Hello,
Hi, my name is *****. I am a 44 year old professional
male.

Okay, a little over the age I'm into but I can handle that.

I am looking for someone that knows what they want,someone that is open minded and open to trying new things in and out of the bedroom.I enjoy most of what life has to offer. I enjoy weeken get aways, travel, anything outdoors.I am what all my friends call easygoing, although I do tend to be a smartass from time to time. But do enjoy having fun.In the bedroom I am openminded, and willing to try new things. I enjoy giving massages, and am what most maycall overly oral. Am certainly not your wam bam type asI enjoy foreplay and moreplay!

Moreplay?! Okay, I'll let that go too. He sounds reasonably okay. Let's check out his vital stats.... Ah. He's in another state. Completely inaccessable. Great. Thanks for wasting my time, dude.

I almost always automatically refuse those who send me penis pictures, too. That's not any way to interest me and I guarantee it's a way to turn me off right quick. You send me that pic and it better be SOMETHING to look at because if it's NOT and you think it's your best feature... you're out.

would you be interested in a 38 year old firefighter?? i would love to chat with you

Great. A guy who can't seperate his personality from his job. And tries to use it to lure women. Doesn't he have anything better to offer?


Hi! I read your profile and enjoyed it very much. I am a mature gentleman, 5'10", 215 lbs, blond hair, blue eyes, easy going, open-minded, and very sexually adventurous. I have been known to keep it up for quite a long time. I enjoy a little kinky sex, but also vanilla. I too prefer the sex to have some emotion (and yes, the more the better). I am not looking for a relationship---just a lot of sex.

Mature? Quick check... and... over 50. WAY out of my age range which I PUT IN MY AD. He simply chose to ignore that part.

I'm very normal, nice and likable. I am an upper-middle-class businessman who enjoys younger women. I like everything there is about them....their energy, their smile, their smell, and especially their taste.

Mmm. Funny because I feel so much the opposite about men who're twice my age.

I don't believe in rushing a meeting, so lets talk. I think you'll find we're probably mentally compatable. I am not turned off by shyness, in fact I like it. Kinda turns me on a little. If you like me you'll find that I, too, have a voracious appetite for sex.Interested? email me here at AFF, or at *****@aol.com, and lets discuss things and get to know each other a bit....then we can get naked.P.S. I don't mind that you are married.

He doesn't mind that I'm married? How magnanimous.

Yeah, I do tear the men who write to me apart and there are a few cases where I go back and realize I was too harsh and will try to persue things. But personality clashes and timing tend to be the problem....

Maybe I'm going about it all wrong. But I don't see my real life persuits going any better....

About EB

Last night as I was talking to both the ex and EB online I was once again reminded of the incredibly differences between the two of them.

With the ex I felt incredible passion. And even love. But he was never really my friend. I hated listening to him talk sometimes. We tried to force a friendship.

With EB, there is barely any lust. Sometimes. But not much. Every so often he comes up with something really sexy that he'll say and I'll get wet. I'm always wet when it comes to actually being with him. However, we have the potential to be great friends. We think a lot a like and I find him extremely funny.

The ex divorced his wife and has gone through a series of relationships swearing that each girl is the one for him. And then leaving them. He's not the most "aware" guy and generally puts his needs before those around him (although in bed he's fucking awesome).

EB divorced his wife and isn't looking for another relationship. He's seen maybe one or two girls (myself... maybe another) but only infrequently. Enough to take the edge off. He's always extremely polite and caring in bed and out. The typical nice guy.

Having the two on my IM program reminded me quite forcefully that the ex is NOT the kind of guy I want in my life anymore. I commented on the fact that the last time I saw him he and I talked for about a minute and a half and in that time his girlfriend was standing next to him awkwardly and he made NO EFFORT to introduce us. For me it was awkward to know she was with him but get no introduction and to know he was like... ignoring her. I smiled and said "hello" to her and he said NOTHING, didn't even look at her. I asked him about it later and said I thought it was painfully rude for him to have done that and he got snippy and told me if I hadn't been in such a rush and only given him less than a second to introduce her he'd have done so. But I'm not so sure. I think he's really insensitive that way.

Basically, I really really like EB. And I realised I really really don't like the ex. So I deleted him. And then I looked at my buddy list and deleted half of them, too.

I feel better. Although now my buddy list looks sparse.....

And another thing...

I was talking to my ex tonight online... and I finally realised... much as I still want him (well, what we had) I really can't stand him anymore. He jerks me around too much. I deleted him from my IM list. Fuck him anyway. And I'm about to go take him off my phone, too. It's not like we ever call each other so why start now?

Frank, too, actually. Both gone.

Time to move on.

Why do I have such a hard time filling the space that Husband leaves me? I'll get back to you on that real soon. I've been trying to come up with an understandable answer. It's slow going.

Hmm.

I just told EB "I have more self control than you do." But I was just thinking. Some of the guys I've been with have been EXCELLENT at waiting for me to cum before they do. And I was just thinking how completely greedy I am for orgasms. There have been a few times in my life when I've been able to hold off (only when alone, mind you, I'm not so cruel) but mostly if I'm on the verge of cumming... I rush toward it with great enthusiasm.

So basically, much as I get really frustrated with guys who are swept up in the moment and cum without me... I actually GET it. And think it's damned impressive that they manage to put it off at all. I just don't think I have the willpower.

Desire

Despite how Li is so very capable of annoying me at times, there's one thing I can definately say for him. He never, ever makes me feel ashamed or bad about my desire for him. Granted, we don't have length conversations about it or anything. However, it's utterly delightful that he KNOWS I want him and he doesn't WORRY about it.

Anyway, it's nice because he lets me feel comfortable with my desire for him.

On the other hand, the more I think about it the more I think that future child of his has completely fucked me out of getting laid by him. I think it's seriously time for me to lay my desire for him aside and find someone else to lust after. There are a few things I envision and among them is the suspicion that while he claims his baby-mama (my word not his) isn't the woman he thinks he'll marry, he'll be in the room for the birth and suddenly fall deeply in love with her for having his kid. Or something equally stupid which will later lead to their bitter divorce.

Well, okay, I AM a little bitter. But what can I say? I see what HAD to have been a sure thing just dying a slow and painful death and I just hate that. *sigh*

But none the less, at least he doesn't make me feel weird about him knowing I want him. And that's super cool. So I'll take it just as it is.

On a side note, I swear he touches me a hell of a lot more than is absolutely neccessary. Like a lot more. And I really really really like it. And I can't help but think that he ought to keep his hands to himself more if he doesn't want to lead me on. I mean, it's not like he's grabbing bits and pieces or anything. But he takes my hand and touches my arm when contact isn't strictly neccessary.

He was having trouble with a particular item and I was helping him. We were super close together for a few moments which I was enjoying. I did it utterly on purpose. And I'm having a hard time remembering if he stepped away from me because someone else came into the room or if he did it on his own. I mean, in a way that kind of matters.

I wish he'd just tell ME if he desires me. But I also know he pretty much wants me to ask. Except that he's the one who told me months ago that he'd let me know if he's ever single... so.....

Bleh. I gotta get over it.

Published.

My "article" is online at the Sex-Kitten site. Specifically it can be found here. For anyone who reads me regularly it's not very interesting but I thought it was a decent sort of introduction. I may choose to start writing there regularly but I'm not sure yet. I mean, I have THIS blog and I want THIS blog to be cool on it's own....

Thoughts.

One of the things I adored about the ex was the way he made me feel really cherished. He may have been pretending the whole time, but he was really something special. I don't really believe he was pretending, but it's possible. Regardless, much as he annoyed me personally in a lot of ways there was no shortage of affection between us.

Whereas with husband we're great friends. But there's definitely a dearth (word confiscated from another blogger) of affection.

I sometimes think I could make a whole relationship out of what the ex and I had. Just being incredibly affectionate even if we couldn't be super close friends.

But of course that's not really realistic.

Sometimes I really want to leave Husband.

But I won't.

Vaaaaaaaaaaaalentine's Day

I spent the day at work and husband surprised me with a card and some chocolate, which was unexpected but appreciated. Even though I told him I didn't want anything I still had half and eye open for SOMETHING. I would never have held it against him had he chosen NOT to get me anything (since I told him not to) but I appreciate that he did it anyway.

Anyway. I ended up spending the better part of the day with Li. That was really nice. He was pleasant and relaxed and so was I. The people who worked tonight were fun and funny and we all worked but really spent the evening goofing off. Joking around and just generally laughing our asses off.

Turns out Li's girlfriend is pregnant which is exciting but pretty much means I won't be getting any of that anytime soon. Because that's the kind of guy he is. Damn.

The most amusing part of the day was when I first came in. I asked him to come look at something in one of the stockrooms and give me advice on how to deal with it. As we were talking and looking around my eyes were drawn momentarily down and I swear he had a bit of a chubby. It's hard to say for sure because he's a bit of a shower, I think. But I'm relatively sure. Shortly after I noticed he made it a point to turn away from me and wander off some distance while he was looking at some item in his hands. Perhaps to calm down? Very shortly after that he disappeared for a while. For lunch one might assume. Or a trip to the bathroom? Whatever it was I was rather gratified because one must assume it was for ME. Mmm.

Which of course only made me get all wet and tingly. Which is a nice sensation but I want to cum so bad right now it's not even funny. Except husband is down here and might become frightened by the furiocity of my masturbation. Not to mention the dirty dirty words I intend to say while I do it. God damn I want that man to fuck the hell out of me....

Maybe once I start seeing him again regularly my interest will cool off. But for now, once again, I desire him.

It was a nice way to spend valentine's day.

Then there's this guy.

At work.

His name is John. John is hot. Seriously. Banging body. Handsome face. I'm not the only one who drools over this boy. He's seriously fine. He's also got a girlfriend whom I CANNOT STAND.

