Frank. Long lasting. Hard. A little dirty.

I spent the day looking up different sex toys. I'm tempted by the glass pieces for their "different" quality. Would the cold temperature option excite or bother me? What about the hot?

The liberator furniture held my interest. All things you can do without the cushions... but ah the ease. Husband said we could get them. I'm still considering. We often go SO long without sex it almost seems like a waste of money. No one else I could readily use it with, anyway.

I teased husband earlier. Rubbing myself over him. I get really agressive and sure of myself when I'm having good sex. It's definately something to do with Frank, because once I've been with him I get *really* pushy. And sexually charged. I want to fuck now and I want to fuck how I want to fuck. Husband declined since technically the Pill isn't currently effective. Damn. I didn't force the issue.

I lay back on the bed and told him how badly I need cock. I didn't go into the details. I need to learn to stop inhibiting myself. But husband doesn't really go in for the dirty talk. He might be able to get over it. Not during sex, though. I wanted to tell him how badly I needed to have him behind me, fucking me... letting me fuck back against him. Pounding his cock into my g-spot until I came. He put his hand on my pussy. I pulled off my panties and guided his finger to where it needed to be. Against my clit just so. He rubbed it. It became too repetative. Damn. I wanted him to make me cum. Tonight. I rubbed his cock until he was hard. He told me to go take care of myself so he could sleep, unless I thought I could get off without getting pregnant. Hmm. How's that supposed to be a sure thing?

I declined, grabbing my dildo. I came. Super hard. I still need cock. But the edge is off.

Now sleep.

The Next Morning

You'd think I'd write about the night of sex I had. And I probably will. But I'm kind of focused on the 20 minute (give or take) sex I had the next morning with Frank.

I got up and took a shower getting ready to leave the hotel for work. Frank woke up as I lay back down beside him just wanting to be near him. Well, wanting to be asleep again even more... but only after being near him. He gradually woke up. He moved a little, his fingers caressing my thighs and my pussy. No words, just teasing. He finally muttered something about how I wasn't quite ready yet as he rubbed his fingers across my clit.

He finally got up and settled his mouth over my pussy, tongue teasing my clit. His saliva and attention got me wet enough that I was soon ready for him to slide his cock inside me. He fucked me hard and fast until I finally asked him to please fuck me from behind so I could masturbate with him deep inside me and cum.

We moved, around and then he was inside me. It didn't take long before I had one of THE most incredible orgasms ever. Mostly mine go on for maybe 5-10 seconds (although it's hard to say for sure) this one managed to go on for at least 20. Then he fucked me some more in one of my favorite positions he does, from behind, my legs closed him on top of me. I'm not sure how he pulls that one off but it's fucking awesome. He hits my gspot with every thrust and the friction is amazing.

After he came, I finished getting ready, freshly fucked, flushed, and bright eyed. What a way to start the day. Fucking awesome send off, too.

What I'm thinking just now.

I had a late late night with Frank last night. Early into the sex he asked me what kind of blog entry he'd get. I drew a complete blank as to what he could POSSIBLY be talking about as we were having sex. When I got my brain sorted out I was somewhat taken aback that such a thing entered his mind. Geez. It was swiftly forgotten on my part. Afterward I considered whether I should blog about it at ALL. Just to irk him. Maybe.

I'm still somewhat obsessed with the fact that Li was receptive to my advances. Even if he put me on hold for now. Obsessed not neccessarily in a good way. After the inital excitement over the fact that a guy I'm TOTALLY attracted to (in real life!) is interested in me I suddenly got to thinking about what it would be like to actually have a less professional relationship with him. And then I started to get worried.

I put a lot of thought into what it would be like to date him. I can see it going only one of three ways and two of them are not particularly acceptable to me... and either of those is the most likely case. Most of my concern involves my behaviour. Namely jealousy. And fear that the "relationship" I envision will become a near perfect reenactment of my relationship with my ex. And I'm just not sure I can deal with that again. Considering how badly I long for the ex I find it hard to deal with the idea that I would put myself into that situation again.

Anyway, I've got buyers remorse. After wanting him for this long (and wanting him still), going from being internally confident that I could bag him to being absolutely assured by him that I could bag him (under the correct circumstances) changes the way I view things. And I'm scared to ruin what has the potential of being a really good friendship. No, what I'm scared of is reliving the past and being heart broken, depressed, and put off guys for months and months, again.

My sister says "don't do it!" my husband says "dude, guy's not putting that much thought into it... he's thinking 'sex!' and that's it." Both are probably right.

What I need is a good poly boy.

Anyway, this is a subject I feel like I'll need to talk to Li about at a later date. Without freaking him out and driving him away. Or getting too super serious. Because I CAN have sex without love. But maybe not with him. Probably not with him. I think I'm doomed.

And I mentioned something about having a crush on him. To which he said "what?" I repeated myself. Never really considering that he might have been surprised at the idea of me having a crush on him rather than having not heard me. Damn.

Except he's said he gets tired of the one night stands.

God, I find myself getting all wet and excited just thinking about getting him into bed. Or just having him be aware of me and the fact that I want him... and not turn me away."

I really am going to have to devote an entry to Frank. How could I not?

Woah Li!

I spent the better part of the day flirting with Li. I'm sure he wouldn't like me to be repeating any of the conversations I had with him. So I'm kind of tiptoeing around him telling me not to talk about the things he and I talk about. I'm sure he wouldn't want me to talk about the sex we shall inevitably have, either. But fuck that. lol I'm going to spill the beans. Probably less than I normally do. But spill I shall. I respect him and all... but I can only hold back so much.

Anyway, we were chatting and as I walked out the door of the stock room he asked me if I wanted a Cheeto (or similar snack) to which I said no. He said "ah, so you don't like cheetos." I told him, "no, I just don't want YOUR Cheetos." I giggled and left. A bit later I returned to smile shyly and say "actually, I should say it's not Cheetos I want from you."

I am SO lucky that he didn't immediately respond with the question "then what is it" because that would have been far more forward than I could handle. I can only bring myself to say so much. I forget what his immediate response was, but there is no question in his mind now that I want him. Badly. The upshot of this is that even though he remains faithful to his girlfriend he was MUCH more touchy-feely with me today. He found lots of excuses to put his hands on me. And for me to put my hands on him. Mmm.

I was so flustered most of the day I hardly remember much of what was said. However, right after he made a comment how I didn't normally tell him I wanted something other than cheetos from him I found myself growing impossibly wet. And I ended up spending the rest of the evening that he was there practically dripping girl cum. I giggled at how turned on I was at that moment. If I thought I was wet yesterday from husband... well... let's just say that was NOTHING compared to this.

I want that man so bad. Eventually, I asked him if he still has a girlfriend (which was, of course, the case) but just before he left he asked me if I would like to know should that change? Well, fucking DUH. lol And he left. Honestly, I was on the verge of giving him my cell # and e-mail address but suddenly realised that even if it were to be a completely platonic thing his girlfriend might not appreciate him walking around with another woman's phone number. So I kept it to myself and let him leave.

I really hope he doesn't end up doing something silly like breaking up with his girlfriend thinking that I'm looking for the permanence that he is. (ie I think he looks towards children and marriage) but if I can slip in there as someone to take up some down time I'll take it. Now that I know there's at least a bit of mutual interest I'm stoked. And it's going from fantasies of fucking him in the trailers to fantasies of making love to him in his bed and lazing with him afterward.

I *really* like this guy.

Silly Husband.

My husband is a silly, silly creature.

This evening I was getting ready for bed when I somehow ended up crawling onto his lap (which wasn't really a lap as he was laying down on the couch) and moving over him as if having sex. Of course any real amount of pressure "down there" feels good so it was quite pleasurable to be rubbing my clothed pussy against his clothed cock.

We watched VH1 classic as I rubbed up and down his body, teasing us quite a bit. I could feel him responding, arching his hips so his rapidly hardening cock was getting the majority of the friction, too. A few slower, sexier songs came on and we continued to play. His fingers moved over my hips and legs caressingly giving me tingly tickley feelings. A mixture of sex and play.

I finally got up to go to the bathroom (which had been my first intention before I ended up on his lap) but changed my mind and turned around, in a reverse cowgirl position. It's not a position I've ever actually tried but husband IS husband and if there's one person in the world not to be body shy with, it's him. So, I climbed on and found it to be a MUCH more interesting position for dry humping than I had considered. I could rub his cock RIGHT against my clit. I leaned way forward, arching down into him when his hands began teasing the edges of my panties. Tingles of anticipation ran through me as he delved under the fabric, brushing over my lips, I stopped moving, arching giving him better access. My fingers moved between our bodies to rub his cock through his pants as he slid a finger firmly inside me. I began to move against his finger, rubbing his cock. I finally stopped as my body grew tired and the stimulation became more than I could stand without taking over and getting off.

