As things stand...

Husband seems to have found himself a pretty permanent girlfriend. She seems nice enough, though I've never met her. I'm pretty sure it should stay that way as I tend to be bitter and sarcastic toward my competition... even when we're not actually IN competition for anything.

My warcraft account was hijacked and has since been banned. My repeated emails to those in charge have been summarily ignored. At this point I'm pretty sure I'm just SOL. The thing that really, really frustrates me is the amount of money I've spent for the right to play (namely buying the games themselves) and the fact that they can ultimately decide that even though I've paid for the games, I'm not allowed to play. Welcome me back to console gaming where I can buy and play a game and no one can come and tell me that the game's over before it actually IS. AND I can play those games again... once again... without some big brother coming in to inform me that I'm not allowed to play the game I paid for. Gah. So angry. Fuck Blizzard and fuck Warcraft anyway.

Speaking of fucking... since it appears I won't be playing warcraft (you know, that game I PAID for?) anymore... I've apparently got a lot more time to... well... fuck. I'm still in mourning (obviously) about the warcraft account... so I'll be whining about it for a while. But I'm thinking that maybe the time I wasted on warcraft would be better spent on self improvement. Which is soooo much easier said than done!

So... in my mind, casual sex and becoming a better love is really a form of self improvement. It certainly makes me feel really, really good when it goes well. So maybe it's time I start thinking more about sex and life and less about my frost mage.....

Nostalgic

I was reading some old blog entries.. and you know... it makes me misty. I miss those days. I miss the sexy, young men whom I used to engage in various forms of intercourse with. I miss that wildly social, wildly sexual life I lead for a while there. I like* being a slut. I like wandering into work knowing that I got thoroughly fucked by some guy last night, someone who isn't my husband. Someone no one would approve of me fucking.

There is an extreme shortage of males at my work. Of the two I see often, one of them is attractive enough for me to consider in a sexual sort of way... the other is currently hovering at just over twice my age. The thing is, the more attractive of the two has a whole family and huge social network that just overwhelms me. I have, somehow, managed not to more than very briefly entertain erotic thoughts about him. Somehow it simmers there quietly in the back of my mind, but goes no further. He's sort of a "last man on earth" kinda guy. I mean, I would and I'd probably enjoy it... but only if he were the last man on earth.

The older gentleman... I actually DO find oddly attractive. And it kind of freaks me out. I swear he even flirted with me the other day and I found myself amused by the whole thing. Every so often he says or does something and I can see him as a much younger man... and I kind of want him. I think he and I could have gotten along very, very well back in the day. Unfortunately, there are some things about him that absolutely blow my attraction to him away. Nine days out of ten when I work I find myself feeling a strong righteous rage toward him. And not even that sexy kind of potentially explosively passionate rage. Just cold rage.

Looking back at a few years ago, though. God I had fun. I was such an optimist for a while. It was beautiful. Everything was. I love that.

*I also really, really like italics today.

Girlfriend

So husband has gotten pretty steady with his current girlfriend. He swears it's really a friends with benefits thing and nothing more. "We're pals" he tells me, "who have sex." Been there, done that. But at the same time, I think there's still a certain relationship that forms. A special sort of bond. And I can't help but be a little jealous of that. On the other hand, I don't know this woman but I really like her. I like the effect she's had on Husband. She's indirectly changing our lives for the better and I can't bring myself to complain.

This weekend he's planning on spending Friday and Saturday nights with her. He won't be coming home until Sunday sometime. When he originally asked if I was okay with that I found myself a little bitter. A little unwilling to share. One night's okay... but TWO? C'mon! He's done this before, of course. And SOMEHOW I survived. Magically. Because, really, it's not that big of a deal. So I pouted for a couple of minutes and then I got over it.

Mostly, I'm jealous that he has somewhere else to go. Someone else to hang out with besides just one another. And if I really wanted a boyfriend it probably wouldn't be all that hard to make it happen.....

Porn... for women

So I've long had something of a crush on... well... a couple of different porn actors. Anyway, I was watching one of my favorites getting a BJ from some chick... and I found myself thinking "goddammit, if I wanted to watch him get a blow job, I'd GIVE him a blow job." And that pretty much sums up my feelings on that.