She used to work for me. I wanted to fire her so bad I could taste it. Instead she was transfered to another department. Right at the same time I was. Too funny. She was among those who accused Weird Eric of sexual harrassment. She was the one that gave him her phone number and spent plenty of company time socializing with him. She's a god damned liar. And she helped get him fired.

So John likes to flirt. He's always been that way. I'm SO not his type it's not even funny. But when he turned 18 he made sure to tell me. "I'm legal!" he told me, meaningfully. I laughed at him. He puts his arms around me now and again. I find the quickest exit I can manage. I want to flirt with him really badly. But, I have a hard time imagining that he's not just teasing and I AM a supervisor. I bite my tongue or I make sarcastic comments when he tries to flirt with me.

Today I made the mistake of flirting back. I was walking toward the office. "Hey, I'm going to be in the office. I'll be in there for a few minutes." He walked in at that moment and I grabbed his arm "Let's go!" I laughed to myself as he stood momentarily confused. I realised with a great amount of shock what I'd said and hurried to the office expecting he'd move along. Except he followed me.

"What'd you mean by that?" he asked, sitting down.

Oh. Shit.

I smiled trying to think of a good lie. "I'm bored. Entertain me."

He was quiet.

"I'm bored. C'mon... can you juggle?"

"What?"

"Entertain me! Can you juggle? Walk on your hands?" I was desperate.

"No...."

"You're not very entertaining," I informed him.

"I am. Just not in the way you want me to be," he said. Oh, holy fuck. He muttered something and started to leave. "Did you hear me?" he asked.

"...no, not at all," I responded.

"I could lock the office door," he said.

"...I don't think it locks, anyway," I laughed. "How old are you?"

"18," he tells me, proudly.

"You're not capable of being THAT entertaining at 18," I told him.

"You don't know," he replied.

"Please. At 18 you simply can't be. Sorry."

And that was about it.

I know he's the aggressor in this in a way I definately choose not to be in this situation. Too volitile. But god damn. Could he make it more difficult for me? He's clearly doing it on purpose. Fucker.

I need to get laid.

Sex Starved Wife

I see that I've gotten more than a few hits from people doing searches on Sex Starved Wife. Just for the record, I have no clue what happened to her. One day her blog was there, the next it was gone. Thus, I deleted it from my list of blogs I read. Maybe she still reads the blogs. Maybe she'll let someone know where she went. I certainly wonder. Alls I can say for sure is she's disappeared back into the ether which is terribly disappointing. Hopefully it wasn't anything traumatic that caused the disappearance.

Whatever the case she's missed but I don't have the answers. If anyone else does, feel free to inform....

Another Damned Husband Story

The other night as my husband was watching TV I told him "you know I want you, right? Seriously. And it really pretty much hurts that you don't want me. It must be nice being wanted... even by someone you don't want." He said nothing.

The other night I crawled over him as he was watching TV and told him "you know, it really bothers me that you know you have something I want and need and you're capable of providing it and continually choose not to." He said something. I don't remember what. It was a non-response of another kind.

I thought for sure that'd work. *sigh*

Speaking of Boys...

I believe Li will be at my work on Monday.

I had a dream about him last night. Vaguely sexual. Definately a lot of sexual tension in it.

I'm not sure there will be any of that when I see him next, though. It's hard to say. I think the last time I saw him was right at Christmas time. That's rather a long time, if you ask me. It could all be done. It was before. No telling, though.

Hot Porn Males

Okay, not very many of the porn stars are hot. At least not the male ones. So, we females are forced to make do. Or watch gay porn (which I do) but it's just not the same. It's hard to imagine switching places when you've got this super hot guy getting head from this other super hot guy. I'm just not sure I'd be good enough at that point. However, I can handle watching the not-as-hot porn boys banging the hell out of the super hot (or super freaky looking) porn girls.

I bring this up because I was just watching one of my favorite porn actors (Eric Price) have sex with some nameless blonde and I got to thinking that even in real life men like him must be WONDERFUL to have sex with. Just because they've learned how to control themselves and wait until someone else LETS them cum. Now, it may be that the wild uncontrolled fucking they're allowed to do off camera is more gratifying and therefore harder to control... but I'll take that chance.

On a side note, yesterday I wrote a long entry about my adoration of Mr. Price (and Steven St. Croix, too) at which point the evil gods of the keyboard told me I'd pressed some special button which deleted my whole entry. I was not amused. So I went to bed. Needless to say today's entry will likely NOT be the last you hear about either of these two men.

Dinner

I had dinner with husband and his friend last night. I chose my seat and the waitress chose to remove the 2nd menu from that part of the table. Husband chose to sit down opposite me which I thought was odd. So his friend stood there for a second and chose to sit down next to me. And then move the other place setting from across the table. No one said anything about it.

Later I asked husband why he didn't sit with me. His excuse was lame. *I* was the first one to sit down and he accusingly explained "I sat down where there were two menus!" Okay. Because menus are glued to the table right? Not that it mattered, really. It was just odd. That was the only reason I asked him but he acted like I was trying to pick a fight. So, I dropped it.

During the evening for whatever reason we started talking about the new Mc Donald's campaign involving having sex with a burger. Rather clever marketing since it appears to be something most people have seen. Eventually, conversation veered toward the increasingly sexual.

I discovered that husband's friend is definitely a porn fiend the same way I am (this is something I was pretty confident in anyway) and likes giving facials. I filed this away in the "if I ever have sex with him" file. I shall definitely remember to beg him to cum all over my face and tits. You know, after I've cum of course. It'd make him crazy turned on.

Orgasms. They're so mental.

Bits.

Anal sex husband watching? Can we say I think not? Heh. Someone ended up on my site using that search string. Try again.

The hitatchi magic wand is one of the most amazing toys EVER. Highly recommended. That twitching orgasm I was talking about? Love those. I don't think I even turned it on the high setting. Wonderful piece of machinery.

Clearly I'm off the pill for the week and my body is like "let's DO it...." I like having the edge back on my sex drive. I like being super horny and just wanting to fuck and then fuck some more.

3 more months then back to the gyno to look for an alternative form of birth control....

Boys.

There were so much hot boys at work today. Four to be exact. And I'm horny. Lovely combination.

The best among them was a fine hispanic fellow (come to take care of a work order) who was a little too bad-boy for me... but was waaay fucking funny. He had tattoos. I was tempted to stare at them. He would have been game to explain, I think, but instead I went back to work. I try to be a good girl. I flirted with him a little. Told him he wouldn't be able to fix the problem that he was sent to fix. He asked me if I thought he wasn't man enough. I laughed and said, "no, not for this." "I'm a big guy," he pointed out. Which wasn't terribly true... but I didn't care. He was sexy as hell.

But then I'm currently off the pill AND in the middle of my period both of which make me very very horny. So I'm abnormally easy. Had he pulled me into some dark corner he would have gotten an incredible BJ at the very least.... Alas, it was all fantasy. And now I'm home.

Oh, and by the way... he wasn't able to fix it. He sent his coworker to tell me that they were leaving. Too cute.

The Side Effect of the Snuggle

Part one:

I smiled at husband late last night, "thanks for snuggling with me. I really liked sleeping together like that."

To which he responded, "Did I sleep?"

I stared at him.

"Well, I mean, I remember it being a lot later than I thought it was. But I don't remember falling asleep."

Except that he most certainly did because I was the one who woke him up around superbowl time.

"So, what you just laid there thinking 'how much longer do I have to lay here? God let me get out of bed....'" which is pretty much his normal response when I want to snuggle.

He didn't really respond. I kinda wanted to smack him. But decided to hope for the best and figure he was just offended by what I'd said. I decided I was still glad we'd been so close.

Part 2:

I spent the better part of snuggling day with a friend and coworker (not snuggling) who told me "I'm getting sick, I think." I forbade her from getting sick. We drove around for a long time in an enclosed car.

Today she called out sick.

I came home to husband "hey, guess what?" I related the above bit to him and added "I really don't feel good tonight, either. Aren't you glad we chose yesterday to snuggle?"

"Yeah. Great," he replied, "but it's not like we slept with my tongue in your face. I mean, as far as you know."

Snuggle.

My husband and I NEVER EVER EVER snuggle. Well, not very often anyway. Definately NOT while we sleep. We even sleep under seperate covers.

This afternoon after getting off the phone with his parents, my husband went to bed. I snuggled up to his back and we fell asleep under my blanket. Almost an hour later I woke up and he told me he couldn't get comfortable and turned over. I turned around and snuggled back against him. And we both very quickly went back to sleep.

It felt so good to be physically close again. We spent a lot of really QUALITY time together between last night and today. No sex. Just lots of happy. And now snuggling.

I'll take it. Besides, I have cramps.

To write...

or not?

I've been invited to do a guest posting on someone's (really pretty nicely put together) page. Something of a webzine. I'm tempted. Not sure yet if I have what it takes, though. No pressure, right?

CD said I should write. CD said I should get paid for it. This would not be paid. That's okay, though. You've got to start somewhere. He'd be proud of this, though.

I'm proud of even just the invite.

But I don't know where to start. I'm waiting for guidance. If none is forthcoming... well... I'll just guess, I suppose. And see where that gets me.

Speaking of Sex Toys Not at All

First, I asked husband "have you noticed a distance between us lately?" "Yes, a little." "Mmm. It's your fault." I said, then laughed hysterically. Ah, that felt good. Then I said "we USED to do things together. Remember every sunday we used to walk around the trail...." "Okay, let's do that sunday," he said. "But I already have a date for Sunday." "Okay, next sunday." "I work next sunday." "Oh. Maybe that's why we stopped."