I turned around and slid my body over his, my teeth closing gently around his clothed cock. I smiled up at him his erection trapped. I moved my mouth over it for a moment. I stood up, slightly dizzy and gazed longingly at the now impressive bulge in his pants. "I should go...." He nodded as I moved away from him, still looking at him. "What's THAT?" he asked, pointing away. I took the bait, looking around for "that." Finally he said, "Hmm, nevermind." I shrugged and walked away, not even glancing at him. He cleared his throat, "Umm." I finally looked back at him, pretending not to notice that his pants were gloriously gone and he was hard, waiting for me.

I went upstairs and finally emptied my bladder. That done, I brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. I called out "are you going to tuck me in?" He responded, coming up the stairs to be greeted by my on my elbows and knees, laying across the bed the wrong way, reading. Knowing a hint when he sees one, he crawled behind me and pressed his cock against my panties as I dropped the book. He thrust against me a little as I felt the fabric being tucked between my lips. "There, now you're tucked in."

I sighed dramatically and wiggled my ass against him. He began to pull down my panties and I finished that for him, arching again so my pussy was waiting for him. He pushed his cock between my lips, rubbing the head against my clit over and over making me slick with need. I slyly tried to arch my back just right so he'd slide inside me but he pulled back, "you know we can't do that yet... NO BABIES." I whined at him, "babies... fuck... yes babies... please..." He gave me another firm no, and continued to tease me as I continued to try to get him inside me despite the concern over unwanted pregnancy. *I* was not concerned. Chances with me getting pregnant are slim to none. However, we do try to be careful. I had the opportunity, finally, to force him inside me but fucking responsibility got the best of me and stopped myself.

Husband moved over so he was laying on his back, then. "I'm just trying to warm you up for tomorrow," he told me, referring to my overnighter with Frank. I gazed at his cock, a tear of precum on the head. I considered taking him in my mouth, but seeing as he hadn't washed I couldn't quite bring myself to do it. I wrapped my hand around him and began moving it up and down just like I'd learned he liked it. I covered his balls with my other hand, massaging them as I tried to get him to cum. Of course, everytime he got close my arm got too tired to continue. I switched sides and somehow managed to keep up the pace long enough for him to cum on me and himself.

As he lay in the afterglow I got up and cleaned myself off, returning with a warm, wet towel for him to clean himself. "I was hoping you'd bring a towel," he said. I smiled lovingly at him and kissed him. "That's the best hand I've ever gotten," he told me, "including my own. Thank you."

Once he was somewhat recovered, he stood up, still somewhat dizzy with pleasure and kissed me goodnight. He retired to finish cleaning off in the bathroom and when he returned I was wiping my pussy with a piece of tissue. I smiled shyly, "mmm... bit wet." He looked confused, "I swear I didn't precum THAT much." I shook my head at his lack of understanding, "just because you didn't cum doesn't mean it's not wet...." God only knows if he figured out that I was so turned on I was seriously THAT wet. It's been a long time (if ever) since sex (or potential sex) with husband has turned me on enough to get me THAT wet so I don't REALLY blame him for the confusion.

He kissed me a couple of times with words of praise and thanks and let me get to sleep.

Except when he came to bed for the night, I woke up. And I'm still soaking wet. I'm mildly afraid of the puddle that could result were I to actually cum.

I feel like such a freaking dork.

First time sex is rarely good. And when one makes virginal mistakes it's even worse. *sigh*

So, we went to a hotel. The first thing I noticed upon walking in was the stench of stale piss. Lovely. The second thing was the roaches. This was a chain hotel. Not some random roadside dive. I NEVER would have expected that. My stomach was churning over how nervous I was in the first place and seeing the roaches (and having him kill them) got my gag reflex up and running. I stood, huddled in my jacket afraid to touch anything for fear a roach would appear and climb into my stuff and I'd end up taking the disgusting things home with me.

WB went off to the bathroom to take care of that while I stood there, retching and trying to decide if I should refuse outright or suggest we go elsewhere or just suck it up and hope he made it worthwhile. I kept thinking "if I'm miserable like this it won't be good... how can I respect myself and do this in this place?" Then he came out. I know I was shooting him looks of "please... god... not here..." and I made a few comments about it not being a good idea.

And then he started touching me. He has nice hands. His fingers slid under my shirt caressing my back and I thought "well, maybe I can get over the smell... and the roaches are in hiding...." And then he touched me more, his mouth on me and I forgot everything.

He's got great hands. I have to give him credit. He's good with his mouth, great with his hands. He knew I was nervous. He knew I was scared and he touched me and kissed me until I just didn't CARE anymore.

I must break in, though, and admit I just didn't "get" his kissing style. There are several guys who've kissed me and I've just been completely lost as to exactly how I'm supposed to work with what they're doing (and no I'm not going to explain) and this was one of those situations. I still have to give the ex credit for being the absolute best kisser I've ever encountered. Oh, god damn do I still think about his kisses. But I digress.

We gradually got more and more naked until we were both in our underwear. He pulled mine aside and began to finger my pussy. It felt so good to have his fingers grazing my wetness. His fingers were slick against my clit, just right. Not right enough to get me off. Right enough to make me want to, though.

Eventually, he asked me if I wanted to make love. I can't remember my response. A nod. A yes. I don't know. But then he was there, inside me. Condom and all. And I fucking hate condoms. It was nice having him inside. Not great. I get this feeling he felt the same way. He went soft, eventually. I rather assumed he'd cum. Some guys it's hard to tell with. He rolled away and we lay quietly. Until he started touching me again. Tongue against my clit. Oh, god damn.

I'm pretty sure that I am, at this point, confident in the fact that I like to receive oral sex. I'm still nowhere near cumming. But it feels fucking AWESOME. He did a fine job of it, too, I must say. I let him off the hook, though, eventually. Let him know I wasn't going to cum that way but it was well recieved.

I ended up masturbating for him. Well, for me, truth be told. But I wasn't sure I was going to cum. The night was so awkward. It was a hard fight. I did cum, though. And it was nice. It was a bit after that he informed me that he still hadn't cum. I tried not to show my surprise. I mean, I do like to seem knowledgable and not being able to tell if a guy has cum doesn't make me look all that smart.

I wrapped my fingers around his cock, making it hard again. There's something so wonderfully magical about making a man's cock hard. I moved down and took him in my mouth. His response was quick. He likes that. I heard him say something about him being about to cum and stupid me, I thought I could hold him off a bit. I drew back. And he started cumming. Is there ANYTHING worse than cumming and being left out to dry? I felt so bad. I realised my mistake and tried to help finish him off but I clearled fucked that one up. Big time. I was SO embarassed and felt SO bad. I couldn't even bring myself to apologize as profusely as I should have. So I shall apologize here. I am SOOOOO sorry, dear, for letting you down like that. Next time I'll know better.

Anyway, we snuggled quite a bit after that. And talked. It was pleasant. We finally separated and went our own ways.

I must say it was definately an awkward first experience. But it was pleasant. I had a good time and I still like him quite a lot. Hopefully next time will be better....

So tired.

I have some to write about. I had a lovely meeting with White Bread (it's getting more and more stuck as his nickname). I'll write more on that later. You know, when I've forgotten half the sweet details.

AND I unexpectedly have a date set up with Frank, again, which is awesome. It's been around six months since the last time I saw him. Far too long. Firm plans, I might add. Yay. :-)

New Saturday Meme. A day Early.

So apparently http://www.vacuity.de/meme.php has suddenly updated for the first time in months and I happend to catch it. It's a long one.

When you have an affair (or if you had an affair) how do you make clear that
it's not supposed to be a lasting relationship, but only a sexual relationship
that probably includes going out, having fun, but no responsibilities or
obligations a real partner would probably have? Sometimes words are not enough
to make clear where the border between a real relationship and an affair is.
Like - when you usually do not cook for anybody but your real partner, and your
new lover asks you to cook for him/her when s/he comes over for another night to
have sex with you. Would you cook for your affair anyway, just to make him/her
feel comfortable? Or would you set a clear border in a situation like that and
tell him/her that you're not going to give all that you usually offer in a
lasting relationship, because there's still got to be a difference, as long as
your affair doesn't want a real relationship with you? Where are your borders
between a real relationship and an affair?

I admit I tend not to consider my "affairs" as affairs. I'm not sure I've ever even considered the word. I tend to think of them as something more like affairs. Between husband and I we almost ALWAYS refer to anyone I'm seeing as my boyfriend and as my outings as dates. However, when it comes down to being careful to seperate the idea of a real relationship vs. a sexual one the easiest way seems to be to keep a careful distance. It's entirely possible to be friendly and even social and still keep a certain almost professional distance. Generally, I prefer to prepare ALL of my boyfriends with the idea that despite the lack of sex my marriage is quite secure and I am most definately NOT looking for a new husband.

On the other hand, with the ex we lacked that certain distance. The first time he and I slept together I spent 24 hours with him, eating, sleeping, watching tv. It was very domestic. I spent many other nights with him and seeing as he cooked for me, I brought over dinner and cooked for him, too. There was never any question with him that we would not persue a "real" relationship but we enjoyed the trappings of one. It's a wonderful thing to get together and share that whole "being in love" feeling without feeling like there was any pressure to move on to something serious and monogamous.

