Unfortunately, it's work with the man I've come to loathe. I'll treat him just like a treat all people. But I don't fucking want to go. And I'm almost certainly going to fucking want to hit him. But, hey... maybe not.
At least I'll get off work earlier in the day. I don't like getting up early (and will inevitable sleep through my "extra" hours of daylight) but... well. It'll be nice. I'm not sure when I'm going to work out but... well... I COULD plan it around when Sam is going to be there. But that's just a touch too stalker-ish for my tastes. On the other hand, that's about the time husband (and everyone else) will be there, too. Maybe I'll just wait until late in the evening. After my nap....
Anyway. I'm really glad I got to see EB. Even with my irritating it was so good to be touched affectionately, intimately again.
Is it wrong that I was laying there with EB and imagining being there with Keith?
The other day while fantasizing about being married to Keith (something we were doing at the same time, teasing one another) I mentioned that we'd clearly NOT make a good couple because he goes away quite a bit for his job, being in the military and all. He's not a fan of having an open marriage for himself and I know how I get when I'm alone for too long. I ache to be touched. I need that physical connection. So I'd cheat on him in a heartbeat if he was sent somewhere without me and thus we'd make a terrible couple because he'd not forgive me for that. He told me he'd beat my ass for doing it. And then added that I would feel unbearably guilty about cheating on him, too.
He's right. Honestly, I'd never be able to cheat on him and NOT feel guilty. I feel a sense of guilt seeing the people that I see now and there's no commitment between us. How much worse would it be to be married to him?
...or how much better?
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