Later, I asked husband "if I bought expensive sex toys do you think we'd have sex?" "like what?" "That furniture... the liberator and stuff." "Ah. Maybe." I thought about it for a second. Furniture. That I can't use alone. "Nevermind, we wouldn't use it." "You can still get it." "But I don't have sex in the house and I can't take it with me." "Why not?" I stared at him momentarily. "You can get it," he said. Yeah. Yay. *sigh* Just what I need, another reminder of our lack of a sex life. Something else for me to get all excited about using... and then never end up using. Great.

It's official.

I really am NOT attracted to the Hugh Heffner's current crop of bunny girlfriends. In so far as I'm at all attracted to women I'm into women with much more flesh. Although I'm so not into breasts.

The post I was gonna make.

So. The post I was talking about last time.

There's this guy. (Here I go jinxing it by talking about him) whom I totally dig. I like him. But I was thinking that the longer he and I wait to get together... the worse it could be. I bring this up because of the idea of anticipation.

There was a guy a few years ago that I desired. A few years? Gosh, almost 7 years ago. He and I talked off and on for close to three years. When we first started chatting he was maybe 30 miles north of me, but we never met. And then he moved somewhere. And I moved to the other coast. Within a year he was once again living within 30 miles, this time south of me. He wanted to meet, but I was afraid. After over a year of build up I wanted this man so much I could taste it. And I just KNEW I could never live up to his expectations.

Eventually, he moved again (this time overseas) I told him once during this time that he'd become my favorite fantasy. He finally told me, "really, don't build me up like that. Because I'm just another person...." I laughed it off, "it's not like that. I imagine you'd be really good in bed... but somehow you're a surefire fantasy to get me off." He still had a problem with it, though. Because as he told me, "I really might not be that good in bed." Over the years we've completely lost touch, which is SUCH a disappointment to me because he's someone I think of as a friend and I really really liked him as such above and beyond the sexual attraction I felt.

It reminds me of CD, whom I slept with a few months back. I do not doubt for a SECOND that the sex that we had was a MAJOR disappointment to him. I think he saw me as someone far more knowledgable and experienced than I am. I messed up with him pretty bad. Probably one of my worst sexual performances EVER. I think over the course of about 8 months he decided I would be an incredible lay... and ended up being just awful because of the anticipation and fantasy he'd built up about me.

I'm afraid Justin and I are going to go this way. He sometimes brags about his sexual prowess. I find myself drawn to that... I want to believe him. And then I heave a big internal sigh and tell myself to calm my ass down... because you're only as good in bed as your current performance and afterward... it pretty much starts at zero, again. There's so much more to sex than just one person's supposed abilities. What turns me on might be a turn off to the next girl... etc.

So anyway. I'm just thinking.

On another note Justin called me today to see if I wanted to get together for lunch. Maybe 10 minutes after I'd finished eating my late breakfast. *sigh* I agreed but told him I needed to shower and dress (which I did). As I was completing getting ready he told me he had to go back to work unexpectedly. Damn. Today coulda been the day.

Reminder to myself:

I MUST remember to write a post about Justin, Daniel, and anticipation/desire and disappointment (with a quote from Daniel and allusions to CD). Because it's something I simply MUST share and explore. Except I'm so fucking tired right now I might just keel over....

Millet tree.

I'm looking over my visitors. Namely their IP addresses. I never realised how many marines I'd end up getting. Namely people with IP addresses involving quantico and usmc.mil. Then there's people from Aberdeen Proving Ground (which might not actually be a marine but fuck it, they'll be what I say they are). And someone in Tukwila which is very close to where I was born.

To the military people I apologize for stealing the marine motto and using it for my own but it's SOOOO appropriate. To those searching for a hot available marine... I suggest trying certain parts of California. To the person in Tukwila. Well. At least you're not in Fife.

On a side note, I've never slept with a marine. And there haven't been all that many marines I've lusted after. Most of my lust goes toward the navy because they're hot and not... you know... crazy. The AF is mostly made up of business men. Business men can be hot. Just not usually Air Force business men (sorry). The Air Force has a lot of hot women, though. I've slept with an Air Force business man. And then we have army. Well. I've slept with army. They're a varied bunch. Some worthwhile... some not. Hard to say.

Why, I could work on collecting the armed forces! (except the coast guard which does a very important job but really is more about rescuing than military-ing).

Anyway. I'm just talking. I'm sure I've offended someone. If you're the person in Tukwila and you're offended...well... really... that's so totally your own fault.

Odd.

One person looked me up as OdalisqueK one person looked me up as odalisquek. One was on yahoo. One was on google. I can't imagine one person who'd be looking me up by name. Let alone two. Very odd.

Headache.

I'm tired and have a lovely headache. Stressful day at work. I'm so not in the mood for sex.

And yet, I wish I had it to look forward to. In the very near future. I mean, sort of. Mostly I just want to lay down and cry.

I hate days like this.

Now, being loved on... touched... teased... that'd make for a much better day.

SitC

I was watching an episode of Sex in the City On Demand tonight. I'm so addicted to that show. In this particular episode the girls were chatting about bad kissers and I laughed my ass off as they described a couple of guys I've met. Most specifically the guy who stuck his tongue in my mouth and let it lay there like a dead fish. WTF is that about? When I finally got tired of trying to get him to kiss me back he asked "what's the matter, don't you like to kiss?" I mean... wtf... was that kissing? That wasn't kissing. I chose not to sleep with him because of that kiss and apparently the characters (and writers) on the show agreed with that choice.

Meanwhile, on to a more serious topic. I've slept with Frank a large number of times. Not just once or twice. He's been the ONLY guy I've seen regularly since I started sleeping around again. And while I'm really still not happy with what happened, I also understand that there was a certain amount of miscommunication there. I believe earlier in the evening I was teasing him with some "no"s which I really didn't mean. Now, of course it would have been correct for him to stop when I said no whether I really meant it or not... but he didn't because he knew I didn't mean it. After teasing him about my ass at least twice in the evening I can't say that he ought to have realised that these no's were more serious.

At the time I was heartbroken over the whole thing. Looking back, I see mistakes were made on both sides and I simply don't blame him as fully as I could. When I re-examine my feelings from that night I find it's not a particularly tender subject. I mean, if and when he talks to me again it's going to be awkward and difficult to break things off but I feel the misstep is the straw that broke the camels back. I've seen other flaws which to this point I've overlooked... but now I'm done overlooking them. The sum total says "stay away." And so I shall.

He didn't rape me, he really didn't even TRY to rape me. He did, however, overstep a boundry and break my trust. Therefore, I'm vaguely wounded by his actions but not scarred. Or scared, for that matter.

Buzz buzz...

I just had one of those delicious orgasms that I manage every so often using my vibrator. I don't take off my pants or touch myself. I just let my vibe do it's job... wiggling my hips and changing the speed as neccessary. When I came I cried out. There was a time you couldn't PRY an orgasmic sound from my lips. Now, apparently I can't hold back.

And now I'm sitting here with my pussy too numb AND sensitive to be of much use. I can feel the internal muscles twitch now and again with the odd aftershocks of a hitatchi-orgasm. I love those pure vibration-induced orgasms and the way I feel afterward. I love the tingling, twitching, sensitive-numbness that spreads across the area.

Part Trois

While we ate, I decided to do a little drinking. Frank knew I wanted to have sex with him with a little something in me. But, obviously he doesn't hang around drunk people that often or something because while I was fully drunk he watched TV... talked to friends on the phone... and played with his computer. I stayed pretty freakin' drunk for a while but finally gave up. He sat and showed me pictures of his family and house and girlfriend which was interesting at first... and then became somewhat boring... and then became irritating when I told him I was tired and done looking at pictures and he kept saying "but you just have to see...." I finally drew the line and crawled into bed.

He joined me and I got up to do something or other. I was still just barely drunk enough to feel fairly free. I crawled over his body and started teasing him for a while. I sucked his cock into my mouth and kept it there for a good long time, meeting his eyes as I teased and tasted it. He got incredibly hard and it was very gratifying. He began talking about having a threesome while someone else fucked me from behind. Then said something about having three men to take care of ALL my holes. I drew back and told him my ass was only for him then went back to playing.

Finally, he slid inside me. The sex was pretty fucking awesome but mostly I was in no position to masturbate. I told him to fuck me from behind and it wasn't long before he had me in one of the most interesting and pleasurable positions he's taught me (which no one else has actually tried to duplicate) involving me being on my stomach with his legs around the outside of mine, cock deep inside me. Feels great. He fucked me that way for a while before he began fingering my ass. I let it go on, not really loving it but not hating it. There was some pain but not too much. "My thumb's all the way inside" he said. I shrugged it off, " I don't believe you." "Why not?" he asked. "Because... I can just tell" I told him. However, looking back... it probably WAS inside me.

And then he tried putting his cock in. The first real pain occured in that moment and I said "no... it hurts." He didn't move "I just timed it wrong" he said, pushing inside me again. I whined "no" but I could still feel him inside me, trying to go deeper. And then I started crying. I REALLY didn't want this. After a moment he noticed, "are you CRYING?" he asked. I nodded and he pulled out. "we'll stop," he said (or something like it) and went to the bathroom to clean up. When he finally returned he said "it wasn't messy...." But meanwhile I was bawling.

I cannot express how utterly devistated I was by the fact that I said no... TWICE and he ignored me. I lay there thinking that I was a stupid stupid fool and that he could very well have proceeded to rape my ass because I wasn't forceful enough. Of course, I'd said no... but had I actually moved to get away, I could have. Instead I lay there and gave up. I was also thinking "if I'd EXPECTED it I could have handled it, if only I'd known he was going to hurt me...." It hurt. A lot. And yet, I remember my first lover hurting me a lot with anal... and somehow I managed to bite my tongue hard enough to let him get his pleasure on my body. Which then led me to thinking how very victim-like of me to be thinking the way I was. Which just led to more crying.

