Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Nipple Piercing?

It's something I'm considering. I keep torturing my nipples, trying to decide if I can handle the pain. I think I went overboard. My nipple hurts.

Like a piercing wouldn't hurt more. And for longer.

Ah, fooey.

I went into work to see Li today. I had him scheduled to come in, but I knew I'd need to be there to make sure he had space to work. By the time he came in I was sweaty and angry. But I felt a rush when I saw him.

We barely talked, but I made sure he knew I was there for his benefit. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to kiss me. But that wasn't likely. For some reason the place was crawling with associates. Since when? I stayed for a while. I led him back to a remote section of the stockroom to show him that I'd made it possible for him to get to some of the broken merchandise he'd offered to fix. Later he took me off to the front of the store to show me something inane. I'm not sure if he was trying to say "dude, you could have just told me..." or if he was just wanting to have an excuse to touch me, which he did.

I wanted him to touch me more.

I finally said goodbye. There was so much more I wanted from him. I wanted to talk. Like the other day. When he got serious, talking about something that mattered. Relationships. When I almost told him he could have me if he wanted. But it somehow didn't work out.

I left, disappointed. Now I have to wait until next week. I hope I work that day.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Ah, I hate that feeling.

I hate that feeling when I've cum... and I know I'm not done... but I also know that no matter how many times I cum it'll never be ENOUGH. Sure, my body will tire out... but I'll be lacking that "ultimate" orgasm that I want so bad. That mind shattering thing that will make my body limp and sated.

Although after two... well, I feel better. Like maybe I'll survive. I'm not sated. I want more. But I'm happy.

I've already forgotten the last time husband and I had sex. I'm sure it's almost two months ago, now. Maybe more. Maybe I'm overstating the case. Feels like it's been that long. He was caressing me idly this evening. I put his fingers between my pussy lips, aching for another's touch. He absently wiggled his finger. I wanted to feel it sliding over my clit... but it was dry and best left in place. I moved my hips against his motion. He sighed heavily. "I'm tired." I laughed, "that's okay, just keep doing that while you sleep." He stilled, "you can move your hips while I sleep." And that was that. I actually tried but without the pressure... what was the point? So I kissed him goodnight and left.

And I waited several hours before I finally couldn't handle it anymore. I thought of Li the entire time. "If I gave it to you... you'd remember" running through my head over and over. I wonder if he has any idea how much an effect those words have had on my body. I fucked myself silly with my dildo, imagining it was him. I came... but wanted more. I wanted to feel him inside me... his mouth... his fingers... anything.... But of course that's not what was available. So I came. And came again... bouncing up and down on top of my dildo, feeling it pressing deep inside....

The other morning I masturbated, thinking about Li. Aching for him after being turned away by husband. I cried. I feel like crying tonight. I need someone. Not just anyone. But someone to take care of this ache my husband denies. The one that Li brings to live with the mere thought of him... of his words.

He never showed on Monday. He was sick. He wasn't scheduled to come to our store. Maybe I was the one who gave it to him. *laugh* He'll be there today. Later. But I won't. I'm tempted to go. Just to see him. On the off chance I can hurry things along... even just a touch. I find it hard to imagine I won't get to feel him inside me. But with his "new relationship" and hopes for something more permanent with her... well... I might have to wait. Maybe he'll leave her. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll "forget" her for a few hours.

I'm tempted to go into work. Find an excuse. Just to see him. I don't think it would give him the wrong idea, unless it made him think I'm a stalker. But I want him and I want there to be no question in his mind that he can have me. But I shy away from actually saying it.

It would serve me right if we never got together for the soul reason that I'm acting like such a loser.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

I need him.

I spent the better part of the morning halfway between wakefulness and sleeping gently caressing my pussy lips, like a lover would... tracing their outline... feeling my way teasingly between them... imagining them to be the guy from work, who shall be known as Li. I envisioned him laying naked, touching me all over, but mostly concentrating on teasing me the way a lover would.