I guess my boarders, to this point are kind of blurry. There is very little I wouldn't do for a lover that I would do for my husband. Money is a sticking point, though, because there are things that I won't do TO my husband. Anything that makes him too uncomfortable becomes a problem. That's maybe where my boarder is. Where ever he and I negotiate it to be. But it's not yet come to that point.

I was trying to remember all the people I've slept with to include only oral.

TT, Steve, Steve 2, Husband, Jay, Magnum, Mark, Ron, Ex, Frank, Stupid CP guy, EB, threesome-wanter, DJ.

I bet I still forgot someone.

Oh, BOOBIES.

My left nipple kind of hurts. I think I banged it on something today and that simply isn't a good thing.

A new guy at work made some comment about another girl's joking about having body piercings (she does NOT). He said something like "if you did, my respect level for you would go up, like, ten points." She just kind of looked at him. I crossed my arms over my chest.

He's not someone I need to respect me. At all.

Meanwhile, I keep fantasizing about Li. Tonight I found my manager and this guy that some of us think she's interested in nailing (has nailed?) in one of the trailers. I don't really think they were up to anything, however, they could have been and I would have been none the wiser. I have fantasies about getting Li into one of those trailers and tasting him... feeling his fingers, his body... I like the idea of being in the near complete darkness with him. The excitement of being in the trailer... and I'm not really even into public places. Odd. When the manager and the guy came out of the trailer I found myself grinning.

Also, this morning I was getting ready to leave for work and had the overwhelming urge to cum. So, being the resourceful girl I am I checked out an online sex story that didn't do anything for me. I glanced at the clock and realised I had to be out of here in about 5 minutes so I needed to get the job DONE. Ah, porn movies. I whipped out one of the MBL movies (as I think of them) and was done in about a minute. It was a randomly chosen movie but it seemed wildly appropriate that I'd end up with a movie which happened to involve "69".

Just watching the two of them go at it, I was suddenly back with the ex in my head. No, I didn't cum with him that way, but just the memory was enough to set me off. As I left the house I was thinking about him and the incredible effect he had on me. Continues to have on me. And I consider trying to get him to cheat on his girlfriend. Except I continue to genuinely like him and would hate for him to regret fucking me. But god damn. It was good.

AGAIN?

I swear. I can't meet up with a man to save my life. Now DJ says he'll call me or at least IM me and doesn't. What's up with that? Just had to add himself to the list of men who've let me down lately, maybe. Great.

I'm sure he has an excuse. Doesn't make me feel better right now, though.

No action.

I ended up chatting up another new guy yesterday. Even called him at his request. Not sure that's going anywhere, but at least I'm still making contacts.

I found myself, this morning, fantasizing about Li again. Not that ever really stopped. It's weird for me to want someone THIS much.

The tears the other night... the terrible lonliness I feel.... yeah... pms.

At least I can go back on the pill starting Sunday.

I'm thinking I'm going to have to come up with a new layout for this blog. Which is kind of funny because I know nothing about this CSS stuff and barely remember anything about HTML. So, that'll be fun. I found a template that I like the idea of (but not the specifics of) so I'm going to try to use that as a guide and see if I can make it my own. I'm not really sure what the chances are that I'll get anything done but I'll sure try.

I spent part of yesterday taking pictures of myself, trying desperately to find something I can put on this blog to mark it more as mine. I like it when people use pictures of themselves, even if they're highly stylized (which is what mine's likely to be). So I'm working on it. I ended up with two pictures I really like. Both of my face. *sigh* Not terribly anonymous.

Meme time.

I'll probably not be adding the site http://www.vacuity.de/meme.php to my blogroll if only because it appears to no longer be updated which is really such a shame. But I thought it might be fun to answer this one in part.

The infamous "69" position... Do you like it, love it, or
hate it? Is it twice the pleasure or just a distraction? Would you rather give
then receive, or vice versa?

I must say I... kind of do like it. It's taken me a really long time to appreciate it. I've fought against it. There's something about the phrase "sit on my face" that absolutely and totally turns me off. And inevitably that is what goes through my mind when it comes up. I've always been a giver in that sense and very much enjoy that experience.

It's only been with recent lovers that I've begun to enjoy receiving. It seems practice makes perfect and the more I get it, the more I get used to the feeling and forget the "weirdness" that's always been associated with it.

I tried 69 with Frank and found it to be okay but just kind of weird. That'd be about the second time I ever tried it. I will say the more I enjoyed his mouth the better and more enthusiastic his blow job became. The third would be with the ex. He'd explained to me a couple of terrible oral experiences and informed me that he would NOT be going down on me. Sometimes there are other things that make it worth the while so I really didn't mind about his refusal. I still very much enjoyed sucking his cock. Then one day he just gave in and while I was lying on my side sucking his cock he maneuvered around until he was laying on his side and I felt his tongue on me. Oh, it was amazing. Afterward he told me that he felt bad about having not done it for me before and felt I deserved that. I must say, I agreed. It felt SO good. With him it was entirely relaxed, loving and enjoyable.

Definately something I'd love to do again.

Life is plotting against me.

I had a date with Frank. He called around 10 to let me know he was stuck in one of the New England states. He would be driving toward me as soon as he could and would call me back for our scheduled date in the early afternoon. He called me a few hours later. Still stick in that damned New England state. Hours away.

I was sorely disappointed. But not surprised.

And then to cap things off, after all this time... I get my period. Could it be more perfect? The second date I had set up for tonight? Canceled due to unforseen cramps and misery.

Fucking kill me, okay?

Weird experience

So I met this guy online. Using cams. Just talking for hours. And eventually it came out that I tend to be submissive. Alright, I offered it up. I've never REALLY played the submissive role. I was curious what it would be like. His curiosity was piqued. He asked me to do a few things for him on cam. I tend to be shy about that sort of thing thanks to the remote possibility someone might be recording it. But if anyone wanted to record they should have done it years ago back when I was more willing to get naked on cam. And wilder.

He asked me to do something I didn't want to do. I've done it before but on my own volition. Careful planning involved. He asked me to do it and I didn't want to. Not at all. But I did it because he wanted me to. And I cried, though he didn't know it. He wanted to to cum for him. And I tried. But I couldn't do it. And I cried for that, too. Though he didn't know it. I told him I wasn't able. We moved on.

He offered to do something specific that would please me if I did something for him in exchange. The thing that had made me cry in the first place. I did it gladly, and willingly. Tearless. I was so close to cumming it wasn't funny. But he had to go.

So I came alone.

Again.

I've always wondered what it would be like to be submissive to the point where I would choose to do something that drove me to tears of mental anguish in order to please my master. How it would feel at the time. How it would feel after. At this moment I still feel the tears welling in my eyes. And the after-glow of orgasm throughout my body. I'll see how I feel about it after sleep.

Maybe submission isn't for me. Or maybe it really really is.

I have a date with Frank (whom I haven't seen in months) for later today. He said he'd call me and we'd meet up. I look forward to that like the desert misses the rain (to quote that painfully repetitive song). I'm so lonely. And I miss his touch. It's weird how I went from being ambivalent to needing to see him RIGHT NOW.

No self respecting woman would...

I was at safeway. The female cashier was talking to the male cashier behind her. "No self respecting woman would chase a man."

I didn't even bother trying to follow any of the rest of the conversation. I immediately considered the fact that I throw myself at men all the time. I questioned whether I had so little respect for myself that I go after men rather than letting them come to me.

Then I realised that she was dead on wrong. It's entirely respectful to yourself to go after that which you desire rather than sitting back and praying he'll come to you.

As if my computer wasn't running slow enough.

I decided it was time to do a virus scan. Which it's doing now.

I ended up, basically, posting two different versions of yesterday's post because the first post never went through. Really. I even checked. I have no idea how it managed to show up but I guess I won't complain. It's just odd.

I'm getting ready to go to work today. It's cold and wet out which means I'll probably be outside more than a few times today. I can almost count on it. I'm going to do my best NOT to be the outside girl today, though. I can handle the wet, but the cold kills me.

I went man-hunting online last night. Figured it would be something to do to find a few more potentials. No real luck, I think. But it's funny because I ran into a guy who was like "don't you have an AFF profile?" Hee hee. Yeah.

Also, super hot guy whom I desperately want but who won't really give me the time of day wrote me a message that he was super depressed and hated himself. I tried to get into it but he really wasn't being talkative about it. Apparently some girl he liked called him something like a pathetic egotistical asshole which is like TOTALLY not how I see him at all. I mean, shoot. He spends so much of his time being depressed and self effacing. I just don't get it.

Anyway. Nothing exciting is going on. Nothing at all. I mean, seriously. Nothing.

Bitter, bitter woman.

I was to meet this guy I wanted to sleep with. We were to go see a movie. Really, it's not just about sex. I genuinely think I like him and wanted to actually get to sit and talk to him. I was late. Not something I could help. Compounded by the fact that I bought a ticket to the wrong movie and didn't realise it until 10 minutes in. I went to the correct theater, but by then the movie was well started and it was a big full house.

I tried calling him after the movie ended. I texted him twice. I messaged him, too. Nothing. And nothing since.

Today I was supposed to hear from a previous lover. We've been idly trying to hook up again for a few months but there's always been some problem. He just never showed up online like he was supposed to today. So once again... nothing.

