So I was bored at work. And I got to thinking about my last name. And about Keith's last name. And Sam's. And Nils'. And I got a pen. And some paper. And I tried signing my name with each of their last names. Sam won, because his last name is short and loopy. Just how I like it. However, Keith's last name has a great ring to it with my name. And yes, I did actually sit there and DO that. And then I got really embarrassed and threw the paper away.
The thing I've noticed is that with nicknames... and real names... I've got a bit of a problem. Last night as I was in the car with Troy I couldn't for the LIFE of me remember his NAME. And I KNOW his name. But I literally had to disconnect myself from what was going on at the time just so I could go through and try to remember. Talk about feeling slutty. Keith thought it would be funny if I called HIS name during sex with Troy. But god knows. I'd probably end up calling Keith by the nickname Keith instead of his given name... but he probably wouldn't be terribly offended since he would know it was him.
Also, last night Troy came. I did not. And I've never seen a man act SO guilty. It was the weirdest thing. He asked me like... three times if I was okay. And seemed worried that I was going to cancel tonight with him. And when we stopped at a gas station I sent him inside to get me a drink, telling him "you can buy it for me, too. Cuz you owe me." I was teasing. He seemed to take me seriously, "you're right... it's probably the least I can do."
The thing is Troy has a couple of hang ups that make for.. well... not a lot of sexy. Yeah, I have my hang ups but I'm also working hard to get over them. Because with hang ups and "off limits" the sex becomes more constrained... less wild. That's one of those things I fucking LOVE about Keith is his almost complete lack of shame when it comes to sex. Troy informs me the he doesn't really like to go down all the time. "I have to be in the mood" he says. Well, fucking GET in the mood. I'm not even a huge fan of it but... c'mon. Give me a little, you know? Whatever. So even if he DOES I'm going to be all like... not cool with it.
On the other hand I warned him that I don't really swallow... I don't like cum and I don't like to think about it. And when I did last night (against my better judgment and more as a "quick and easy clean up" sort of thing which leaves me feeling vaguely like a garbage can because then he wouldn't even KISS me) he seemed to feel even MORE guilty about the whole thing and said something like "I know you don't like to do it" but I didn't MIND, at the time. In fact, I don't mind nearly as much as I DID at one time... so maybe it's not as much of a hang up as it once was. Certainly I'm not going to mention it to another lover, because I don't like that whole... "I'm making you do something you don't want to do" which isn't really the case at all. If I don't want to do something... I just won't.
I went to the post office today, too, to send some packages I'd been sitting on for far too long. Four went out today. Two to Keith and one each to my sister and mother in law. I had a DVD to send to Keith but no packaging so I had to pick something up at the post office. Looking back I should have put the envelope with the first DVD in a bigger box with the second DVD and just sent one plain white box... but thinking isn't my strong point.
So there I stood staring at the choices of packaging. Mickey Mouse, flowers, more flowers, hearts, cutesy bears with flowers, or some New Orleans Jazz thing. I picked up Mickey first because it was the first thing I saw but then considered the others. Except... ugh... talk about SO high school... flowers? Hearts? Bears? This is NOT the vibe I want to give to Keith regardless of how I may think in my HEAD. I went back to the wall TWICE to pick a different choice and ultimately ended up with Mickey Mouse.
Then I had to pick a label for it and THAT was another exercise in me being stupid. More hearts, more flowers... NO MICKEY. I ended up with the bears/flowers because it wasn't as corny as the American flag and not quite as embarrassing as the hearts. Or maybe it was worse. Who knows. It's the saddest looking combination for packing EVER and he's not even going to THINK about it. (Except that now I've written about it and he'll probably read this). But yes, this is the kind of stuff that takes up my day. This is how girls are different than boys....
And now... a nap. Keith's already in bed. I'm going to join him. Or imagine I am, anyway.
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