The Amusing Conversation

Or How The Author Missed an Opportunity.

It was early in the afternoon. I hadn't been expecting Sam in for at least another hour... if at all. Of course Fridays much of the military gets to leave work early and apparently Sam is no exception. So he showed up far earlier. He walked in and headed over for his normal pre-workout coffee. I saw him and sort of shrieked, "I haven't made fresh coffee yet!" He smiled, "that's okay I'll get something else."

So I went back to what I was doing as he wandered over to the energy bar section. Close to the counter. (okay, almost everything is close to the counter in that store). I eyed him idly as I do... and he headed toward the magazines. Standing closer to me now I told him "hey... you know... I looked up that magazine we talked about yesterday." "Maxim?" He asked. "No.. the OTHER one..." I looked around guiltily, "Hustler." He looked vaguely confused, "I said Penthouse." "No... you really didn't!" I responded, "Not that there's that HUGE of a difference." He smiled at that. "Anyway," I went on, "I forgot just how really DIRTY it was! I mean... yeah..." Then I laughed nervously. He was quiet for a moment and narrowed his eyes, "You looked at it online?" I nodded so he continued, "I thought you had to have like... like a membership for that." I laughed, "there are free previews!" I thought about it for a second and then asked "Wait, are you implying that I have a membership?!?" and then I laughed at the idea. He smiled back.

At this point this other guy who had walked into the store whom I used to flirt with a little (playfully only) came over to stare at the magazines that Sam was supposedly staring at. So the conversation ended abruptly. I stared at the other guy. Just stared at him. He finally looked up at me for a long moment as I simply stared at him with a forced smile on my face as if to say "you SO need to leave." So he came up to the counter, "i'm not trying to MAKE you leave, you know." I told him. He smiled at me but said nothing. Of course I wanted him to leave. So he left and Sam stuck around.

I don't remember how the conversation returned but I told him that I hadn't looked at those magazines in a lot of years and of course we don't sell them in the store so it's not nearly as easy as it could be to look at them. He smiled, "yeah, well... I think those are the kinds of magazines you buy kind of... so no one knows... subscription, maybe." I smiled brightly, "maybe YOU'RE the one with the subscription!" He laughed at that, "I do NOT have a subscription to those magazines!" "You'd say that wouldn't you, though?" "I was just remembering when I was a teenager!" I smiled, "yeah... I really only know them because..." I paused for a second, "...because I used to be a criminal." He gazed at me, curiously. "I had an underage boyfriend at the time so I was his supplier because-" I stopped myself from saying "because when you have a girl that'll go down on you every day, any time of the day whenever you want it... you really crave some porn." Instead I laughed shyly, "never mind that. Ah... I just admitted I'm a criminal. Should I confess any of my other criminal acts while I'm at it?" "No," he responded, still smiling.

So I changed the subject as I rang him up. He slid his card through the PIN pad and I waited for him to complete the transaction. He used credit so his signature showed up on my screen. Reflex had me hitting the button accepting the signature without so much as a thought in my head to read it. As soon as I hit the buttons and winced at my stupidity for not having read his name. In fact I did sort of see his name and am pretty confident I know it. (it'd be easier to just ask, right?) "what?!?" he asked, having noticed my reaction which had NOT been my plan. "Ah.. just berating myself. Don't mind me...so do you have any plans for the long weekend?" "Nope." I stared at him having expected more of an answer than that. "None? It's a three day weekend." "Not doing anything." "At ALL?" "Nope."

I stared at him still kind of amazed. "I don't really go out much anymore. When you hit thirty going to bars... just kind of loses it's thrill." I interjected, "how old ARE you?" "Thirty-three. Pretty much my life consists of going to work... going to the gym... and going home." "Wow," I replied, "I'm really disappointed in you! I expected more excitement!" He shrugged. So I thought for a second..."do you have any pets?" "No." "Oh."

So the conversation went on to the fact that sometimes he and his friend play poker and he doesn't always do that well but it's fun. And that I'm the worst poker player in history. "You can go online and practice." Which is true. Although I told him I think I'm actually hopeless and it doesn't make me WANT to play because of my losing. We talked about casinos and the fact that there aren't many around here.. and that I've never been to one. "Wow, now I'm really disappointed in YOU," he mocked. He told me about the horse races... and dog races... and the addictive quality of those.

So we stood there staring at one another for a long moment. And finally I said "well, I think I've run out of questions." He nodded. Of course I hadn't. But I just couldn't bring myself to ask if he was single. And if I could possibly please get him naked, preferably during this long mutually boring weekend. Any sane person would have suggested it. I am not sane. Instead.. I basically dismissed him.

"Well," he said, "I'll see you next week," he said. I thought for a second and said "well, I won't be back until... next Thursday... so I'll see you next Thursday, maybe." He smiled and left.

And I thought about what a fucking awesome conversation we had. And the fact that I probably totally could have had my way with him this weekend. If he's that easy. Now... I have to wait until Thursday to see him again. But maybe that's a good thing... lots of time to think about our next conversation....