Basically I feel like I'm being thwarted and it's making me mad.

Meanwhile, DJ is still around but far less interested in talking to me than I like and claiming busy-ness. *sigh* I believe him, but c'mon. This doesn't help me any.

So I'm bitter. I'm angry. And I want to throw a fit.

Missed Meeting

I was supposed to go see a movie with a guy I've been trying to get with for a while. He said it was at "8-ish" so I was aiming for leaving the house right about 7:45 or so since I needed to get gas and the theater was close by and at worst I'd miss the previews.

The movie started at 7:45 which I discovered at about 7:35. I still had to get gas. Fuck. I let him know I was late. I even called later on. Nothing, which seems reasonable.

I got there and got a ticket to the 8:45 movie. I went inside. And watched the end of the movie that started just after 6. Right movie. WRONG TIME. Shit. So I ran into the right theater and took the first seat available. Needless to say I never did run into him and once the credits were done I left the theater and texted him twice. And called him twice. And got no response. I'm still wondering what's up. I was hoping he'd come online but nothing. So disappointing.

I hope he's not mad but it's really not completely my fault and I was there. Ugh. I just hate coming off as not being dependable. I'm usually very careful about being on time. It was an honest mistake. HE was the one that said 8-ish so how was I to know it was BEFORE 8? I'd assumed it started AFTER. Silly me.

Damn.

He was there!

I almost forgot to mention that Li was at work yesterday. Oh, thank god. As soon as he walked in I was like "oops, here I go!" and started to get all giggly and embarassed. So, I had to hide away from his line of sight until I could get myself back in check. Having done that, I was able to go greet him.

Apparently, though, he's somewhat sick and entirely depressed as he's had a couple of deaths in the family lately. I don't know that anyone really knows what to say to someone in that situation but I'm at a TOTAL loss since I've only known a couple of people who've died and I wasn't particularly close to either of them. Of course, I wanted to make things better for him but that's just not possible. So, all day he ranged from being in a good mood to being somewhat depressed and introspective. I adore him in all his moods so I kind of rolled with the flow.

The best part of the day occured about the time I was on lunch. One of the girls I work with (who also rather likes him) informed me that I need to go check him out. At that moment she got called away so I wandered over to another girl and asked her what's up. "He's got a sticker on his pants" she told me. So, I went back to check and let him know. I explained that I heard he had a sticker and please turn around so I could check. He did his little slow turn for me (which was kind of fun so I could check him out) but I saw nothing. I shrugged and explained that I was told there was a sticker but I didn't see one on his uniformly grey pants so it was probably gone. As I said this I let my eyes graze over his pants one more time. And then I saw it. This neon orange bit of sticker.

Right there on the fly of his pants. I snickered. "Oh, there it is. Now I see why they didn't want to tell you." Except as I gazed at it my eyes were drawn toward his... umm... endowment. Which was entirely unintentional on MY part. But, the sticker was right there... and it was so fucking BIG. I don't THINK my expression gave anything away because god only knows I didn't want to say anything but I finally looked back up at him and he said "what? Where is it?" I laughed and kind of pointed on myself to demonstrate. He found it and looked at it, "it says... number one...." I don't think it said anything. Still, it was pretty funny. I left but once I got into the breakroom with the other girl she said "did you SEE it?!?" I nodded. "And did you see his..." I laughed out loud, "yes." "It's SO BIG!" she said. I laughed, "yes!" So we giggled for a while and she said something along the lines of "unless he's wearing a cup!" No way. The guy's just hung.

Later in the day he asked me when i work next. So, I told him my schedule for the week and he suggested he'd try to come back either today (Tuesday) or Friday. The only two days left in my work week.

Surely he likes me if he's doing that, right?

Why do I still doubt his interest in me?

Sore.

Last night I had a date scheduled with White Bread. I only call him White Bread NOW because he asked me why I was calling him White Bread. And so now it's extremely funny to me. Regardless, he was supposed to call me sometime after I got off of work to give me a place to meet up with him.

I ended up leaving work a little bit late and ran into an old co-worker who happens to have a big vehicle. It happens I needed the services of a big vehicle to get my new dryer home. So, she agreed to help me out. We dropped the dryer off at my place and she left while I wrangled husband out of bed and got him to help me bring the dryer inside. We carried it from the street up to the house. A rather long way.

Around this time I got a message from White Bread saying that he was still several states away instead of in the vacinity and that he'd not be able to make it. One might think I'd be disappointed as I'd kind of been looking forward to it all day. However, I had a new dryer to install and having had to find a place to PUT the new dryer while I removed the old... a lot of cleaning to do, too. Plus, I was really excited to TRY the new dryer.

So, no big deal. I called him back and left a message to let him know it was okay and I had stuff to do at home anyway. And I went to work on that stuff. I got the dryer installed and husband and I carried the old one down the block to the curb. More tired. More explaination of my sore muscles.

It just so happened that I had a load of laundry in the washer waiting to be moved to the dryer... and I got to use it. I must explain that this is a pretty cool dryer. The whirlpool Duet with all the buttons and settings and such. So many buttons. And pretty lights.

A bit after that White Bread called me back to apologize and we talked for a while. Unfortunately, I think I disappointed him terribly by NOT being disappointed about him not being here. Really, he may have even had hurt feelings. Which makes me feel vaguely guilty. But I don't like to feel disappointed and I was really excited about the new dryer so why dwell on anything negative when I didn't have to?

We talked for a bit and he suggested we reschedule for another week which is fine with me. By then the excitement of the new dryer will have worn off and I'll likely be available for greater disappointment if that's what will make him feel better. Or maybe we can, together, manage something more pleasant than disappointment.

Ah, before I forget.

As if I could forget. The Ron Jeremy documentary is On Demand on one of the premium channels right now. I watched it and found it very interesting. Much as I agree he's much more than just a sexual being, it was really cool to get to learn about the porn industry and how it relates to his sex life.

The important part was when he was talking about how good he is at cumming on command. Apparently, he really doesn't have any problems (to paraphrase) "unless the girl is really hot and she's on top of me bouncing up and down" at which point he has to think of very unsexy things to keep from blowing his load.

I am now convinced there must be something sexy about a woman being on top. I'm not sure I get it, but I acknowledge that it must surely be true because RON JEREMY SAID SO.

Also, he's supposed to be super good at giving head. How blessed does one man need to be?

Little Fool.

Actually, I'm not a little fool. I just wanted to use that as a title.

I finally made a date with CD. Actually, I've made dates with CD before. However, this time something's actually going to happen. It's kind of a given. It's kind of weird. I'm not sure why.

He ended up calling my cell phone while I was taking a nap. I appeared to have been dreaming about him calling (since I'd been expecting him to call any minute when I fell asleep) . And as often happens when I wake up and my bladder is full I tend to be extra horny. Weird side effect. I don't have a piss fetish. Really. Regardless, it made for a very odd call, trying to wake up, trying not to masturbate just for the sake of some relief, trying to hold a conversation and not be nervous over the idea of meeting someone "new" for sex. Just completely weird. I have hopes that his call tomorrow will go more normally. For that matter, I have hopes that tomorrow will just plain BE more normal. And hopefully fun.

Also, I'm thinking Li might be at work tomorrow. I didn't hear anything official (as I should have) but there's a good chance. It's been far too long since I've seen him. I need to see more!

Bitching.

Husband is officially on his new schedule as of last night. He stayed up until 7 am. So I get today to myself. It's weird.

I did my part to help him out with that by going out to a bar with him and his friend until 1am. I spent the better part of the night flirting with him. The friend that is. Not in a way to embarass or upset husband. In fact, he was pretty cool about the whole thing which was nice. I'm really not into his friend anymore (not like years ago) but I'm willing to at least flirt with him. It's kind of funny how much bolder in flirting with him I am now that I KNOW that not only COULD I have sex with him (afterall, he's got a girlfriend AND a wife right now) but that it wouldn't freak me out or even make things weird if I DID. All the while knowing I won't.

Needless to say I did NOT get laid last night. Not even sort of. And I woke up this morning with imaginary visions (or more like sensations) of being fucked. Unfortunately it's not that sort of sensation like "oh, god I have to go masturbate right now." No, it's one of those sensations like "god dammit I want to be fucked!" But of course, I won't be.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to decide if I really want to get together with this man whom I've met with twice but never slept with. He's quite nice, but I'm not sure there's a whole LOT of passion there. Of course, that's something that can be built but when I hear from him only every few months on average it's hard to maintain that. So I'm not sure what I want to do. Yes, I'm horny and feel like getting laid and husband isn't providing and DJ is being difficult... but hell. I really AM looking for something that's less than a one night stand. Or a couple-nights-a-year stand.

Dammit, I want a boyfriend. Not even the dating kind. Just the kind that'll give it up at my command. Dammit!

Must move pic...

It's weird seeing my breast on the top of the page everytime I check my comments. It's definately familiar... but I'm just not sure I need to see it quite THAT often. So I'm posting mostly to get rid of it.

