Compliments...

I got two compliments on my hair recently. The color apparently, is a hit. It's a lovely dark shade of red which I like since it matches my eyes so well. I wasn't going to do it but... well... I do look rather nice this way and it makes me feel confident and maybe even a little pretty. Always a good thing. Plus... compliments are great. Especially when one of them was from some random man who happened to be walking past me in a store. Nice.

Nils came in and he kept his eyes to the other side of the store as he walked in. So I used that time to let my eyes run over him in his dark blue uniform, his jacket, his legs.... I finally looked away to complete the task at hand (ringing up a customer) and when I looked back he'd swung his head around to me. "There she is!" he said. I bit my lips together trying to hold back a smile and failed miserably looking, probably, far too pleased. And then I had to walk away from the register and got to talk to him not at all.

The big deal thing that happened today messed up his schedule so he came in a full three hours earlier than normal, with a bunch of other guys. I was so disappointed.

There was no sign of Sam, either. I wandered into the gym several times just on the off chance he might be walking past where I was at that moment. I've got this incredible need to see him in his workout clothes... less than his BDU's, different than his jeans... I just want to see what he looks like in a t-shirt. Sweaty would be a plus, too. Sweaty, maybe a little red....

One of the cops came in today. A cute one. Another one I'm sure must be gay and if he's not... well... he probably gets hit on by guys a lot. He asked about something on the counter and I told him he could take one. But he said he didn't want it. So in my head I said "you know, it's not often someone says 'take me! Take me now! I want to go home with you NOW!" Except I didn't say it. I just thought it. And then I had to try to bite back a laugh. And he said "what?" And I couldn't SAY it because I don't KNOW this guy and I started blushing furiously. Which I'm sure made it seem a lot more interesting than it was.

This morning Keith and I had a nice chat. Some days for us are better than others. Sometimes I get melancholy thinking about not having him. He made some joke that he'd be in the area next month and referenced valentine's day... a day that means no more to me than any other. However, it made me really sad because I want so badly to be with him again and the whole romance of Valentine's day... well... I want that, too. I want to see him again, either to clear him out of my system for good or... know that I need to be with him for real.

The end of the conversation went something like... that I needed to come to him. Now. That I'd be happy. For a while. (which made me laugh). I wish it were so easy to just up and go as he suggests. Husband, however, would kill me. Or at least a thorough maiming were I to do something so selfish as that. I wouldn't blame him.

Sometimes I think about what I'd do if husband were in a situation like I'm in, now. I'm not sure I'd be a big fan of him continuing his relationship with the woman that'd so totally captivated his mind and body. I'm not sure I'd be able to be understanding of that as he is. And I can't help but think it's unacceptable of me to continue just knowing that. However, I'm not sure I'd accept him telling me "no" to my relationship with Keith, either. I'd probably just continue to communicate with him secretly... and ultimately that'd be a big problem for everyone.

Ah, the drama. The drama.