Obviously sex was out of the question.

I lay there, Frank trying hard to comfort me... asking me to talk to him. But I couldn't because I knew I'd say some very hateful things which weren't entirely true. Or maybe were... but I hadn't decided yet. In that moment. I got up, deciding it was time for me to go home. Fuck spending the night I wanted my dogs and my husband. Instead, I put away a few things and sat back down to cry.

Eventually, I went back to bed and he asked me if I was okay. "I will be," was all I could answer. It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but I couldn't give him a better answer. He fell asleep for a while then, and I whispered all the hateful, angry things that I wanted to say to him while he was concious but couldn't bring myself to. Satisfied with that, I woke him up and explained how upset I was and basically why. I didn't point out that I'd said no TWICE and been ignored which REALLY upset me. I merely told him that I hadn't expected HIM to hurt me. And he had. I figured that pretty much covered the entire thing.

Eventually, I lay back down with him. Still angry and cautious but in need of comforting, even if it was from the man I least wanted to be with in that moment. I told him he owed me an orgasm and we had sex. The sex lasted an hour and I tried hard to cum the entire time. I was angry and frustrated knowing that most of the reason I wasn't cumming was because I was with HIM. The entire time he was in me, he talked. I tuned him out, giving my own running commentary just out of his hearing range. I finally got up to pee and when I returned knew it was time to get off. He was done being punished for the moment and I was done punishing myself by not cumming. I knelt on the bed, him standing behind me on the floor and that is how I came. And came really hard. He came (or faked it) and we went to sleep.

In the morning, he was in a rush. We showered quickly together and then grabbed breakfast and left by the time I'd normally be getting up for work.

I haven't heard from him since (he's been at home this entire time which makes him pretty incommunicative). I can't help but suspect he's been reading the blog, though, wondering what I'd write about the experience. Which makes talking about the entire thing somewhat awkward. I feel nothing assured... but I sincerely doubt I'll ever see him again. I don't BLAME him for what he did (or didn't stop doing) but at the same time, I finally told my husband (in tears) what happened in order to get a second opinion and I suspect if I now told him "I'm off to fuck Frank!" he'd probably call me a mental health professional.

I remain heart broken over the fact that he hurt me, compounded by the fact that my ass bled for two days (not spontaneously... but when used appropriately). This did not amuse me. Or make me less resentful.

I wanted to retreat into my shell. But then there's this guy....

Part Deux

After we went down to the restraunt we picked out our food. We decided to eat in our room and Frank decided to come down and pick it up rather than paying the room service fee. Until then, we headed back to the room.

He insisted I get naked and then joined me in bed. We kissed some and then went back to sex. This time, I was somewhat more relaxed. I was glad to be touched and responded more to him, and touched him, too. We fucked for a good 20 or 30 minutes before I finally rubbed my clit and came. It was... actually it wasn't anything to write home about. The sex was nice but the orgasm was a terrible disappointment. Shortly afterward, Frank came, too.

About that time we were noticing food was taking it's time about being done and the phone rang.

Ah, food.

Part Une.

So here's the set up. I arrive at the hotel freaked the fuck out, lots of adreneline. The 2nd near crash having been enough to get my blood pumping. We go up to the room and after a moment or two I sit down with some crocheting (I was on a schedule to get the piece done) in order to do something rather mindless and constructive to calm down. Obviously Frank was not amused. "You really don't understand how freaked out and stressed out I am right now," I told him.

I lay on the bed, and his hands found my back, rubbing then kneeding. I concentrated on that. "I'll do this while I'm pounding you," he said. I laughed, considering. Finally he told me, "don't worry... I'm going to work the stress out of you." I rolled over and we talked about what to do for dinner. Finally, he moved over me, his fingers grasping the edge of my shirt. He looked down it to check out what special underwear I'd chosen for the night. "You're all breast," he told me, pleased. He pulled the shirt a little more to get a better view, "nice... you've made me rock hard." What can I say, he's a breast man.

I tried putting him off, more serious than teasing. I wasn't in the mood! Great timing for THAT. But I needed some time to relax after coming from work and the drive. None of that. He worked hard to GET me in the mood, though, pulling my shirt down to hook under my breasts and play with my nipples. Then, he took my hand. "What?" I asked, preferring to be TOLD what he was wanting me to do rather than guess. "I want you to stand up" he told me... and as I did added "so I can get your pants off." Which he did, making quick work of them, leaving them around my ankles.

Half naked now, he moved over me again, removing his pants. It wasn't long before his fingers found how wet I was and he took full advantage, sliding inside. He told me, "look, you're getting fucked and haven't even removed a stitch of clothing." He fucked me long and hard then. What I learned at that point is no matter HOW wet and excited I may SEEM... if I'm really not in the mood... I'm *really* not in the mood. Most of it felt almost like nothing except a few choice moments here and there.

Finally he asked "are you anywhere near cumming?" I froze. I hate getting asked that question. Whenever I'm considering sleeping with someone I warn them that no one else has EVER gotten me off. Therefore, in getting asked that question from someone who's trying soooo hard... well... I find it hard to tell them but honestly... if my hand isn't near my clit... I'm no where near cumming. "You can tell me, it's okay" he said. Finally I responded "No. Not at all." "That's cool. Nice appetizer, though. Shall we leave?"

And we headed down to the lobby to check out the hotel restraunt and decide on what to eat.

Wee.

Last night... very interesting. Ups and downs.

Highlight? Probably my last orgasm. And the pleasure of being juuuust drunk enough to kill most of my normal inhibitions. Not all. Just most. I acted toward Frank the way I often act toward my husband... and get turned down. Except Frank didn't turn me down. Why, I'm tempted to believe he liked it.

Lowlight? The attempt at anal. I'm so never doing that again. Not ever. With anyone. I'm sooo over anal. I'll read it. I'll watch it. Fuck if I'll ever do it again. Other lowlight... driving over there and almost getting hit not once but twice. The last time being somewhat spectacularly frightening. Neither was my fault... both involved people turning into my lane without caring that I was there first.

Overall? Probably would have been safer to stay home. I would certainly have slept better.

However... I really love having Frank fuck the hell out of me. So it's a give and take, isn't it?

Off to work. More later, maybe.

Predator.

It used to be when I'd suggest husband find someone else to sleep with he'd sigh somewhat and say that he might try when he was back at his fighting weight. Or he'd tell me that it would be very difficult for him.

At any rate last night I finally asked him "so... are you EVER going to sleep with another woman?"

He was quiet for a half second before saying "probably not."

I had no response.

I figured his lack of interest in sex with me had more to do with familiarity than anything. Having slept with a few other people I discovered having sex with others made our sex life that much more enticing and interesting to me. I became more adventurous in bed. Not doing the same things with him I was doing with the others but embellishing on the ideas and on ideas that were brought up early in the marriage.

But now... I wonder. Does he have the same reasoning he had before (namely a feeling of unattractiveness and inconvenience) or is he just turning THAT asexual?

He's not approached me for the "one" that he owes me from the other day. The single time I approached him for it, I got turned down. I'm starting to feel like I raped him that day. Yeah, he liked it... but he didn't really WANT it. I feel more and more like a sexual predator in my own home.

I don't like that feeling.

More Sex Than Me....

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/moresexthanme.html

Beautiful.

Paid Sex

I have this mild obsession with the idea of paid sex. Either getting paid for it or paying for it.

I tend to think paying for sex necessitates the person getting paid making it a point to EARN that money. I always say you get what you pay for. What kind of different dynamic would it introduce into my regular sex life? Would I enjoy being paid? Would I act differently? What if I were paying? Would I be more demanding? More pushy about being pleased the way that *I* want?

I bring this up because I agreed to pay for half the room on Thursday and in so doing told Frank that I'd wave cash in his direction... but he'd have to work for it. And it got me to thinking.

Hot Date

I have a hot date planned on Thursday. Basically uncancelable which is fine by me. I'm all excited to go see Frank again because the man knows how to take care of me.

Meanwhile, I hate writing about people that I've not yet slept with or at least met because it's always the kiss of death (kind of like getting a tattoo of a loved one's name) but I'm totally digging this guy and I'm hopeful something delightful will come of it. Considering how much I personally like him I'm hoping that even if the sex between us either never happens or sucks royally that he'll stick around because, like I said... mas fino (or whatever because I don't speak Spanish).

And on a cool note I was terribly horny this evening (feeling once again thwarted by things uncontrollable which were keeping me from getting laid) so I masturbated and came twice within about two minutes. Record? I'm rarely if ever multi-orgasmic (and certainly never have I had one of those super long multiple orgasms I've heard myths about) so that was pretty cool. It's not something I usually push myself toward but it was warrented.

And of course, I ended up finishing off thinking of DJ again and the super intense orgasm HE gave me. No idea what's going on with him. Not answering any of my messages and I figure if he's not doing that then he's not gonna answer my calls so fuck it. He used to read my blog but the last few times I've mentioned him I've gotten no response so I'm pretty much thinking he's moved on.

Damn.

Of course.

I was sitting on my couch near husband. I glanced over at him, trying to look sly, flirtatious, and maybe a little sexy. "So... the other night... you said you owe me one... seems like you still owe me one...."

He remained carefully composed. "Well, it ain't going to happen right now."

That was the end of that conversation.

Damn.

Something about the ex just gets under my skin. I KNOW he's my ex for a reason. I mean, seriously.

He asks me for sex. He changes his mind. He asks me to come sleep with him but NOT have sex... and oh he's so in love with this other girl but she's far away and he's stuck at home alone and I'm so close but all he wants to do is not be alone and can't I just come over? I mean, let's not forget the reason he stopped having sex with me in the first (and second) place was because of another girl he felt the need to be immediately monogamous with and we had to just be friends but can't we just snuggle sometimes?

