Doesn't that figure?

Last night I went online hoping Keith would be around. And of course he was. As well as a handful of other men I've been considering. And Troy. EB was online and I almost went to go see him. However, everytime it comes up there's something going on. I LIKE EB but I don't really want to have sex with him anymore. Although I imagine I'll end up giving it up just one more time.... But not last night.

After Keith left (turns out he has a life and things to do, sometimes) I was going to sit around and drink. However, Troy and I were talking about what's going to happen later today and I was telling him that I wanted him NOW... and meanwhile, I get a text message from Martin asking me if I'd like to come over... like.. NOW... and EB's still asking me to come see him....

I've never felt more torn, popular, or slutty. Well, okay I've felt sluttier.

So I told EB "no" and then debated whether I should see Martin or Troy. Both were waiting for an answer. I ended up telling Martin that I was going to be seeing someone else this weekend and wasn't really available but wouldn't he like to get together during the week? He replied "Yeah, fine I have no life." Which I'm actually considering may mean he and his girlfriend broke up. Yes, I am reading a lot into that statement and pushing my own hopes onto him but... he did mention that they "almost broke up" last time I saw him. So...?

So Troy and I met up and we took his car to a remote, very dark parking lot behind a building. There we proceeded to get naked and do the deed. Except it was really, really uncomfortable. And interesting. I wouldn't change it, because... you know... it was... interesting. It was not GOOD... but it was interesting.

I went down on Troy again and eventually my jaw started getting sore. I backed off, then, sitting up and resting my mouth. I said something to him about it and he said "oh... well... I was holding off." God damn men and their "holding off" when a woman's going down on them. What's WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

Eventually, we ended up with him inside me, on top... and the angle sucked. Oh, lord it sucked. But he did feel kind of nice... and maybe there's some potential there. I mean, I think there is. I hope there is.

But really. He's not Keith. Keith is like... the be all, end all. Maybe great lovers can't be made. Maybe they have to make themselves. Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. I can't say. Whatever the case I CRAVE, I NEED Keith. Or another Keith. If there IS such a thing. Because much as, yeah, the sex we had wasn't PERFECT... I mean, I can point to a couple of flaws I wrote about... it was really, really fucking awesome. And I really, honestly think I will never get that again. And it makes me want to cry.

Or maybe I'm just idealizing things.