This is why I avoid married men. I love lengthy sessions of sex involving much mutual foreplay. I love to cum. I love getting there even more. The longer the pleasure can be drawn out, the better. For the first time in detail I envisioned my lover (Li) tying my hands to the bed, while he teased me mercilessly, fingers dipping just into the wetness between my legs before returning to teasing the outer lips... tracing the contour where it meets my thigh... spreading the lips slowly... I love the feeling of the flesh parting... only to let go closing me back up... no chance of release...

I did these things to myself all the while imagining it was him. The half wakefulness making it more vivid. I finally woke up knowing I had to have this man.

Later, now, knowing I will see him tomorrow... reality intrudes and I once again question whether it's wise. Whether I have a real chance. Whether he can come anywhere near to measuring up to my own touch....

And I wonder if it's wrong to be seriously thinking "I wonder how he'll make me feel" even more than I wonder how I'll be able to please him. It's selfish and it's not like me. But he's awakened my body once again from it's almost comatosed state... and it's not happy with the neglect....


"They" have done studies. They say women who dye their hair red are more likely to cheat. The suspicion is that it has something to do with the color making them feel more confident and daring.

I've been debating going back to my brunette color, bought the dye... never used it.

I want to fuck the guy from work.

I just bought the red dye again. I'm going to use it tonight.

Maybe the studies are true. I still look at bottled redheads a little differently. Because I know.

Friday, September 24, 2004

SUCH a busy day.

I finally gave in and gave Weird Eric my e-mail address. I actually feel kind of bad, calling him Weird Eric because he's not all that weird. But it's kind of a fun little name and that's what I've been calling him... so I guess I'll stick with it.

I really need to make sure he never meets up with my Odalisque persona, though, because if he read this blog and figured out I was talking about him he might be less than happy. Eek!

So I await his e-mail.

He made some comment that was rather bitchy so I flipped him off and said "fuck you, dude." He smiled, "hey, anytime." He always says that. I'm starting to believe maybe he does want me. I'm still trying to decide if I actually want him.

Meanwhile, I was really sick today and was high from cold pills. This super hot guy whom I desperately want to fuck came in to work and I found myself hanging all over him. Not physically so much. But like... around him more than I needed to be. I think he likes to show me his ass. Bending over a lot. Not plumbers crack. I think he's just heard too much about women liking asses. Myself... I'm not an ass fan. I never look. I think he was trying to catch me looking at one point, too. But it's just not my thing. However, I made some comment about how I was sick with a cold and he probably gave it to me. "Oh, if I gave it to you, you'd remember." I stared at him blankly, "umm." "If I gave IT to you... you'd REMEMBER." I stared blankly. Then finally it clicked. "Wait, what were we talking about?!?" He smiled, "I figured you'd eventually figure it out with the way your mind works." Ah, I never felt so stupid. Or wanted to fuck him so bad. :-)

Later he went on to tell me how he just started a relationship. Great.

I also came within about two words of saying "oh, but I get to sleep around." However, I refrained because I'm afraid it's something that would get around at work. I generally have no morals... but no one else really needs to know that.

And now I'm home and horny. And another of my ex-lovers is coming on to me online. I'm tempted there, too. And there's no chance of sex with husband. This has been established.


In defense of the fat girl...

AKA why fat girls are good lays.

A special thanks to Dr. Silence for (inadvertently... and unbeknownst to him) bringing this to my attention.

I think one of the things that men tend to miss with fat girls (or maybe they already know it and thus the reason any of us get laid) is that we tend to have an oral fixation. Putting things in our mouths brings us pleasure. We like the feeling of licking, sucking, and slurping. Some of us forget to enjoy our "food" but for many of us we love that comforting, warm, delightful feeling of having something in our mouths.

Personally, I find sucking cock to be one of the most satisfying turn-ons imaginable. I've gotten very close to cumming from the experiencing of having cock in my mouth. When I'm having sex, there are often times I can barely pry myself away from the experience of sucking cock.

Of course, this isn't to say I don't enjoy the rest of sex. Or that I want to swallow every time. Or that I'm the most selfless of lovers, satisfied with the experience and being able to bring my lover pleasure... none of those things are usually true. However, with just a little encouragement... I'll suck your cock until you're done and find myself wishing there were more to be had.