Let's not forget that his and my relationship, while primarily sexual, was not ALL sexual. And it's funny because much as I love him I think he's a dumbass and I totally disagree with a lot of what he's choosing to do with his life. I feel like I should tell him "ya know... don't talk to me anymore" and yet... we have a really wonderful history and I can't bring myself to end it badly. This slow withering non-death isn't lovely but it's more bareable than being hurtful to him. For a while there he made me feel a lot of things I hadn't felt ever in my life and I appreciated that. It was a fantasy but it was a really great one.

Anyway. I need no advice on this one. There's no help for it. I make my choices and I live with them. I'm not unhappy. Just... confused.

But then we get into a long-ass conversation and I remember... oh, yeah... that's why I like him. That.

That Face

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Ooh la la!

No, this post has nothing to do with the French.

Ever since sleeping with EB the other day I'm feeling refreshed and ready to play again. Thus the reason I finally convinced husband to let me play with him. Even if it was entirely selfish on his part.

Normally the pill takes my libido and stomps it into the floor but this month... not so much. And I'm thinking it must have something to do with the fact that I got some. It's amazing how getting some gives one their libido BACK.

I haven't masturbated yet today but I certainly woke up plenty wet. Left overs from how excited I was last night. That's not normal for me. Maybe I was having a good dream, too. Seems likely.

Whatever the case may be I'm being more proactive in my search for sex and may actually meet up with a very very local guy I've been putting off for a month or two. It might be a complete bust, but there's hope that maybe he and I might just have enough chemistry to make it fun.

Of course, I may chicken out. Husband may start having sex with me again this week for a few days and then I'll be so excited to be getting some from HIM and not wanting to distract him I'll stop looking at the other guys and he'll get bored and I'll be pissed that I turned down sex with others. Yeah, okay, let's not fall into that trap again this time, right?

BTW I'd like to thank Tiger for writing "not so much" so often in her blog that it's now becoming a regular feature in MINE!

Oral

One of the things that irritates the shit out of me about husband is that for as long as I can remember anymore (which is to say since at least summer, I'm betting) he has not approached me once for sex. Not once. We've gotten into this habit. I ask him for sex he says no. I ask him for sex. He says no. I ask him for sex. He says FINE. I get mad that he has to be so grudging and don't want to do it with him. Repeat as neccessary.

This afternoon I asked husband for sex and got a no. So I said "fuck it" and started playing with him. He grudgingly mimicked having sex with me when I begged him to fuck me (neither of us unclothed at the time). I finally pulled off my pants and underwear and he told me "look, I just want to GO! Or go to SLEEP!" I whined pathetically and he went back to faking humping me. Soft. Finally, he lay down on the bed and stared at me as I put my pants back on. I climbed over him and rode him, both of us still clothed. It felt good to be on top of him that way. I felt empty. Finally, I moved off him and began stroking his cock through his jeans. Still soft.

I continued to rub it and it gradually got harder. Finally he reached down and unbottoned his jeans. I reached inside and began caressing his thighs, my fingers trailing over his ass and balls to rub his cock over and over again. He was stiffening up nicely so I leaned down and squeezed his cock between my teeth gently. I wrapped my lips around the head, his underwear acting as a barrier so I could tease him.

I sat back up and did something else for a moment before returning to caressing him. As I looked away he pulled his underwear down. "Oops, how'd that happen?!" He asked. I glanced at his hard naked cock. "I don't know. C'mon, let's go." He frowned. "You started this." I shrugged, "you said you wanted to go." "If you want to have sex, we can." I glanced at his hard cock and considered the potential freezing of the roads as it got colder and darker. "Let's go." He got up, "you're evil." I agreed. I asked him if he wanted to go pee before we left then laughed, "oops, you can't!"

Eventually he did go pee and we did leave. Later in the evening I asked him, "are you really not going to have sex with me tonight?" "No, I gave you the chance and you didn't take it." We had this conversation more than once this evening.

Finally bed time arrived. I went to tuck him in as is our ritual, depending who goes to bed first. I went up, prepared to go to sleep, too. I tucked myself into his blankets (we sleep with seperate blankets as my favorite blanket happens to be a twin size and his is a queen but we have a king bed). As I lay there I raised my thigh to protect his nether regions from the excited dogs bouncing around the bed. Gradually it occured to me that his naked nether regions were within reach of my hand and if I could just get my hand....

And so I got him hard. Not content to stop there I sucked his cock, alternating my mouth with my hand, letting one rest while the other grew tired. Finally, he came.

Afterward I went to get a warm dry washcloth to clean up the mess and snuggle just a bit. We talked a bit. "I'd have to say that's the best orgasm of 2005." (Let's not forget husband has been self-pleasuring for the whole of 2005, refusing me all the while.) I laugh, "just 2005?!?" He thinks for a moment and says, "of all the times you've done that for me, I'd say that was the best. Really." I nod. "Maybe because you teased me earlier." Well, DUH.

He lay relaxed and tired and yet still miraculously completely hard. I commented on it. "You could ride it, if you wanted." I gazed longingly at his cock feeling the incredible wetness inside me seeping out. "Ah, if I did that you probably wouldn't cum and then you'd be left all wanting and unable. I couldn't do that to you." "I might eventually be able to cum again... sometime tomorrow," he said, letting me know that indeed it would be a less pleasant ending than the one he was currently enjoying. I gave his cock one last gaze before kissing him goodnight. Before I left the room i asked "are you alright? Need me to cuddle or are you okay?" He smiled drowsily, "I'll be fine."

Oddly, while I'd be more than happy to be fucked right now, I'm completely satisfied.

Sober Girl

Last night? Tres fun. Although by the end of the night I was drunker than I had any business being. Over did it by about two glasses too much. Two shots? Whatever. How does one measure bourbon? Needless to say I don't drink often and find it very easy to over indulge when I do simply from lack of practice. not that I want more practice.

The dogs got me up far earlier than I would have liked so I'm going to head back to bed, I think. I was up until something like 4 am, chatting and the dogs have forced me out of bed around 10. Not nearly enough sleep.

So back I go.

God damn do I get horny when I'm drunk, though.

Drunk Girl

Yeah, when I get drunk boy oh boy am I aimable.

I've decided next time I'm going to have sex with someone I'm totally going to get drunk because it seems like a good idea... when I'm drunk.

Actually, I feel like getting totally sloshed with Frank because I think he'd like me drunk. Like me a lot. And I honestly never do anything drunk that I'd regret sober, so fuck it.... hehe heh.

Who's drunk? Oh, yeah. Me. Right now.

Very. Numb-ish limbs. Bourbon is evil. Must... drink... water.

This will conclude drunk blogging. For the moment.

Oh, and there's no reason for me to be drunk except it's been a long-ass time since I have been and I just kinda wanted to be.

Drop it like it's hot... even though it isn't.

Having watched the Drop It Like Its Hot video a few times I can say with 100% certainty that no matter how hot the girls and how sensually they try to do it there is absolutely nothing sexy about tongue clucking. Nor will there ever BE. I don't want to say that I don't appreciate the effort. I mean, they tried really really hard... but no... I'm sorry.

Also Snoop... not hot. Him clucking his tongue does not change my opinion of either the clucking or the man.

Disappointing

I'm so disappointed lately.

I woke up this morning and decided to masturbate a little. I grabbed the toy I have sitting at bedside and slipped it inside myself. I played with it for a bit and discovered I wasn't nearly as sensitive inside as I ought to be and would be stuck frigging myself forever if i didn't give up. So, off to the shower to start the morning routine.

Once downstairs I realised I had some extra time. Dressed already I put my vibrator against my jeans and waited. Mmm. Not bad. But also not one of those days where I'm going to cum in my pants, either. How disappointing. I take off my clothes and sit naked, watching porn. I put my dildo inside myself. It's okay.

Eventually, I rub myself to orgasm. I cum. But I barely feel it inside. Damn. There's really nothing better than those orgasms that just make all the internal sexual organs convulse and tingle. And nothing more disappointing than having a purely clitoral orgasm... with no one anywhere around to at least appreciate that I've cum for him and could he please cum, now, too?

Thoughts once again go to DJ. The fact that we can't seem to manage to get together again... that's disappointing.

One More Bra Post

Well, one more for now. I modeled the bra mentioned in my last post for one of my online guys. Someone I'd love to have sex with but probably never will. I've put on a lot of underwear for various guys. Once again I got a "I like that one!' type of response. I think I've found a winner here.

Now I'm wondering if it's the color scheme (red and black... which I've ALWAYS avoided together) or the cut... or both. Whatever the case, I remain pleased. I'm hoping against hope this joyful optimism will remain with me for a while. I love feeling sexy.

Compliment

One of the most memorable parts of last night...

Actually there were two. I was busily sucking EB's cock enjoying the hell out of it making him moan (I think sometimes he fakes the moans in the hopes it'll make me hotter... or to encourage me to be more vocal, too) when he stopped me. There are lots of guys who've stopped me mid-suck to move onto something else. I appreciate that they stop me before I get them to the point of cumming leaving me high and dry. Don't get me wrong. However. I really enjoy sucking cock and I do hate being stopped before I'm ready to stop. But, I realise now that he was looking forward to coming inside me. I'm not sure what the satisfaction in cumming inside a woman is... but guys sure do like it. Whereas I'd rather be cum ON.

The other most memorable thing. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. No make up, nothing. The rush to get out of the house to see him was too great to bother with such things. But of course, I chose my underwear carefully. My new black and red lace Victoria's Secret bra and a plain black panty. When he finally got me out of my t-shirt he looked at my breasts appreciatively. "Nice bra," he said... before reaching around to take it off. It's so important to me that a man notice that I took that extra time and money to have sexy underwear for him. It was only a brief moment in the evening... but it was also a brief evening so I appreciated the attention.

