Call Me Fickle

I go through these stages with my hair. Often I want it back to it's natural dark dark brown color. Other times... it just seems so bland to me. So I go through these stages where I'll start letting it grow out, dying the ends periodically to darken them toward the color of my roots. But mostly... mostly I love having my hair dark shades of red. Would I love to have it that light, pretty bright orange? Of course. But that's not something easily achieved... and the maintenance. Ouch.

So I was thinking about Sam. Because that's the fickle part. I used to think about Nils. I STILL think about Nils, actually... however Sam's taken the lead because he actually stays and talks to me. Nils... he just seems less interested overall. So while I still want him... the immediacy and possibly availability of Sam is making me lust after him even more.

Meanwhile, Keith hasn't been on much the last couple of days. Which is okay. Because when he and I sit down on our computers together we tend to waste a lot of time just chatting back and forth instead of getting anything in our real lives done. He informed me that he slept with his exwife the other night and I'm kind of surprised. I don't MIND in the least (how COULD I?) but I do kind of... care. Because I never think sleeping with exes is a good idea. Having tried it myself. It doesn't work, no matter how tempting. I loathe it when people I care about make mistakes that I can see. It's one of the reasons I get frustrated with Martin.

So I'm trying not to think too much about Keith because it's getting me nowhere. And he tends to agree. Which doesn't mean I don't want him in my life. On the other hand, he's looking for a serious girlfriend and I strongly suspect once he finds one I'm going to be completely and totally booted to the curb. The thought of which hurts... which causes me to draw away more strongly.

Which is why I'm giving so much thought to Sam. And why I just can't TELL him I crave him. Except I should....