Mason, again.

Sam came in today. I got a funny feeling in my stomach. So handsome. For some reason, though, I saw him with less lust and more... reality. His flaws, for some reason, more clear. His hair seemed a little dull. His face a little more... angular. Something. I don't know. I was just more critical of him today than most days. I still think he's beautiful but somehow... he just seemed flawed. Which is how life is, I suppose. I talked to him a bit. Somehow the conversation ended with me feeling vaguely like an idiot. Like I should have kept my mouth shut and let him go on his way. I talked about... nothing, really. The gym. The amusing people in it. He... had not much to say. He told me "maybe next time I'll have more energy for conversation... as it is... I have to get going." I let him go. Whatever. Stupid me.

Mason came in, too. Behind him came another guy whom he apparently works with. Somehow it seemed like he had something to say to me. But couldn't. Because of the other guy. I'm not really sure what to make of it. He stood there, towering over me a little, gazing at me with his pretty blue eyes fringed with his thick, dark lashes a small smile on his face.

I still find myself looking at him, thinking soft, inviting thoughts. I won't come on to him. I simply won't persue him. But I will make myself as available as he'd like. Because... because it just seems like the thing to do. It's safe. Letting him come to me... well... it just seems right in this case, as in most.

I said something to both men about the fact that I was acting goofy, pointing to my energy drink. "I'm high." I told them. Mason smiled and told his friend "I've seen her without the substances. Under the influence?" I laughed, "Hey, I'm a nice drunk," I said. I considered going on. But not in front of his friend. He gave me another long look, still smiling slightly. His friend started talking about some coworker of theirs being drunk. He stood in front of me just a moment longer than he had to. As if torn between his coworker and myself. But he left, telling me he had to go hear the story. I laughed and told him "yes, then come back to me with all the gossip!"

I still haven't said his name, yet. I know it, now. Last time I saw him, I told him that when he showed me his ID I'd completely failed to even notice his damned name. I stared at him expectantly. He laughed at me. But said nothing. Eventually he told me. Frankly, Mason is a much better name.

I ended up watching a show about Freemasons on the Hitler channel tonight. Were it not for the whole "religious" thing (since apparently all members have to believe in a higher power) I'd have no problem with them, at this point. Although clubs of any sort... not really my scene anyway....