More Stories from the bed... and musings.

Last night after I'd cum I was feeling very agreeable. It wasn't really the high that I've experienced at other times. I wasn't particularly dizzy, wiped out, or relaxed. I was just kind of... happy. So after he came, cleaned up, and came back to bed he lay down and I lay down against him, doing my normal post-sex snuggle. I could tell he wasn't particularly into it, which was fine. And then he said "don't start getting all clingy." I stared at him mutely, absolutely disbelieving that he'd say that.

I apparently made a mistake by mentioning the fact that I'd slept with and ultimately fallen in love with Keith. Apparently he assumes that I do that with EVERY guy. And he needed to guard against it or something. Whatever.

As he gazed mindlessly at the TV I watched him. And he asked me "why do you keep staring at me?" I shrugged and closed my eyes. When he'd move I'd open them to look at him again to see what he was doing and he asked again. Finally I told him "you know, I don't really LOOK at people that much. I'm looking at you because I CAN." And left it at that.

I stopped staring at him, then, because it clearly made him uncomfortable and that wasn't my goal. I started touching him, though, caressing his stomach and chest. He pulled the blanket up over his stomach and I took it as a hint to stop touching it and started running my fingers through his chest hair. Everytime the blanket would move down I'd fix it. Finally, he covered his chest with his arm. Later he told me, "I just have this THING about being TOUCHED."

*sigh*

Why the fuck are you having sex with people if you don't like to be TOUCHED?! I mean, for fuck's sake. I LOVE being touched. Yes, I DO have a hard time cumming but I really enjoy foreplay and sex quite a lot. All of it.

So, yeah. Those are my additional stories.

Of course I keep thinking about how things were different with Keith. Trying to figure out the differences between Troy, Keith, husband, and even Martin. And thinking that perhaps Keith got off lucky by only being here for two nights. Overtime I imagine I would have become as disappointed by Keith as I am by Martin. Doesn't the passion always taper off? Doesn't it? ....it does... doesn't it...?

The entire time I was with Troy I wanted so badly to be with Keith. Two fucking nights we had. Two. And I'm hung up.

I wonder if I do sleep with Sam... or Nils... will either of them be able to compete? They're both only human afterall... but are they half as sexually compatiable with me as Keith? Is anyone? Is that it for me? Keith is my sexual soul mate and now I'm done? I keep trying NOT to think of it that way. I keep trying to convince myself I can MAKE the sex I have good. I know what I want and I can ask for it. But not of Troy. Troy just wasn't... right.... But maybe Sam... or Nils....

I'm trying so hard. But maybe I need to go back to sexual hibernation because last night just wasn't worth it.