Anyway, I bring this up because I was thinking about Weird Eric and how he wasn't interested in me at all when we first met. Or at least claimed not to be. And now he teasingly suggests makeout sessions. I wonder if he met me and wasn't interested but some ideas have been swirling in his head. And if they haven't... they should....

Ahem. Sometimes I hear weird Eric's voice on the intercom and I get momentarily excited. *sigh* He really is Weird Eric. I really do want to be his friend. How is it I've convinced myself that I have ANY interest in being more?

Ah, because he's cute....

What was the point of this entry? Oh, I've forgotten. Now aren't you sorry I acknowledged you at all in this post Dr. S?

Never Gonna Have Sex Again

At least... at this rate I won't. I blew off what looked to be an attractive lover. I blew off an "ex" lover whom I was very sad to see go at the time. And husband isn't putting out. And now I'm sick.

Fuck me.


Monday, September 20, 2004

His Buddy

Husband has a friend who at one point was attracted to me. He flirts with me much less, now, so I'm guessing he's less interested. Or I put him off. Whatever the case, it turns out that he's seeing someone else. I mean, someone besides his wife. I don't have much of a problem with that. I don't care for the lying... but it's not MY relationship. So whatever. At this point his wife knows and apparently doesn't care. Cool. I've known parts of this for months and all of this for a week.

So last night I had a dream that he was in the house. I was tired and sleeping on the couch. Husband was around, but not in the room. Someone started kissing me. I kissed him back, naturally assuming it was husband. But it wasn't. It was him, I soon realised. I had a moment of hesistation, but figured since the attraction was mutual and we'd already broken that first kiss barrier, we might as well go on.

For some reason in my entire life I've only had one dream in which I had actual penetrative sex. In this one, I did... but was so tired that I wasn't really aware of it. I "woke up" again after it was over. He told me that we'd done it. I could't remember. I wanted to do it again, this time fully aware. He whipped his cock out and put my hand on it. "Don't you remember THIS?" I shook my head. I wanted it, though.

That was about the end of the dream. I'm not sure what prevents me from having sex in my dreams. Kissing happens all the time, lots of dry humping... all that stuff. But sex? Basically, NEVER. It's very odd.

Needless to say I woke up horny.

Weird Eric... the amusement continues

Eric and I seem to be becoming pretty decent friends, truth be told. Weird or not, he's likable. So there.

Yesterday he, once again, suggested we go into the back and makeout. I think it's just what he says at this point out of reflex. Regardless I shook my head and told him, "Naw, I don't think you'd be that good of a kisser. And I'm picky." The first is questionable, the second is absolutely true. His reponse, "That's true."

I told my husband about this conversation to which he responded "you're not supposed to confirm it! I mean, damn! Before it was a teasing remark. And he AGREED!"

"Exactly!" I'm considering explaining to him that confirming your lack of expertise in a matter to the point of making yourself sound inept is NOT the way to get a girl hot and wet for you. Almost any response would have been better. He needn't have said "Ah, I'm a great kisser!" Or anything, but even a derisive laugh would have been fine. "You should find out" would have been even better.

Although, I admit. At this point I'm decidedly curious just how bad he could be. On the other hand, I *really* don't want to find out the hard way!

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Weird Eric... the inexplicable.

Weird Eric approached me again the other day. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. He said something teasing about how we could go into a stockroom and make out since there are no cameras in that room. I laughed it off and finally told him "you know... when I can taste my own mouth... I know my breath is bad. We don't want to go there, do we?" And left it at that.

We continued the banter a little... me mostly putting him off while he flirted. I still am not quite sure what to think of it. But for once I simply wasn't interested. He didn't come at me the right way, so there was no heating of my body from mental stimulation... no slightly dizzy sensation of arrousal. Just... nothing. Bleh. No fun.