As if by design it turns out that husband and I shall be going out on Saturday with friends. Likely since his schedule will be switching over on Sunday night he'll desire to "close down" the bar. Oh, joy. Because that's really the sort of evening I'm looking for. Definately not interested in anything involving a lot of 1 on 1 sex. No no. Not me.

Actually, I'm somewhat frustrated on that front. Foolish girl that I am, I readily agreed to sleep with my ex again and he blew me off. The other night he comes back and tells me "I'm back with my ex!" Great. This after swearing off dating for the next 10 months (until he's out of the military). I guess I shouldn't be surprised because he's made a lot of promises to me and has managed to keep not even ONE. For some reason I keep expecting him to wise up. But, he's back with his girlfriend now and I probably won't even get to talk to him again until he breaks up with her... again. And frankly, I'm not the sort of girl who appreciates people who ignore her for their current love of their life. He does that far too often and mostly it's just rude.

Nipple Piercing!

Just wanted to share a pic of one of my nipple rings. Because I love them.

Aw. Where the nookie?

I said I needed lots of sex to get over the Bush victory. I get none. And it's really not going to be looking much better for me coming up. Husband shall be moving to a schedule very much the opposite of mine. In fact, he'll probably be waking me up to go to work when he gets home. Yucky.

Neither of us is what one might call a "morning person." Actually, now that I consider it he also gets grumpy late at night. So he's perhaps not an "awake person." Meanwhile, I'm DEFINATELY a night person. So, it really should be interesting. We'll see how it goes.

Sadly, his new schedule probably isn't going to do much to free up time for me to have the house to myself or go have sex with random (or rather carefully chosen) strangers. Not that I really need freed up time, but it does make it easier.

Hey, DJ what're you doing Saturday night? :-D

Not to put any pressure on anybody.

But... you know... comments are open to anyone, now. Of course, there's basically no one TO pressure. So that makes it seem a heck of a lot less pathetic. Or more. Crap. I forget.

Oh, fuck.

It's going to take a hell of a lot of sex to get me over this election.

Was I right?

Of course I was right.

But then my going out last night was conditional on my sucking his cock. He acted surprised when I did it, though. He claimed "I wasn't sure WHEN you were going to do it." Right. He was very subtle, too.

It's okay. I hold no resentment for it. I sorta liked going out last night and when I'm not pissed at husband for withholding I like sucking him. So it's all good.

The house is calm.

Givin' it up.

I suppose husband is going to have sex with me tonight. And probably the entire time I shall be trying NOT to think about last night and failing miserably and wondering why husband refuses to act right.

I was just thinking it would be WRONG of me to slip him some viagra someday. I mean, that'd be wrong and I wouldn't appreciate it. But I wonder if he'd take it of his own accord.

Then again, the military might frown on that. Are there viagra tests? lol

Details Details

So, here's the gory bits.

Really, though. Let me touch on a few highlights.

I sucked his cock for a while which was entirely enjoyable. His cock is something along the lines of visually perfect. Nice shape, texture, etc. After a couple of minutes though it occurred to me that my jaw was getting achingly tired. That doesn't happen with many men and it had me momentarily embarrassed my lack of practice. Until I realized it was his size and not my lack of ability that was causing the problem. Whew. Made me feel better. And made me eager. I probably could have made him cum that way (and adore doing it because it's wonderful to make someone cum that way). I do think men are funny though, because I probably could have gotten him off that way but he claims he's NEVER cum that way. I was with another guy who said the same thing once, so of course it was my mission to get him off that way (of course I succeeded). The question is... is that some kind of line? Because you know, it's kind of clever.

Generally I hate being on top. I think it was with Frank that I discovered I could enjoy it. Something to do with the size of his hips as my own hips generally cramp up from the position. This was another case in which I was able to handle it. And what part of sex is the most intense? Of course when he first slides in. I hate condoms. I didn't mind this one. He was rather... let's say gifted... and for once the condom didn't completely ruin the sensation. The best part was when his cock slid into my pussy... and then he tilt his hips up so that he was ALL the way in. It's incredibly intense. And in this case, breathtaking. I'd move a little and have to step to let the intensity of the sensation roll through my body. I mean, it was really something.

As he was buried inside me, hard, perfectly against my g-spot I was thinking that he felt like my dildo. I mean, it was kind of freaky. And oh, so perfect. Hot, male, alive, and JUST like my favorite toy. Of course that's what I fantasize about when I'm using my dildo, so it was rather like a fantasy come true. Sensitivity (or lack of being able to feel him) was absolutely NOT a problem at all. I mean, can I gush at how good he felt inside me? And how good he was at using it? Mmm. Unfortunately at no point did I feel like I was going to cum but it was incredibly intensely wonderful none the less. Pure pleasure. And my god he never missed my g-spot.

Eventually, he came without me which was mildly disappointing. I mean, if there's one thing I hate it's being left behind but we'd already established that I was going to have to masturbate so I guess it was his go ahead. Now, looking back I absolutely don't mind at ALL that he came before me. At the time, there was a twinge, now... no twinges. Because, you see, other than Frank (who would help in other ways) no man I've ever been with has ever offered to help to get me off if they've already cum. Sure, they'll watch. But never get involved. He helped. A lot.

I lay back and started rubbing my clit and he started fucking me with his fingers. For once someone had a clue and I didn't even have to ask! And as luck would have it (as I continue to believe it was not by design but by pure luck) his fingers were hitting my g-spot like a marksman. It took me somewhere around the edge of forever to cum as it often does with new people. I pretty much said "sorry, it's taking so long, you don't have to help if you're tired" and he kept going which let off the pressure and I had one of the absolute best orgasms of my life.

When I came I was rubbing my clit and he was still hitting my g-spot. Eventually this incredibly intense orgasm subsided and I stopped rubbing my clit. Except he didn't stop hitting my g-spot so while I had thought I was done I actually came again. Or more. Or something. Whatever the case that last little bit was unexpected and wonderful. Now, I'm curious if he hadn't stopped right then if it would have kept going. Or maybe I'm just greedy. :-)

And then I started laughing my ass off. Which was okay. And then I started crying while I was laughing and then I was totally embarrassed but I didn't really care at that moment. I became more embarrassed as it didn't stop immediately. Like I said, it was really something. I think I came so hard I cried a few months ago with husband but that was nothing compared to THIS. I finally got control but then I was shaking for god knows how long afterward. 20 minutes? Time wasn't the important part at that point.

Eventually I invited myself to leave because I always prefer sleeping at home. However, when I woke up this morning I was rather disappointed to be alone because one of the nasty side effects of having good sex... is the intense desire to have more. So now I'm going to be panting after him like a dog in heat. Poor guy, huh?

Another thing I'd like to touch on was that before we actually went for gold and started having sex he spanked me once. It's funny because EB did the same thing the first time we got together. And I had about the same reaction which was something like "WTF!... that was kind of nice... fuck... I hope he does it again... I mean... but it'll hurt... okay... I hope he doesn't do it again... I think." The thing is... I do THINK I like it... but then when I start considering getting smacked again I get all freaked out and would probably then like it even more but I'm sure I get this wild look in my eyes and they don't do it again. Which is okay... but it is something I'm curious about. Sensation play anyone?

So, anyway. I'm horny again. While he was inside me he stopped and asked me if I'd come back again after my nipples were healed. Of course I agreed. The question is... am I really going to have to wait that long?!?

A quick briefing...

Well then. My streak is officially over. Color me back!

I ended up going to see a guy I've been kind of stringing along for months. Not really intentionally, I swear. I really haven't wanted to do ANYTHING for a while (probably thanks to hormones). However, when I want to do it I *really* want to do it. To be completely honest (and unfortunately unkind to him) I was pretty much hell bent on getting laid yesterday and when that didn't happen I was becoming much more forceful about the matter with SOMEONE. I even went so far as to call up EB, someone I've been seeing off and on for a while (and was supposed to see last week), for a booty call. No luck on that front, but then I knew that.

Meanwhile I ran into DJ (semi-self chosen nickname on his part) online and said "fuck it!" and that was the plan. As I mentioned, I've been rather unintentionally stringing him along for a while. He and I have been quite mentally compatible but I couldn't bring myself to actually MEET him. In fact I left talking to him to go give that practically anonymous BJ to the guy in the hotel. Rather unfair of me since he offered his own body for my use and I "knew" HIM. However, my lust wasn't running that direction so off I went.

Anyway, seeing as I was horny and I knew he was interested I finally decided it was time to break my streak and at least meet someone. And thank god I did. Oh, lord. Do I have a story to tell. It was a pretty much wholly positive experience. From the first I knew we were mentally compatible and that appears to be true. In fact I'm painfully shy at times and there was almost NONE of that. I probably could have spent the whole night talking to him. Actually, there turned out to be more than a few things I could have spent the whole night doing to him, but I wouldn't want to bore you with the details. *laugh*

Let me just say that once again my nipple rings came to the rescue. I must say that even if they do end up migrating or anything else less pleasant that the pain and discomfort I've experienced is WELL worth the payoffs I've already experienced from them. Namely, they're a great conversation piece and whereas I was once somewhat shy about my breasts and their lack of perfection I'm now more than happy to show them off. Nipple rings RULE.