EB is definately the kind of guy a girl would want to marry. Just because of things like that.

Aren't Quizes Annoying?

In the interest of sharing another part of me...

3 names you go by: Odalisque, OdalisqueK, Odal.

3 screen names you have: Only a very few people know my other names and I'm certainly not sharing them here! Mostly I'm OdalisqueK Although that started out as just plain Odalisque until that name got popular.

3 things you like about yourself: More daring than I used to be, I'm loving, I'm smart.

3 things you hate/dislike about yourself: I'm pessamistic at times, I procrastinate, I always look for the easy way out.

3 parts of your heritage: Scottish, German, and Russian.

3 things that scare you: Being recognised as the bad person I know I am inside, feeling unloved, being too unattractive to get laid.

3 of your everyday essentials: Shampoo, Toothpaste, the pill.

3 things you're wearing right now: Wife beater, jeans, doc marten's.

3 of your favorite bands/artists (subject to change at any time): Hal Ketchum, Linkin Park, Kelly Clarkson

3 of your favorite songs at present: Over and Over, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months: bondage, cooking a cake with real fudge as frosting, successfully propositioning a guy for sex (in person)

3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given): sex, honesty, freedom

2 truths and a lie:
My best friend from high school is bisexual.
My taste in men has morphed to prefer men who look like my husband.
I've had an STD.

3 physical things about a love interest that appeal: shoulders, lips, and hands.

3 things you just can't do: kill animals, stop eating meat, give up sex.

3 of your favorite hobbies: Sex, crocheting, refinishing furniture.

3 things you want to do really badly right now: Have sex, sleep, get a massage.

3 careers you're considering (or have considered): Forestry, photographer, whore.

3 places you want to go on vacation: Tahiti, Scotland, Jamaica

3 kids names (either boy or girl): Griffon, Grey, Samuel

3 things you want to do before you die: Threesome, swim naked, feel successful.

3 people who have to take this quiz now: Whomever wants to, whomever is bored, whomever likes these sorts of things.

Ah, FINALLY.

EB gave me a buzz and told me he was available for play. I put him off for a bit and came very close to saying no until a blog reader/writer/chat friend told me to get off my fucking ass and go see him. Yessir.

The thing with EB is that he's a super cool guy. He's not hot (but then neither am I) and there's not a ton of chemistry between us but I really really really like him. Like, he's the sort of guy I'd pay money to have as a friend. However, we tend to keep things super casual between us so as not to cross and boundries or make things weird. Sex with him has boardered on disappointing but tends to improve dramatically at times.

Tonight was one of those semi-disappointing nights. I loved kissing him. I loved feeling his hands on my body. I loved feeling him over me. I was wet. Wetter than I've been in a few months. And yet.... I fought hard to cum. He came shortly afterward and then we hopped in the shower to wash ourselves. Then away we went.

I left him being glad to know him. Being glad that although the sex isn't stunning that it's always pleasant. Being in his company is a pleasure.

I couldn't live on a diet of that kind of sex. But it's a nice thing to have now and again.

And it's nice to have finally had sex again since freakin' November.

Want.

I'm watching Sex and the City. Lots of it. On Demand rules.

What I'm realising more and more is that I love sex. But I also like being treated like a person. Thus, I tend to find myself most attracted to men who can be sexy without being crass. I think it's a tough line for most to find. I certainly have a problem with it. I think I tend to either sound completely not at all sexy... or completely crass. Although I can't say for sure.

The other day in Nashville I got to talking with one of the vendors. I was checking out the merchandise he was representing and he walked up behind me and told me "don't touch it!" I glanced over at him and back at the items in question. "What if I do," I asked. "I'd have to spank you," he told me. Of course, what with the way I am... I glanced back at him under my lashes with a shy smile, "really?" I'm sure he must have been momentarily flustered before he said, "Yes." I smiled a little broader, considering reaching for one of the items when he told me "let me see your hand." I held it out to him, curious as he took it and slapped the back of it gently. "Don't make me do it again." I laughed openly and wandered to my seat to wait for class to begin.

Later, we ran into each other again. It was less successfully flirtatious.

Maybe I'll share the rest later. Or not.

However, I couldn't help but be proud of myself for managing to flirt. And not lose my cool.

Boooring.

My last night in Nashville was complete CRAP. I discovered that nothing in downtown nashville stays open past 8pm except a few of the touristy restraunts which didn't appeal to me. I only discovered this after walking for about an hour and a half along the busiest street I could find. I finally gave up and headed back to the hotel bar/deli only to walk up the counter maybe 2 minutes after it closed. Nice.

So then I was tired, hungry, and pissed off so I stomped up to my hotel room and ended up ordering room service and staying in the rest of the night. Not good company.

Today I ended up in the class of one super hot guy and one reasonably hot guy which lead to me becoming exceptionally hot and bothered. Actually, I think the hot guy caused me to find the other guy reasonably hot, even though in retrospect I wouldn't have looked at the second guy twice. I had the HARDEST time concentrating and there's not question my lips were swollen and my face a little red by the time I left the hot guy's class.

Anyway, the convention itself was great. The non-convention time SUCKED.

I do agree with my three commenters that coming onto a guy so directly would probably be almost a guaranteed success. However... I'm only slowly coming about to being able to even openly flirt with a guy... and have him flirt back without completely freaking out. I mean, I still get flustered but not so much.

I'll get it, though. And when I do... boy oh boy....

Yo.

No clue if this will work so I don't want to bother typing very long. I'm playing with the webtv (or whatever they call it now) system in the hotel since I have no lap top. For sure, I can't answer e-mail. I can write it but I can't respond. That's fun. So I apologize for ignoring anyone.

Nashville has been fun-ish. I'm not sleeping well, but I'm feeling less tired than one might expect.

So far I haven't found anyone to sleep with. No surprise since it hasn't realy been my intent. That time of the month and all. However, the hotel is FILLED with middle aged (and vaguely younger) white men. Within that demographic I'm SURE I could find someone to play with if I really wanted. And I kind of want.

While we were walking around last night I checked out the hotel bar. The vast majority of the people there were men. Like, all but 3. Good pickings. Unlikely that I'd be that forward but I likely wouldn't turn down an invite.
I did end up flirting with one guy who's not REALLY my type but I'm horny and I'm not sure I care. I think he was trying to casually follow me around the area for a while (not in a creepy way). So, I suppose he'd be the most likely candidate. But.. eh.

I am really fucking horny though. Damn. Why am I such a fucking coward?

Speaking of Dressing Rooms

Ken of http://www.kenandariel.com/ posted about a dressing room incident.

I didn't have one of those.

However, as I was shopping around a particular ladies-only clothing store I overheard a guy talking to one of the sales ladies. I missed the vast majority of the conversation but it was reasonably clear that he was there alone. And was asking how far away some store was. About 20 minutes was the answer. I didn't think anything of it, really, except to wonder what store he was going to.

I continued my shopping which involved a lot of trying to decide if the clothing was "work casual" enough for my convention while remaining rugged enough for my often very dirty, very physical job. No point in spending money on clothes I wouldn't have a use for, afterall.

He walked past and turned around. I ignored him, staring at the brown and pink stripped shirt before me. "You know, that pink shirt would go great with those black pants." I glanced up at him, clearly gesturing to a shirt unrelated to the one I was considering. Trying to decide how to respond I finally said "ah, black I know. Black I can handle. It's the brown pants I'm having trouble with. And I don't like pink!" I tried to sound friendly. I must have failed. I stood before me a moment longer before walking away.

He was kind of cute. But it was weird, having him approach me in a clothing store. Actually, it was just weird being approached in the first place. The rest only added to the weirdness of it.

I later told husband I should have said something flirtatious. ANYTHING.

Damn.

Dammit.

Unsurprisingly I've been fairly sick all day. Medication pretty much nullified the effects but the fact that I drank a venti starbucks latte and then an hour later passed out for two hours ought to give you a clue how worn out I remain.

Yesterday I sent my friend EB the warning that I almost definately wouldn't be able to come have kinky sex with him. He sent me back a message letting me know that circumstances had changed and he wouldn't be able to see me anyway. Which is ALWAYS the case. So, apparently it worked out just like I expected. No sex. Nothing. Great.

Monday I'll be heading out for a trip to Nashville which puts me out of commission around here for four days. I'll try to think of something sexy to say tomorrow because I don't think you'll get any out of me tonight. Bleh.

Sick AGAIN

I slept a good 24-30 hours between yesterday and today. Give or take for the very few hours I managed to be awake.

I was so sick I couldn't even stand to sit up for more than 10 minutes at a time. It was baaaad.

Today, major sinus headache on half my head. And I have to go to work.

Kinky sex plans for tomorrow? Not looking good.

Potential.

Yeah, basically the idea with husband is to just throw up my hands and wait for him to come to me. Or not. Whatever. I can get it elsewhere.

Knowing that I've got one of my previous lovers (who has his own complications which keep him and I apart) on the line for Saturday. Bingo! I choose not to get TOO into our relationship or why I continue to see him as I'm deathly afraid he'll come across my blog and not like to hear about it. Or the failings (and pleasures) of our relationship.

However.

Should things be as interesting as I'm hoping... there will definately be some kind of play by play....

Last Night

I had a dream this morning about my husband being involved in a rather shady community. By the end of it we were at a pool party and I overheard someone on the phone admitting they were only there as a lookout for a rival group who was coming to kill us all.

Husband and I escaped into a bathroom and were trying to make our way out when my alarm went off. The most memorable thing was that husband was naked had a very large penis and it caught my attention mid-escape. Yes, I have my priorities straight.

