Crash. Burn.

Nils came in. I barely remember what happened. He hung around a little. He mocked my joke that I told him like a month ago. And then mocked me for calling him "not a real cop." And then he asked me what exactly it is I want him to do. "We're not here to take out crack houses or keep people from walking the streets, you know." I laughed at him, because he IS right. However, as he was walking out the door I asked "So, wait... are you saying I can be a street walker around here?" then yelled after him "can I whore myself out?!?" He didnt' respond but the next customer laughed her ass off. It was great.

Anyway, later on Sam came in. And for no apparent reason I started telling him about one of my embarrassing moments in jr. high and how it related to something that happened earlier in the day. "I just need to tell this story," I told him. It did not apparently warrant any kind of return story. However, I really just needed to share it. Really, Keith would have been the one to appreciate it. But whatever.

He hung around a long time as the store was SUDDENLY very busy. It was slowing down... and he was ready to come through the line... and it was SUDDENLY very busy again. It was the most annoying thing. Finally he gave up waiting and came through my line. As people kept filing in I had to laugh and roll my eyes that people would NOT fucking stay away. It was busier while he was there than it had been all fucking day. As he came through my line he told me, "You're busy again, I see." I nodded, "it's your fault." He smiled and moved on. I didn't watch him as he left.

However right about that time the store cleared out except for one guy talking on his cell phone and wandering around. So I looked and Sam was out in the store lobby area. So I walked out there and asked him "so... is that girl you live with your girlfriend?" "yes," he replied. I nodded sagely, "then I guess it'd be inappropriate to invite you to visit the (land mark) with me." He didn't say anything so I added "I mean, you know I'm married so it's not like... but yeah... I wouldn't want to be inappropriate." And I wandered back into the store. "I should have made that clear before," he told me, talking about the fact that the girl he lives with his is girlfriend.

He came inside again, I think he felt bad. We talked for a few minutes about nothing as I tried to hold myself together. And then he left. And for about 10 seconds I seriously considered crying. But got that together and tried to think about how very proud Keith would be of me. How proud I should be of myself for having said anything at all. And how surprisingly okay with it I really was... because in a way I was afraid getting to be with Sam would ruin what I feel for Keith. So... yeah... I'm not thrilled but I'll get over it.

At this point I'm going to see exactly how things change with Sam. I ought to feel a little freer to express interest in him because of course we both know where we stand, now. On the other hand, I'm really painfully disappointed and am a little bitter about the way he led me on the way he did.

So. Yeah. That was my crash and burn.

Next up... ruining my fantasies of Nils....