Anyway, it was an extremely pleasurable experience which I shall have to share in depth. However, on my way home I stopped off at the Class Six for a rare alcoholic episode and am currently enjoying a mix of Absolut Vanilla Vodka and Coke. :-) It's delisch. Highly recommended. I can tell that I'm at least vaguely tipsy and I can't even taste the alcohol. I'm a cheap date.

So, I WILL bore you with the details. Probably sometime tomorrow. When I've had time to compose myself. And sober up.

Oh, and as I was bitching about what I was going to do when I slept with someone who reads my blog. Well, I'm there. Because he does read my blog. And I forgot and ended up repeating a story to him that he must have already known. Silly slut. While I may gloss over the details a bit it should still be an accurate portrayal of what occurred tonight. It's going to be weird to be exploring my inner thoughts knowing someone is going to be in a position to act on it. Completely weird.

Late Night Chatting

Ah, after months of waiting I FINALLY found someone I was genuinely excited to want to meet and have sex with and all those wonderful things that I enjoy. And I spent the better part of the evening being shy and self conscious. LOSER!

Needless to say I did NOT get to meet said person and at this rate probably never will. And I'm resentful. Because even if he and I met and decided there really wasn't anything there for us... or that it was great but just not going to happen again (my two worst case scenarios) I'd be OUT again. You know, playing, having fun, being social. All those things that I miss. All those things I've been oddly reluctant to do. Maybe the pickings have been slim the last few months. Or maybe I'm just ready again. (Certainly couldn't have anything to do with the fact that I'm off the pill and have been for a few weeks and therefore my libido has returned, could it? Naw.)

So, anyway. I knew in the morning, after I woke up I would be bitter about missing my chance. This is entirely true.

Now here's the problem. Meeting the majority (okay all) of my lovers online and using this particular name (Odalisque) as my main chat/blog name it doesn't take a rocket scientist to find this blog. I'm relatively sure that this particular guy has or will (possibly) come across this blog. How the hell am I supposed to write about the stunning details without him reading them, because really. He doesn't need to know the down and dirty details from my POV does he?!?

Anyway. It was a fun evening of intense mental stimulation and I had a good time.

Meanwhile I also spent the first part of the evening talking to another young man I've been chatting with for months off and on. Lately I've become, let's say, more interested. I admit to being somewhat excited about meeting him but not in the same way that I'm talking about the other guy. This one looks like a particular boyish faced celebrity. Which is to say quite handsome... and a body to die for. I mean, the boy is just FINE. And he expresses SOME interest in me. But he's really reticent. And when I asked him if he'd ever meet me he first said "yes." But when I re-asked the question later I got "I've never met anyone offline. It's not safe." Oh, fuck that.

So I'm totally into him. And I get this feeling he's not totally into me. And I think he's trying to spare my feelings. I've done that sort of thing and you know... from this side it's pretty fucking sucky. I gotta stop that.

Thoroughly Disgusted

So. Last week I spent some time with my ex. My ex whom I had some pretty fucking kick-ass sex with. My ex who broke my heart not once but TWICE. My ex whom I continue to lust after hugely. That ex.

I finally told him that I'd be happy to sleep with him again despite my assertions that our sex life was over after the second breaking of my heart. And he rejected me with something like "ah, well... wouldn't want to hurt you again." This after trying so hard to get me to say I wanted to fuck him, still.

Tell me he's not manipulating me. And of course, once again I find myself on the verge of tears when I think about him.

Gosh, wonder why I'm not so hot to start sleeping around again.

Comments.

Now with haloscan. :-) Enjoy.

His Trip

Husband was sent out of state for work for a couple of days. Generally when he does that I go hog wild and I get myself thoroughly fucked by some guy. However, this time it didn't work out as such and I ended up sitting at home cleaning. I'm okay with that, really. Still would have liked to have been able to take advantage of his absence but maybe next time....

As with last time husband went to a strip club with his fellow workers. One of the guys bought his friend a lap dance but the friend refused and husband piped up that he'd take it. So, husband got a lap dance. Apparently this lap dance was much better for him than the last, which I only barely remember him mentioning. This time he tells me "she was very devoted to her work." So I pulled out my chair and laughingly said "show me!" So he laughed and danced a little for me and then said "and then she did this" and he bent over, putting his head next to mine and licked my ear. He went for the bite but the lick made me scream and twitch so he missed that one. He's got sensitive ears, although not nearly as sensitive as mine, so he clearly enjoyed that.

I asked him more about what happened and he described her to me and basically said it was a lot of fun. He suggested that his friend, his friend's wife, him, and myself should all go to some of the local strip clubs together. It's something I've wanted to do... go to a strip club but I just don't have the balls to actually DO it. Maybe in a big group I could get over it... but really... with just two of us NO WAY. Three... maybe. Four... even better.

So. Looks like someone had a small adventure. And when I asked how the rest of his trip was he told me "it sucked and I shouldn't have had to even go." And I told him that in his place... the lap dance would have made the whole thing worth it. I'm easy like that.

Readership and jealousy.

I notice I suddenly get much visitors from TwiddlyBits. Yay. Thank you. Guess I always wanted to be famous. Too bad I'm not exciting enough to keep anyone! But really, I'm just whining.

I'd like to wax poetic about jealousy here for a moment. I've got this odd thing... I'm never jealous of my husband. He can go and do whatever he wants and I'm okay with that. Encourage it, even. The night he had sex with my friend upstairs while I was watching TV downstairs was nothing to me. I almost considered joining them, but decided I just wasn't that into girls.

So, I always find it annoying and humorous when I'm chatting up some hot guy online and I get jealous of their other girlfriends. I did it all the time with my ex. I got painfully jealous. I tried hard not to be, but I was.

It was reading that wonderful book "The Ethical Slut" that everyone recommends that made me at least be aware of WHY I was jealous. It kind of put everything into perspective. Jealousy comes from insecurity. Of course I'm insecure over the guys I'm trying to get into bed. And of course I'm secure in my relationship with my husband.

However, this is an excellent example of a situation where being aware of the hows and whys doesn't make the "problem" go away. I'm still stuck with these feelings that I can explain... but can't seem to deal with properly. And it's a problem. Which I have no idea how to fix.

Speaking of Work

Part way through the day I had to go into the main store (I work in a satellite store of sorts) so I walked over and ended up making it a point to go up to Ving at his cash register and use his phone. I let my hand touch his back but turned away before he even had time to look back. Then he bumped me over a little. Oh, the contact. Finally, I said sweetly "Hi Ving...." trying to sound as sweetly innocently in love as possible. He laughed and responded "Hi Kay," in a similar tone of voice. I can't even remember the breif conversation we had as it was immediately wiped from my memory when he rubbed my back (between my shoulder blades). Not only was it amazing to have someone rub my back, but just the pleasure of having SOMEONE touching me and for that someone to be Ving.... well... let's just say my eyes were rolling back into my head.

What can I say? I'm easy. And I'm flirting HARD with Ving. I don't think I have a chance in the world with him, but god damn the flirting is nice. No mutual chemistry there, alas. But like I've said before... at least he's kind enough to flirt back!

On a work related note

Today one of the girls I work with was telling me how odd one of the girls I never worked with directly but knew anyway was. "She openly admitted she'd have an affair with Cartney!" Now, Cartney was the kind of guy who could probably get just about any American girl he wanted. Cartney came complete with good looks, a sense of humor, and a british accent. I mean... c'mon. Oh, and a wife and kids.

However, I was very glad that I've never mentioned that I have an open relationship. I mean, if admitting you'd have an affair with a guy you never in a million years get a chance with is "weird" then what the fuck kind of freak would I be?

Once again I'm reminded of the sort of double life I lead.

Yesterday a particular cashier looked at me shocked when I said something about my husband. Then said reproachfully, "you don't ACT like you're married." Well, fuck. Who cares? Not like I'm YOUR wife. Move along. However, I happily nodded and said "you're right! It's great!" Today I broached this subject with the girl I work with and said something along the lines of "I think the only time I really act like I'm not married is when Li is around... but he's got a girlfriend so I don't worry too much." But of course, that was utter bullshit. Meant to protect my image.

I kind of resent being "forced" to live the double life or be judged. Must be a lot like being a closeted gay. Much easier to live one's life as two different people than to just openly be one's self all the time. Unfortunately, they tend to leak into one another just that much too much.

On a side note, Li was not at work today and won't be there next week because we don't need him to come in. Hopefully the next time I work a Monday he'll be there. Because I want to fuck his brains out and there's no way to make that happen when he's not around. I wonder if he has e-mail. I hate the telephone.

No word from my ex. Guess he didn't really want to fuck me. C'est la vie.

New Link!

OMG! I've done it. I've been added to TwiddlyBit's sex blog list. Hoooooly shit. I'm honored to have even made the long list. Thank you. :-)

I don't claim to be interesting... but I sure have fun.

Showin' Off the Nips

I spent the day hanging around Li. Trying to convince him I'm not quite what he thinks I am. I (once again) came very close to pointing out that I fuck whom I want when I want but held that one back another day. After all, it can only take a moment before he figures out I mean him.

