Hmm.

I don't dwell on depression too much, believe it or not. I spent far too much of my teen years living in that particular state. Medication helped. In my adult life I've been far more in control. I still ride the emotional roller coaster now and again, but for the most part I do okay. I'm usually pretty happy. Most of my discontent comes out here. So forgive.

I looked at yahoo to see if anyone was on. "Invisible to Everyone" it said. And I thought "yeah."

I'm a little concerned about my depression lately because generally speaking diet and exercise are supposed to go a long way toward improving one's mental health. My mental health has not improved even though I'm (quite joyfully, usually) working out 4-5 days a week at least 45 minutes each time (usually longer). I'm not quite sure why I don't have a handle on my emotions lately. But it's very annoying.

The fact that I haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately is surely a big part of it. And of course dealing with the man I've come to loathe. Like I need that kind of stress. And of course all the rejection I've been feeling lately from all sides.

I know Keith's been online today. What he's done online I can't say. Maybe he only had two minutes or something. Except... you know... it feels like it happens a lot. He could get in touch with me if he wanted. And he just chooses not to. For whatever reason. And it pisses me off. Because I find it really painful to know he's making that choice to avoid me.

Okay, I'm going to NOT cry. I'm going to tell husband to find somewhere else to play his game than in bed or turn it off and I'm going to get some sleep. And in the morning I'll feel much less sad. I won't be as upset about not hearing from Keith. I won't care about being stood up twice in the last week and a half and having my Sunday plans canceled. I'll be back on semi-level ground tomorrow. And maybe my complete lack of a satisfying sex life won't matter so much either....