Wee.

So I talked to Keith this morning. And really he didn't have too much more to say than we've pretty much already to said to one another. I thought it was going to be something mind blowingly bad and really... it was just more of the same. Which is okay. I can handle more of the same.

However, he also told me that he's found a new lover. Oh. I didn't realize what he was telling me at first. But once I figured it out I was momentarily happy for him. And then jealous. Not insanely jealous, just this side of that. But jealous none the less. Which is okay with me. I have reason to be jealous, after all.

On the other hand when I gave it some more thought I kind of wanted to cry. As he typed to me I got up and got breakfast ready while I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. And then I came back and read what he'd written all in one rush instead of spaced out. And... was sad.

I keep thinking about The Ex and how I handled things with him. When he finally broke up with me it devastated me. I cried. A lot. And I swear to god even though I feel more for Keith than I ever did for The Ex... I refuse to cry. I've been keeping a stiff upper lip since the first night. Well, okay, not completely stiff. But I won't let myself become depressed the way I have in the past. I can't be sad that he's found a physical outlet. I just can't. After all, theoretically I have a few of my own.

Keith was worried that he was driving a wedge between husband and I. In fact this weekend was pretty good for the two of us. Some of it maybe because I talked to husband a little about my feelings to do with Keith. While he's not completely comfortable with what I have going on with Keith (near as I can tell) he's feeling much more informed and therefore there's less to fear. So things went swimmingly this weekend. Lots of quality time and all that stupid relationship stuff and I'm in a surprisingly good mood because of it.

On the other hand, I spent the weekend eating crap and my body is making me suffer for my choices. Between that, the lack of exercise AND the lack of sleep from Superbowl I'm a bit of a wreck. Hopefully tonight I can remedy some of that and feel more up to my normal, happy, sexy self....