I still don't know what to make of him. Does he *really* want to fuck me? Should I flirt back and take him seriously? I'm terrified, though. And really, I need to keep up the professionalism on some level. But fuck... it'd be convenient as hell. Theoretically.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Weird Eric

Eric is a guy at work whom I hired when worked in a different department. I only worked with him a bit, before moving on, but he's quite attractive. He's one of those lucky guys who will ALWAYS be hard to place age-wise, even as he gets older. He's somewhat younger than he looks, but being the age many place him at... I was sure he was younger. He's got boyish good looks along with the fashion sense of someone older. Basically, he's a bit unexpected and people find him hard to place.

He's also a little weird. I haven't found him to be weird in a bad way... just slightly off. A tough childhood, I learned. Coupled with a somewhat more normal adulthood which hasn't lasted nearly long enough, yet to make him completely normal. He hasn't learned the rules of being social. Sometimes he says the oddest things. And makes comments that are only mildly inappropriate or too personal. I don't mind so much because I understand that, been there, done that... still want to, sometimes.

When we first met, a friend at work make a suggestive comment about him and I hooking up. Delicately put, of course. His response? "eew." Oh, thank you, erase yourself from my list. So I find the rest of the story even odder.

The other day I went into an office he was sitting in, as I took the other desk he informed me "I need to get laid." He's informed me of this before. I smile and nod and generally don't get involved. "No, I mean, seriously. My life would be so much better if I could just get laid." I laughed at this and wanted desperately to say "oh, no it wouldn't!" But I had to be honest, "yeah, it would." He sighed dramatically. And I sat there and considered my options. I remain physically attracted to this young man. I was tempted to offer my services. On the other hand, I have this fear he's a virgin. And is there really any question that even if he's not a virgin he'd be as inept in that as he is in the rest of his life? Do I need that?

He changed the subject finally, informing me that a particular girl had given him her phone number and that ever guy in the store had to have it. I suggested that EVERYONE in the store has it... Except me. Which suits me fine. I considered for a moment and told him, "you know, it never occurred to me that maybe she's a slut. I mean, she has a boyfriend... But he did used to work here. Maybe she can solve your problem for you!" I laughed, shyly. Before finally amending myself "not to say that she is, or that she would. I'm just teasing." Because, of course, that's the sort of thing that could get me in trouble, fired maybe.

However the brief conversation, knowing what he wants... Knowing that I'm so willing to give it to him... And knowing that it's just a bad, bad idea sent me into a bit of a tizzy for the rest of the work day. I was extra nice to my male customers. I could have eaten them alive. And when I went home... that is when I told my husband he was going to need to give it up.

He still does.

And when I see weird Eric again... well... I'm not sure what my reaction will be. Next time he tells me he needs to get laid I'll have to suggest he internet. It always works for me. :-) Maybe I'll run into him there....

Monday, September 13, 2004

It's been nearly a month since we've had sex. Since I'VE had sex. That's just too long.

Last night I let husband know he'd have to give it up so that I could get me some. Not that night, but very soon. He agreed. Then I went downstairs while he went to bed. I masturbated and it was one of the least pleasing orgasms ever. Bleh.

This morning I rubbed his cock under the covers, feeling him get harder and harder under my fingers. Finally, I moved over him and began to ride him, slowly. His cock felt wonderful inside me, but what I wanted was for him to fuck me hard and fast. However, that wasn't really an option. But, I had to get ready for work, so I kissed him once and went off to get ready. Once I was done, I kept my pants off and went back to fuck him some more. It felt so good to have him inside me, I couldn't bring myself to complain about anything at all.

But, of course... work. So I kissed him a final time and left for work.

I ended up splitting my shift so when I came back home I invited him up to bed with me. He declined. So, I slept.

Hours later as I got ready for work, he said something about me kissing him so I suddenly and unexpectedly pounced on him, dry humping him and kissing him hard. But once again... we started something that was unfinishable. So off to work I went... again. Until 11:30. He's long been in bed. No chance of me getting laid tonight or tomorrow morning.

I'm looking at lovers, again.

I'll have to write about weird Eric at work, at some point, too. He helped start this whole thing. The brat.