Last night I asked husband "seriously, I want to know... should I stop asking you for sex?" He was quiet for a few moments before saying, "well, yeah.. randomly anyway." I nod, and leave it at that. We went to bed and I started making out with him rather passionately. He at least didn't try to escape but finally said "you know, if we hadn't both taken nyquil-" at which point I covered his mouth with mine to get him to shut the fuck up. When he went to speak again I once again shushed him with my mouth before finally letting him go so we could sleep.

Obviously, the SOLE reason I put my tongue in husband's mouth is to get him to fuck me. Oh, wait. No it's not. So let's ruin the moment by talking about it. Jackass.

Actually, I'm not nearly that bitter. Jackass is a term of endearment. Derisive, surely. But a term of endearment none the less.

Circle Of Blogs

I've been reading a certain number of blogs for a while. Most of them link to one another and myself to them which forms this very closely related web of bloggers who read one another. For a while there I was thinking that the web was getting a little too tightly knit and surely there must be more than 20-or-so bloggers that I see linked a lot. And then I get linked to by complete strangers who's blogs I've never read or even heard of (of course the last week or so I haven't really been checking around so I guess no one to blame but myself).

Anyway, I have to give another shout out to http://baddecisions.blogspot.com/ whom I've never heard of, but I see he's linked to a number of other blogs I've never heard of either. Ah HA! Bingo! We have a new web of folks to check out. Yay!

Now I just need to start exploring them!

So Tired

I'm so tired of feeling sick (maybe I'm finally feeling better?!?). I'm so tired of being on the pill. It's killing my sex drive (if you can imagine) and making me irritable.

I told husband about my dream... the one I wrote here. And ended it with "that's the story of my LIFE." He doesn't give a shit. I've all but decided not to even bother TRYING to have sex with him anymore. It's clear he's happy by himself that way and frankly, I've got other places to find it. Luckily, being on the pill is killing just enough of my sex drive to make me not even feel like going out and looking for it. I still want it... but not enough to try.

And when presented with the option... I don't really feel like putting forth the effort to actually get to whatever location sex may be found.

I hate myself like this.

A dream.

I've been rather sick. That pit of my stomach sick feeling has lead me to not wanting sex pretty much at all. I just want to stop being sick.

Last night I had a dream. The lead character in it (besides myself) was someone who looked a heck of a lot like the blogger Twisted Monk but acted a fucking lot like husband, only somewhat worse. It was all very odd. I was living in Seattle in the dream and the guy I was with was a beer importer. The store was the same place I work at... except different since there's no beer where *I* work.

He was fresh back from a trip, unloading beer from his 1.5 ton truck in the dark behind the store. I kissed him heartily upon his return, "where'd you go?!?" I asked him, interested and crazy with lust for him. He grunted in reply, saying nothing. I kissed him more, my tongue slipping past his lips, bodies pressed close. I could feel my pussy aching for him, my ENTIRE BODY aching to be touched, squeezed, caressed... anything. He kissed me back, I could feel that he wanted me, too. I unbuttoned my jeans, letting them slide down my hips just a little, eyes quickly scanning the area for unsuspecting passersby. His hand slid down to my ass, smacking it twice teasingly before he pulled away, reaching for anther flat of beer bottles.

I fix my clothes. "Where'd you go this time?" I ask again.

"Chicago," he tells me.

"Ah, that sounds like fun, never really been there." I excuse myself before I sound like I'm begging him to take me with him next time. I don't want to go. I just want to fuck.

Inside the store we run into each other again. This time he's done, ready to go. The place is well lit. I once again press myself against him, my body still hot from desire. I kiss him, licking his ear. He barely responds. I whisper sing to him "how sweet it is to be loved by you..." but even as I sing the words to him I realise we're not in love. He doesn't love me. I don't love him. I want to eat my words, give them a more sexual meaning, but I continue to kiss him instead.

One of my coworkers walks in, "hey, you ready to go?" I pull away. My lover looks at me "let's go... it's not like this was working right now anyway." I stare at him, my pussy wet and throbbing my nipples aching... it wasn't working? I go inside and restock the fridge with coke cans, angry.

He comes up behind me, "let's go home." I frown at the cans, horny, knowing I'll remain as such until I take care of myself.

Then I wake up.

My first thoughts are of wanting DJ.

Purity Test

I'm terribly disappointed with the results. So, I'm going to bed.

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	43.3% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself	65.1%
Shamelessness	50% It takes a couple of drinks	79.3%
Sex Drive	71.1% A fool for love, but not always	77.7%
Straightness	5.4% Knows the other body type like a map	44.6%
Gayness	100%	83.8%
Fucking Sick	83.2% Refreshingly normal	90%
You are 59.85% pure Average Score: 72.7%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

Speaking of Purity

I fully admit I get a little thrill everytime I realise that I've become less pure on the purity tests.

That alone is a reason for me to consider the joys of women.

Can I get a wha' wha'?

I'd like to send a shout out to Kathy of http://kathysaffair.blogspot.com/ for linking to me (and I notice a lot of other people, but most importantly she linked to ME). I've never seen her blog before and haven't read a single entry yet but she's been added to my browser's favorites list to check out before I add her to the list of blogs I read regularly.

Also:

Rope.

Obviously I've been thinking a lot about rope. Just thinking, really.

Yesterday a guy came into my work and asked if we sold rope. I stared at him, momentarily surprised and speechless. Let's go back a bit and say this is a fine young K9 unit police officer. If there's a faster way to my heart I don't know it. And he's super duper cute. And sexy. And he flirts!

So when he asked me if we sold rope all I could think about was kink. And him. And me.

Eventually I was able to open my mouth and answer him... but only just.

That'd be my story from yesterday.

Sporadic

Please forgive the increasingly sporadic quality of my post as I've become mysteriously ill since just before Christmas. It's all the hallmarks of being pregnant... without actually BEING pregnant according to the tests. The doctor gave me a blood pregnancy test yesterday but the likelihood is very small. It would almost be a blessing if I WAS because at least my mysterious illness would be explained.

On the other hand being pregnant would be a REAL problem and would therefore be it's own catastrophy.

So basically I'm somewhat miserable. And I've been given one of those medications where my choice is feel sick... or I can take the medication and pass out. I hate being in a situation where those are my two choices. It's like how allergy medications used to work (you know.. like benedryl)... sneeze a lot... or take the pill and pass out.

Anyway. I do have a short story to relate later... but it's not all that interesting so don't get excited.

Rope

Last night I was wrapping a package for my sister. As I worked to tie the twine I was (artistically) using as ribbon around her package I told my husband "you know, if I were into bondage and knew things about tying rope I'd totally wrap my gifts and then bind them up using those skills." Which is probably totally tacky and show-off-y in the sm world but I think that sort of thing LOOKS cool so... fuck it.

This got me to thinking so I went online and looked up a basic japanese body harnass-y thing and trussed up the next package just like that.

I gazed longingly at husband "can I try it on you?!?"

"NO," he said, with finality.

I frowned and went back to wrapping presents. My obediant and submissive dog walked up. It was his doom.

I went about fashioning him the same harnass out of yarn. He wasn't terribly happy to have the yarn winding about his body... but it wasn't hurting him either. Finished I admired my handywork as the dog stared at me looking none too pleased. He looked a rather lot like a sled dog in a pulling harnass. Finally, I removed it.

Don't get me wrong, I don't sexualize my dog. I just wanted to see what it would look like.

I turned back to husband. "That's cool. Now can I do you?"

"NO!"

I gazed at him, hurt. "Why not?" It's not like it's a restrictive thing. No movement is impeded. It's not like I was tying him up. Fuck, he ought to be INTO the idea of being tied up and helpless since he never really wants to do the work of having sex anyway. Not that I do, either, sometimes.

His mouth was a thin line as he went back to playing his game.

I continued to stare at him. "Are you trying to keep me from growing?" I asked.

He glanced at me, "FINE, after you shave my head tomorrow you can tie me up, maybe."

Ah, guilt. It's always fun to have such a willing subject.

Anyway, it's not even a sexual thing. I just want to try a new skill (simplistic though it may be) and see what it looks like on.. and in person.

Spencer's

Wandering around the mall I convinced husband we needed to at least visit the Spencer's. As we wandered through the all too small store, I stopped to gaze longingly at the fun little sex section. I fingered all the flavored lubes and massage oils and inevitably found myself drawn to the $14.99 purple rubber flogger that was hanging on the end cap. I immediately turned to husband and whipped his arm with it.

Nothing.

I tried again. Nothing.

I tried again.

"That kind of stings."

"Okay, do me."

He whipped my arm.

Nothing.

"Harder!"

Nothing.

"Harder!"

Nothing.

"HARDER! Are you afraid you're going to HURT me?!?"

A minor sting.

"I think I want that."

"You can get it."

"You probably won't use it on me."

"Maybe."

We walked out of the store to the car.

"You can get it next time if you really want it."

"I think I do. You know... if only to hang on the wall. But are you afraid you're going to bruise me or something?"

"Who could tell? You're one big bruise ANYWAY."

"True."

Another Q&A

AKA No Original Thoughts


Q. I understand your desire for him NOT to be with someone else if he is not sleeping with you...that would make no sense at all. Have you two tried a threesome? Is that something that would interest either one of you?

A. We've never tried a threesome and near as I can tell husband is totally down with the idea of sleeping with another woman and myself... which really doesn't hold much interest for me. I mean, I could probably be there for him and pleasure him as always with her doing the same... but the idea of being with another woman makes me want to sigh heavily and find somewhere else to be more often than not. And, as I covered husband probably wouldn't be able to function with another man around. I just asked him in all seriousness (with the caveat what I wasn't really suggesting it... just trying to answer a question more fully) if he thought he could handle a MFM threesome to which he replied "yeah, probably." I quizzed him further and got, "well, probably not." And went further to ask "what about with your friend?" (the one I've mentioned here lately) and got "probably... but then I wouldn't really be paying much attention to him." So, goes to show it'd have to be someone he's *really* comfortable with.