Meanwhile, being the queen of subtlety I told him I did finally get my nipples pierced. We talked about it a little... the pain... etc. A few hours later I was whining about how I hit them on something and they hurt for that moment and suddenly asked "hey, want to see them?" See how subtle I am? I asked him TWICE. Finally, it was time for me to go so I kicked one of my associates out of the stockroom and once again asked Li "do you want to see before I go? I may never offer again." Which was probably utter bullshit because I can't imagine that I wouldn't offer again. Or do it. Anytime he asked. However he said "sure" so we went into one of the trailers and I showed him my breast.

I admit for such a small thing which probably lasted all of 30 seconds I felt really fucking good about it. Of course, the hope is that he'll think about that particular breast for a while. But the reality is he probably found it vaguely shocking. Fuck if I thought to check the front of his pants for response. lol Like I'd be able to tell anyway. I'm no good at looking for subtle signs. One might hope in his case the signs might not be so subtle.

I fucking WANT him. NOW. I'm entirely too wet and swollen and turned on not to have even a chance at getting into that man's pants. It was fun before. A little game... flirt with him... enjoy the flirting in return. Now, really, I just want to fuck. I like talking to him. But I want to be done with the flirting and on to the good stuff. I want to feel his lips on mine, feel the heat of his body... feel him inside me. Fuck.

He asked me earlier today if I work tomorrow. He asked me again after I showed him my nipple. Finally I asked him "why do you keep asking me when I work?" And he told me "because I was thinking about coming back tomorrow." Oh, fuck yes. Please do. And please ask me if you can see both.

Ah, after I showed him my nipple we went back into the store and were talking about other piercings. I mentioned how I'd actually considered getting my clitoral hood pierced at some point but I'm sure that'd hurt immensely more. I told him, "I don't think I'd offer to show you that one." lol I would, though!

2nd Day

Last night, just hours after getting my nipples pierced I ran into my ex boyfriend (still friend) online. Having not had any contact with him at all in the last two months (roughly) it was a strange coincidence. But, I was excited about my nipples so I showed him. After having slept with him for several months and knowing much about each other's intimate parts, having masturbated in front of each other... on each other... that sort of thing it's not such a big deal to flash a guy on the computer.

Actually, mostly it's just not a big deal to flash someone online.

Anyway, he told me that he broke up with his most recent girlfriend (who was, once again, the woman of his dreams for a while) and had decided he was going to spend the rest of his army career without dating women from this state because all the women from this state suck. I'm not sure I entirely disagree. He went on to tell me that he'd been thinking about me a lot and about the sex we had and perhaps we could have some in the future despite my assurance to him after the LAST time be "broke up" with me that it was the LAST time we were ever going to do THAT again.

Except I was painfully broken hearted the last time we broke up and thought about him for MONTHS afterward. So last night he suggested sex but I vetoed it. Afterall, my nipples were super freshly pierced and movement... not fun. He kept telling me we could get around the jostling... but naw. I was still in a bit of shock.

So, we sat and watched Fargo and snuggled for that time, our fingers interlaced. It felt good to be close to him like that, again. I didn't feel that familar excitement I felt before... but perhaps absence has made my lust grow cold. Perhaps it can be rekindled....

Because frankly, fucking him was one of the best times of my life.

Also, my nipples only hurt occassionally now. Just once in a while. Thank god.

Nipple Piercing

I had it done. There's blood. It's weird.

I think, eventually, I'll be happy. For now... just... weird. And pain.

More Nipple Talk

I've been tormenting my nipples since the day that the piercer told my my nipples were too small.

The more I do it the funner it is.

Except there is a point where it goes past pleasure and just becomes pain. Plain old pain with nothing to recommend it.

On the other hand past the pain that's past pleasure is this new pleasure. It comes a bit after the pain has stopped. Catharsis?

I think I'm becoming kinkier.

I'm still not so sure I want someone else to hurt me. But it's kind of fun to hurt myself. Just a little.

Secret Life

It's weird to realise I really live a secret life. I mean, not too secret. Anyone who wants to know can see the clues as to what I'm into. What it is that I want.

However, I don't share my whole self with most people, anymore. At work I'm the young, unprofessional supervisor. At home I'm the lazy wife. But elsewhere... I'm the slut. The girl who idolizes the women that society turns their noses up at with a accusation that "SHE isn't sexy... she's just skanky." Yeah, well, she may be skanky but she's getting thoroughly fucked and taking what SHE wants.

As I was talking to.... oh... let me think of a nickname for the guy... Ving. I was talking to Ving and walking him from one store entrance to the next (a security requirement for the cashiers carrying money). I took his arm and let him escort me even as I escorted him. I flirted with him just a little and he told me how much he misses having me has his boss because I was fun. "You used to say sexy things to me!" He told me. I felt myself blush. Of course, I only said things to him with the understanding that it was off the professional record and he was free to tell me to shut the fuck up. But he's not that kind of guy.

It was the first time I had the confidence and guts to actually touch him. For a long period of time. Ving is HOT. He's definately the kind of guy who would make a very nice trophy for any woman. And it's nice that he flirts with me. I can't believe I'm anywhere near what he wants (in fact we've actually covered that I am NOT) but it's nice to know that he enjoys my company.

Lesbian Dreams

I'm not sure why I'm suddenly having dreams... or why they're suddenly all sexual. But more importantly I'm absolutely confused as to why I'm having so many lesbian dreams lately?!?

Last night I had a dream about being in a haunted house. As I was wandering around I stumbled on a ghostly orgy involving a couple of ghosts and a few humans. I was absolute stunned and stood watching from a doorway, undetected for a long time. I found myself becoming incredibly aroused so I slipped back into the room I'd been coming out of, unbuttoned my jeans and began rubbing my clit. I was enjoying the sensation when I heard the orgy breaking up. Suddenly this ghostly woman came toward me. She was hot, looked rather like a Bratz doll... only normal. She came over to me, slinking... "I can do that for you..." she slid down so her face was at the level of my pussy. "...just take off your pants..." as I struggled to do that, I woke up.

The Crying Game

Knowing I have absolutely no aversion to gay sex... and knowing that most people were unaware of the fact that one of the lead characters in the movie was a guy instead of a chick.... I have to admit while I was watching the part where Jaye Davidson goes down on the lead actor I got really turned on. It had nothing to do with the hot guy-on-guy action but more to do with the way Jaye played that particular scene. The way he went for what he wanted completely assured that he would not be refused... and that he KNEW what he was doing.... God, that got me so excited I was busily thinking "ah, that should be ME...." It was just so carnal.

As he untucked the main character's shirt he moved down, his mouth tracing the man's stomach. I could see the tension... the excitement in the lead's brain. Not based on his acting... but on personal experience... knowing what that feels like... knowing inevitable this part of your body (his body) will be stimulated by this person... until you cum... knowing this incredible orgasm awaits.... It's the build up. Foreplay.

Fuck that's hot.

Make Out Dream

I continue to be baffled as to why I never seem to have sex in dreams.

This morning I dreamed about a guy who was a model. I was talking to a friend (in the dream) about him and how he was going to be staying at my parent's house (where I was living) for a few days. She wasn't terribly impressed informing me that this "it" guy which ALL the women were lusting after wasn't really anything special. She informed me he'd been modeling for years but that it was this one single ad that finally caught on but it really had nothing to do with HIM. She pulled up a few of his older pictures online and I found myself more impressed by the fact that he'd been modeling for so long than the idea that he was an overnight sensation.

Skip forward to him in my room laying on my bed. I snuggled up to him, we were laughing about something. I wasn't sure about his intentions. Knowing that he was SOOO super hot and SOOO super lusted after... knowing he could have just about any woman he wanted at this point I had a hard time imagining that he might like me "that way." We lay looking at each other for a moment before I finally moved forward and kissed him shyly... just to see.... He held onto me and we kissed again... our kisses becoming more passionate. I was kissing him as if I loved him, slowly... but with that edge of "god I have to have you now... but this feels so good I can't stop...." He we moved so that he was ontop of me, pressing down on my body, holding me there. Now there was no doubt he wanted to be there. With me. Eventually we moved again so I was on top, I rocked my hips against his feeling the fabric of our clothes... and the shape of HIM underneath....

But we heard a noise so he pushed me away, waiting until my brother had passed. Our breathing was heavy as we looked at each other. Of course, no one could know what we were doing... my parents wouldn't allow him to stay afterall. Or maybe he just didn't want ANYONE to know he'd been kissing ME....

The dream ended and I woke up right around the same time. I woke up feeling vaguely horny and entirely lonely after that one. Bleh.

But the kissing was hot. :-)

Came last night. Yay!

No interesting dreams that I remember last night, unfortunately.