Q. "unconcerned shrug" and "mostly disinterested" aren't very exciting corner stones to build any kind of sex life! Doesn't sound like a typical mid-twentysomething male. He better get his dick checked or something

A. He's 30, about to be 31. Of course, this is not an excuse as the vast majority of my lovers are closer to mid-30's and they manage just fine. However, there really isn't anything wrong with his functioning (off hand I can't think of a time he was unable to get it up spontaneously or when I wasn't able to take matters into my own hands with success). He masturbates at least once a day most days. I don't begrudge him that and don't think it really correlates to our lack of sex. It's all mental, baby.

Q. Rod makes me wonder, and please forgive my asking, but is there4 any chance your husband is gay and just not at terms with it?I've also read about a growing "asexuality" classification of people lately, which for me is really disturbing.I wish I knew the answer...then we'd both be getting more from our respective spouses alongside the extras.

A. I've been bugging my husband for years about being gay. Except that he's not. I'm a porn hound and own more than a couple of gay porn movies. Husband knows I absolutely adore hot gay action. He knows I'd think it was really hot if he WERE bisexual or even outright gay even if I never ever got to watch and only got to hear the stories. However, he's never ever in the entire time we've been together expressed any sort of a real interest in another man (except some huge strong man on TV... but the dude was amazing and I'm not really sure he meant it). His porn collection on his computer is exclusively straight (I've checked in my search for something new to masturbate to). I just admitted to him that I used his computer once for that purpose and he said "oh." So I told him "I didn't find anything weird. Should I have?!?" He responded "Umm. No." I stared at him a long moment and he asked, "were you hoping I'd say 'yes!' and 'here it is!' because I don't." The only thing I find that I find worrysome is his penchant for those barely legal girls. Which lead to a running joke when I was in my early twenties that it was time for him to trade me in for a younger model. Anyway, he told me spontaneously that he has never used MY computer for the purpose of checking my hard drive for porn because "I don't think I'd like yours."

An Answer

I was asked if my marriage is open for both of us or if I'm just a selfish slut. Okay, that's not really what I was asked. But it's a more amusing way of putting it.

Truth be told my marriage IS completely open. When my husband is quizzed as to why he lets me sleep around his answer is usually an unconcerned shrug and the answer "you'd let me." Which is definately true.

Husband HAS slept with another girl. Once. It wasn't that great for either of them based on the description. However, whenever I suggest he find himself another woman to sleep with he is mostly disinterested.

I know. I don't get it either.

Since we started this whole "open marriage" I have put a stipulation on him sleeping with other people. Namely, he's forbidden to get with someone else if he's not getting with me, too. I cannot express how hurt and angry I would be were he to start sleeping with someone else while letting our sex life continue to languish as it has. I've explained to him exactly my reasoning and he appeared to understand and accept it.

Merry Christmas

It was a nice Christmas. Had husband's friend over and I flirted with him a little. I did make it a point to go and take a two hour nap, though, so they'd at least have SOME time together without having me breathing down their necks.

So we made a late breakfast and I made an early dinner and we were WELL fed. It was good.

After husband's friend left I crawled on top of husband and kissed him. I probably could have gone further at that moment but was terribly concerned he'd think it had something to do with his friend. Which it would've. But I'd hate for him to think I'm THAT attracted to his friend. It might be awkward.

However, I soon came to regret it as several hours later I asked husband for sex (for Christmas) and got something of a less than luke warm response. *sigh*

The ex sent me an IM wishing me a Merry Christmas. I definately have my sights set back on him. Unless he decides he really likes his girlfriend again which would be very annoying. But not surprising.

Q&A

Q. I'm wondering where this change of heart came in about Li all of a sudden?

A. The change has been very gradual. And will probably flip back and forth for a while. It may never settle which should be SO boring to read that you'll just gag and leave. Of late, Li has demonstrated an attitude of superiority and (as I mentioned earlier) the inability to do wrong. That is NOT sexy. At ALL.

I called him on the fact that I was tired of hearing it and the next time I told him "hey, this is broken" he should just fucking fix it instead of telling me how someone must have broken it because he never ever would have put it out like that and blah blah blah because I really don't fucking CARE what he would or wouldn't have done so long as the fucker gets fixed. Which is absolutely bullshit. I've CAUGHT him putting shit out and he still denies it and latches onto the lies my manager tells everyone rather than admitting that maybe he made a mistake.

The other day when I realized it was late and that I had failed to double check that his company was sending him, I called him to ask but ended up leaving a message. I get a long winded message about how he doesn't get in the middle of the scheduling stuff and he's been told he's going elsewhere and if I have a scheduling problem or question I should call the company and here's the number and there's nothing he can do about it. Blah blah blah. The question was "will you be in tomorrow" the answer was "no" but I get this long winded "you're stupid for even asking me" speech. Well, thanks a fucking lot. So I left him a message back basically saying "dude, I asked a question. I did what I was supposed to do up until forgetting to confirm TODAY because god knows I'm not perfect. I only asked so we could stop telling customers that you'd be there when apparently you WON'T. That's ALL."

Meanwhile, the other day he made two other comments about me not knowing him at all and how he didn't feel like talking to ME about something. Well, fuck you, too dude. I've been trying and he says shit like that.

Granted, none of these things matter so much when one is in bed. However, I tend to find one's personality shows through when it comes to sex and it's not looking good for him. Shoot, if I don't even LIKE him how am I supposed to want to suck his dick?

Of course, he COULD just be this way about WORK. But I'm not so sure.

Oh, yeah. And telling me that he NEVER cries at work because if he cried some guy might hug him and then people would think he was a "faggot" didn't really endear him to me, either. It's not unheard of for me to sleep with people and disagree with their completely stupid views on gay folks but it feels a lot like sleeping with a Klan member. And, I don't feel the urge to give Klan members sex. And yeah, he COULD have meant the term "faggot" as an endearment... however, I'm having a hard time convincing myself.

Nooooo.

I had to call Li tonight for a work related thing. And I told him to call MY boss back instead of me. If he calls here I will SO totally NOT be looking forward to talking to him. At ALL. Wow. Well, I'd be okay with talking to him if he wouldn't get all serious and give me a talking to about the message I was passing on to him. *sigh*

Anyway. I'm cleaning the house so I don't have time to write anything terribly worthwhile.

Whiney.

Li annoyed me again today and I didn't even SEE him. Such a love/hate thing which is gradually becoming increasingly hate. So much for that, eh? And yet...

I'm going to get my tongue done. At this point I'm going through the same thing I went through when I got my nipples done. Trying to figure out whether I can handle the pain. I mean, theoretically of COURSE I can. I mean, god knows. I got my NIPPLES done for Christ sake. But the tongue thing... is there anything worse than dental pain? I mean, I know it's not really DENTAL pain... but... eek. So I'm being all wussy and skeevy and basically waiting until I'm really really ready. I'm sure I'll bring it up as a possibility a few more times before I'm absolutely sold on getting it done and then DOING it. The later is the hard part.

There was something else I felt like mentioning. Put a lot of thought into it. Apparently I put too much thought into it and don't have any thought left at all.

That sucks.

I'm thinking if the ex is still interested in sex next time I run into him I'll be running over there like a dog in heat. I need SOMETHING to distract me from my frustration with Li and put me back into some kind of a good mood. They say you can never go back but I'm willing to make the effort. Husband says I should try to get the ex out of my system. I'm not sure that's the way to do it but... hey... I'll make the effort.

Tongue

Let my blog be ALL about Li, okay? Because I'm like... obsessed.

Actually, we were talking about piercings. I was relating the story of my jewelry being changed by the piercer. I can't remember if I wrote this ever-so-brief story. I might write about it later if I didn't. Anyway.

I was telling Li that I was definately getting my tongue done soon. Of course this is VERY MUCH an invitation for him to put his dick in my mouth. I mean, DUH. From what I can tell it's an experience he's never had (either putting his dick in my mouth or putting his dick in the mouth of a pierced tongued girl) and I'm more than happy to provide those experiences to him. Simultaneously if neccessary.

Anyway he mentioned that he once knew a girl who'd had her tongue pierced further back than normal. Because it was more useful.

Now, I could have stood before him considering the implications of this and trying desperately to think of how having the piercing further back would be more sexually stimulating to a guy. I mean, I momentarily questioned this and then decided rather than standing there looking like an idiot or physically pantomiming in an effort to make sure this would make sense I nodded and said something like "ah, must have been off center, then." And left it at that.

However, I felt the need to consider this. Pantomiming in private being less than thrilling. And not very revealing. I told husband "go wash your penis. I want to try something." Knowing I only want him to wash when I'm about to go down he rushed off to do that. Of course, he refused me sex yesterday AND today already... but a BJ? Oh, yeah. He's there.

So I practiced it on him and realised that when I get my tongue pierced he's NOT going to like it very much. The places that the piercing will hit will be places he doesn't particularly LIKE being hit. And getting it done further back (were that an option) would only exacerbate the problem.

Not to mention my often spectacular gag reflex.

So, they shall have to pierce me as they see fit. And I'll just have to deal with the consequences later.

Talked to my boss today. Apparently she's unhappily married. But getting out of it in a civilized manner. Basically she seemed fairly resolute but not rushing. A mutual decision. Apparently he's cheated on her a number of times.

I stared at her. "But... you encourage me to cheat with Li!" She smiled a little, "yeah, but I don't think he'd really do it."

Damn. She might not be wrong.

But maybe....

I wonder what the ex is up to. I'm thinking I want some of that again. NSA.