However, before bed I had a tremendous orgasm. I was downstairs on the computer, husband behind me watching TV as I idly read the latest installments of the Waiting Room (which I put off read for a month or more at a time so there's enough new to read to actually ENJOY). Of course, this got me horny so I had my hand down my pants. Eventually I dealt with the fact that I simply HAD to have an orgasm. I whined at husband that he should go upstairs so I could masturbate. He sighed heavily "but I'm watching TV!" Of course, he needn't really go upstairs. I could have masturbated there, but I would have been too aware of him and worried about what he was thinking so I would have had a crappy orgasm. Instead I retired to the bedroom and picked up The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. It's not the best book for my masturbating, but I skimmed it and fucked myself with my dildo. I found myself coming incredibly close to orgasm just from that. A first. But I became aware of it and lost it (a problem I encountered when I first started masturbating, too. At this point it just takes time and me getting used to the "new" sensations. It gives me hope, though, that someday it will be possible to bring me to orgasm through just plain ol' sex).

I became super turned on but that particular book wasn't going to take me where I wanted to go, so I searched for Beauty's Punishment which I find to be an incredibly sexy, orgasm worthy book. No luck. And so I finished masturbating to the first book and had a very very good orgasm despite me concerns otherwise.

This morning, I woke up and masturbated again to an incredible orgasm. I must say, I don't hear much whining about orgasms... but frankly I've had some crappy ones in my day and I absolutely adore the intensity of my latest ones. I can't say what the difference is... but fuck. It makes me want more and more and more.

Horny.

Today I helped a super cute guy (with a super nice attitude) buy a mattress. I super wanted to fuck him. Because he was cute. I mean, god only knows if he was good in bed. But it didn't help that I was selling him a mattress. While he was off with his friend getting their vehicle as I waited in the back of the store I was having visions of us on that bed. I stopped myself, though, before it got TOO far because it was making me super horny.

Actually, I was horny all day long. I'm sure it had NOTHING to do with that dream...

No Li today. *sad* Maybe he'll be there tomorrow. Maybe.

I went to see a friend (older teenager) today and ended up talking to her super cool dad who happened to not be wearing his shirt. Nipple rings. Oh, yes. So I quizzed him on the matter and got some advice. I love super cool dads. Piercings here I come...

I still want to fuck but it would appear husband is less than interested. This should come as no surprise.

I woke up in the middle of a dream again this morning. Again because I woke up in the middle of a dream yesterday.

Yesterday's dream involved a roaming group of store associates who would travel from one of the chain of stores I work for to the next. As a cashier I'd never known WHY they were there because they never had ANYTHING to do with the cashiers. But now, as a regular store associate, I found out. They were a roving band of dominants. This time, they invited me to play. I accepted, but at the same time I was trying desperately hard to get this man to want to fuck me. A man who had nothing to do with the dominants because the dominants were all female. I was entirely excited by the submissive experience but was dealing with my incredible attraction to this other guy. It was a very sexually tense dream, needless to say.

This morning I woke up during a dream in which I was in a very strange city with a group of tourists. We went to visit a city hall which was absolutely amazing. They'd spent a ton of money on this artwork on the building in which depicted the town elders in the middle of a scene from a myth about them. On the roof were huge ravens with men in their beaks. According to the myth the town elders were carried away by these ravens. That's all I knew about the myth. Even inside the building in somewhat random places they had raven statues looking for victims. In one room was a fencing ring where two men were practicing with swords.

I met the town mayor who was absolutely hot. There was mutual attraction. Later in the hotel room he joined me in the bathroom. I was naked in the tub, having let the soapy water down the drain as I sat there. He came in, wearing his business suit. "I need to talk to you," he said. I agreed and he looked around for a moment before joining me in the tub, sitting across from me, in the somewhat small tub. It was intimate, of course. But odd as I relaxed naked before him.

He began to tell me about the people who were watching him. Someone had bugged his clothing once. He'd found it. I watched him for a moment and leaned forward, running my hands inside his suit jacket, feeling the heat of him coming through the fabric. I leaned further forward, needing to take it further. I began kissing him, our tongues sliding shyly together. I wanted him right then. But, he drew away, continuing his story as I gazed at him. He told me that he'd found a bugging device in his underwear. I saw my chance and leaned forward to undo his suit pants as he talked, letting my fingers glide around the waistband of his boxers. Nothing. I let me hand slide lower to cup his cock in my hand for a moment before leaning away again.

He looked very serious. "You can check my clothing for bugs any time you want," he told me. I smiled at this and leaned in, again, my fingers once again searching his boxers as our mouths once again found each other. I wanted him, bad. I kissed him so there would be no doubt in his mind.

Then I woke up.

Fuck.

We did it.

Like I said I would, I woke husband this morning and while I talked to him I began stroking his cock, just to see if I could get it to respond... and if he'd go with the flow. He did, letting me snuggle up next to him before finally declaring that he needed a shower. I jumped in ahead of him and washed myself before letting him join me. I watched him, staying out of his way (as he prefers) and once finished I knelt down in front of him and began sucking his (once again) flaccid cock. Things heated up after that, but the shower wasn't really the place to continue as my hands were getting pruney and somewhat uncomfortable.

We retired to the bed for sex. It was... definately something. Part way into it I have visions of Li... because I could (and for no other reason). It was amusing, but eh... not reality so I turned my attention back to what was at hand. Eventually we "degenerated" into me masturbating while sucking his cock. And I came HARD. I mean, it was really really intense. One of those orgasms that comes in waves... one... then the next... it actually felt a lot like two orgasms one after the other... no real space in between. We finished him off... and off to the rest of a very nice day.

For having not had sex in something like two months... well... I'm definately NOT going to complain. That was GREAT.

I still want Li, though.

The Chase

I fully admit to being one of the girls who really enjoys the chase. Which isn't to say I get bored of the capture. I've never really had someone long enough to get bored of the capture (and despite appearances I'm NOT bored of Husband, generally. Seems to be the opposite... but we're just not counting him).

Thus, all the whining, speculation, longing, and teasing of Li falls right into things I enjoy. I have a strong feeling of "success" with this one which makes it all that much more fun. To know all my persuit, no matter how inept, has a strong chance of leading to capture pleases me to no end. It's like foreplay. Lots and lots of foreplay. But of course, even foreplay can last too long. I may become disillusioned. That's not something I'm going for, of course.

But for now, the persuit... it gives me lots of fantasy fodder... which leads to lots of orgasms. With or without his physical presence it's hard to complain.

Nipple Sucking

Isn't it "funny" how things never work out like they should? After trying to get my "too small" nipples pierced the other day the piercer suggested I work on making them bigger. Whether that's possible in a short amount of time or not has yet to be seen... but I AM actually making the effort. One of the most common suggested on increasing nipple size? Piercing. MOTHER FUCKER!

Anyway, I asked Husband to help me by sucking on them a bit, which is another way of kind of stretching them. He did one. For about 30 seconds then didn't want to do anything for the other. Then finally did. For about 10 seconds. Last night... nothing. Maybe I'm being too selfish here, asking him to suck something while I suck nothing.

Maybe it's time I stopped resenting his not touching me and actually start touching HIM again. Worse comes to worse, I close my eyes I can pretend he's Li!

Want...

I got to see Li again, today. Unexpectedly. And I hurt myself, though. Well, my name tag got me, actually. Via a box. Long story. Needless to say I have an ouchie on my chest. Just about at my bra line. I showed him. It wasn't pretty. I was SO tempted to say "want to kiss it better?" but held my tongue for fear he'd agree and I'd have to shrink away for fear of getting nasty germs in my cut. Ah, well. It amused the fuck out of me to think about.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to flirt with him nearly as much as I would have liked. However, I did cover with him the fact that I wanted to get my nipples pierced but that the other place wouldn't do it. He asked me why they wouldn't do it and I found myself unable to say "because they said my nipples were too small" because... well... damn. So I stared at him a long moment and finally said "that's... personal..." which is such a fucking turn off, too.

Anyway, the "small nipple" thing is absolute bullshit and I'm really disappointed. I may offer to show the piercings to him after I get it done. If I have the balls. With "strippers rules" probably, because they'll probably be fresh... and therefore untouchable. I wonder if he'd take me up on it or be too uncomfortable. I'm aching to find out....

As I stood there in the middle of the store today I couldn't help but think how wet I was getting at the thought of how close he was. If he knew what a dirty, nasty girl I am... and what I was thinking about him he'd probably take me up on my thoughts... dragging me off to a dark trailer, bending me over some random box of merchandise and fucking me hard from behind while I bit my lips hard not to be loud....

It's not even the most vivid fantasy I've ever had... but even just that I can feel myself getting wet and swollen. I want him. Bad. And I hate waiting.

Being Sexy. Or Not.

I was watching a show just a moment ago which starred a woman who was clearly very uncomfortable with her body. Her clothes were loose and drab. Whenever she wore clothing which was more fitted she shrank into herself, hands quick to cover herself. Truth be told, this woman had a lovely body, thin and statuesque.

Watching her, I was reminded that it's entirely true that most of what sexiness is comes from inside more than outside. Sure, you have to take care of yourself and wear appropriate clothing... but it's also very much about confidence.

I can't say as I'm the most confident woman, but I'm reasonably comfortable in my skin. Not always thrilled... but I do okay for myself. I admit that I'll never be a model. But, honestly, I'm not too bad. And I definately don't hide myself quite so much as all that....